Rehearsal: Session - 2

This rehearsal was shorter than the other.

In the car after rehearsal...

Robyn: I have to admit I'm a little nervous about recording...
Michael: You know, I was too, but the first time I recorded with them it was really great. Nice and relaxed. You just show up and do exactly what you do in rehearsal.
Robyn: Yeah, that's my problem.
Michael: (laughs) I suppose it is hard to do what you do in rehearsal when you don't normally come to rehearsal...

I did better though. I've been really lazy today at work. I don't really have anything to do, so I ordered pizza for everyone, then we had a really long lunch. Later, I gave an impromptu cello lesson to my friend Brian in my office. I was practicing for the recording session this evening at work. It isn't really acceptable for me to goof off like this at work, but really, there's no one here and I really don't have much to do. I hope I play well and I hope that Garrett really likes what he hears tonight. I don't want him to regret the decision to let me play with them...and studio time is so valuable...I don't want to waste it!

Rehearsal: Session - 1

Rehearsal went well last night. It would take me an hour to get there if I drove by myself, but I carpooled with Michael.

We are going to try and record two songs on Thursday. One of the songs lends itself more to the cello than the other. It was only my first run-through, and I really wish I had even a raw recording to get these songs in my head. They are both a little unconventional...not predictable with the chords at all! Hopefully I'll do better tonight.

Michael and I had some great drive-time conversation about our friends who may have just started dating, how Christmas isn't Christmas without Michael Bolton singing Christmas carols, believing as a child, CS Lewis and his autobiography, whether people share their struggles with others in the church... we always say that we want people to be real, and if there is any place to admit that you are hurting, it is in the church. But I don't think that is the case. People also complain about the superficiality and hypocrisy of the people at church.

I know that I don't feel like I have a place there to admit when I'm struggling. And it isn't that I think I'll be judged, but I doubt whether sharing my struggles will do any good or whether people really want to hear and help.

My friend Anne, who used to live down the street from me, played Viola for us at the Christmas service last Sunday night. She is Mormon. Michael made some comment to her once about how Mormons are not Christian and it sparked a conversation between me and her about the differences in our faiths. Michael was wondering how similar or different a Mormon Christmas service would look. I told him we should all go to lunch when he gets back from vacation, and we can ask her.

I have another rehearsal tonight.

Christmas Spirit

I have not really been in the Christmas spirit...although my office window is decorated. Went to church last Sunday, even though I didn't really feel like it.

I guess I have sort of this love/hate relationship with holidays. I do not always look forward to them, but then I have a good time as I'm in the moment. I just hate the tension. I feel like I feel it the most in my family, and perhaps it is all in my head. Maybe I'm just imagining things.

I also don't really get as much of a break this year as I have in years past. But I'm glad I have a job. Seriously. We had our staff Christmas party today and got some fun gifts...slinkies, bouncy thingies...I gave everyone a kazoo. Who wouldn't want a kazoo? Some TV trivia cards, a calendar of cats, lots of candy, and a frother amongst other things.

I'll get there eventually.

Debt

I wish my financial debts could just be cancelled. I spent the better part of the drive from Long Beach to San Diego trying to work myself out of debt in my head. It is going to take a minimum of 6 months. I was trying to figure out if I could afford to put another car repair on my credit card. I could, but I don't want to. So I thought about an aggressive saving plan...start with the money before I repair the car. That's going to take at least three or four months of living very minimally...but I just want to be free.

Being in financial debt has given me new perspective on spiritual debt. We have a spiritual debt, and God paid it on the cross. We are free and that's so exciting. I wish my financial debt could be similarly cancelled.

The major difference between financial debt and spiritual debt is that you can work your way out of financial debt (most of the time). You can't exactly work your way out of spiritual debt. There's nothing we can do about it except pray to God and ask him to free us.

All I know is that I will be so excited when I am finally free of my financial debts, and I should be more excited that my spiritual debt has already been paid. I am grateful, I just haven't always acknowledged my spiritual debts or been as grateful as I should be that I am free.

Practice makes perfect

I practiced my cello last night. I am so rusty. I read an article this week about how 56 cellists tried out for a single professional position with the Minnesota Symphony. I would never make the cut. I do not love the music enough. At least I get paid sometimes.

I ran into a faculty member that I used to work with last year. She is in the process of writing a book and is speaking at various conferences. She told me that when she was teaching, she knew that she was disobeying God, even though some good things were happening. It made me think about disobedience in general, and how a person can really know if they are being disobedient to God. I suppose that God would make it abundantly clear, or the person would just know. But what if you don't?

I guess that's where the practice comes in. If I don't practice my cello everyday, my technique gets worse, and I can still play well, but I have to work harder at it. The music just does not have the same quality. I can tell the difference. It takes a lot of discipline to play well.

And it takes a similar kind of discipline to know the heart and mind of God. I do not always practice everyday as I should, but if I keep practicing, it will make a difference in the long-run.

Big dreams, baby steps

Garrett e-mailed me last week and asked if I would be interested in recording (cello) with his band. I told him, "heck yeah!" He e-mailed me back today and told me that rehearsals are next week and they are recording next Thursday. I didn't expect it to be this soon, but it makes sense.

I am going to be somewhat depressed if this does not work out somehow because somehow, I always get asked to play for people, and then they flake on me. Musicians...flakey.

But I love this band, they have a great sound, and I'm so glad I got asked to play with them! I am ecstatic. I'm waiting for a phone call from Garrett so that I can find out where the rehearsals are and where they are recording.

One of those things that just colored my day in a good way.

The vacation schedule

I'm pretty excited about New Year's. My brother Adam planned a get-together downtown San Diego for the evening. I'm excited. I haven't spent New Year's with the family for awhile. No parents. Yay! The only bummer is that Megan can't go. She isn't 21. Boo!

My rough week has ended. I'm back to my old relatively cheerful self and I got a nice Christmas bonus at work. I have a nice big project to work on during the next year, and I'm excited about it. Maybe I'll even ask for a raise.

I'm learning about how to invest financially, and that's a good thing. I want to save money. It just hasn't been happening very well. So now I'm taking a more active approach and maybe I'll be able to save for some longer term things that I would like to purchase.

We were able to work out a compromise, sort of, with my dad on Christmas. Normally on Christmas, we go to my mom's house on Christmas Eve, and dad's on Christmas day, at around 11am. This year, he wants us there at 10am. That's so early. Then we get an e-mail from my step-mom, with the day's schedule all written out, and a "by the way, get here at 9:30am." Adam, Megan, and I were all kind of upset. Duncan is playing in a bowl game too close to Christmas, so he won't be there with the rest of us. So I called dad and told him that Adam, Megan, and I had talked, and that we would be there at 10am and that we were upset that he didn't ask us first if 9:30am would be okay.

It worked out. He said okay. As if he had a choice.

Matchmaking

Hmmm...I just called a friend of mine, and turns out he's interested in one of my friends. It made me laugh. They have a lot in common, and I think they would have fun together. I don't know if she'll be interested...

Foggy

When I got to the library today, the temperature (according to the gauge on the reference desk) was 62.8! That's so cold for inside a building! One of the other librarians left a small space heater underneath the desk. I love it. So warm.

The humidity was 60% and mostly due to this eerie fog that rolled in last night. It was thick for a fog in CA. And I could hear the foghorns from the coast. I haven't heard foghorns in a long time.

Make that a rough week...

So I got in fender-bender tonight. My fault. I rear-ended the lady. I can't afford this. Not finacially, not physically...I'm broke in all senses of the word. The dental surgery is probably going to cost me a bunch. And I have no idea what the damages will be to my car. I think I'm looking at $1000 minimum. I wonder what my car is worth. I'm so mad at myself. Frustrated with life. I just want to give up. Due to dental and car issues, I'm going to be more than $1500 in the hole. I can't seem to save anything, and I'm not really buying a whole lot except for medical costs and car repairs. At this rate, I'm averaging about 1 car accident a year. I really hope this doesn't happen to me for the rest of my life. I feel like I just can't get ahead. At least I don't have to rent a car. Since Megan can't drive right now, I borrowed hers.

I want a do-over for the week, starting last Friday.

Tuesday

I'm starting to feel better. My co-workers tell me I looked kind of bad yesterday cause I was still swelling. I took the afternoon off. It was funny cause my roommate has a horrid cold right now, so we were both home at the same time, drugged up (she's on Nyquil and I'm on pain meds) watching Dr. Phil and Oprah. I did feel a lot better this morning, maybe because I got some rest. But I still feel like a gapped-tooth wench even though the gap isn't that visible.

Rough weekend

It is only Friday, but it has already been a rough weekend. Went in to get some gum tissue removed this morning, and the doctor ended up pulling one of my teeth out because it was cracked. I'm a little depressed and hurting right now. My mouth is still bleeding. Losing my teeth is one of my worst fears. And it has come to pass. I survived. But it hurts.

The tooth-fairy owes me big for this one.

Wow, it's December

These last few weeks have been really busy. I feel like I'm stuck back in those weeks in college where "breaks" just don't exist, unless you choose to procrastinate. I have had a ton of homework in my French class. I'm finding that as I learn more everyday, it is becoming harder to remember those really easy lessons that we learned in the beginning. I have an oral French exam tomorrow. My prof will probably ask me about what I did over Thanksgiving. So here's the English translation:

On Thursday, Megan and I drove to San Dimas, and when we got there, we tried to take a nap. The nap was short-lived because my brother came home and woke us up. We chatted with him, and then we all went over to my Dad's house, where we decorated the Christmas tree, and watched football until my extended family came over. Normally I don't really like holidays, and I still got asked how I like my job (I hate that question...because they only want to criticize) and so I don't really give any extended responses. But my crazy cousin wasn't so crazy this year. He and I both kind of felt the same way...that we didn't really know our family, and that was sad. So all the cousins went around the table and we shared what was going on. It was really good. As a result, this thanksgiving was better than usual.

Then I went and spent some good quality time in the bay area with Laurel and Daniel, her fiance. You know, when you don't have a lot of money, and your friend's boyfriend pays for his girlfriend and her friend when they go out, well, that's really cool. He's a good guy.

So my break ended and although I was tired, I was content. Hopefully Christmas will be just as smooth.

I swear I'm losing my mind

I'm playing in that string quartet on Sunday, so I went to play the piece that we need to practice the most...the only one I borrowed from the library...and it is missing. I'm so mad. It was the one piece I was trying to keep track of the most...I have everything else. Nothing else is missing. I'm really frustrated and now it will be hard for me to sleep.

Long time, no post

I have been really busy at work lately, mostly because I haven't had time to be in my office. I found out on Wednesday that I get to have gum tissue removed. That will happen on Dec. 3. It's a friday. I get to drive myself, but they said I would be sore.

I am going to two sporting events this weekend, and playing in a string quartet. I'm going to the UCSB v. SDSU basketball game at SDSU on Friday. I'm going with a Gaucho alum I met at church and some of his friends from college.

GO GAUCHOS!!!

Then Megan and I are driving to Fresno on Saturday for Duncan's last college home game ever.

GO FRESNO!!!

Then we're driving straight back. Our dad wants us to ride with him, but it will be quicker if we ride up from SD. He sounded a little mad about it on the phone, but whatever. It's our choice. I really don't want to go an hour out of the way if we don't have to. This is just typical family stuff though. Then I'm playing with a "thrown together, last minute" rehearsal with a quartet I'm playing with on Sunday. Should be interesting.

Anyway, sorry I haven't written anything in awhile. Don't worry, be happy...the blog will become regular again after the new year. Until then, you can await with glad anticipation and be surprised when I post again. I'm aiming for at least twice a week. Love you guys.

Dang it!

I must have a lot on my mind, because I left my ATM card in the ATM machine last night. Dang it! I'm back from Texas, and working again [sigh]. These next two months are going to fly right by.

(that rhymed)

:)

Texas Part 1

My harrowing Texas experience:

Dad dropped me off at the airport at about 9pm so that I could pick up my rental car so that I could drive from Houston to Austin.

Problem 1: There are two airports in Houston, I thought I was flying into the other airport. My directions from Houston to Austin were incorrect. I drove around Houston for 45 minutes before I actually got to the correct freeway. And I had to pay about 3 tolls for going the wrong direction. By the time I was on my way, it was after 10pm.

Problem 2: Earlier on Saturday, I had dropped my cell phone, and it was not working correctly. I didn't realize that my phone wasn't working correctly until about 1/3 of the way to Austin and not until midnight. So I pulled into a gas station in the middle of Texas and went to use the pay phone. I didn't realize that pay phones these days only work locally. Then I realized that I didn't have my cousin's number...I was trying to make my way to her place to sleep. So I called my Grandma collect, and got Danielle's number, and then tried to use the pay phone until I gave up and bought a phone card at the mini-mart that was attached to the gas station. It took about 25 minutes for me to make those calls.

Problem 3: With the exceptions of all the incorrect turns I took in Houston, I missed an additional 2 turns, which set me back even more. At least I usually knew when I was heading the wrong direction, and I would either turn immediately around, or get out and ask. I left Houston at about 10:45pm, and finally got to Austin at around 2:30am. I was very tired.

Even though I made it here, there were a lot of things that could have gone wrong. I kept praying for safety and provision, that God would calm me down and get me where I needed to go. I am so thankful I made it here safely, and I'm glad I don't freak out when I feel like I'm lost. I knew which direction I wanted to go, and went. Although I had never taken this route before, and needed to ask for help along the way, I made it to Austin. See y'all later.

PS. If you try to call me, leave a message, as I am able to check my messages, but can't call out very well.

Busy!

I have an announcement to make. I am no longer bored at work. Sheesh. I got slammed this week. It is mostly because I will be at a meeting in Claremont on Thursday, so my coworker and I are leaving EARLY in the morning to get up there. Then on Friday, I'm flying to Houston, TX for Duncan's football game, followed by a trip to Austin to visit my cousin, Danielle and my other cousin, Christian, who is visiting the same time I am! Then I drive back to Houston for a seminar on preserving photos and audio/visual materials for archives. Should be fun!

Other interesting things I did today:

• Stood in line for an hour to vote
  
• Went to archives
  
• Made a new friend at the archives, he works in the building where the archives are housed
  
• Ate at Taco Bell for lunch
  
• Paid my bills that I couldn't afford to pay earlier
  
• Trained my student workers to do some of my job while I'm gone
  
• Went to orchestra
  

On Monday, I went to have my wisdom teeth evaluated for surgical removal. Yep. They gotta go. But I only have two wisdom teeth, the other two didn't grow in. So does this mean I'm only half as wise as the rest of you??? Wait, don't answer that.

I have a few *concerns* with having this surgery:

1. I bruise easily
   
2. I hate being in pain
   
3. They are putting me under
   
4. I have to find someone to drive me there and back, and supervise me the first 24 hours after the surgery is done
   
5. There is no good time for me to be in pain for any extended period of time
   
6. I will have to pay about $400.00 to have the surgery. Basically, this means that I'm PAYING MONEY to be in pain. Ironic, isn't it. Do you think I have this kind of money? No. Can I save this much before surgery? Maybe, if I make some major adjustments to my budget, and/or if I decide to take on more debt.
   

Surgery is evil.

God Provides

Just when I was down to my last few dollars from my last paycheck, I got a card in the mail from my friends who just got married. I played one song on cello at their wedding, and I told them that it would be fine with me if they just paid my gas for the trip up and back. I did not get the money at the wedding, and figured they forgot. I let the issue go and forgot about it.

The card in the mail had a check from the wedding, and it was significantly more than I expected, right when I needed it the most. I almost cried in relief because until I got the check in the mail, I didn't realize how much of a financial strain I was under. I've had a few unexpected expenses this month, and those are always tough to deal with. I'll be alright, and it was good of God to remind me that He provides what I need.

Back to the Future in French

Failed my French quiz from last Wednesday. I just didn't study. Didn't know what I needed to know. Oh well, I'll do better on the next one. We're watching Back to the Future in French. I understand a smidgeon of what is being said. I forgot that movie came out in the eighties.

Holy Halloween Haunts Batman!

I apologize to my 2 faithful readers...I haven't been able to post in the last few days because things have finally started to get a little busier. I was feeling overwhelmed with things yesterday, but I think I got everything done.

My boss is sending me to Texas for a seminar on preserving archival materials, and it happens to coincide with one of my brother's football games. The seminar and the game are at the same university! So I get to go to the game, and work is paying for my plane ticket. :)

I worked on my halloween costume for the costume party I'm going to on Saturday. I'm going to be Robin, the boy wonder, the lesser half of the dynamic duo. I sewed the "R" patch on my vest last night, and created my utility belt. It looks good! If I had a digital camera I'd take a picture for you guys!

Funny Story

Funny Story: Got home on Monday night, and the neighbor's cat was meowing at their door. So I opened the screen, knocked, and no one answered. Tried the door knob, it was open, and I let the cat in. Then the 8 year old who lives there and I had a conversation through the front window.

"Is that your cat?" I asked.
"No, that's not our cat," he said.
"What?!!" I said, with increasing anxiety.
"You have a cat, right?" I asked.
"Yes. That's him," and he pointed inside, "But not that one." He pointed the other direction.
"Do you want me to help get him out?" I asked, feeling guilty for opening the door in the first place.
I was confused. Apparently, so was he. His older sister and brother came to the door. We started chatting. They opened the door, and I looked inside. I pointed at the cat. "That's the cat I let in."
"Oh," said the girl, "that's our cat."
"Ok, good, because that's the one that I let in your door," I said.

Moral of the story: Don't mess with other people's pets, even if the pet is a very persistant cat.

Mellow

As I witnessed another loss for Fresno, and with the report that Duncan was hurt, and the news that he was getting discouraged, I began to wonder how much of his identity is tied to football. Megan is thinking the same thing and told me she tries to talk of other things when they talk to each other.

It made me start to think about my own identity, and maybe why I sometimes feel depressed or discouraged is because I have this idea in my head that I should be able to do more, to accomplish more, and to be more successful. In a way, I think I have tied my identity to what I do, and not to who I am as a person. Maybe God is trying to teach me through the job I have now is that my identity is "so much more" than what I do, and my identity in Christ should be the only thing that matters. And as I continue to seek His will for my life, he will lead me in the right direction, no matter what my job happens to be at the time.

It was hard for me to sit through that game tonight, and my prayer for Duncan is that he would put his identity in Christ as well.

Football is just a game after all, it isn't life or death, even when the loss is hard to take.

The Sox Rock!

I don't feel so great today. I don't think I have the flu though. I'm half tempted to leave work a few hours early today.

I AM excited that the Red Sox won. Adam left me a message last night. It went something like this:

Hi Robyn, I was just calling to see how you were doing and to let you know something. I don't know if you heard, because it just happened yesterday, but Duncan tweaked his hamstring so I wanted to ask you to pray for healing for him, because I don't know if he'll be able to play on Saturday. It's only a tweak though, so it might be ok. Anyway, I'm so excited that the Yankees are losing right now. I'll talk to you later.

---

At my community group, we watched the ALCS game between the Red Sox and Yankees. I'm excited too. I'm totally on the Red Sox bandwagon.

Allergy Season

I went to a different community group last night, all girls... it was good, but now I'm going to pay. I should have stayed in to do my French homework...we have an essay due in about an hour and a half, and I haven't done mine yet. I was too tired to do it last night, and I think I have figured out that my extra-sleepyness was due to some allergy medication I took yesterday. I took some more today because the weird weather is making my nose run, but it is a gamble as to whether I want to have a stuffy nose or be extra tired. Anyway, so now I have to try and do my homework before class AND get everything done that I need to get done for work. Today is a busy day.

Verifying sources

After some extensive research this morning on the correct name of the extra skin on your elbow, there are numerous spellings of weenus...wenis...weenis...but none of them showed up in the dictionary.

We have the Oxford Reference database here at the library, and according to the Oxford Reference tool, this word does not exist.

So I must come to the conclusion that this is slang, and though I heard the word on the radio, there is no REAL proof anywhere online that this word is correct. However, if you check the slang dictionary at www.urbanslang.com, you will find a few entries for this word as submitted by users of their website...but still not verifiably accurate in my opinion.

Note: DO NOT look up this word at a public computer... the urban slang site contains some questionable language, so don't look at it if people are going to be looking over your shoulder.

So, even though the word doesn't exist, you can still use it in a sentence.

Conversations-8

Chelsea, my step-sister, came into the library last night.

"ROBYN!" She yelled at me in a whisper. We were in the library. "Don't you want to do something with student life?" she asked me.

"Yeah," I said slowly, "what about it?"

I may have someone for you," she told me excitedly,

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well," she began conspirationally as she sat down on the stool at the reference desk, "Do you know Brandon? He went on a retreat with us this weekend. He's thirty."

"Does he work in community life?" I asked her, "I thought he was older."

"Yeah, you know him?" she asked me with surprise.

"Yes. Funny story actually," I told her, "He graduated from the same grad program at the same time I did. I have seen him once or twice, and whenever I'm around him, I sort of feel like a loser."

"Why?" She asked with an indignant look on her face.

"Cause he has a great job in the field and I'm still working at the library" I said.

"Oh...well, he worked at the same place for like 10 years," she told me. "He came from a place where he knew everyone, and came here. He told us at the retreat we went on that it has been hard coming here because he just doesn't know as many people. I think I'm gonna set you up. Would you be interested in dating him?" she asked me.

"I don't know," I responded. "It seems to me that if he had been interested in the first place, he would have pursued something after we first met. But he didn't. Plus I thought he was married or had a girlfriend."

"Well, he doesn't. He's single," she informed me. "And I think he needs more people to hang out with. He hangs out with my friend Jeff all the time."

"Where does he live?" I asked, "Does he have a church he goes to regularly?"

"He lives in Flex," She told me, referring to the on-campus apartments. "And I don't know where he goes to church."

"What made you think of him for me?" I asked, curious.

"Well, he is a Christian, and after our quiet time, he seemed really sincere," she told me, "AND he knows a lot of random information. Like, did you know the flabby part of your elbow is called a 'tweenus?'

"No its not," I contradicted, "Its called a 'weenus.'"

Chelsea started laughing..."No way."

"I'm serious. You better go look it up." I said with a straight face.

One of Chelsea's friends had been listening in to the conversation. "I'm gonna look it up!" he said. He went over to the computer."

"See?" Chelsea said, laughing, as if to indicate that Brandon and I had things in common.

Chelsea's friend came back. "She was right!" he said, referring to my knowledge of the weenus.

"Yes!" I said, and I put my arms up in a gesture of victory. "I was right!"

Chelsea started laughing really hard. "That's so funny! I think you guys would be perfect for each other."

"Well, do you want me to tell him about you?" She asked.

I said, "Well, I always thought that the guy I started dating would be my friend first, so if he's interested in making some new friends and meeting people, then yeah, tell him I know a lot of people around our age. It's going to be hard for you to introduce us because we've already had an initial meeting."

"Hmmm," She was thinking.

"You could tell him that he was wrong, and that I was right..." I said helpfully.

"Yeah!" she said excitedly. "Okay, I'm gonna do that. I gotta study."

Chelsea walked away from my desk and started talking to her friends. I had to tell her to be quiet about three times. But I love her.

The Lost Parade

The sun is sinking down,
On the lost parade,
And all along the dirty streets,
Tattered banners wave,
A hollow victory song,
Is ringing in my ears,
Drowning out the voices that we fear.
--Randy Stonehill

This song resonates with me. I'm not exactly sure why.

At homecoming, the parade was all of 5 minutes long. If you blink, you'll miss it.

Homecoming

I'm picking Megan up at about 11:30 to drive back home. We are meeting Adam, Duncan, (my brothers) and Tracy (Duncan's girlfriend) for the parade and then I think we're all going to the high school football game. I know, we are such geeks. I asked Adam (who teaches at the high school) if I should wear my old letterman jacket. He laughed at me and said, "Don't be one of those people!" I did find my old varsity swim sweatshirt. It used to be my favorite. You can tell. It is a little threadbare. I got it my freshman year of swimming, but I love it! I haven't decided if I'm going to wear it though because when I wear it, people think I'm still in high school.

Now that I have thought about it... no. I'm not wearing it. Also on this weekend's agenda...I hope I have time this afternoon to get out to Pasadena. There's a great music store there that has the best selection of sheet music I have seen anywhere. I'm hoping to get out there so I can pick up some Christmas music. I think we (my string friends and I) are going to try and play Correlli's Christmas Concerto and hopefully a version of "Hark, Hear the Bells." I want to go look and see what's available, cause that will determine what we play. I also want to get a Christmas quartet book so that I can pull together some friends and play for the people in my complex...make it an outreach event.

Anyway, I also got most of Sunday off, so I'm excited about the extra time I have on Sunday. My boss told me not to worry about making up the hours because there's a non-holiday break and the library is closed, which messes up my schedule, and I inevitably get to work overtime even though it doesn't show up on my time sheet that way. It is going to be a fun and busy weekend.

Interview

I just got called about the interview I had last Friday. I didn't get the job. Yet another rejection. But I think I am relieved that I didn't get this job. The way that the interview was set up was that I had to go through three sets of interviews. The first two were fine. The last one was not. And I kind of knew after that third meeting that I probably wouldn't get the job. The interviewer was very negative and it actually put me in a bad mood afterwards.

In the city

At my Bible Study, a friend of mine came and shared about some transitions that are taking place in her life. She is in ministry full-time and was working with high school students, but is now going to be working more with business professionals through a new ministry that believes that if cities can change, it will have a significant impact on the rest of the world. This will be a great new place for her to be.

Some of the guys in our Bible Study were asking her about how she would meet high-schoolers because she is 30-something (but doesn't look like it). She shared about her small groups, meeting with them, talking about boys at her high-school Bible Studies, etc. It was so funny because at the end of the evening, what did us girls start talking about? Boys of course. As long as girls are meeting together in groups, or even one-on-one, they will be discussing boys...no matter their age.

My friend in ministry is still single, but is desperately trying to expand her circle of friends so that she can meet someone. Our church is so small and there aren't a lot of thirty-somethings who come. Gen X is still missing in action in the small church community here. So I'm going with her (as long as her other friend can't make it) to the Air Show at Miramar and her hope is that she can meet some guys.

I decided that I would pray for her for this. It is a significant concern of her heart, and I know that she is frustrated.

Tripped up!

So I just went to lunch, and on my way back to the library, I tripped on the stairs...I was headed down. My shoe just turned over, and I lost my balance. It is a darn good thing I was holding onto the handrail, because in trying to get myself balanced, I tripped again. I'm so glad I wasn't seriously injured...I'm just shaken up a bit. I could have easily fallen down the stairs, flat on my face.

More Stuff

I just realized that I don't have to go to class on Friday. It is fall break. So if I want it, I can have a true day off. Problem is that we're closed Sunday, so I have to make up those hours somewhere else. Icky. My schedule really gets messed up when there are non-holiday breaks.

You know what I've decided? Sleep is good. I feel better about life when I am well rested. When I'm tired, I start getting stressed out. Anyway. Hope everyone has a great day.

My day today

I had a great chill night last night. Started watching the Houston/Braves game. Read one of MacDonald's short stories... went to bed early, got up a little late, but I feel so rested right now. That's good.

Had a great time at lunch talking with one of the librarians about where in the world I might be traveling next year...

Went to the bookstore and got a card for bosses day, got a call from Candice...she wants me to come to her Bible Study tonight. I told her I couldn't. She asked me why not, and I told her it is because I'm meeting with her boyfriend tonight. Really, I am. But it is a ministry related meeting. One I'm actually looking forward to. I thought that conversation was funny.

Business is slow. So I've just been doing some research for my meeting tonight and contemplating my life. I am thankful. And when I am thankful, I am content.

Learning

My head hurts. I'm not sure if it is because of the busy weekend we had and lack of sleep thereof or because I just came out of my French class where I found myself concentrating extra hard today. The same thing happens to me after orchestra rehearsals. They always made me hungry afterwards.

AHHH!!!

Laurel, one of my best friends from college, called me in the middle of the Fresno State game (I was physically there) to tell me that she got engaged. That day. I was in shock...apparently she didn't expect it either. Since I was at the game, and the reality of this news didn't quite hit me until later, I asked her if I could call her back. When we talked this morning, she told me that he had asked her parents for permission about two months ago, and then took her hiking and told her roommates that they couldn't come. That's planning. I am so excited for her.

PS. Fresno lost. :-( I was sad. But Duncan played well.

Sleepy

My sister and I stayed up talking last night until the wee hours of the morning. My mom woke us up at 8am. I'm really tired. But its a good tired. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep in the car on the way up to Fresno.

Almost Done

I'm at Azusa, waiting for my next appointment. I think this interview is going well. I was a little nervous before I came, and I can't wait to go back and change out of my professional attire (suit & button up shirt with a collar). The next phase of this will be the most difficult. I knew everyone else that I talked to. I meet with the Dean next, and she doesn't know me, although I interviewed with her once before.

I also started reading the Gifts of the Child Christ and Other Stories and Fairy Tales by George MacDonald today. Why haven't I ever read his writing before? Couldn't tell ya. I don't usually like short stories, but I have really enjoyed reading his work so far.

Another day off

I'm at my mom's house cause I have an interview in Azusa today at 12:30. I drove home last night because I thought I would be able to sleep in here. I was wrong. The gardeners came this morning and my window was open. They mowed and they blowed, they whacked and the weeded, and scared my sleep away. There is actually breakfast food in the kitchen, and I'm probably going to take Scout, our rather large labrador, for a walk. I will probably start doing my laundry if I have time. I am glad I have the morning off at least.

On the drive home last night, I didn't listen to the radio at all. That was interesting because I had the two orchestral pieces that I'm playing in the orchestra stuck in my head. I was worried that I would have trouble sleeping because the pieces were stuck in there pretty good. Though there were some unpredictable drivers out there, it was otherwise a good chance to just think about my life and what's going on. I was able to just talk to God and listen to the silence. Sometimes I need that, more than I know.

Return of the Bible Study

Exodus 15:22-27

Then Moses ordered Israel to set out from the Red Sea, and they went into the wilderness of Shur. They went three days in the wilderness and found no water. When they came to Marah, they could not drink the water of Marah because it was bitter. That is why it was called Marah. And the people complained against Moses, saying, "What shall we drink?" He cried out to the Lord; and the Lord showed him a piece of wood; he threw it into the water, and the water became sweet.

There the Lord made for them a statute and an ordinance and there he put them to the test. He said, "If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God, and do what is right in his sight, and give heed to his commandments and keep all his statutes, I will not bring upon you any of the diseases that I brought upon the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you." Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs of water and seventy palm trees; and they camped there by the water.

---

We haven't been able to have a true Bible Study in a long time. But this one was great. In the sermon on Sunday, our pastor highlighted seven words from this passage. They were:

1. Marah
2. Bitter
3. Grumbled
4. Sweet
5. Showed
6. The Lord Heals
7. Elim

Marah was the place where the Israelites wandered without water, and when they finally found water, they could not drink it for its bitterness. They grumbled against God, but God showed (same root in Greek as the root for Torah, the law, or blessings that come from God) Moses a piece of wood. God provided through the circumstances. The water was made sweet and the people were reminded that God Heals. Elim is the perfect place of rest and can be interpreted as a metaphor of rest in Christ.

The message of this sermon was that God can turn our bitterness to sweetness and joy, but only if we trust him. The pastor mentioned that when we complain, it doesn't matter who we are complaining to, or what we are complaining about, because all of our complaints really go to God. When we have a complaint, we are in effect, judging God.

I find it interesting that there are plenty of examples of people and prophets who complain against God in the Bible, and so I think that God allows us to complain against him, but he always reminds them that we are small, insignificant creatures who will never fully understand the ways of God.

We had a great conversation last night about circumstances, and whether or not all circumstances are from God. Because there is evil in the world, not all circumstances are of God, some of them are atrocities committed by other human beings. But can God use these circumstances in our lives? Yes. The pastor always quotes from the Bible saying, "what you have meant for evil, God has meant for good."

It is hard sometimes for me to let go of the bitter circumstances in my life, but when I hold onto them, I become more and more bitter. I have to decide not to be bitter, but to be thankful instead for the numerous blessings I have in my life, and trust in the Lord no matter what.

Light From the Kitchen

Here's a funny story for you...

The light in our kitchen went out last week, so I went to go replace the light bulb and couldn't figure out how to get into the light to change the bulb. I tried twisting it, but the lamp was stuck on the base pretty good. So then I twisted harder. The light came off of the ceiling, and when I gently let go, it dangled by its cords. Yes, I broke the kitchen light, and couldn't even get it back up onto the ceiling. So I told the manager. Last night, I came home and noticed that the light had been fixed. They put in an industrial-type halogen light fixture, so now our kitchen looks like the aisle of a grocery store (yes, that bright!).

Moral of the story: Just get the manager to fix it in the first place. And I am NOT paying to replace the bulbs in the new light.

Out and about

Yesterday, after work, I met three of the neighbor kids. They were between the ages of 7 and 9. They wanted to know how old I was, what grade I was in, and where I worked. I made them guess my age. They thought I was 18. :) My response? "That's SO OLD!" I told them I was 27. One of the girls told me that her mom was 27. Interesting...

Then I went out with my roommate to this bar over by where we live. This bar made me laugh! It is located in a not-so-good part of town, and looks very seedy. It definitely had character. I would never go there by myself. The lead singer's name is Dottie. She's a 60 year old black lady who can wail. She's the kind of lady that calls everyone "baby" and "sugar" and her catch phrase is "Well, I ain't mad at cha."

Her band consists of a group of 20 somethings guys whom she calls the Diamonds. And they can play the blues. My roommate is in love with their pianist, who is a fantastic piano player. He also plays the harmonica, but my roommate told me that he broke it, so he can't play it right now. It was very fun. I had to leave to go to bed, cause they didn't even start playing until 9:30pm. I told my roommate to tell the band not to be insulted that I left. I had to get up early in the morning to go to work. I just may go back...and bring friends with me.

Revelation

My friend Ryan (the one who sometimes comments on this journal) and I were talking once about relational equity...which is a description of the amount of relational pull you have with other people. This concept came up again last night as I thought about various relationships in my life and realized that in all but two relationships that I have with my friends down here in San Diego, I am the initiator, meaning if I want to hang out with people individually or in small groups, I have to call them. They aren't really calling me except for large group activities like potlucks or frisbee. Why is that? I'm not exactly sure.

I only mention this because it started to bother me a little...and then I had to decide not to let it bother me. The true friendships I have go both ways. I call them, and they call me.

One more note: Although I am right handed, most of my best friends have been left-handed so I'm always interested in knowing how many lefties I know. Go Lefties!

It's back to work I go...

I think I would enjoy Sundays so much more if I had friends to come visit me on my dinner break. I get just a little lonely working here when I know that everyone else is having lunch or hanging out.

I went to church for the first time in a few weeks. Last week, I was at that wedding and two weeks ago, I just didn't feel like going to the one I normally go to. I get in these moods sometimes where I just need to be in a different place to worship God. I get distracted when I know people. I had to go back today because I got assigned to play. Michael, the worship guy at church actually sent me an e-mail last week asking how I was doing because we hadn't talked for a few weeks. After seeing him at least twice a week and then not seeing him at all for 2 or so weeks, I had to agree...it was weird not seeing him.

I went to a potluck last night, and another friend of mine was wondering why I wasn't interested in joining the leadership of the 20's somethings ministry and asked me about why I didn't feel like getting involved. I still think I made the right decision for now, and I'm glad that they feel I would be a valuable member to have on the team, but I just want to be the consultant.

Here's what's cool about consulting...people listen to what I have to say because they value my input, but I don't have to actually do anything. I like making suggestions, especially when they work out. I suggested to Michael that he should ask another friend of ours to lead music for the ministry. Michael had a few reservations about this person, but I told him that I thought this guy would not only do a great job, but would get excited about it and bring more people. It is now so much fun for me to see this person taking a more active role in this ministry, and he's excited about it. It's funny, especially since he doesn't know that I recommended him for the music ministry role, and now he's trying to convince me to be a part of the leadership. This amuses me.

On the whole, I have been more withdrawn lately from the people I normally talk to. I have been spiritually withdrawn as well...haven't wanted to pray, I haven't wanted to go to church, I feel really tired all the time, and maybe that's why I don't want to lead right now either. I can't even pinpoint why I'm feeling this way. This is my life. At least for now.

Happy October!

First of all, I'd like to say Happy October! October is my favorite month of the year. I love the way the weather changes, wind with a slight chill in the air, football season is officially underway, and most of the trees start changing colors, well, sort of. California is not exactly a good "fall" state for colors. But I still like it.

I'm still trying to find a place that might be broadcasting the Fresno game today (Don't get mad Meg!) and I have quite a few other things to do before I go...today is going to be an organizational feat! Here's what's going on:

1. Ultimate Frisbee at the park at 10am in La Jolla
   
2. Lunch afterwards :)
   
3. 3 hours of freetime in which I will need to possibly do my laundry, cook a lasagna, drop off my dry cleaning, take a shower, go to the bank, and fill out that pesky faculty application.
   
4. Watch the Fresno game with my sister at an unspecified location (at this point)
   
5. Pick up my friend Ryan G. and my *cooked* lasagna
   
6. Head up to a potluck
   
7. Have lots of fun!
   

As for last night, it was really fun. My roommate's friend apparently has a wedding coordinator friend, so I gave him my contact card. Look at me! Networking! I've never been good at it. But here's hoping for a little extra income. Dinner was great, and here's the funny story of the evening... Have I ever mentioned that I am a klutz? yeah... well, I had this quarter in my pocket. It was a Maine one. And I dropped it about 3 times before we even left to go. Once we got to the venue, I dropped it one more time. By this time, all my friends were laughing. Then about halfway through the first half, I realized my phone was missing. I knew I had brought it in (cause I hadn't meant to) and it was now not in my pocket, so I started to panic a little, and then I dropped that darn quarter again in addition to my whole wallet, which made some noise on the way down. We were all chuckling by this point. I'm happy to report that I found my wallet, the phone, and even that pesky quarter by the time we left. I'm NEVER wearing those pants out again because things fall out so easily.

As for that significant spiritual conversation, we had a bit of a conversation about what church my friend and I go to, but that was about it. But that's okay. I'm not going to push. But I do care about these people, and I'm hoping that when the timing is right, I'll be able to share God's love with them.

I hope everyone else out there has a great weekend. For me, this is my Sunday. I work tomorrow.

My day off

It is so nice to have a day off, but I'm here on campus because of my French class. I went on a cleaning rampage last night and cleaned the kitchen thouroughly, except for the floor and the fridge. But everything else looks good. And I cleaned the sink, counter, and toilet in our bathroom. Now I'm going back home to dust the bookshelves, and clean my room. I still need to fill out my faculty application. Maybe that's why I'm on this cleaning frenzy--I'm really procrastinating cause I don't want to fill out this app. Well, I do, but I hate filling out applications. This is probably the reason why I hated being unemployed. I hated filling out all those job applications.

This is the first weekend in awhile where I have some free time available. Consequently, I get to do all the errands that I've been putting off for the last 3 weeks or so, like clean, take my dry-cleaning in, and do laundry at the laundromat.

My roommate and I and two guyfriends of ours are going to see the musical "Rent" tonight. My roommate decided to cook dinner. She's a great cook. I'm bringing a friend of mine from church. I'm hoping that we might have a significant spiritual conversation with my roommate and her friend. I'll let you guys know how things go. Until tomorrow (or whenever I write again...).

Lunch Buddies

Can you remember those times when y0u were in a new place, and that awkward moment of trying to figure out who looked friendly enough to sit with when there were no empty tables? Yeah. That's been my experience at Point Loma in the caf until yesterday, when I sat down at a table by myself, and then was joined by 4 other staff members. It really is nice to have people to eat lunch with.

I don't care how old you are, it is always awkward eating in cafeterias where you don't know anyone else and everyone else already seems to know each other.

Wednesday

It has been a very quiet, low volume of work kind of day. Yesterday, I took my French Oral quiz. I did pretty well. I'm trying to remember all the correct grammatical rules, and we just don't converse enough in class for me to know.

I still have a few items left from my list of things that I was supposed to do last week that I'm procrastinating on, but they were all pretty important things. I probably get to them tomorrow night.

Normally I go to Bible Study on Wed. nights, but tonight I'm going to San Clemente to celebrate my step-sister's birthday with my parents. She'll be 20. It will be a late night.

I am sure that it will be fun, but sometimes I hate having my parents located in the same state, cause then I'm obligated to attend events. I would almost rather attend my Bible Study, mostly because I like it better than church right now.

Make new friends

Yesterday, I met with a girl who had just moved to San Diego. She is a friend of a friend and she was doing some research on students at Point Loma and wanted to get a staff perspective. We started chatting about the school, but also about how hard it is to actually find a Christian community here in San Diego. She is a recent college grad, has only lived here for a few months, but is already considering moving. I invited her to church, and I really hope that she feels welcome there. I know how hard it is to find a niche here because there really are very few small community churches. Most of the churches here in San Diego are either huge or virtually non-existent. Whether she decides to come back or not, I hope that she feels like I could be a potential friend or resource for her as she tries to figure out where her community is hiding. You really do have to make an effort here to find people. People here, on the whole, are not very friendly unless they are intoxicated, but that's a different story.

Nostalgia

I went to yet another wedding yesterday. It was interesting because it was a wedding between two people I knew. One from home, and one from college. So I got to see some friends from college. It was good to see them all, and I'm glad I went to this wedding, if only to connect with one couple who left right after my sophmore year. On the other hand, I ended up sitting at the one table that no one (apparently) wanted to be at, and at one point in the evening, everyone left and I was sitting at the table by myself. That was a bit depressing, and I felt really awkward. Finally, a friend of mine came over and said there was an empty chair at his table, so I moved.

This whole experience reminded me why I never kept in touch with some of the people I knew from college. There were only three or four people who were genuinely interested in hearing about what was going on in my life. But I left as soon as I realized I was A) Not having fun anymore, and B) Really tired.

It also made me realize how humbled I feel to be working at the library here in Point Loma because everyone was asking what I was doing in San Diego. It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my job because I still believe that God provided it when I needed it, but it is a feeling that I am capable of doing so much more, if only I knew what that was. I'm feeling like I need to be "More Successful" whatever that means. And the danger of feeling this way is that it breeds discontentment in my life. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it will spur me on to bigger and better things. But I just want to be content with my life.

Conversations-7

Conversation of the weekend:

"Hey, would you ladies like some bagel pizzas?" this guy asked us. There were about four of us girls sitting on the couch chatting when he showed up.

"Only if you tell me your name!" I responded. We were at an 80's party and the guy who decided to chat with us had been pretending to be a pick-up artist. I felt obligated to respond in a similar fashion.

He laughed at my response and told us, "My name is Rob, nice to meet you."

"That's a good name," I said, "My name is Robyn."

After the other girls introduced themselves, one of them said, "Hey, Rob and Robyn...you guys should go around and pretend that you guys are a couple...that's such an 80's kind of combo..."

We both laughed. "That would be funny," I said. We didn't really pretend to be a couple that night. However, as I was leaving, I mentioned to Rob, "Hey, thanks for being my fake boyfriend."

Rob laughed and said, "Anytime."

Well, you never know when a fake boyfriend could come in handy.

---

So I went to an 80's party on Saturday and I must say...I had fun with my costume. I wore a neon green shirt that had the collar cut off, and fringe at the bottom. I found a hot pink and green bandana that I wore as a headband, pegged my jeans and crimped the bangs in the front (not that I have true bangs, mind you...) and my side ponytail. Yeah! I'll see if I get pictures back and then you too can relive the hideousness of the decade.

Friday

I'm so glad I normally don' t have to work on Fridays. It is so slow today. Good thing, I'm so drained. And I just had a long conversation with someone about why I don't want to be a part of that ministry for 20 somethings at my church. This person really thinks I should be a part of things. Okay, maybe. But not as the events coordinator. I said I just wanted to be a consultant.
All I want to do is go home and take a nap. 30 more minutes...

Freeway etiquette

This has never happened to me before, and it was both annoying and scary. While I was driving out to Murietta (it takes a good hour to get there) I notice that this guy in a beat-up station wagon is pacing me. So I look over, and he's trying to get my attention. I have no idea why. So I ignore him, except that he paces/follows me for 20 miles.

Now, when I drive, I normally notice if I have been driving with the same cars. But it is rare, and there is unspoken freeway etiquette that dictates you don't drive right next to other cars for any amount of time, especially when there is space. Passing is understood. Pacing is weird. Traffic is a different situation.

This guy was definitely following me. I tried speeding up, slowing down, switching lanes, boxing myself in by other cars, and still, he stayed with me or near me for 20 miles. I was getting scared. But then he just got off of the freeway a few exits before mine. I was relieved. So that's the story for today.

Taco Bell

I love Taco Bell, but the lids that exist at the one in Point Loma always fall off of my drink, and everytime I go there, without fail, I spill my drink.

Score:
Drinks: 4
Robyn's Clothes: 0

Funny Birthday Card I bought today:

"Things I've Learned: A universal remote control does not, in fact, allow you to control the universe. I did not get you a universal remote control for your birthday because, believe me, you'd just be disappointed."

Wow!

I was driving to work this morning and not only did I accidently spill some coke on myself, but as I'm on the freeway, a spider starts slowly dropping from the ceiling of my car right over my steering wheel. I'm not scared of spiders, but I didn't want to deal with it while driving, so I flicked it away. It is probably still alive somewhere in my car. I couldn't help but think that if it had been Adam or Megan (my brother and sister) driving, they would have screamed and crashed. They are both scared of spiders.

Last night, I had to write a 200 word essay in French. With limited vocabulary, writing in foreign languages is like putting together a 1500 piece puzzle, with extra pieces that you don't necessarily need. They may or may not fit. But you have to figure out how to communicate using only the words you know and convey concepts, ideas, and a grasp of the language. If you translate my essay into English, it is the equivalent of a fourth grade composition. It took me an hour and a half to write. I think that's quite ironic... and I know that there are some spelling mistakes...mostly missing accent marks. If there is anything I appreciate about the English language, it is that we don't need accent marks. We sometimes use apostrophes, but no accent marks.

This week's to do list:

1. Create contact cards for the wedding I'm going to on Saturday
2. Call Keola, ask if I can do laundry at his house tonight during community group...that's what friends are for, right?
3. Print and fill out APU Faculty Application--I am being offered an adjunct position through the library. The librarians are excited, and I'm excited. I could really use the extra money, and the job will be relatively easy.
4. Update my resume and work history--I got tired of looking things up and filling out the work history section on job applications, so I have a word document that I modify (depending on the job) and send with applications.
5. Find a third grad school to apply to besides Berkeley and UCSD. I did check out the US News and World Report 2005 guide to grad schools. I need a mid-low range cheap school that I know I can get into. Oklahoma State is looking pretty good at this point...
6. Practice my cello. Aaarrrrggghhh! I hate it when pieces are on the verge of being challenging, meaning that most of the piece is easy, but then has just a few parts that aren't challenging after you practice them. I work harder when a piece is more difficult.
7. Send my mother a bibliography of all my favorite fantasy authors (if I'm not too busy...yeah right!)

I will not really have time to do any of this over the weekend either because I am working Friday so that I can have Sunday off, then on Saturday, I am going to Knott's Berry Farm, and possibly an 80's party (for which I don't have a costume...), and then on Sunday, I'm ditching church to drive to Mission Viejo, where I will be meeting my cousin for lunch, and then going to that wedding.

Pray for me, I might go crazy next week.

Orchestra

So I'm sort of in this orchestra. I only practiced for it once. I have missed about 3 rehearsals, and will miss another on Thursday in order to make some extra cash. It bothers me a little that I keep missing rehearsals. I told the director from the beginning that I could be somewhat flakey. He said he still wants me to play even though he already has about 7 cellos and 3 basses. There's nowhere near enough violins to even need a bass section that size. So even though I'm a flake, I guess I'll continue to play until I get kicked out for missing too many rehearsals. Good thing I'm not getting graded. See, I figure, I already did my time. I spent four years of my life getting grades in music. This I'm doing for fun. Well, sort of. I'm finding myself to be slightly unmotivated, mostly because of my lack of time to practice. If I did practice, the music would be really easy. Amazing how that works. We'll see if I make it to the concert. I'm already missing one concert for a football game. I know, priorities, right?

Decisions, decisions...

I went to a "Leadership Meeting" for a ministry that Michael would like me to be a part of. He approached me over the summer about it. We've been discussing the possibilities, and I thought that eventually I would be able to say "Yes! I want to be a part of this ministry!" But I still have reservations. Do you ever make decisions and then wonder if the decisions you made were the right ones? That's how I feel right now. I don't know why I have reservations about being on this team, but my heart just isn't in the development of this ministry. I read somewhere that the need isn't the call. There is a definite need, but I don't feel a call. Is a call something you're supposed to feel? Something you hear? For me, I think it is something that resonates deep within my soul. Things just seem positive and right, even if they are difficult things. So I'm still not really ministering outside of doing all things musical, and at least in the church, that's come to a screeching halt as I haven't been scheduled for this month. I suppose that's a good thing considering it is football season and I have been out of town a lot over the past month.

Conversations-6

I was at a wedding rehearsal dinner and after eating lobster legs with sticky sauce, I needed to go wash my hands. So I got up, went to the women's restroom and tried to open the door. It was locked, so I settled back to wait. Then the door cracked open. I looked in, didn't see anybody, and then looked down. It was Bree, the pastor's kid. She is a precocious six-year-old, and she looked up at me with a familiar mischievous twinkle in her eye. I wasn't exactly sure what she was doing in the bathroom...

"Bree...can I come in? I need to wash my hands," and the door opened a little wider. It wouldn't have surprised me if she had told me that she was hiding from her older brother. But she wasn't.

"Yeah, I can't get the water on," she said as she let me into the bathroom and turned quickly to the sink.

"Let me see if I can help," I told her. Then I turned on the water. "Here's the problem," I said, "The handles turn the opposite direction." Bree started to wash her hands.

"Is the reason you need to wash your hands because of the sauce on the lobster legs?" she asked me.

"Yes," I answered, "they were very sticky."

"I know," she said with all the authority a six-year-old can possess. "All the food is weird." We were at a Japanese restaurant, and they had served us course after course of traditional Japanese food, including squid, jellyfish, duck, fish, and then the lobster. Not exactly kid-friendly cuisine.

"Do you want some soap?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said and stuck her hands under the soap dispenser, which I dispensed for her. And then she rinsed her hands off.

"You know, they are serving rice right now," I told her.

"Oh goody, I love rice! It's my favorite!" she said. She ran quickly out of the bathroom and over to her table. I followed her out at a more conscientious adult pace.

"MOM, ROBYN HELPED ME WASH MY HANDS AND I WANT SOME RICE!" I heard her say to her mother in a loud voice.

"Hi Robyn," Karen said with a quiet smile as I walked back to my table.

"Hi," I said with a smile and a wave. I kept walking back to my table, chuckling to myself about exuberance and passion, even if it was only for rice.

Twofer

Yesterday, my student worker was having a bad day in terms of ILLing. She came in and told me that when she was trying to print out some labels, the labels got stuck in the printer, and they had to call the tech people outside the university because they can't fix them here.

I just now tried to print out some labels, and they got stuck in the printer. The tech people on campus can't fix it. So my computer now needs fixing as well. What an ironic moment...

Why can't the French spell?

TIRED. I have a headache. But I'm doing a bit better than I was this morning. Got my French test back... wow. I REALLY can't spell in French. Why is it that I can spell in English, but not in French? Maybe because it doesn't sound the way it is pronounced. Yikes. That's what one missed day of class will do to you. I went from scoring approximately A's to B's. I need to make flashcards and force myself to try and spell things correctly. Like a French spelling bee. With myself. Yeah.

I also went out to coffee with Ryan G. last night. Some friends of ours are getting married, and they might need a cellist. Sweet! It would be so fun to see all the old Crusaders. It is rather a Crusade match-up.

And just for fun-

French word of the day: Bleu
Pronounication: "Bluh"
Translation: Blue

Use in a sentence: J'ai un chat bleu.
Pronounciation: J' I uh shat bluh

Translation: I have a blue cat.

Do I really want this?

So I started looking at other grad schools today besides UCSD... and I need to do more research. This process is quite daunting, and I'm getting scared again... I think it is more of a fear of failure (to get into a school) than a fear of the work. Although, it is quite expensive to go back to school. I don't know if I am ready to handle that kind of indebtedness. Then again, if I go to UCSD, then I could possibly go to school part time, and continue to work at Point Loma.

Sometimes I wish God would show me his will on a billboard, so that I couldn't possibly miss what He has for me to do.

Fresno beat Kansas State yesterday (yay!!!) and my brother got his picture in the paper (I think) it was one taken by the Associated Press and I saw it briefly right after the game on ESPN.com.

I also took a 2 hour nap yesterday, and then I couldn't sleep last night. I was still awake at 3:30am. Remind me never to take naps in the afternoon, no matter how tired I am...It is amazing to me how my mind wanders that early in the morning. And the streets were so quiet. Normally, I hear lots of helicopters and police sirens in addition to the screaming kid who lives behind me, but not that early. Although said screaming kid made his debut this morning at about 8am.

Yeah, I'm sleepy today, and didn't really want to be in church this morning. I briefly thought about ditching, but stayed. I didn't really listen though. I should have just left. A solitary moment at a coffee shop might have done me more good than the sermon this morning. I don't even really get to talk to people on Sundays anymore because I have to go to work right after church. I tuned out. Completely. And then I was glad I had to go, because I didn't have the ability nor the time to explain to people why I was feeling the way I was. Plus I didn't really want to explain things to them anyway.

I try to pretend that everything is okay, but I'm really kind of tense on the inside, without being able to understand where the tenseness is coming from.

Reality in threes

Three significant events of the day...

1. I took the GRE. You know, my test scores on standardized tests are remarkably consistent. Let's put it this way: I scored about the same on the GRE as I did on my SAT when I was in high school. I did okay. Not as great as I had hoped, but at least what I expected. I'm below average for most schools I want to apply to. But the good thing is that an average is an average...they take scores above and below. I'm hoping that my previous stellar performance in grad school will have some weight with the schools I want to apply to.

2. I had a rehearsal for yet another wedding. This one will be a week from Saturday. It's going to be a lovely wedding. At this rehearsal, Annie (my violinist friend) informed us (me and Michael) that she was bringing someone to the rehearsal dinner. We tried to find out who, but she wouldn't tell us. Later, she decided to tell us that she was dating someone. She hasn't dated anyone since I've known her. Then Michael asked if it was someone from church. She said yes. I couldn't figure out who it was, and then she told us that she is dating Derrick. That's cool. Again, I think this is a good match.

I haven't been doing a great job about being real in this journal, so while I was happy for Annie, I guess I got a little depressed. The singles are dropping like flies to become couples. There are more than I think there are, but still, I can only think of four *non-transient* guys who are still single, and one of them doesn't really come to church. There are more ladies. About six of us or so. I am experiencing this recent pesimisstic mood for a few reasons: I have a headache...probably from a lack of sleep. I'm really tired. I also didn't do as well as I would have liked on the GRE. Plus it is HOT here in San Diego. I can't imagine what the temperatures must be in LA right now. It makes it hard to sleep because everyone has their windows open, and my neighbors are particularly loud.

3. Michael had asked me to think and pray about coordinating events for a ministry to young adults. I told him I would think about it. Today we chatted, and I shared with him some of my reservations regarding leading this particular team. I told him that admin is not my true strength, but that casting vision, seeing the bigger picture, gathering information, and preparing a plan are the things that I do well. So I don't know if I will be leading this team or not. We were both pensive as we came away from that meeting. I think we are both going to think some more about it.

Conversations-5

Yolanda and I met up for dinner on Friday night. She had called me a few days earlier to tell me her big news: She and Kelvin just got engaged. I pulled into the Albertson's parking lot and tried to find a spot. I hate parking in San Diego. The spots are always so narrow. But I finally found one and pulled in. Then I went to go find Yolanda. She was waiting for me at a Teriaki fast-food place called Samuri Sam's.

"Hi Yolanda! Congratulations!" I'm so happy for you!" I gave Yolanda a big hug.

She was in the midst of ordering but paused to respond, "Thank you so much! I'm so excited!"

I said hello to Dennis too. Yolanda had called me just a bit earlier to tell me that she was already at the restaurant, and had run into him there. I ordered my food, got my drink, and then sat down at the table where Dennis was sitting.

"Did you guys plan this?" I asked, referring to how they were both at the same restaurant at the same time.

"No, it just sort of happened," Yolanda said.

Dennis added, "Yeah, I was just going to get this to go and then go watch the US Open."

"Well this is cool," I said, "Good times. How is school going for you? Didn't you start this week?" I asked Dennis.

"Yeah, I have one honors section, and the rest are regular," Dennis is teaching chemistry at one of the local high schools,
"It's going pretty well." At that point in time, our food started to arrive. After we were all situated with food, utensils, and appropriate sauces, we prayed for our meal.

Then Dennis asked Yolanda, "So, are you wearing your ring on a chain?"

Yolanda laughed. "No, it's getting resized. It's too big."

"What size ring do you wear?" I asked.

"I'm a six. I have pretty small fingers," She said. I gave her my ring to try on. "Yeah, this is a bit too big," she told us. "Is this a six?"

"Yes, but it might be on the big side," I told her. She handed my ring back.

"So did he ask you on the mountain?" Dennis asked. Yolanda and Kelvin had been in Vancouver for a vacation, and did some hiking while they were there. Dennis and Kelvin are good friends, and Dennis knew that Kelvin would be asking Yolanda while they were on vacation.

"No," Yolanda told us, "He told me later he was going to, but when we were there, it was cold, rainy, and foggy. It wouldn't have been as good a moment. We were freezing that day. He actually proposed to me the next day. We went on a hike, and then on the way back, we got bored and started going off the trail. We were standing in this beautiful clearing, and he handed me this poorly wrapped package and told me to open it. It was a turtle that he had painted. Then he asked me if I would marry him. I was so surprised! And then I asked him if the turtle was the ring."

"You know, cause us girls are all about the ring!" I told Dennis.

Yolanda laughed, "You know it!"

"So where was the ring?" Dennis asked.

"It was in the turtle. You know how ceramic things are hollow?" She asked us. We both nodded our heads. "Well," she continued, "The hole in the turtle was plugged with a plastic thing, and the ring was inside."

"You know why he sold his car right?" Dennis asked Yolanda.

"Well, now I do," Yolanda exclaimed, "He told me that he had a friend who needed a car and so he decided to lend it to him indefinitely. Well, it was a very Kelvin kind of thing to do." We laughed. There was a comfortable silence.

Yolanda thought for a minute and then informed us, "I think I'm worth at least a cow." Dennis and I both started laughing again.

"Yeah, two goats at least!" I added.

"And a few sheep and some chickens! I always wanted some chickens." She told us.

"Well, a woman's worth used to be tied up in the land that her family owned, so a dowry was paid to compensate the family for the loss of their land and their daughter." I told them. "And somehow a woman's worth also got tied up in her virginity too." I thought for a minute, "I'm still not exactly sure why, but virginity was a really big deal. It still sort of is today." We thought about that. "Did you know that the reason why you wear the ring on your fourth finger is because it was believed that there was a vein that ran from that finger to your heart?" I both asked and informed them, "I did a research project on the symbolism in medieval marriage in college."

"Really?" Yolanda asked.

"Yes, it was quite an interesting project," I told her. "I had trouble finding resources cause nobody wrote anything in the medieval ages except for monks and priests. Did you know that the bride and the groom would exchange shoes as a symbol of the contract? The ring is a symbol of eternity of course, and in the morning after the consumation of the marriage, it was traditional for the groom to leave a gift on his new wife's pillow to compensate and thank her for the loss of her virginity."

Dennis and Yolanda both laughed at that.

"I think you should tell Kelvin about that tradition," Dennis suggested with a gleam in his eye. We all laughed.

"Did you know he was going to ask you when he did?" Dennis asked.

"I had no idea," Yolanda told him. "I was so surprised. If he had proposed to me on the mountain top, it would have been more predictable. But I liked this better anyway. You know, there are hundreds of clearings off of that trail, I don't think we could find the spot again if we tried. I was sort of lost."

"But you can spend the rest of your lives trying to find it again," I informed her, "That's pretty neat."

"Yeah, and I kind of feel like it was an analogy for marriage, you know? Climbing up the mountain, going off the beaten path, but coming back to the trail in the end. It's something you have to work at, but God is guiding you to beautiful places."

"That is cool. What did you say when he asked you?" I asked.

"I was like, 'Really?' She said.

"You really said, 'Really?' I asked, "That's really funny." I started laughing. So did Dennis.

"Hey, look who's here!" I said. I had a view of the door and saw Kelvin coming in. Dennis and Yolanda turned to see who it was.

"Hey!" Yolanda greeted Kelvin. "We were just talking about you."

"Congratulations!" Dennis told him.

"Yeah, congratulations!" I echoed. "I told Yolanda when she called to tell me you guys were engaged that I had been thinking about you a few days earlier, and I thought to myself, 'I think they're going to get married.'"

"Yeah, she told me that. It's so nice when people can confirm those kinds of things for you" Yolanda said. "It's really encouraging."

"Well, I think it's great. I'm so excited for you guys." I replied.

---

There is more to this conversation... Part II coming soon...I'm too tired to finish this right now.

Life is good

In contrast to my summer, my time these days has been filled. I have been very busy this last week, which is good, but when I stop and slow down, and think about everything that's going on, it stresses me out. Better this than boredom though, I say. I wish I had something profound to say right now. Something about communicating, or relationships... or how good it is to be around people who care. I ran into Chelsea this morning. It was the first time that I have seen her spontaneously this school year. Chelsea is my step-sister, and she goes to school at Point Loma. A little bit later, I ran into Robbie and Chris, sort of my cousins. To be specific, they are step-cousins, but they both go to Point Loma too. Robbie gave me a big hug, and introduced me to his girlfriend, who also happens to be in my French class. That was funny. She was probably the first person I met (and whose name I remembered) in my French class. So its neat that she is dating Robbie.

So I was reflecting on how good it is to have "positive" family around me. Robbie and Chris' sister also attends PLNU, and they are such a neat family. What a contrast to mine. Chelsea and Megan are also around, and as far as family members go, I can relate to them better than some of the other members of my family. So I'm really glad that all these people are around me. Such a difference from when I first moved here and knew no one. I was so lonely, and I knew it would take some time for me to get to know people here. I still struggle with lonliness sometimes, and then I feel dumb, because I really am blessed. I am definitely less lonely than I was a year ago. And my life is full right now. It's nice to be busy again.

I'm going on a vacation this weekend, and I'm praying that it will be relaxing rather than stressful. Almost my entire immediate family is flying to Washington to watch Duncan play football. Fresno is playing the University of Washington on Sunday. And Beryl is TVo-ing the game for me. It's on cable.

Klutzy Exhibition

Yesterday, I put together a display in the library in our lovely display case. When I was cleaning out the case, I found a piece of magnetic poetry. The word on the magnet said, "shard." Ironically, about 5 minutes later, the student worker and I watched in horror as one of the display shelves decided to commit suicide by jumping out of the case. It fell out, bounced once on the stools we were using to climb on, and then fell on the ground and shattered, making a very loud sound.

Do you ever get the feeling God is trying to tell you something? On Sunday, we discussed the first part of the Lord's prayer, and looked at both versions in Matthew and Luke. Well, today in my French class, the Professor requested that we memorize the verse of the day:

Notre pere qui est aux cieux, que ton nom soit sanctifie... Matthew 6:9-10a. (I'm missing the accent marks cause you can't insert symbols in this program...and by the way, this is pronounced nothing like it looks.)

Prayer is so hard sometimes, especially when you don't know exactly what to say or how to pray when you are feeling far from God.

Sunday.

I am at work today, my Sunday shifts started at PLNU. Church was good, I got made fun of for leading the kids in singing for the adults this morning. When you do motions and songs with kids, you have to exaggerate everything. I looked really funny. Really good morning for my friend Ryan (a different one!) to come see my church this morning.

Ryan and I basically grew up together, not that we were all that close or anything, but we went to the same church in Glendora, he was on the swim team with me at the high school, he went to UCSB, was involved in Crusade, went on the same mission trip I did, and just moved to San Diego. Yay! We had breakfast this morning, and it was so good to see him. We really do have some history, and it was fun catching up on ALL the people we know. He came to church with me this morning, and I really hope he liked it. I had to leave him there cause I had to come to work, but he was having fun talking with my friend Kathy, who is also on staff with Crusade, and he may start going to the men's Bible Study. I really love connecting people, and I'm so thankful that Ryan is in town.

Melanie is having a birthday/going away party today, and I'm pretty sad that I can't be there, because I'm working. Well, sort of. Even though I work today, the good news is that I will have a five-day weekend next week. I'm taking Tuesday off, and going to watch Duncan play football against Washington State. It will be my second "real" vacation of the year. The first being when I went to visit my cousin in Texas. This one is longer though. I'm excited.

What can go wrong...

Okay, tonight, I have to sing two songs we sang at the Kids Club Camp with the kids for their parents. Yes, it is parents' night at VBS. So we practiced this morning. It was terrible! Case of what can go wrong will and we had a lot of issues to work out:

1. Sound guy got sick...so I got to "learn" how to set up all the equipment myself. Well, I take that back, Michelle helped me. We got everything hooked up correctly and working...props to us.

2. Michael (guitar guy) had a doctor's appointment and couldn't come help me sing this morning. Well, he would back me up on guitar while I sing and lead motions. So, uh...the counselors don't know the motions that well, and we had some kinks when the kids were trying to sing one of the songs.

3. The kids were totally disinterested, and the boys were totally misbehaving. They weren't paying attention, and it was hard for me to direct them and play guitar at the same time.

4. They kept kicking the cords from the microphone and so the mic was acting up a bit.

So I left feeling like I had failed this morning, and I was feeling a little discouraged. I sure hope Michael comes back tonight, otherwise things will be rather interesting. OK.

On a more positive note, my sister had a birthday yesterday, so I'd like to give a belated birthday shout out to Megan who is now 20.

Although this will be a short weekend for me (I work on Sunday) it will be fun because I get to see Megan and my mom tomorrow. I need to figure out when I can do laundry...

Down Time

Today was seriously busy! Good news is I got into my French class. Bad news is now I have homework again. Forgot about that aspect of being in an actual class. So here's how my schedule looked today:

VBS: 8-10
Work @ library:10-11am
French 101: 11-12
Work: 12-1:15
Got Hungry, grabbed lunch: 1:15-1:30
Work: 1:30-3:30ish
Went with student to UCSD to retrieve articles: 3:30-5:45
Back on campus: 5:45-6:30pm

So I'm chillin' right now cause my community group (aka Bible Study) meets in La Jolla at 7pm tonight, and it is virtually pointless for me to drive back to my apartment cause it takes 20min, and then it takes another 20min to drive to La Jolla. So I figure I save gas by staying here and I can technically say I'm working because I'm in my office. Whatever. I will be glad when life is back to normal, even though being with the kids is pretty fun. I don't think I could handle being with them longer than the 30 minutes I am with them in the morning. I don't know what to do with them usually except tell really bad jokes, and this morning we played "Simon Says." I taught them how to pat their heads and rub their bellies at the same time. Yeah, that's cool.

On a more serious note, my mom told me that my dog is probably being put to sleep today. He apparently had two seizures yesterday, and my mom didn't expect him to live through the night last night. He's 17 years old, and I'll really miss him. I'm the one who trained him, and he was always so happy to see me when I would come home to visit. I'm really kind of sad that I didn't get to say goodbye. Maybe its better this way.

My Bad...

As you may have noticed, I missed posting yesterday...can you say "Crazy?" (by the way, the correct answer to that question is "yes" or "no.") My day was very crazy yesterday. I did enjoy my weekend. Friday night was fun, I got to hang out with a few friends at this fabulous Hawaiian eatery, and then we went to a music club to watch the GTB rock.

On Saturday, I had a great time seeing Ryan, in person no less, and it was a very restful and relaxing time. He is leaving shortly to go overseas, and so I will not get to see him very often after that. I also taught Melanie how to play the cello sort of, she needs practice! But she can play :) And we had an awesome time eating lunch together, and she let me do my laundry at her place. I also got to see Megan and Vance, and they brought me a RAD gift from my brother, Adam. THEN I went to dinner at Chelsea's place, and got to see my dad, my step-mom, Chelsea's aunt, and her three cousins (all of them go to Point Loma) and all of their friends/roommates/etc. It was a big crowd for a small 2 bedroom apartment.

I have been doing the music for kids camp this week, and so things have been sorta hectic. So I may not be able to blog as frequently this week. I'll try though...

Dinner and a movie?

I went to the PLNU community dinner last night. The food was great, but the entertainment could have been better. They were trying to be funny, and there were some elements of the evening that really did not make sense with the message the administration was trying to convey. The entertainment was really disjointed. But I had fun. Then I went over to Candice's place, and she was watching Pride and Prejudice...the movie...which is a great movie. It's a good book too.

I was sort of bummed out that I couldn't watch the olympics last night, I really wanted to watch Phelps race in the 200m fly. I love the fly. Well, watching it anyway. So Beryl, one of the librarians here, made me a tape of all the swim events from last night. I'm so excited.

Life sometimes

I had a conversation last night with Zaiga. Haven't talked to her in a couple of months. She's back in school, and I know that she's busy, and I'm busy, so we haven't really talked in awhile. It was kind of funny though, because we both think that our lives are dull and uninteresting. It is hard to talk to people when you feel as though you have nothing of interest to report (sort of like this blog!); when nothing really changes from day to day. She is still in school and working, and I'm still just working. Although, I suppose that as you get to know people, you have more to talk about than what you are doing in life, and can actually talk about emotions and passions, and other things. I don't know... it is the monotany of life that makes me question whether I'm living as God wants me to live.

One step at a time...

I finally signed up to take the GRE. I hate tests. But I have to take this one if I want to take the next step in my education. What frustrates me the most about these kinds of tests is not that I can't do math, but that I used to know how to do all the math in Junior High, but I've forgotten all the formulas and tricks. And then the test people just want to trick you, so then you really have to think. Aaarrrghh! Even the vocabulary and reading comprehension mess me up to a certain extent. Even though I know what most of the words mean, I still make mistakes.

Baby steps, baby steps...

Songs and Weddings

For all of you who were waiting with bated breath to see what kind of song I would write for Romans 6:23, never fear, I did not have to resort to using the "funny death voice." However, the first part of the song does sound quite mournful. And the second part does indeed sound happy and ska-ish. Yay!

I am having a dinner party this evening, and I have about 6 people confirmed. Might be more, but we'll see. I wanted to hang out with people tonight because I am going home this weekend for my Uncle's wedding. He is getting married in La Mirada, and then I'm spending some time with my mom and sister. It should be fun.

I am however, missing a beach trip that I helped to plan. How ironic is that? And I'm really sad that I'm missing it. I even rented kayaks for the occasion. Oh well, at least I get to see all my girl cousins. I haven't seen them in awhile, and maybe we'll all do something fun after the wedding.

By Committee

I didn't realize when I agreed to lead music for Kids Camp (VBS) how difficult it is to select songs. Songs I think are great cannot be played cause when I go back and look at the words, the concepts are too difficult for some kids to understand. Since this is a Reformed Presbyterian church, all the songs have to be approved by committee. Just kidding. But they do have to be approved by three different people, so now all of a sudden, some classics, like King Jesus is All, might not be so appropriate, which is too bad, I really like that one. On my list of possibilities right now:

Al la la la la la la le lu ia
Every Move I Make
Amen, Praise the Lord
McGibber the Fibber (a song by my friend Angela)
King Jesus is All (I can hope, right?)
Proverbs 3:5 (Another song by Angela)
Your Everlasting Love (no one else I know knows this song...but it is a good one)
John 3:16
John 14:6 (this is the theme verse, and I wrote some music for it...lots of shouting and dancing)
Hip Hip Hooray (Also known as the Hippo Song)
Fear Not (another classic)
Awesome God

And I need to write one for Romans 6:23. I was thinking about using a funny "death" voice and minor chords for the "Wages of Sin" part, and then happy punk or ska in a major key for the part about eternal life being the gift of God. Then I started thinking about whether it was okay to make such a serious gospel verse funny so that the kids will remember it, or is it slightly sacreligious? Still debating...

I think I have too many songs on my list. I wrote Michael (worship guy at my church who will be playing on guitar with us...) cause we are meeting for lunch today and told him, "oh, by the way, the subject of our meeting today is song selection for kids camp. Aren't you excited? Are you ready to get songs stuck in your head for the next two weeks? Cause the lyrics are all repetative and super catchy..."

Easy Cheap Shots

Subtle Offense: When someone invites you out, to a party, to eat, to a potluck, or whatever, don't ask who else is going. This really bothers me because what you are really telling the person who invited you is that he or she isn't cool enough by themselves. Does it really matter who else is going? In my opinion, this question is acceptable only after you have given the person a positive response.

People almost always ask me that question when I invite them to do things. My usual response to this question is: What, you don't want to hang out with me? Does it really matter who else is going?

Reality: It always matters. People will always ask this question. I just think it is dumb.

Stuck

I was writing kid songs today for the kids camp we're doing in a week. The hazard of leading music for kids? Well, it would be getting the songs stuck in my head all day! The tunes are quite catchy. If you were to ask me at any given moment what song was stuck in my head, I could probably give you an answer. But beware of doing this...if you ask me what the song is, and you happen to know it, it will get stuck in your head too. I'm really good at getting
songs stuck in people's heads.

My favorite "song-stuck-in-my-head" moment was in college. We were playing a whole Mozart opera, and I got the flu pretty badly between the two weekends we performed it. I got song number 13 stuck in my head, and couldn't get it out. I tried everything...reading, listening to other music, but couldn't get it out. I was up until the wee hours of the morning because of that stupid song. And because I was sick and tired (ha ha) I convinced myself in my delirium that Mozart was making me ill. Yeah. Good times.

More Moodiness

My high school reunion is next year. Weird. I started thinking about what I was thinking and feeling in high school, and I don't think I've changed all that much. It's kind of depressing really. Growing up in the church you learn that as a Christian, you are supposed to grow. I honestly couldn't pinpoint how I have grown since high school. Maybe I'm more confident, but maybe I'm still insecure. I think I'm both. I sometimes feel like I'm not worth knowing, mostly cause I have a boring life. Really. I work in the library. That's not very exciting.

I actually met a guy today who graduated in the same program I did at Azusa, only he was in the online program and I did the traditional program. He just got a great job, and I'm stuck in the library. It sort of made me feel like a failure. See? What is up with this moodiness?

I'm trying to remember that God loves me, and that there are people out there who care about me...like Kelvin and Yolanda, who invited me to see the Summer Pops Orchestra tonight in San Diego even though they could have made it a date for just the two of them. Plus I'm slightly bummed that I can't go hiking tomorrow with my friends from church because I have to go to a wedding for my co-worker. She would be really hurt if I didn't show up. Part of the reason I don't like going out of town is because I'm always afraid that I'll be missing out on some great activity when in reality, there aren't really any activities taking place.

I got asked to lead the music at our church's kids camp, so I wrote a song for our theme verse. Its very catchy. Lots of shouting. If I knew what they were going to be talking about each day, I could possibly write some more music. I can write kids stuff...its easy. I think it will be fun, but tiring. I need about ten songs to do. If anyone (ahem...Ryan or Megan) has any ideas for songs, especially if they have to do with John 14:6 (I am the way, the Truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father but through me...) let me know. I may try to incorporate them.

No Excitement

I picked up a tuition remission form today. I was planning on re-taking French. Kind of makes the next step in my education a little more imminent. The bummer is that I might get taxed for taking the class because the university is paying for it...it is sort of like extra money that I'm getting. I still need to sign up to take the GRE. I hate stupid math.

There is a lot of transition taking place at the library right now. One of my co-workers retired, one was promoted, and a new person was hired. There has been some hurt feelings and miscommunications, and it will definitely be interesting to see what happens. I don't know exactly what to make of it all.

And I've been moody lately...inconsistently up and down, pensive, happy... Why can't I just be stable? I mean...stable in a positive way.

Charisma

Last night I went to a Christian concert. I ended up on the lawn at Coors Amphitheater, sharing a blanket with Melanie, James, and Justin--The peanut gallery. Yeah, they came to see the opening band but got there late and were bitter cause they didn't think the rest of the show was all that great. But it was amusing. I had a great time.

Have you ever met one of those people that others tend to naturally follow? Well, one of the guys who came to the concert with us--Patrick--has that kind of personality. People naturally tend to gravitate toward him, and he brings more people to church than the rest of us combined. We were trying to figure out how he does it because at this show, we were offered better seats by the representative of Compassion International, who was touring with the bands in the show. We started talking with him, and within about 10 minutes, Patrick managed to talk his way backstage, met one of the band members, and got to watch some of the show from the side of the stage. Patrick is a navy pilot, and I have no doubt that this ability to attract people, combined with his integrity, will move him quickly through the military ranks of leadership. Anyway, it is quite an interesting phenomenon. He definitely has some charisma.