Audition!

I am freaking out a little...

I had been told that there was a group of "hotshots" in an orchestra in Fort Worth. I checked out their website only to find that they had no spots open for cellists. However, I was looking on Craigslist yesterday, and saw that they had put an ad up for auditions. Problem was they were last weekend. Well, I emailed them anyway to find out if they would still let me try out. The good news is yes, they will. The bad news is that my audition is this weekend. I am SO not prepared. I practiced some Bach this morning to start preparing. I'm thankful that I have performed some solos in the last year, so I am not having to relearn anything, more just pick it up and brush it off. I also have to play three orchestral excerpts. I have not practiced seriously for orchestral stuff in a while. Thankfully, the library where I work has one book of orchestral excerpts for cello. Now all I have to do is pick three of them to practice and play. Oh yeah, and I get to try to practice these and audition with my parents in town. Good times.

I really, really, want to get into this orchestra. I'm really, really, trying not to get my hopes up. I fear the disappointment of rejection. Which is very possible. I have NEVER passed an orchestral audition on the first try.

Tree Climbing

Churches

I have been attending the same church for about six months now, and though I like it, I have come to the conclusion that it may not be the best fit for me. It seems so hard to decide that I need to go looking again, but it is important to me to find a place that makes me feel "at home."

It has been hard for me to figure out exactly what it is that is causing me to not fully commit to the church I'm currently attending, but have realized after some clarifying conversations that I need to find "my people" at church-- the ones who like to ask questions, be creative, explore scripture in depth, and feel comfortable with deep conversations. I can say with gratitude that I have made some friends at this church, friends that will become better friends as time passes. But before I decide that this church is where I want to be, I need to see if there might be a church out there that better fits me. I feel kind of weird saying that.

I am grateful that I do have the opportunity to choose where I attend. That was made abundantly clear to me, by a service in a very small town, that was close to the only option people had to attend. I'm thankful for the option to look, and I'm hoping that in the end, I will find my place.

I'm curious about what people think about this idea of looking for a church... What do people look for in their churches? How do you feel about the process?

Service Project

I just got back from a service project in Oklahoma. I'm tired, and I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I went with a small group from church to a residential school for boys. We were given the task of tearing down the siding of a shed, and then rebuilding it. In that process, we also cleaned out the inside of the shed by pulling everything out, trashing the stuff that needed to be trashed, and putting everything back inside. It looks a lot better. Things I did this weekend on this trip included:

• Digging ditches
• Raking dirt
• Lifting heavy stuff-- like plywood and concrete
• Wrapping power cords correctly
• Tree-climbing
• Dumping stuff in dumpsters
• Making faces at the camera guy
• Entertaining people with my guitar playing skills (or lack thereof)
• Eating lots of beef

Pictures will surface eventually. I did not take my camera, but lots of other people did take theirs. It was a really good trip. I loved the working, conversing, the road trip, the getting to know people better. It was all good. I love all the open spaces that we drove through, and in the end, it was refreshing to get away to a beautiful place this weekend.

Trusting

For once, I had a dream that wasn't related to anxiety. I dreamed I was leading worship for elementary aged children, and there were a lot of them. I was playing my guitar and singing a song that is word for word Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight. I sang this song at least five times. The last time I sang it live was probably sometime last March.

I have been feeling a bit restless about life this week. This dream was a good reminder to just take a break-- create space, breathe, meditate, and trust.

Playing Hookie

I was at breakfast yesterday when I got a call from my coworker and friend, Laura. I ignored it and called her back a little later. When she answered the phone, this is the conversation we had:

Me: Hey Laura, what's up?
L, anxiously: Oh good! You're alive!
Me: What?
L: Well, are you coming in [to work]?
Me: The library is open today???
L: Well, yeah.
Me: What??? It's President's day...
L: Well, we're open.
Me (sheepish and resigned): I guess I'll be taking a vacation day.

I have had President's Day off every year for about 30 years. I assumed that I had the day off here as well. I was wrong. I felt so lame for not going in. The funny part is that I think I would have figured this out if we hadn't had the two snow days last week.

I had a really fun day off though, and had a five day weekend last weekend. So I do not regret it one bit.

Snow Day!

I woke up this morning at about 6am as a result of a text message from the campus alert system. Campus is closed! Today and tomorrow! Although I found out about the closure for tomorrow about an hour ago. It has been snowing since early this morning in Fort Worth, and according to the news, this is the largest snowfall they've had in 30 years. I just went to check out the trail behind my apartment complex and it's pretty! I took some pictures so you could see.

Intensity

I don't know why, but I'm feeling intense about life in general, but when I try to pinpoint what exactly this is about, I can't name any one particular thing. Things are going well, you see, so I feel like I really shouldn't be feeling this way. I'm just going to say that "intensity" feels a little like anxiety, but the two feelings are different. I don't feel like I'm anxious, just intense. I realize this is a weird post.