Thursday, September 30, 2004

Lunch Buddies

Can you remember those times when y0u were in a new place, and that awkward moment of trying to figure out who looked friendly enough to sit with when there were no empty tables? Yeah. That's been my experience at Point Loma in the caf until yesterday, when I sat down at a table by myself, and then was joined by 4 other staff members. It really is nice to have people to eat lunch with.

I don't care how old you are, it is always awkward eating in cafeterias where you don't know anyone else and everyone else already seems to know each other.

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Wednesday

It has been a very quiet, low volume of work kind of day. Yesterday, I took my French Oral quiz. I did pretty well. I'm trying to remember all the correct grammatical rules, and we just don't converse enough in class for me to know.

I still have a few items left from my list of things that I was supposed to do last week that I'm procrastinating on, but they were all pretty important things. I probably get to them tomorrow night.

Normally I go to Bible Study on Wed. nights, but tonight I'm going to San Clemente to celebrate my step-sister's birthday with my parents. She'll be 20. It will be a late night.

I am sure that it will be fun, but sometimes I hate having my parents located in the same state, cause then I'm obligated to attend events. I would almost rather attend my Bible Study, mostly because I like it better than church right now.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Make new friends

Yesterday, I met with a girl who had just moved to San Diego. She is a friend of a friend and she was doing some research on students at Point Loma and wanted to get a staff perspective. We started chatting about the school, but also about how hard it is to actually find a Christian community here in San Diego. She is a recent college grad, has only lived here for a few months, but is already considering moving. I invited her to church, and I really hope that she feels welcome there. I know how hard it is to find a niche here because there really are very few small community churches. Most of the churches here in San Diego are either huge or virtually non-existent. Whether she decides to come back or not, I hope that she feels like I could be a potential friend or resource for her as she tries to figure out where her community is hiding. You really do have to make an effort here to find people. People here, on the whole, are not very friendly unless they are intoxicated, but that's a different story.

Monday, September 27, 2004

Nostalgia

I went to yet another wedding yesterday. It was interesting because it was a wedding between two people I knew. One from home, and one from college. So I got to see some friends from college. It was good to see them all, and I'm glad I went to this wedding, if only to connect with one couple who left right after my sophmore year. On the other hand, I ended up sitting at the one table that no one (apparently) wanted to be at, and at one point in the evening, everyone left and I was sitting at the table by myself. That was a bit depressing, and I felt really awkward. Finally, a friend of mine came over and said there was an empty chair at his table, so I moved.

This whole experience reminded me why I never kept in touch with some of the people I knew from college. There were only three or four people who were genuinely interested in hearing about what was going on in my life. But I left as soon as I realized I was A) Not having fun anymore, and B) Really tired.

It also made me realize how humbled I feel to be working at the library here in Point Loma because everyone was asking what I was doing in San Diego. It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my job because I still believe that God provided it when I needed it, but it is a feeling that I am capable of doing so much more, if only I knew what that was. I'm feeling like I need to be "More Successful" whatever that means. And the danger of feeling this way is that it breeds discontentment in my life. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it will spur me on to bigger and better things. But I just want to be content with my life.

Conversations-7

Conversation of the weekend:

"Hey, would you ladies like some bagel pizzas?" this guy asked us. There were about four of us girls sitting on the couch chatting when he showed up.

"Only if you tell me your name!" I responded. We were at an 80's party and the guy who decided to chat with us had been pretending to be a pick-up artist. I felt obligated to respond in a similar fashion.

He laughed at my response and told us, "My name is Rob, nice to meet you."

"That's a good name," I said, "My name is Robyn."

After the other girls introduced themselves, one of them said, "Hey, Rob and Robyn...you guys should go around and pretend that you guys are a couple...that's such an 80's kind of combo..."

We both laughed. "That would be funny," I said. We didn't really pretend to be a couple that night. However, as I was leaving, I mentioned to Rob, "Hey, thanks for being my fake boyfriend."

Rob laughed and said, "Anytime."

Well, you never know when a fake boyfriend could come in handy.

So I went to an 80's party on Saturday and I must say...I had fun with my costume. I wore a neon green shirt that had the collar cut off, and fringe at the bottom. I found a hot pink and green bandana that I wore as a headband, pegged my jeans and crimped the bangs in the front (not that I have true bangs, mind you...) and my side ponytail. Yeah! I'll see if I get pictures back and then you too can relive the hideousness of the decade.

Friday, September 24, 2004

Friday

I'm so glad I normally don' t have to work on Fridays. It is so slow today. Good thing, I'm so drained. And I just had a long conversation with someone about why I don't want to be a part of that ministry for 20 somethings at my church. This person really thinks I should be a part of things. Okay, maybe. But not as the events coordinator. I said I just wanted to be a consultant.
All I want to do is go home and take a nap. 30 more minutes...

Freeway etiquette

This has never happened to me before, and it was both annoying and scary. While I was driving out to Murietta (it takes a good hour to get there) I notice that this guy in a beat-up station wagon is pacing me. So I look over, and he's trying to get my attention. I have no idea why. So I ignore him, except that he paces/follows me for 20 miles.

Now, when I drive, I normally notice if I have been driving with the same cars. But it is rare, and there is unspoken freeway etiquette that dictates you don't drive right next to other cars for any amount of time, especially when there is space. Passing is understood. Pacing is weird. Traffic is a different situation.

This guy was definitely following me. I tried speeding up, slowing down, switching lanes, boxing myself in by other cars, and still, he stayed with me or near me for 20 miles. I was getting scared. But then he just got off of the freeway a few exits before mine. I was relieved. So that's the story for today.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Taco Bell

I love Taco Bell, but the lids that exist at the one in Point Loma always fall off of my drink, and everytime I go there, without fail, I spill my drink.

Score:
Drinks: 4
Robyn's Clothes: 0

Funny Birthday Card I bought today:

"Things I've Learned: A universal remote control does not, in fact, allow you to control the universe. I did not get you a universal remote control for your birthday because, believe me, you'd just be disappointed."

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Wow!

I was driving to work this morning and not only did I accidently spill some coke on myself, but as I'm on the freeway, a spider starts slowly dropping from the ceiling of my car right over my steering wheel. I'm not scared of spiders, but I didn't want to deal with it while driving, so I flicked it away. It is probably still alive somewhere in my car. I couldn't help but think that if it had been Adam or Megan (my brother and sister) driving, they would have screamed and crashed. They are both scared of spiders.

Last night, I had to write a 200 word essay in French. With limited vocabulary, writing in foreign languages is like putting together a 1500 piece puzzle, with extra pieces that you don't necessarily need. They may or may not fit. But you have to figure out how to communicate using only the words you know and convey concepts, ideas, and a grasp of the language. If you translate my essay into English, it is the equivalent of a fourth grade composition. It took me an hour and a half to write. I think that's quite ironic... and I know that there are some spelling mistakes...mostly missing accent marks. If there is anything I appreciate about the English language, it is that we don't need accent marks. We sometimes use apostrophes, but no accent marks.

This week's to do list:
  1. Create contact cards for the wedding I'm going to on Saturday
  2. Call Keola, ask if I can do laundry at his house tonight during community group...that's what friends are for, right?
  3. Print and fill out APU Faculty Application--I am being offered an adjunct position through the library. The librarians are excited, and I'm excited. I could really use the extra money, and the job will be relatively easy.
  4. Update my resume and work history--I got tired of looking things up and filling out the work history section on job applications, so I have a word document that I modify (depending on the job) and send with applications.
  5. Find a third grad school to apply to besides Berkeley and UCSD. I did check out the US News and World Report 2005 guide to grad schools. I need a mid-low range cheap school that I know I can get into. Oklahoma State is looking pretty good at this point...
  6. Practice my cello. Aaarrrrggghhh! I hate it when pieces are on the verge of being challenging, meaning that most of the piece is easy, but then has just a few parts that aren't challenging after you practice them. I work harder when a piece is more difficult.
  7. Send my mother a bibliography of all my favorite fantasy authors (if I'm not too busy...yeah right!)

I will not really have time to do any of this over the weekend either because I am working Friday so that I can have Sunday off, then on Saturday, I am going to Knott's Berry Farm, and possibly an 80's party (for which I don't have a costume...), and then on Sunday, I'm ditching church to drive to Mission Viejo, where I will be meeting my cousin for lunch, and then going to that wedding.

Pray for me, I might go crazy next week.


Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Orchestra

So I'm sort of in this orchestra. I only practiced for it once. I have missed about 3 rehearsals, and will miss another on Thursday in order to make some extra cash. It bothers me a little that I keep missing rehearsals. I told the director from the beginning that I could be somewhat flakey. He said he still wants me to play even though he already has about 7 cellos and 3 basses. There's nowhere near enough violins to even need a bass section that size. So even though I'm a flake, I guess I'll continue to play until I get kicked out for missing too many rehearsals. Good thing I'm not getting graded. See, I figure, I already did my time. I spent four years of my life getting grades in music. This I'm doing for fun. Well, sort of. I'm finding myself to be slightly unmotivated, mostly because of my lack of time to practice. If I did practice, the music would be really easy. Amazing how that works. We'll see if I make it to the concert. I'm already missing one concert for a football game. I know, priorities, right?

Decisions, decisions...

I went to a "Leadership Meeting" for a ministry that Michael would like me to be a part of. He approached me over the summer about it. We've been discussing the possibilities, and I thought that eventually I would be able to say "Yes! I want to be a part of this ministry!" But I still have reservations. Do you ever make decisions and then wonder if the decisions you made were the right ones? That's how I feel right now. I don't know why I have reservations about being on this team, but my heart just isn't in the development of this ministry. I read somewhere that the need isn't the call. There is a definite need, but I don't feel a call. Is a call something you're supposed to feel? Something you hear? For me, I think it is something that resonates deep within my soul. Things just seem positive and right, even if they are difficult things. So I'm still not really ministering outside of doing all things musical, and at least in the church, that's come to a screeching halt as I haven't been scheduled for this month. I suppose that's a good thing considering it is football season and I have been out of town a lot over the past month.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Conversations-6

I was at a wedding rehearsal dinner and after eating lobster legs with sticky sauce, I needed to go wash my hands. So I got up, went to the women's restroom and tried to open the door. It was locked, so I settled back to wait. Then the door cracked open. I looked in, didn't see anybody, and then looked down. It was Bree, the pastor's kid. She is a precocious six-year-old, and she looked up at me with a familiar mischievous twinkle in her eye. I wasn't exactly sure what she was doing in the bathroom...

"Bree...can I come in? I need to wash my hands," and the door opened a little wider. It wouldn't have surprised me if she had told me that she was hiding from her older brother. But she wasn't.

"Yeah, I can't get the water on," she said as she let me into the bathroom and turned quickly to the sink.

"Let me see if I can help," I told her. Then I turned on the water. "Here's the problem," I said, "The handles turn the opposite direction." Bree started to wash her hands.

"Is the reason you need to wash your hands because of the sauce on the lobster legs?" she asked me.

"Yes," I answered, "they were very sticky."

"I know," she said with all the authority a six-year-old can possess. "All the food is weird." We were at a Japanese restaurant, and they had served us course after course of traditional Japanese food, including squid, jellyfish, duck, fish, and then the lobster. Not exactly kid-friendly cuisine.

"Do you want some soap?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said and stuck her hands under the soap dispenser, which I dispensed for her. And then she rinsed her hands off.

"You know, they are serving rice right now," I told her.

"Oh goody, I love rice! It's my favorite!" she said. She ran quickly out of the bathroom and over to her table. I followed her out at a more conscientious adult pace.

"MOM, ROBYN HELPED ME WASH MY HANDS AND I WANT SOME RICE!" I heard her say to her mother in a loud voice.

"Hi Robyn," Karen said with a quiet smile as I walked back to my table.

"Hi," I said with a smile and a wave. I kept walking back to my table, chuckling to myself about exuberance and passion, even if it was only for rice.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Twofer

Yesterday, my student worker was having a bad day in terms of ILLing. She came in and told me that when she was trying to print out some labels, the labels got stuck in the printer, and they had to call the tech people outside the university because they can't fix them here.

I just now tried to print out some labels, and they got stuck in the printer. The tech people on campus can't fix it. So my computer now needs fixing as well. What an ironic moment...

Why can't the French spell?

TIRED. I have a headache. But I'm doing a bit better than I was this morning. Got my French test back... wow. I REALLY can't spell in French. Why is it that I can spell in English, but not in French? Maybe because it doesn't sound the way it is pronounced. Yikes. That's what one missed day of class will do to you. I went from scoring approximately A's to B's. I need to make flashcards and force myself to try and spell things correctly. Like a French spelling bee. With myself. Yeah.

I also went out to coffee with Ryan G. last night. Some friends of ours are getting married, and they might need a cellist. Sweet! It would be so fun to see all the old Crusaders. It is rather a Crusade match-up.

And just for fun-

French word of the day: Bleu
Pronounication: "Bluh"
Translation: Blue

Use in a sentence: J'ai un chat bleu.
Pronounciation: J' I uh shat bluh

Translation: I have a blue cat.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Do I really want this?

So I started looking at other grad schools today besides UCSD... and I need to do more research. This process is quite daunting, and I'm getting scared again... I think it is more of a fear of failure (to get into a school) than a fear of the work. Although, it is quite expensive to go back to school. I don't know if I am ready to handle that kind of indebtedness. Then again, if I go to UCSD, then I could possibly go to school part time, and continue to work at Point Loma.

Sometimes I wish God would show me his will on a billboard, so that I couldn't possibly miss what He has for me to do.

Fresno beat Kansas State yesterday (yay!!!) and my brother got his picture in the paper (I think) it was one taken by the Associated Press and I saw it briefly right after the game on ESPN.com.

I also took a 2 hour nap yesterday, and then I couldn't sleep last night. I was still awake at 3:30am. Remind me never to take naps in the afternoon, no matter how tired I am...It is amazing to me how my mind wanders that early in the morning. And the streets were so quiet. Normally, I hear lots of helicopters and police sirens in addition to the screaming kid who lives behind me, but not that early. Although said screaming kid made his debut this morning at about 8am.

Yeah, I'm sleepy today, and didn't really want to be in church this morning. I briefly thought about ditching, but stayed. I didn't really listen though. I should have just left. A solitary moment at a coffee shop might have done me more good than the sermon this morning. I don't even really get to talk to people on Sundays anymore because I have to go to work right after church. I tuned out. Completely. And then I was glad I had to go, because I didn't have the ability nor the time to explain to people why I was feeling the way I was. Plus I didn't really want to explain things to them anyway.

I try to pretend that everything is okay, but I'm really kind of tense on the inside, without being able to understand where the tenseness is coming from.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Reality in threes

Three significant events of the day...

1. I took the GRE. You know, my test scores on standardized tests are remarkably consistent. Let's put it this way: I scored about the same on the GRE as I did on my SAT when I was in high school. I did okay. Not as great as I had hoped, but at least what I expected. I'm below average for most schools I want to apply to. But the good thing is that an average is an average...they take scores above and below. I'm hoping that my previous stellar performance in grad school will have some weight with the schools I want to apply to.

2. I had a rehearsal for yet another wedding. This one will be a week from Saturday. It's going to be a lovely wedding. At this rehearsal, Annie (my violinist friend) informed us (me and Michael) that she was bringing someone to the rehearsal dinner. We tried to find out who, but she wouldn't tell us. Later, she decided to tell us that she was dating someone. She hasn't dated anyone since I've known her. Then Michael asked if it was someone from church. She said yes. I couldn't figure out who it was, and then she told us that she is dating Derrick. That's cool. Again, I think this is a good match.

I haven't been doing a great job about being real in this journal, so while I was happy for Annie, I guess I got a little depressed. The singles are dropping like flies to become couples. There are more than I think there are, but still, I can only think of four *non-transient* guys who are still single, and one of them doesn't really come to church. There are more ladies. About six of us or so. I am experiencing this recent pesimisstic mood for a few reasons: I have a headache...probably from a lack of sleep. I'm really tired. I also didn't do as well as I would have liked on the GRE. Plus it is HOT here in San Diego. I can't imagine what the temperatures must be in LA right now. It makes it hard to sleep because everyone has their windows open, and my neighbors are particularly loud.

3. Michael had asked me to think and pray about coordinating events for a ministry to young adults. I told him I would think about it. Today we chatted, and I shared with him some of my reservations regarding leading this particular team. I told him that admin is not my true strength, but that casting vision, seeing the bigger picture, gathering information, and preparing a plan are the things that I do well. So I don't know if I will be leading this team or not. We were both pensive as we came away from that meeting. I think we are both going to think some more about it.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Conversations-5

Yolanda and I met up for dinner on Friday night. She had called me a few days earlier to tell me her big news: She and Kelvin just got engaged. I pulled into the Albertson's parking lot and tried to find a spot. I hate parking in San Diego. The spots are always so narrow. But I finally found one and pulled in. Then I went to go find Yolanda. She was waiting for me at a Teriaki fast-food place called Samuri Sam's.

"Hi Yolanda! Congratulations!" I'm so happy for you!" I gave Yolanda a big hug.

She was in the midst of ordering but paused to respond, "Thank you so much! I'm so excited!"

I said hello to Dennis too. Yolanda had called me just a bit earlier to tell me that she was already at the restaurant, and had run into him there. I ordered my food, got my drink, and then sat down at the table where Dennis was sitting.

"Did you guys plan this?" I asked, referring to how they were both at the same restaurant at the same time.

"No, it just sort of happened," Yolanda said.

Dennis added, "Yeah, I was just going to get this to go and then go watch the US Open."

"Well this is cool," I said, "Good times. How is school going for you? Didn't you start this week?" I asked Dennis.

"Yeah, I have one honors section, and the rest are regular," Dennis is teaching chemistry at one of the local high schools,
"It's going pretty well." At that point in time, our food started to arrive. After we were all situated with food, utensils, and appropriate sauces, we prayed for our meal.

Then Dennis asked Yolanda, "So, are you wearing your ring on a chain?"

Yolanda laughed. "No, it's getting resized. It's too big."

"What size ring do you wear?" I asked.

"I'm a six. I have pretty small fingers," She said. I gave her my ring to try on. "Yeah, this is a bit too big," she told us. "Is this a six?"

"Yes, but it might be on the big side," I told her. She handed my ring back.

"So did he ask you on the mountain?" Dennis asked. Yolanda and Kelvin had been in Vancouver for a vacation, and did some hiking while they were there. Dennis and Kelvin are good friends, and Dennis knew that Kelvin would be asking Yolanda while they were on vacation.

"No," Yolanda told us, "He told me later he was going to, but when we were there, it was cold, rainy, and foggy. It wouldn't have been as good a moment. We were freezing that day. He actually proposed to me the next day. We went on a hike, and then on the way back, we got bored and started going off the trail. We were standing in this beautiful clearing, and he handed me this poorly wrapped package and told me to open it. It was a turtle that he had painted. Then he asked me if I would marry him. I was so surprised! And then I asked him if the turtle was the ring."

"You know, cause us girls are all about the ring!" I told Dennis.

Yolanda laughed, "You know it!"

"So where was the ring?" Dennis asked.

"It was in the turtle. You know how ceramic things are hollow?" She asked us. We both nodded our heads. "Well," she continued, "The hole in the turtle was plugged with a plastic thing, and the ring was inside."

"You know why he sold his car right?" Dennis asked Yolanda.

"Well, now I do," Yolanda exclaimed, "He told me that he had a friend who needed a car and so he decided to lend it to him indefinitely. Well, it was a very Kelvin kind of thing to do." We laughed. There was a comfortable silence.

Yolanda thought for a minute and then informed us, "I think I'm worth at least a cow." Dennis and I both started laughing again.

"Yeah, two goats at least!" I added.

"And a few sheep and some chickens! I always wanted some chickens." She told us.

"Well, a woman's worth used to be tied up in the land that her family owned, so a dowry was paid to compensate the family for the loss of their land and their daughter." I told them. "And somehow a woman's worth also got tied up in her virginity too." I thought for a minute, "I'm still not exactly sure why, but virginity was a really big deal. It still sort of is today." We thought about that. "Did you know that the reason why you wear the ring on your fourth finger is because it was believed that there was a vein that ran from that finger to your heart?" I both asked and informed them, "I did a research project on the symbolism in medieval marriage in college."

"Really?" Yolanda asked.

"Yes, it was quite an interesting project," I told her. "I had trouble finding resources cause nobody wrote anything in the medieval ages except for monks and priests. Did you know that the bride and the groom would exchange shoes as a symbol of the contract? The ring is a symbol of eternity of course, and in the morning after the consumation of the marriage, it was traditional for the groom to leave a gift on his new wife's pillow to compensate and thank her for the loss of her virginity."

Dennis and Yolanda both laughed at that.

"I think you should tell Kelvin about that tradition," Dennis suggested with a gleam in his eye. We all laughed.

"Did you know he was going to ask you when he did?" Dennis asked.

"I had no idea," Yolanda told him. "I was so surprised. If he had proposed to me on the mountain top, it would have been more predictable. But I liked this better anyway. You know, there are hundreds of clearings off of that trail, I don't think we could find the spot again if we tried. I was sort of lost."

"But you can spend the rest of your lives trying to find it again," I informed her, "That's pretty neat."

"Yeah, and I kind of feel like it was an analogy for marriage, you know? Climbing up the mountain, going off the beaten path, but coming back to the trail in the end. It's something you have to work at, but God is guiding you to beautiful places."

"That is cool. What did you say when he asked you?" I asked.

"I was like, 'Really?' She said.

"You really said, 'Really?' I asked, "That's really funny." I started laughing. So did Dennis.

"Hey, look who's here!" I said. I had a view of the door and saw Kelvin coming in. Dennis and Yolanda turned to see who it was.

"Hey!" Yolanda greeted Kelvin. "We were just talking about you."

"Congratulations!" Dennis told him.

"Yeah, congratulations!" I echoed. "I told Yolanda when she called to tell me you guys were engaged that I had been thinking about you a few days earlier, and I thought to myself, 'I think they're going to get married.'"

"Yeah, she told me that. It's so nice when people can confirm those kinds of things for you" Yolanda said. "It's really encouraging."

"Well, I think it's great. I'm so excited for you guys." I replied.

There is more to this conversation... Part II coming soon...I'm too tired to finish this right now.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Life is good

In contrast to my summer, my time these days has been filled. I have been very busy this last week, which is good, but when I stop and slow down, and think about everything that's going on, it stresses me out. Better this than boredom though, I say. I wish I had something profound to say right now. Something about communicating, or relationships... or how good it is to be around people who care. I ran into Chelsea this morning. It was the first time that I have seen her spontaneously this school year. Chelsea is my step-sister, and she goes to school at Point Loma. A little bit later, I ran into Robbie and Chris, sort of my cousins. To be specific, they are step-cousins, but they both go to Point Loma too. Robbie gave me a big hug, and introduced me to his girlfriend, who also happens to be in my French class. That was funny. She was probably the first person I met (and whose name I remembered) in my French class. So its neat that she is dating Robbie.

So I was reflecting on how good it is to have "positive" family around me. Robbie and Chris' sister also attends PLNU, and they are such a neat family. What a contrast to mine. Chelsea and Megan are also around, and as far as family members go, I can relate to them better than some of the other members of my family. So I'm really glad that all these people are around me. Such a difference from when I first moved here and knew no one. I was so lonely, and I knew it would take some time for me to get to know people here. I still struggle with lonliness sometimes, and then I feel dumb, because I really am blessed. I am definitely less lonely than I was a year ago. And my life is full right now. It's nice to be busy again.

I'm going on a vacation this weekend, and I'm praying that it will be relaxing rather than stressful. Almost my entire immediate family is flying to Washington to watch Duncan play football. Fresno is playing the University of Washington on Sunday. And Beryl is TVo-ing the game for me. It's on cable.