Music Stories

I was just thinking about how there are still a few moments in my life where I wonder what would have happened if? I've written about this before, but I was thinking about one of those today.

My mom forgot to take me to an orchestra rehearsal one night. I was in high school, but most of the kids in the orchestra were in junior high. I was trying to get into the symphony that was sponsored for the same group, and there just wasn't enough space for me.

After I waited at home for an hour (in vain) for my mom to come home and drive me over to the rehearsal, I started to cry. Punctuality for orchestral musicians is important.

I completely missed that rehearsal, and I found out later that my stand partner got into the symphony that night because someone else had dropped out. It would have been me if I had been able to audition because I was the better sight-reader.

I was talking about this incident with a friend today, and it still upsets me that I missed that rehearsal. I really need to let it go.
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Then I started thinking about whether I would ever take music lessons again. I think I would if I had the time and money. I think a potential instructor might ask me what my goals would be, and I wouldn't be able to articulate them.

I might put on a recital next year sometime near my birthday, but it is a daunting task. The pieces I'd like to play are challenging. I got a raised eyebrow when I told the director of the orchestra I'm in what pieces I wanted to play. He underestimates my ability. Mostly because I'm not reaching my potential. :)

If I truly put some good effort into the pieces in orchestra, I would be the best player in my section.

It can't get any worse, can it?

I am taking a web design class this summer, which I really want to do well in, and I still really want to know how to design well. But the odds have been stacked against me from the beginning. First, I went out of town, got an extension on my first assignment. Then, I had surgery, and was out of it for a week, but I still feel like I'm trying to catch up. Last week, I spent A LOT of time on my homework only to have my newish computer completely die on me yesterday. I took it back where I bought it (and an extended warranty...thankfully) but they are going to have to keep it for a week. And now, I have to configure my computer at work so that I can get my homework done. I am not a bad student, and all my excuses are completely valid...actually, I didn't even ask for any additional time after I had my surgery. I just constantly feel like I can't catch up. I'm also kind of tired and exhausted which is adding to my feeling of defeat.

My mind is on overdrive...

There's so much going on in my life right now. I haven't been blogging because I've been so busy! But this blog is something that I want to be able to come back to and see where I've been and who I'm becoming.

I am becoming a more anxious person.
I always think that I'm going to be less busy in the summer, but that is not the case. I'm taking a really hard class right now, and it is stressing me out. I guess I am more of a perfectionist than I initionally thought. Maybe I've acquired a bit more of that as I've gotten older. Who knows.

I am becoming a more social person.
Mostly because I just started playing cello with a girl who plays guitar in San Diego and so I am now in a band. Through her, I have already met at least three new people that will be added to my social circle. This is good.

I am more worried about the future.
I have to make some pretty big decisions in about 2 years. Will I stay here in SD or move out of the state? There are pros and cons to that decision, and I feel as though it will be one of those "What if?" moments in my life...the moments where your life can really go one way or the other, there's not really a "right" decision, but it will change your life forever. That will be an exciting time, and I wish I was at that place in life now. This moment will come once I finish library school.

I am having writer's block.
This is evidenced by my inability to blog consistently and write more children's songs. I wrote one today though, in preparation for our Kid's Club Camp which is coming up in about three weeks. I finally looked at our curriculum, and I need to create a set list of about 10 songs. Right now, I have five, maybe six songs on my list. The good news is that I have been praying for inspiration, and I managed to write that song today in about 20 minutes. :) It is based on Deuteronomy 29:29. Actually, the lyrics are word for word. The music is fun and catchy. I just have to remember how it goes. I want to write at least one more song, so we'll see what happens.