Klutzy Exhibition

Yesterday, I put together a display in the library in our lovely display case. When I was cleaning out the case, I found a piece of magnetic poetry. The word on the magnet said, "shard." Ironically, about 5 minutes later, the student worker and I watched in horror as one of the display shelves decided to commit suicide by jumping out of the case. It fell out, bounced once on the stools we were using to climb on, and then fell on the ground and shattered, making a very loud sound.

Do you ever get the feeling God is trying to tell you something? On Sunday, we discussed the first part of the Lord's prayer, and looked at both versions in Matthew and Luke. Well, today in my French class, the Professor requested that we memorize the verse of the day:

Notre pere qui est aux cieux, que ton nom soit sanctifie... Matthew 6:9-10a. (I'm missing the accent marks cause you can't insert symbols in this program...and by the way, this is pronounced nothing like it looks.)

Prayer is so hard sometimes, especially when you don't know exactly what to say or how to pray when you are feeling far from God.

Sunday.

I am at work today, my Sunday shifts started at PLNU. Church was good, I got made fun of for leading the kids in singing for the adults this morning. When you do motions and songs with kids, you have to exaggerate everything. I looked really funny. Really good morning for my friend Ryan (a different one!) to come see my church this morning.

Ryan and I basically grew up together, not that we were all that close or anything, but we went to the same church in Glendora, he was on the swim team with me at the high school, he went to UCSB, was involved in Crusade, went on the same mission trip I did, and just moved to San Diego. Yay! We had breakfast this morning, and it was so good to see him. We really do have some history, and it was fun catching up on ALL the people we know. He came to church with me this morning, and I really hope he liked it. I had to leave him there cause I had to come to work, but he was having fun talking with my friend Kathy, who is also on staff with Crusade, and he may start going to the men's Bible Study. I really love connecting people, and I'm so thankful that Ryan is in town.

Melanie is having a birthday/going away party today, and I'm pretty sad that I can't be there, because I'm working. Well, sort of. Even though I work today, the good news is that I will have a five-day weekend next week. I'm taking Tuesday off, and going to watch Duncan play football against Washington State. It will be my second "real" vacation of the year. The first being when I went to visit my cousin in Texas. This one is longer though. I'm excited.

What can go wrong...

Okay, tonight, I have to sing two songs we sang at the Kids Club Camp with the kids for their parents. Yes, it is parents' night at VBS. So we practiced this morning. It was terrible! Case of what can go wrong will and we had a lot of issues to work out:

1. Sound guy got sick...so I got to "learn" how to set up all the equipment myself. Well, I take that back, Michelle helped me. We got everything hooked up correctly and working...props to us.

2. Michael (guitar guy) had a doctor's appointment and couldn't come help me sing this morning. Well, he would back me up on guitar while I sing and lead motions. So, uh...the counselors don't know the motions that well, and we had some kinks when the kids were trying to sing one of the songs.

3. The kids were totally disinterested, and the boys were totally misbehaving. They weren't paying attention, and it was hard for me to direct them and play guitar at the same time.

4. They kept kicking the cords from the microphone and so the mic was acting up a bit.

So I left feeling like I had failed this morning, and I was feeling a little discouraged. I sure hope Michael comes back tonight, otherwise things will be rather interesting. OK.

On a more positive note, my sister had a birthday yesterday, so I'd like to give a belated birthday shout out to Megan who is now 20.

Although this will be a short weekend for me (I work on Sunday) it will be fun because I get to see Megan and my mom tomorrow. I need to figure out when I can do laundry...

Down Time

Today was seriously busy! Good news is I got into my French class. Bad news is now I have homework again. Forgot about that aspect of being in an actual class. So here's how my schedule looked today:

VBS: 8-10
Work @ library:10-11am
French 101: 11-12
Work: 12-1:15
Got Hungry, grabbed lunch: 1:15-1:30
Work: 1:30-3:30ish
Went with student to UCSD to retrieve articles: 3:30-5:45
Back on campus: 5:45-6:30pm

So I'm chillin' right now cause my community group (aka Bible Study) meets in La Jolla at 7pm tonight, and it is virtually pointless for me to drive back to my apartment cause it takes 20min, and then it takes another 20min to drive to La Jolla. So I figure I save gas by staying here and I can technically say I'm working because I'm in my office. Whatever. I will be glad when life is back to normal, even though being with the kids is pretty fun. I don't think I could handle being with them longer than the 30 minutes I am with them in the morning. I don't know what to do with them usually except tell really bad jokes, and this morning we played "Simon Says." I taught them how to pat their heads and rub their bellies at the same time. Yeah, that's cool.

On a more serious note, my mom told me that my dog is probably being put to sleep today. He apparently had two seizures yesterday, and my mom didn't expect him to live through the night last night. He's 17 years old, and I'll really miss him. I'm the one who trained him, and he was always so happy to see me when I would come home to visit. I'm really kind of sad that I didn't get to say goodbye. Maybe its better this way.

My Bad...

As you may have noticed, I missed posting yesterday...can you say "Crazy?" (by the way, the correct answer to that question is "yes" or "no.") My day was very crazy yesterday. I did enjoy my weekend. Friday night was fun, I got to hang out with a few friends at this fabulous Hawaiian eatery, and then we went to a music club to watch the GTB rock.

On Saturday, I had a great time seeing Ryan, in person no less, and it was a very restful and relaxing time. He is leaving shortly to go overseas, and so I will not get to see him very often after that. I also taught Melanie how to play the cello sort of, she needs practice! But she can play :) And we had an awesome time eating lunch together, and she let me do my laundry at her place. I also got to see Megan and Vance, and they brought me a RAD gift from my brother, Adam. THEN I went to dinner at Chelsea's place, and got to see my dad, my step-mom, Chelsea's aunt, and her three cousins (all of them go to Point Loma) and all of their friends/roommates/etc. It was a big crowd for a small 2 bedroom apartment.

I have been doing the music for kids camp this week, and so things have been sorta hectic. So I may not be able to blog as frequently this week. I'll try though...

Dinner and a movie?

I went to the PLNU community dinner last night. The food was great, but the entertainment could have been better. They were trying to be funny, and there were some elements of the evening that really did not make sense with the message the administration was trying to convey. The entertainment was really disjointed. But I had fun. Then I went over to Candice's place, and she was watching Pride and Prejudice...the movie...which is a great movie. It's a good book too.

I was sort of bummed out that I couldn't watch the olympics last night, I really wanted to watch Phelps race in the 200m fly. I love the fly. Well, watching it anyway. So Beryl, one of the librarians here, made me a tape of all the swim events from last night. I'm so excited.

Life sometimes

I had a conversation last night with Zaiga. Haven't talked to her in a couple of months. She's back in school, and I know that she's busy, and I'm busy, so we haven't really talked in awhile. It was kind of funny though, because we both think that our lives are dull and uninteresting. It is hard to talk to people when you feel as though you have nothing of interest to report (sort of like this blog!); when nothing really changes from day to day. She is still in school and working, and I'm still just working. Although, I suppose that as you get to know people, you have more to talk about than what you are doing in life, and can actually talk about emotions and passions, and other things. I don't know... it is the monotany of life that makes me question whether I'm living as God wants me to live.

One step at a time...

I finally signed up to take the GRE. I hate tests. But I have to take this one if I want to take the next step in my education. What frustrates me the most about these kinds of tests is not that I can't do math, but that I used to know how to do all the math in Junior High, but I've forgotten all the formulas and tricks. And then the test people just want to trick you, so then you really have to think. Aaarrrghh! Even the vocabulary and reading comprehension mess me up to a certain extent. Even though I know what most of the words mean, I still make mistakes.

Baby steps, baby steps...

Songs and Weddings

For all of you who were waiting with bated breath to see what kind of song I would write for Romans 6:23, never fear, I did not have to resort to using the "funny death voice." However, the first part of the song does sound quite mournful. And the second part does indeed sound happy and ska-ish. Yay!

I am having a dinner party this evening, and I have about 6 people confirmed. Might be more, but we'll see. I wanted to hang out with people tonight because I am going home this weekend for my Uncle's wedding. He is getting married in La Mirada, and then I'm spending some time with my mom and sister. It should be fun.

I am however, missing a beach trip that I helped to plan. How ironic is that? And I'm really sad that I'm missing it. I even rented kayaks for the occasion. Oh well, at least I get to see all my girl cousins. I haven't seen them in awhile, and maybe we'll all do something fun after the wedding.

By Committee

I didn't realize when I agreed to lead music for Kids Camp (VBS) how difficult it is to select songs. Songs I think are great cannot be played cause when I go back and look at the words, the concepts are too difficult for some kids to understand. Since this is a Reformed Presbyterian church, all the songs have to be approved by committee. Just kidding. But they do have to be approved by three different people, so now all of a sudden, some classics, like King Jesus is All, might not be so appropriate, which is too bad, I really like that one. On my list of possibilities right now:

Al la la la la la la le lu ia
Every Move I Make
Amen, Praise the Lord
McGibber the Fibber (a song by my friend Angela)
King Jesus is All (I can hope, right?)
Proverbs 3:5 (Another song by Angela)
Your Everlasting Love (no one else I know knows this song...but it is a good one)
John 3:16
John 14:6 (this is the theme verse, and I wrote some music for it...lots of shouting and dancing)
Hip Hip Hooray (Also known as the Hippo Song)
Fear Not (another classic)
Awesome God

And I need to write one for Romans 6:23. I was thinking about using a funny "death" voice and minor chords for the "Wages of Sin" part, and then happy punk or ska in a major key for the part about eternal life being the gift of God. Then I started thinking about whether it was okay to make such a serious gospel verse funny so that the kids will remember it, or is it slightly sacreligious? Still debating...

I think I have too many songs on my list. I wrote Michael (worship guy at my church who will be playing on guitar with us...) cause we are meeting for lunch today and told him, "oh, by the way, the subject of our meeting today is song selection for kids camp. Aren't you excited? Are you ready to get songs stuck in your head for the next two weeks? Cause the lyrics are all repetative and super catchy..."

Easy Cheap Shots

Subtle Offense: When someone invites you out, to a party, to eat, to a potluck, or whatever, don't ask who else is going. This really bothers me because what you are really telling the person who invited you is that he or she isn't cool enough by themselves. Does it really matter who else is going? In my opinion, this question is acceptable only after you have given the person a positive response.

People almost always ask me that question when I invite them to do things. My usual response to this question is: What, you don't want to hang out with me? Does it really matter who else is going?

Reality: It always matters. People will always ask this question. I just think it is dumb.

Stuck

I was writing kid songs today for the kids camp we're doing in a week. The hazard of leading music for kids? Well, it would be getting the songs stuck in my head all day! The tunes are quite catchy. If you were to ask me at any given moment what song was stuck in my head, I could probably give you an answer. But beware of doing this...if you ask me what the song is, and you happen to know it, it will get stuck in your head too. I'm really good at getting
songs stuck in people's heads.

My favorite "song-stuck-in-my-head" moment was in college. We were playing a whole Mozart opera, and I got the flu pretty badly between the two weekends we performed it. I got song number 13 stuck in my head, and couldn't get it out. I tried everything...reading, listening to other music, but couldn't get it out. I was up until the wee hours of the morning because of that stupid song. And because I was sick and tired (ha ha) I convinced myself in my delirium that Mozart was making me ill. Yeah. Good times.

More Moodiness

My high school reunion is next year. Weird. I started thinking about what I was thinking and feeling in high school, and I don't think I've changed all that much. It's kind of depressing really. Growing up in the church you learn that as a Christian, you are supposed to grow. I honestly couldn't pinpoint how I have grown since high school. Maybe I'm more confident, but maybe I'm still insecure. I think I'm both. I sometimes feel like I'm not worth knowing, mostly cause I have a boring life. Really. I work in the library. That's not very exciting.

I actually met a guy today who graduated in the same program I did at Azusa, only he was in the online program and I did the traditional program. He just got a great job, and I'm stuck in the library. It sort of made me feel like a failure. See? What is up with this moodiness?

I'm trying to remember that God loves me, and that there are people out there who care about me...like Kelvin and Yolanda, who invited me to see the Summer Pops Orchestra tonight in San Diego even though they could have made it a date for just the two of them. Plus I'm slightly bummed that I can't go hiking tomorrow with my friends from church because I have to go to a wedding for my co-worker. She would be really hurt if I didn't show up. Part of the reason I don't like going out of town is because I'm always afraid that I'll be missing out on some great activity when in reality, there aren't really any activities taking place.

I got asked to lead the music at our church's kids camp, so I wrote a song for our theme verse. Its very catchy. Lots of shouting. If I knew what they were going to be talking about each day, I could possibly write some more music. I can write kids stuff...its easy. I think it will be fun, but tiring. I need about ten songs to do. If anyone (ahem...Ryan or Megan) has any ideas for songs, especially if they have to do with John 14:6 (I am the way, the Truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father but through me...) let me know. I may try to incorporate them.

No Excitement

I picked up a tuition remission form today. I was planning on re-taking French. Kind of makes the next step in my education a little more imminent. The bummer is that I might get taxed for taking the class because the university is paying for it...it is sort of like extra money that I'm getting. I still need to sign up to take the GRE. I hate stupid math.

There is a lot of transition taking place at the library right now. One of my co-workers retired, one was promoted, and a new person was hired. There has been some hurt feelings and miscommunications, and it will definitely be interesting to see what happens. I don't know exactly what to make of it all.

And I've been moody lately...inconsistently up and down, pensive, happy... Why can't I just be stable? I mean...stable in a positive way.

Charisma

Last night I went to a Christian concert. I ended up on the lawn at Coors Amphitheater, sharing a blanket with Melanie, James, and Justin--The peanut gallery. Yeah, they came to see the opening band but got there late and were bitter cause they didn't think the rest of the show was all that great. But it was amusing. I had a great time.

Have you ever met one of those people that others tend to naturally follow? Well, one of the guys who came to the concert with us--Patrick--has that kind of personality. People naturally tend to gravitate toward him, and he brings more people to church than the rest of us combined. We were trying to figure out how he does it because at this show, we were offered better seats by the representative of Compassion International, who was touring with the bands in the show. We started talking with him, and within about 10 minutes, Patrick managed to talk his way backstage, met one of the band members, and got to watch some of the show from the side of the stage. Patrick is a navy pilot, and I have no doubt that this ability to attract people, combined with his integrity, will move him quickly through the military ranks of leadership. Anyway, it is quite an interesting phenomenon. He definitely has some charisma.

The Joy of Affirmation

Yesterday, one of the nursing faculty gave me a card and some homemade jam from Missouri for helping her with her dissertation. She is writing her dissertation on narrative pedagogy in nursing classes and student engagement. She has a few more revisions to go, but it sounds like her advisor really liked the draft that she just completed. Basically, I just helped her obtain the articles she needed, provided a bit of encouragement, and some writing advice. She had explained to me earlier that she was having trouble getting started with the paper because she couldn't write the introduction, and she didn't know what to say or how to start it, although she did have a thesis statement. My advice to her (and all the rest of you aspiring writers out there)?

1. Start with what you know. You don't have to start with the introduction. Write one of the body paragraphs on any idea where you already know what you want to say. As you begin to write what you know, hopefully the harder parts to write (like the intro and conclusion) will actually become easier to write.

2. If you are having trouble focusing your paper, or giving it structure, start writing the questions you are trying to answer, then answer them. As you do, your responses to these questions can become paragraphs within your paper.

3. As you go to start writing, put all your sources away, they will only muddle your mind more. Say what you want to say, and write a few paragraphs, then go back and add in examples, references, etc. This will help you clarify YOUR thoughts versus what everyone else is trying to say. This will help you synthesize all your information--putting it together in a new way.

Anyway, it was very encouraging to know that I am appreciated here, and that I was able to help someone just by doing my job.

Conversations-4 and other things

So much to say...so little time...

Here's what I did this weekend:

Friday:
Went to work, went to a luncheon for a co-worker who is retiring. Drove to Carmel Valley and let Michael drive my car to a wedding (We were running late, and he knew where the wedding was. I didn't). Played cello at a wedding in Del Mar, outside, in a grassy park, overlooking the ocean. Lost and found my car keys. Went to the beach and went swimming, went out for pizza, drinks, and billiards.

Saturday:
Found my cello outside my front door in the morning (a true "What the heck did I just do?!" moment). Went to the Del Mar Race Track. Pooled my money with Dennis and his friend David. Played blackjack with 100 fake dollars:

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Dennis retrieved a deck of cards from his pocket. "What do you want to play?"

"How about Go Fish?" It was a question, but was really a suggestion. And I didn't really want to play Go-Fish, I was just trying to be funny.

"Uh, let's play Blackjack," Dennis suggested instead.

"Ok," I agreed.

"I'll be the dealer," Dennis told me. "I'll give you $100 fake dollars."

I laughed.

"All right, what do you want to bet?" He asked.

"Well, which table are we at?" I wanted to know. "Are we at the $20 dollar table? Are we at the $5 dollar table?"

Dennis laughed. "We're at the dollar table."

"OK," I said. "Then I'll bet $5.00."

We played a few rounds, and I pretty much broke even. Dennis started instructing me on Blackjack. "You had an 11? You should have doubled-down. That means you double your money, then I give you one card, and you don't look at it. But if you win, then you win double."

"Then next time I get an 11, I'll double-down," I told him. We played another hand, and I lost.

"We should play for push-ups!" Dennis suggested.

"Dennis, I can only do like, 15 push-ups total. Maybe a few more if I really pushed myself," I said.

"Ok, then you can do girl push-ups," he said. I let the comment slide, and we played a few more rounds.

"We could play for pieces of candy," I said.

"What kind of candy?" he asked.

"Do you like M&M's?" I asked, "Or we could play for gummy bears..."

"OK, we'll play for pieces of candy," he said.

We played between races. Final result? I lost $40 fake dollars or 40 pieces of candy on Blackjack.

---

On with my day:
Lost a total of $2.60 real cash on the races (out of $10.00--not bad for a rookie), went to a potluck.

Sunday:
Played cello at church (9am morning for me), met some new people. Went to lunch with friends from church. Drove home, called some of my other friends. Did my laundry at the laundromat. Called Megan while doing my laundry. Got picked up for a concert in the park. Took an unintentional navigational detour. Spent some time with my friend Melanie (pronounced Mel-awww-nie) from South Africa. She and I found an English Pub and hung out. Went home. Chatted with my roommate and her friend about why we don't have cable (He works for the Cable company), music, her new digital camera, and living in San Diego.

Points to ponder:
At the wedding on Friday, the pastor talked about the marriage relationship being not 50-50, not 100-100, but being 100-0. Meaning you give 100% to the relationship, expecting nothing (0%) in return. I started to think about how this could apply to other relationships in my life. Real love is giving of yourself, expecting nothing in return, and risking possible hurt, heartache, rejection, and pain, and having a realistic view of what you can expect of people. (Read Romans 12:9-21...we studied this in church on Sunday) Do I sound pessimistic here? I don't mean to be. Of course, having people in your life who love you brings joy, happiness, security, and freedom, because you can be the person you were meant to be around those kinds of people.

I hope that I can be that kind of person...one who encourages and fills others with hope. I still have a ways to go, but that's the person I aspire to be.