What I really want...

I have had to really think about what my next steps in life will be and I feel overwhelmed by the process. I was recently asked to think about what value I find in retreating to this place of anxiety and stress. The answer I came up with is that I do not want to do whatever it is I am supposed to do. For example, I have to do my portfolio in the next two months. I do not want to do this project at all. I feel anxious about it and tend to avoid the project.

There will always be things that I must do that I do not want to do, even if it is something I like. A good example of this is practicing my cello. I do not often "feel like" practicing. But when I do, I find myself completely focused on something beyond whatever is going on in my life, and that is a healthy place for me to be.

I realized that even though I do not want to do my portfolio, I have to. I chose to do this degree and I am choosing to finish it. When I take a step back and look at what I really want, the degree becomes a small part of a bigger picture. With that in mind, I can be more relaxed about getting it done.

Can I get some stats on this please?

I spent about 30 minutes this morning just studying my planner. What I'm finding is that there is a direct correlation between planner usage and my stress level.

Anyway, I feel like grad school has only magnified and intensified the issues I face in my life. It has made me appreciate free time even more. It has made me appreciate my friends more. I am overwhelmed, and I know it. This alone has made me appreciate God more, and trust that yes, this really could be a part of the plan He has for my life.