My celebrity crush

I don't have one currently. I only have crushes on actual people, and not that often. I feel like the term "crush" implies some kind of obsession, which is not a very healthy thing to have. I know this was supposed to be a funny sort of question, but I really don't have an answer.

Moving on...

At church on Sunday, I listened to two sermons... one about envy versus jealousy, and one on anxiety. I did not realize that there is a difference between envy and jealousy, but there is. Envy is wanting something that someone else has. Jealousy is wanting to protect or guard what you think is yours by right.

I realized that much of my current frustrations with my life arise out of envy. I am envious of what others have and as a result, I am not content with my life. I want a better job. I want a new car. I want to be free of debt.

There was a moment last week where I thought to myself, "All my striving is pointless." I realized how surreal life can be when I stop to think about the futility of all my activity.

When I am anxious, the worry shows me that I often care more about these things than about God and his plan for me.

I was convicted. I was reminded to be thankful.

Sunday was a good day. I had a real conversation with a new girl at church. I was paid to play cello at a fun party. I got to go to church in the evening. I have a friend who walked with me late at night when I needed to walk off my anxiety. We had an honest conversation about life. He told me to call if I need to talk this week and I know that he means it.

I had two people tell me last week that they think God is preparing me for something great. I was not ready to listen yet.

But now, the pain I'm feeling from the difficulties I faced last month is fading and I'm ready to let it go. I'm ready to move on with my life.

Miscommunication

I'm having a rough week. After getting dropped by my band, I get a call from my dad who is upset because he didn't know I was going to New York for my cousin's wedding. After talking it over with everyone, I figured out that there were a lot of assumptions being made by everyone involved. Frankly, it just slipped my mind to let my parents know that I would be there. I'm really frustrated with everything in my life right now.

I want to make music so badly, and I'm feeling adrift. I have nowhere to play. I keep working to promote my instrument and then subsequently work myself out of positions. I started playing cello at this rad church last summer, but because of my schedule during the year, I had to drop that band. They liked the cello so much that they hired a full-time cellist. So I won't get to play with them this summer. Ironic.

I'm playing at a talent show this weekend. I'm playing the Prelude from Bach Unaccompanied Cello Suite #2. Bach wrote six suites for the cello, and every cellist learns them. Each suite has six movements, so there are 36 movements total.

I've always said that good cellists are always slightly depressed. I was debating between the Prelude from Suite 2, and a Gigue, which is a dance, and by nature is happier and a little more showy. I decided to play the Prelude instead because I have never performed it-- will probably never again have the opportunity to perform it because it is a sad piece. However, I think it is my favorite Prelude.

I should be able to play it well as it reflects my current state of mind at the moment.