Singleness

I had conversation with a newish friend of mine the other day about singleness, sort of. You see, we are both in our thirties, and neither of us has had a boyfriend. I think this is very unusual. For me, this is not something that I normally tell people, or even say out loud, mostly because I find it to be somewhat stigmatizing and it's hard for me to explain my perpetual singleness to people because it's hard for me to explain even to myself.

But honestly, it comes down to all the little choices I've made in life that have led me to this place. I can't say there's been a lack of opportunity, because there have been guys along the way that have been interested in dating me, but I haven't been interested in them, and the opposite of that too: where I've been interested in dating a particular guy, but he hasn't been interested in dating me. I'm still single because of these kinds of choices I've made. And I would rather be single than with the wrong person. That, I know is true.

It's hard though, I really would love to be in a long-term relationship with the right person, and as I get older the task of finding that person seems to get more difficult. Many of my perpetually single friends (and family members) have recently found someone, including the friend I mention above. As they do, my feeling of solidarity with my fellow singles is starting to diminish and to a certain extent, this makes me feel more alone.

My friend above seems to have met a great guy. She and I don't know each other that well, but she was telling me about how she's so happy right now, and yet feels like she can't share this happiness with her other perpetually single friends because she is worried that it will make them feel more depressed. I feel more removed from this situation because she and I are new friends. So I was able to share this advice with her:

Your friends care about you, they want you to be happy. Tell them you want to be able to share this part of life with them, but that you don't want to hurt their feelings or make them feel more alone. Those of us that are perpetually single know how it is. We are happy for our friends and share in life's victories with them!

I really mean this. To my friends and family who have found love, I am truly happy for you! It's true! I love hearing about your lives and sharing in your happiness. It makes me happy to see you happy. I love spending time with you and your families.

At the same time though, I need you to remember that as more of you find love, and I don't, it does make me feel more alone, but that's just how I feel, and ultimately, I am responsible for these feelings! I have learned how to address my feelings and take action when I need to in order to feel less alone, and not everyone has learned how to do that.

I will admit, it makes me feel less alone when you check-in and see how I'm doing. When you do, it helps me remember that I am loved. Please remember to pray for us too--those perpetually single people in your life. I think many of us do often feel alone.

It may look like the single life is awesome, because we singles have more freedom, but ultimately, I wish I had someone to share it with.