Monday, May 16, 2005

Vacation

I finally got a vacation, and I'm so relieved. I really needed a break, even if this one was attached to a business trip. Vacation helps me gain perspective, and I'm so glad this one came with the hospitality of a good friend. It is refreshing to my soul to be able to experience her hospitality and a listening ear. Thanks Laurel!

Still confused about life and what I should do next, but it has helped to know that I am not alone and that people are praying for me.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Conversations - 8

"Um, hi, I need to reactivate my account," I said to the staff guy at the YMCA, slightly embarassed. They have this system there that keeps track of how many reps and weights you're supposed to lift.

"Okay, no problem..." He says. "How long has it been since you've been here?"

"Three months," I replied, "I got sick, then injured, and then I just got lazy."

"Well," He says, "at least you're back."

"Yeah, thanks, summer's a good time for me to get back into it," I said.
------------------
I'm feeling pretty motivated. I realized that my summer is going to be pretty boring, and all the extra stuff I've been doing ended with the school year, so now I have all this extra free time, and no one to hang out with. So I figure I'll just hit the gym as hard as I can this summer. I want to see what kind of a difference it makes in my attitude and physique.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Thoughts of the weekend

What a crazy weekend! My mother had jaw surgery last Thursday, and had complications. We had to call 911 at 3am and the fire dept. showed up. I'm thankful that she's doing a lot better today. I was a little scared.

Today is my last Sunday working until the fall. I'm thankful for that as well. I will finally get to spend more time with friends from church after the service.

I also picked up my new glasses. Interesting. I can only sometimes tell that they make a difference. Like now. My eyes have been tired all day. I think it is linked to the general fatigue I feel as a result of the stressful weekend. It was not relaxing at all.

I just have to say that I hate it that my step-mom has to argue or dispute everything I say. This bothers me. Remind me not to marry someone who always has to be right.

I really think I need a vacation, but I don't know where I should go. I want to go to London to see my sister and a friend of mine who lives there, but that would not be a restful vacation. The time difference would kill me. I'm thinking about now maybe trying to attach the trip to an extra vacation.

I saw my dad this weekend also and we chatted. Everytime he asks me how I'm doing I don't know what to tell him. Life is the same, there's not anything exciting going on, but I'm a little frustrated because I have some decisions to make and don't know what to do. But I don't feel like I can say this to my dad.

I am sliding into a depression I think. Not clinical or anything, but I think I'm prone to it. This is interesting because I don't want to be depressed. But I don't know what I can do to snap out of it. I feel very alone right now.

I'm glad I at least get to take a small break next weekend. I am visiting Laurel, and it will be good.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Summer's Dread

I cannot believe that it is May already. I'm dreading the summer. It will be boring and I will live from break to break at my job.

So my friends ended up coming over for dinner last night, and it was fun, but we didn't get to talk all that much. It made me a little sad.

I just realized that I haven't posted any dialogs lately. That's because I haven't had any interesting conversations in awhile.

I did recently run into a coworker at Costco the other day when I was getting my new glasses, and she laughed when I told her that I had to get them. She said something like, "you have to get glasses? And you work in the library? Now all you have to do is put your hair in a bun...mwa ha ha ha!" (That was an evil laugh reference...).

She was stereotyping. However, I am not a librarian. And I don't know if I ever will be. Then again, my life and its detours never cease to amaze me.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Almost...

Sometimes I have these days where it starts out not so good, and then gets worse. Today was almost one of those days... I just failed a French test, and then one of my friends called me and told me she wasn't going to be able to come to dinner tonight, and then changed her mind. I was upset because I already bought the food, and if I wasn't having people over for dinner, it would all go bad.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Again with the life

I feel like I need a vacation. I'm feeling like I need to do something more with my life and I'm having trouble making a decision.

Should I go to library school?
Find a job in student affairs, which is my actual field?
Start a doctorate?

I would feel horrible if I quit my current job because I like it so much, but I really need more money. Which is why I would consider library school. However, I have never experienced (really) a job in SA (student affairs). It is unlikely that there will be any positions available here in SD and if I did try to find a new job, I would likely do another nation-wide search. I cannot count on finding a job in the area, and it is very expensive. I would love to be able to live outside of CA and experience something new, where I could afford to buy a house and get a dog. But I have no money.

On top of all this, I am experiencing a season of introversion, and have been avoiding my friends so I don't really feel like I have anyone I can talk to about all these things that I'm thinking about and combined with the boredom that summer will bring, this is not going to be a very fun time of life for me.