Sunday, September 25, 2005

Notes

Notes in chronological order:

1. On Friday night, I waited for a friend of mine to pick me up to go spend the night at Newport. She was over an hour late, and there's nothing that makes me more insecure than complete tardiness. She didn't have her phone with her, so I thought I might have been abandoned. And there's other things I could have been doing besides sitting there and waiting for her to pick me up. It brings back a lot of unpleasant memories and totally puts me on edge emotionally. I think there are some issues here that I might need to work through...

2. Went to Disneyland yesterday for staff appreciation through work. This was really fun and I made some great connections with people at PLNU that I had not met before. One of them is getting his Ph.D. in Political Science at UCSD (I think...) and was encouraging me to apply to teach world civ. I'll go talk to him later this semester.

3. My apartment manager called my mom re: the old apartment, and I just don't want to deal with it. However, I still need to go get the last few things that are in the kitchen and in my room. I hate trying to get the stuff that's last. Mostly unimportant junk that needs to be cleaned up, and who knows if my ex-roommate has been trashing the place. This is probably what a break-up would be like except the break-up would be worse, cause my heart would have been more involved. I wish there was a move-out fairy, who could, with the swipe of her wand, move all my stuff from one place to the other without having me there.

4. I led kids' club at church this morning and taught the lesson in addition to leading the worship. Right before I started teaching the lesson, I felt something tickling my arm and brushed it off, only to find a rather large spider there. It was bigger than your typical SoCal spider about the size of a $0.50 piece, and I think I yelped a little just from the surprise, and then the kids were distracted by it and kept saying, "Don't kill it!!!" Finally, our true director got it with some posterboard and relocated it to the grassy area right behind our area. Had this been my brother or sister, I don't think they would have been functional from the fright.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Thunder & lightening...

There was a storm right over San Diego last night, and it was loud! Very tropical and muggy air. The lightening was striking so close and making car alarms go off and all the windows shake. It would have been cool to watch this storm over the ocean. We don't have storms like this very often in SoCal. They happen more frequently in the mountains and not so frequently

I think I forget how scary the storms can be when you're in the midst of them.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Tired!!!

My old roommate had a meltdown this morning. I was in no mood to deal with it. I think reality set in as she saw me put all my stuff in boxes and stack them by the front door. She asked me "why do you feel like you need to get out of here so fast?"

Real Answer #1: You are inconsiderate and I have been an insomniac with you as my roommate. You have broken our rental agreement by being loud at night, and by not informing me when your boyfriend spends the night. (Of course I did not say this to her yet...)

Real Answer #2: Because I have free time this weekend, and if I want people to help me move, I need to have everything ready to go. (this is the one I used.)

I was going to take a nap this morning, but I didn't get to because she was having a meltdown. AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!

I feel just a little guilty for leaving her like this, but I'm fed up. And I feel guilty for not having more compassion toward her. But seriously, she needs more help than I can offer. What do you do when people need so much help that you don't even know where to begin or need so much help you don't want to get involved? I think that's where I'm at. I just don't like to get involved at all in relationships with people who seem to have too many needs to count.

Monday, September 12, 2005

My news

Okay, so my friend and I found this great place to live. We liked it mostly, but there are a few things we didn't like, but we have decided to live there. It's so nice, and we're both really excited. I'm starting to pack tomorrow morning. Yesssssss..... actually, I hate packing. And this is not going to be fun.

However, I'm looking forward to reorganizing and a new start. Change is good, and there's enough space for my piano. No pets allowed, but since the owners of this place live next door and don't rent anything else, I'm hoping I might be able to talk them into letting me get a small dog.

I also went to the bank and took out $500 cash for the deposit. Combined with the money I have from the summer pops, I am walking around with more than $700 on my person. Pray I don't lose it or get robbed. Seriously.

I can't think of a good way to transition into what I say next, so consider it a non-sequitor:

There's this rule I have... if you wear a white shirt out to eat, you're just asking for it... and even though I know this, I still wore a white shirt today, and yep. Spilled some salsa right down the middle. (Sigh.) I am such a klutz.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Sunday boredom series: 1

I'm so tired!!! I've brought this upon myself. I really need adult supervision at the bookstore because I really should not be allowed to buy books after 9pm. I stay up too late to finish them even when I know I have an early and long day the next day.

That's what I did last night after I talked to Laurel.

Also went househunting on Friday, and found one nice place, but they wanted us to move in on Monday. We were both feeling a bit rushed, and the price was good, but the deposit was high. Its too bad they couldn't give us a day or two to think about it because we really liked it.

Hopefully we'll find something just as good in a better location.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Untitled for now

I occasionally have these days where I'm very busy, I'm happy that I'm busy, but then at the end of all the activity, I get a little melancholy. I'm not exactly sure why today is one of those days.

This morning, I went to leadership training. The leaders at my church have been sort of trying to get me more involved, or at least trained so I can lead if they need me to. I do tend to be sort of a natural leader whether I'm officially leading or not, so I guess its good to be official. So it was me and a bunch of guys this morning which was encouraging to see. I was glad to see that there are many men in my church committed enough to say yes, I want to serve. Anyway, I got put in charge of creating next week's ice-breaker. Since its a training week, perhaps I will ask them to share the best ice-breaker they've ever experienced or encountered... that would be funny I think...

Then I met up with an old friend from high school. That was actually fun. My 10 year reunion is in October, and so I have reconnected with a couple people that I have known since elementary school. This friend went to school with me for my whole K-12 academic experience. We grew apart because I think we were at different places in life, and because of our faith backgrounds. She's not a Christian, and I had shared the gospel with her many times, and she just wasn't receptive. So we hit a wall in our relationship, and I sort of gave up. Distance aided our "break-up" because I went away to college, and she stayed in my hometown. It was good to reconnect with her. She's doing well, and I'm glad she made an effort to come visit me while she was in town.

Then I picked up a friend of mine and went to a bridal shower. I've been to three of them over the summer. This one did me in. It was long, and although many of my friends were there, its not exactly a good place for talking or whatever cause this one was a little more structured.

Laurel called while I was at the shower, and I'm so glad she did. I was having a good day, but then I just started thinking about where I am in my life, and how weird it is that I ended up where I am, and I think I started to feel some despair. One of those "I wish things were just a little different" days. I don't usually feel this way, and I will feel better in the morning, but it is going to be a long, lonely shift for me at work tomorrow.

I miss having my good friends around. Normally I would have called them to see if I could come over and just be. No stress, low key, just relax. I really wish I had someone down here who could provide that for me, and it really makes me sad that I don't. San Diego is a tough place to make good friends.