Musical Dreams

I suppose that one of the dreams I entertain that seems rather impossible to attain is the one in which I get to jam out on cello with musicians from my favorite bands. You know, the ones who have multiple albums and national or world recognition. I would love to have those people in my living room and make music with them.

Well, I sort of had a taste of that last weekend. I went to a retreat and brought my cello because I needed to practice Dvorak's 6th Symphony for the orchestra I'm in. It is a challenging piece, but one I know I can learn well before I have to perform it.

The speaker at this retreat turned out to be THAT kind of musician. We got to play together, just the two of us, on a little deck overlooking a very scenic area of the camp.

Before we started playing, David said to me, "Look at our audience." He pointed to a group of butterflies hanging out in the flowers in front of our stage.

We just played together and then David asked if I would play with him that night at his concert. I said "yes" of course.

As many artists do, I have this complex about being "good enough." I rarely feel like I am. I am constantly comparing myself to other talented musicians. There are so many out there who are more talented than I am, and I can get down on myself for not practicing enough, or having perfect technique, or for not having perfect intonation.

It was a wonderfully affirming experience to play with David for the love of music. We both felt enriched and encouraged for having made music together.

In the end, I think that's what my dream is about-- just playing music for the love of it and feeling affirmed by other talented musicians.

Reading List

Don't just ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. --Howard Thurman

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet. --Frederick Buechner

"Little girl, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "Alive." --Calvin Miller, The Singer

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A bunch of topics in my life have come together and have informed each other, so to speak. Most of the thinking I've been doing has been in regards to the quotes above. The reading I've done lately also speaks to these topics. I'm just going to give you a short list of books I've read in the last two months that have really made me think about my life-- living authentically, purpose, and change.

Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson
The Singer by Calvin Miller (this one I reread often!)
Soul of a Citizen : Living with Conviction in a Cynical Time by Paul Loeb
Gospel according to Starbucks by Leonard Sweet

I do a lot of reading. If you were to ask me what I'm reading, I always have something. I reread favorites every night before I sleep (but usually ones that aren't that thought provoking...haha) and since I work in a library, I'm always running into interesting books. I don't usually make book lists because my list is constantly changing. I read very quickly, and so what's on my list today probably won't be there in a week. Reading is something I love to do.

So. Perhaps more to come on the topic of authenticity. If you've read any of these books, I'd be interested to hear what you think.

Creativity

You know, when I truly feel at peace with myself, that's when I am the most creative. The ideas just flow, and I experience this sense of awe and wonder at the world we live in. It makes me feel whimsical and playful. I don't often feel this way, but it has been happening more lately. I need to remember to continue to give myself the freedom to create without constraint, without fear or judgment and really let myself enjoy the process. It might be a weekend for creating, if I choose to make the time.