Ipod

I'm getting ready to fly back to see my family in CA, so I'm doing my laundry, packing, cleaning, and what do I do? I wash my ipod. SO BUMMED! I'm so tempted to just go buy a new one, even though it's out of my budget right now. Sadness.

Cello-ing in Texas

What a week. I went to the TCU vs. Utah game. This game was really big. Biggest crowd in the stadium, best ranking ever for TCU, they are having a magical season.

Today, I played cello at a wedding in the Japanese Gardens in Fort Worth. What a beautiful place! I wish I had taken my camera, as I got in free and we had a little bit of time to explore before the guests arrived. The weather was great this morning, but the clouds started rolling in at about 3:15pm, exactly when we were supposed to start playing. The officiant was great, and even sang an a capella version of "At Last" to the bride and groom. She noticed that a downpour was becoming more likely by the minute, so this was probably the FASTEST ceremony I've ever done. As we finished playing the traditional bridal recessional, it started to drizzle. It felt weird putting away my cello before playing any more, but my violinist friend was like, Robyn, it's starting to rain, PUT YOUR INSTRUMENT AWAY! Sure enough, after we quickly packed up and headed to the parking lot, it started to pour. At least we got through everything we were supposed to.

As we were heading out, this thirteen year-old kid started talking to us about music. Apparently, he played bass, and really wanted to connect with us. He was so excited and cute in that eager thirteen year-old kind-of way. I asked him a little about his experience and told him to talk his parents into lessons. I love it when kids are excited about music. I hope he continues to be excited about music.

Football

I played in 2 shows this weekend, and netted about $80 in tips!

On the way to the second show on Saturday night, I called my brother because there was a big TCU game on, and I was driving, so I couldn't watch:

Adam: Yeah TCU!
Me (confused): Hey, um, what? I'm not watching the game...
Adam: What? I thought you were watching the game and called me because they just scored!
Me: That's awesome! No, I'm not watching the game because I am on my way to play at a show. I was calling to see if you could text me periodic score updates
Adam: Yes. The score is 14-0. I'll text you.
Me: Okay, thanks! Bye!
Adam: Love you! Bye!

TCU won, and I thought it was a funny coincidence that I called my brother right after a touchdown.

What was NOT funny was the fact that I got pulled over for the second time this week for non-moving violations. The first was because I didn't have my front plate on. The second was because my headlight was out.

Are the cops in Texas bored or something? I'm seriously aggravated.

So I spent Sunday afternoon trying to fix everything on my car that needed to be fixed. Done. Hopefully I won't get pulled over again for awhile.

What I did last Saturday

I woke up really late. I had a bad sleep night, and did not fall asleep until about 2am. I did not set an alarm and woke up at 9:45am. My two goals that day were to get my phone mailed and to get to the state fair.

My phone broke last week. The frame bent and the navigation buttons kept falling out. Thankfully I know myself and my tendency to break things, so I have phone insurance. Called them up and they fedexed me a new one overnight. I just had to send mine back to them within 10 days. So I finally packaged it up and went to the post office. Unfortunately for me, there was no one at the counter so I had to put it in the mail box. I took a look inside to try and measure with my eyes whether my box would fit. I thought it would, so I sent it down the chute. Also unfortunately, I've always had trouble with depth perception, so although the box went into the chute, it would not slide out. It was stuck in the mail chute, and there was nothing I could do. I'm assuming that this sort of thing happens on a regular basis, so I wasn't that concerned, but I was still slightly embarassed even though there was only one other lady who saw me do it. I'm also fairly certain that I will never see her again.

With me on the trip to the post office were the girls who were going to the fair with me. It was their idea to go to the fair. Their goal at the fair was to try the "best of" fried foods. And we did. That was pretty fun and way more affordable when you have a bunch of people to split things with. We tried fried peanut butter cup macaroons, fried coke, green goblins (fried chicken, cheese and jalepeno), fried pork chips, fried pecan pie, fried yams on a stick, fried shrimp on skewers, and fried peaches. Two of the girls tried the fried butter. That was actually their favorite fried thing! I personally liked the peaches the best.

Me and butter don't get along so well... one time in Jr. High at camp, I took part in a game that involved eating an unknown food item. Mine turned out to be a cube of butter. It made me feel really sick and I've never been able to eat a lot of it since. If I think too much about it, it triggers my gag reflex. Therefore, I was completely uninterested in trying it.

We also took the opportunity to attend a dog show while at the fair. The show that worked the best with our schedule was "Freestyle dancing with your dog." It was fun, but I don't get it. Yes, the dogs are well trained. But they have no sense of rhythm. If you're gonna call it dancing, then let's do it with the beat. Okay? Okay.

It was a pretty fun day.

Musician Frustration

One of the most frustrating things about living here in Fort Worth is trying to make some money as a paid musician. I was making decent money on the side playing music and now I'm starting over. I just don't know enough people to make my profit back. Everyone tells me it just takes time. This is true, but I am trying to accelerate the process. However, I think I've hit my wall. I feel like I have done everything I can. I'm out of ideas short of trying to approach strangers, which I hate doing, and to a certain extent, will not do.

I feel like recessions are particularly difficult for artists, but ESPECIALLY musicians, since live music is sort of this intangible product. With art, the results are tangible (unless it is performance art) and artists can just hold onto their pieces until people start buying again. With live music, people just can't afford to pay for it.

I'm feeling discouraged.

Untitled (for now)

Drivin' home

I was just in a crazy storm last night. I had to drive home in the middle of it. The route I normally take was sort of flooded, and there was rain and lightening all around. I disliked the experience.

Music fun!

I have had a great couple of weeks. Creating that collage really unlocked my creativity, and my ideas are starting to flow again. I've been hiking, playing music, and recording. I have also been teaching people about the library at work. So I've been doing a lot of things that I enjoy, and it is amazing how much of a difference that makes in my well-being.

I am excited about October, which is my favorite month, because my sister is coming to visit and I have two or three gigs lined up with a guitar player I know. I'm really excited because I think he's talented, because he is serious about the music and because he is letting me be a part of it.

You know, as a musician, most of the time I feel that I don't play all that well. The guitarist sent me a live recording of what we worked on last week, and I'm amazed. I was in tune the whole time! Which honestly, was more than I expected. I'm surprised that we sound so good together. I rarely "hear" myself live, mostly because I'm caught up in the moment and anxious about playing things right. But in hearing that recording, I realized that I am a good musician. I know, I know, you would all tell me that I AM a good musician, and not that I don't believe you, but I still doubt myself frequently. All that to say I'm starting to embrace my identity as a "professional musician" which still sounds weird to me, but that's what I am.

Also, on Monday, I got to do some vocal recordings, one of my original songs, a song that my recording friend wrote wherein he needed female backing vocals, and a cover of Bizarre Love Triangle by New Order which has the chorus:

everytime I see you fallin'
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

Basically, my friend decided to record guitar, piano, and bass to cover this song, and then informed me that I needed to sing it. He did a great job with it, and I'm really excited to see how it gets remixed with my voice added. It's gonna be good! I'll post it somewhere online when it's done.

Dreams

Conversations 11 - My new doctor

My new doctor: So, tell me, what should I know about you?
Me: Well, I've lost 50 pounds in the last two years.
Doctor: That's quite a chunk!
Me: I feel much better.
Doctor: Your back is probably better too. So tell me, how did you do it?
Me: Diet and exercise.
Doctor (with mock disbelief): Nooo, really?! That works? You lost weight by changing your diet and exercising?
Me (laughing): Well, yes.
Doctor: You should write a book or something.
Me: With all the stuff that's already been written?
Doctor: Well, they always say 'Try this! It really works' and then the diet and exercise part is usually a much smaller section.
Me: So I guess I'm almost where I want to be...I mean, you tell me...
Doctor (looking at a table): You're about how tall? 5'11"?
Me: Yes.
Doctor: 172 and you weighed in at...(checks my chart)...174? Okay, and that's with your clothes, and your heavy necklace, and your shoes...
Me (laughing): Yeah. So now I guess I need to figure out how to eat for maintenance. I've been eating to lose for so long, and now I am going to have to figure that out.
Doctor: Well, you're still going to have to pay attention to your weight a bit.
Me: I know. I can say that am unlikely to gain it back unless I have a terrible injury or something.
Doctor: Well, good job.

On being a hero...sort of

I just turned the news off, and the last thing I heard was that some kid nearly drowned at a lake. He was saved thankfully. It made me sad though, because it is not that hard to help people in the water if you know how to swim well and learn just a few techniques for how to help them, even if you don't have a flotation device. Then I started thinking about what it means to be a hero. And it's funny. I lifeguarded for about seven summers and we, the lifeguards, always used to joke about being a hero whenever we had to jump in to help someone in a panic. We would serenade any guard who had to jump in with either "Wind beneath my wings" or "Hero" by Mariah Carey. The reality is that if we hadn't been there watching, they probably would have drowned.

I can remember learning to how to save people in the water when I was sixteen. I got a job at a local waterpark, and originally was just trying out for a "shallow water" guard. This was due to the fact that you were supposed to be eighteen to work in deeper water. However, the trainers saw me swim a fast 50 better than probably 90% of the other potential lifeguards, and were like, "Okay. Why are you not trying to be a deep water guard?" I said it was because I was too young. They told me it didn't matter and sent me to the deep end to swim a 200 instead. So I passed my swim test and began to train as a deep water guard.

The training was kind of fun and kind of awkward, because we had to practice on each other. Everyone already knew how to swim well. I can remember going to my first shift at the park and being scared witless. I was confused and trying to learn the protocol for what we were doing. I was so scared that I tried to avoid working at the wave cove the first week or two I was there which was difficult, since there were a very small number of deep water guards in comparison to the total number of guards. All the deep water guards worked at the wave cove, but could cover other areas of the park if they were short-handed or if someone asked you to cover for them. Eventually, of course, I had to suck it up and guard the wave cove. I think part of the fear was having to jump off the guard platform without hitting people, and then for me, I was scared that I would do something wrong, or that something really terrible would happen. The truth is that a lifeguard's main job is to PREVENT these kinds of accidents from happening. If you see a weak swimmer, you tell them to stay in the shallow end, if they actually listen to you.

I think a big misunderstanding about people in distress in the water is that they will call for help when they are in trouble. In reality, they have an instinctive panic response that does not allow them to call for help. They aren't thinking about calling for help, they are just trying to breathe, and panicking. This is why you hear about so many children drowning in pools. If you're not watching, they'll just fall or slip under the water and no one will know the difference.

I know that's a pretty serious topic, but I also wanted to say that after a bit of reflection on lifeguarding, I thought it was a fun job. I always played down the hero role, but looking back, I think it was pretty cool. I saved quite a few people just by being present, and by having some training of course. I do sort of still pay attention to what's going on in the pool if I am near it.

Recording!

So I've been playing music with this guy here in town, I might even call him my first non-work friend here. We've been working on playing through some Motown covers and meeting on Tuesdays, usually.

Well, I show up last night, and he says, "So. I've been thinking and I have an idea. I think we should record one of your songs." I was so excited! So we got down a lullaby I wrote. Still have to do the vocals, but it sounds so good! I had fun and I'm so thankful that I have a friend who thinks it is fun to record stuff.

What happens when I can't sleep

Occasionally, when I can't sleep, I write. This might turn into a song:

In the city,
I walk,
There is both light and shadow.
The buildings,
Are tall,
Casting all these shadows.
And I rest,
In the shade in the day,
Where there are shadows.
Like the other lonely, needy, souls,
Who find rest where there are shadows.

I dunno. Interesting idea, yes? I might have it in me to write another verse for this one.

I am now going to drink some decaf tea and try to get at least four hours of sleep. I feel depressed and tired just writing that. With minimal sleep tonight, here's hoping for a good night's sleep tomorrow!

Falling (which happens to me a lot)

So. I just got back from working out in the complex workout room. Toward the end of my workout, I missed a step and nearly fell off the treadmill. I felt like a gymnast as I sort of caught my balance and stuck my landing on the side of the treadmill.

Oh, and by the way, there was one other guy working out. Awesome!

This is so typical.

Almost like the time I tripped down the stairs at Da Kine's, when they used to be in PB. I had a plate of food in one hand and my drink in the other. I was there by myself and fell forward. I managed to save my drink (which didn't have a lid on it thank you very much) and at the very end, lost my main course to the ground. I did this in front of all the surfer fellas. There weren't any other girls on the deck. Again. Awesome. Stories to live by. I did get some nice rug burns from my clothes and ripped a hole in my favorite jeans that time.

At least this time, I was not injured at all.

Artistic Inspirations

I am feeling the need to do something creative this weekend, and I've been thinking about different ideas all day. First of all, the walls in my new apartment are rather large and currently so bare and white. I need to figure out what to put on them. I've got this idea about trying to do something mixed media with some bold colors--red, orange, yellow, and green. Perhaps a collage. I was sort of thinking it would probably have a nature theme.

This led me to start thinking about what I like, and if I had to represent myself in symbols, what would they be. I came up with an interesting list:

• water
• robin (the bird)
• tree
• leaf

These do sort of go together, so that's interesting. I know I'm quite musical, but I didn't come up with anything that represented the music in me. Which I'm okay with for now.

I'm just trying to get in touch with my childlike side that just liked to draw, paint and make animals out of clay. I realize my art may end up looking like a third grader did it, but who says I have to hang it on my wall?

Anyways. Another great idea I saw was to take a word and use it as an inspiration for art work.

So. If you'd like to participate, give me an inspiration. No guarantees I'll use it, but it will help me think of more ways to be creative.

How will the U.S. end?

Who knows? But it is something I've been thinking about lately. I have no idea why, except that I did study the Roman Empire in college, and it failed after 900 years. The U.S. is a relatively young nation, and I wonder if it could last as long as the Roman Empire.

This week, my thoughts were echoed by the writers at Slate who decided to ask the same kinds of questions. With that in mind, I offer this fun diversion: Choose your own Apocalypse! wherein YOU decide how the U.S. might end. Let me know how it goes.

Mr. Encourager

One of the things I like about living where I live is the river trail that's located right behind my apartment complex. It goes for miles. I, of course, can only run about 3 miles at the most on a daily basis, which means I go a mile and a half out and then turn around. I've been doing this nearly everyday, and have started to recognize some of the regulars. I never thought I'd get to that point. But there's the girl with two little non-matching dogs, a few old dudes, the couple with the german shepherd with its back legs in a contraption to help it walk, and the guy who encourages everyone else by telling them, "Good job, you're doing great! Keep it up!"

I have seen this guy nearly every day. We are able to recognize each other especially on "bad weather" days, since on those days, there are fewer people out and about. I personally like these days since the weather on those days feels more like San Diego with a marine layer. However, I realized that it might be a good idea for me to check the weather report before heading out in the morning due to the fact that rain here is most often accompanied by thunder and lightening.

But now I'm curious about Mr. Encourager. He looks like he could have played football in the past, he's about as tall as I am and he's pretty stocky and square. I wonder if he has a coaching background and whether he has ever met a stranger. I have never seen him run on the trail, he is always just walking. Today, I passed him twice, once on my way out and again on the way back. The first time I passed him, he asked me how far I was going. I told him I was going just to the bridge and back. The second time, he gave me a high five and told me to keep it up.

I asked his name (Bill) and I have no idea whether we'll be friends or not, but I'm glad I now know his name.

My moment with Walter Cronkite

As an undergraduate, I majored in History at the University of California, Santa Barbara. All History majors were required to complete a seminar class, in which each student was expected to write at least a 20 page paper. Seminars could be taken on almost any field of history, and I chose to take my seminar in recent US History (1960-present).

Sixteen of us met twice a week and our instructor walked us through the writing process. In class, we got to discuss and critique each others' topics and drafts. One week, our prof announced that Walter Cronkite would be coming to our class. We all kind of looked at each other incredulously... our instructor explained that Cronkite was giving a lecture on campus that night, and wanted to visit a class or two. Since he had been reporting for most of the 20th century, the administration decided that ours would be the best possible class for him to visit.

So Walter Cronkite came to our senior seminar in Recent US History. He asked us each individually to share our topics with him. Then he provided commentary on each of our topics based on his knowledge and experience. What was so great about this experience is that the group was small enough for this personal interaction and that Cronkite was genuinely interested in what we had to say.

I am grateful for the experience.

Musical Networking

This week has been a good one so far... I finally managed to go to a church that had a potluck on Sunday after the service and got to meet some ladies my age. Also, apparently, they have a weekly social--trivia night at a local bar. Awesome. I'm there.

I've also been doing some recording with this guy in town, and he just sent me an email asking if I thought I would be interested in trying to put together some music so we can play around town. My answer to that was a resounding "yes!"

On Monday night, I drove out to Azle, TX to meet up with a violinist. Turns out she lives on a lake! She's lived there for over 20 years. When I got finally got there (got a little lost on the way), she served me some crackers, cheese, grapes, veggies and nuts. It was so nice and again, I felt like I was at a resort or something. We played through some of the music I had. I got the sense that we were both sort of auditioning each other, but I think we're going to get along and that's what counts. She is going to try and see if her next wedding clients might want a cellist too. I hope so. Even though I'm making more than I was at my new job, the extra income would certainly be nice.

Then of course I got lost on the way back. It took me twice as long to get back to my place because I went the wrong way. I still need to learn my freeways.

I have sort of been working at establishing a new community--I set goals for myself and have been trying to network. I feel like I've been putting a lot of time and effort into it, and my efforts are paying off. I'm having some success. It's a good feeling.

I'm kind of thinking I need to get a website or something... people keep asking me if I have one, and it would be nice to get something to showcase the recordings I've done. I just need to come up with a name for it.

Social Networking

So I've been trying to make some friends, and I've put a few ads up on CL, mostly looking for violinists. I'm starting to get responses from people who have no interest in actually responding to my ads, but they want to "help me."

I would like to let those people know: I don't need your help. Now, stop responding to my ads unless you are a violinist and are actually interested in playing music with me.

Seriously. If you don't understand the ad, don't answer it. If you don't meet the qualifications, don't answer it. Just don't. I will ignore you.

Okay, thanks.

Finding People

In case you didn't know, Texas is hot. I've been enjoying the heat. I know. I'm weird.

I'm in the process of trying to find a group or groups of people that share some kind of interest I have... ideas include church, ultimate frisbee players, bicyclers, hikers, walkers, runners, musicians...well, you get the idea. I'm finding that it is hard to meet people in the summer here because a)it's hot and b)Texans flee Texas in the summer because of the heat.

Work is slow because the students are gone for the summer. It does allow for a lot of time to plan and get things ready for the school year, which will be here before I know it.

For the 4th of July, I went to my dad's friend's house. They grew up across the street from each other in Long Beach. It was great to feel included and I had a great time getting to know their friends. Also, I told Mike, dad's friend, that I was looking for a new bike. Turns out he loves riding and found me a coupon to his favorite bike shop. I'm tempted to get something new. Very tempted. My current bike is just a bit too small, and it hurts my back. But I had forgotten how much I enjoyed riding when I had a bike I loved.

Speaking of combining interests. This is a picture I took a few years ago. I had forgotten about it until recently. This is my old cello, the one that is essentially "totalled" meaning the cost of the repair is more than the instrument is worth. Maybe I'll go on a photo shoot this weekend and take the cello with me. Hey, you gotta admit, it's a great conversation piece.

I have had some success with networking within the music community here. I have made my first musical friend. We have already done a few recordings together, and he is going to help me with one of mine next week.

Concrete heart

I love finding random beauty in the world. I noticed this piece of sidewalk almost the first week I moved in. There are so many things I think about when I see this picture. The heart is actually a hole in the concrete of the sidewalk. I liked the juxtaposition of the crack in the sidewalk next to the heart. Our hearts are all a bit cracked I'd say, but still beautiful. I'm hoping that this picture makes you think. I'd love to hear your comments on this one...

Pocket of Grace

The last month has been stressful and chaotic, mostly because I packed up all my earthly possessions and moved them to Texas. So far, I am really enjoying it. I had only been there about 3 weeks before I left to go to a conference last week where I was doing a presentation. The presentation went well I thought, and it was great to see many of my former coworkers at the conference. 

On my way back from Missouri (where the conference was) to Texas, I stopped and spent the night with my friend Beryl at her Aunt and Uncle's house. I had originally left my car there to carpool with Beryl (who had flown from CA to OK). When I got back, I found my car washed, detailed, and tuned up. Beryl's Uncle Doug had taken my car into the shop to have it checked out for me. He not only had the car detailed, but had them rotate my tires, do an alignment, and try to figure out what the knocking noise was on the left side of the engine.

I was really touched by this. My car had been maintained mechanically, but not really physically in the last few months. This was a totally unlooked for surprise, and I'm thankful to Doug for the care he took of my car while I was away. 

Doug was an agent of grace in a stressful and chaotic time in my life, and I'm thankful for the reminder from God that even though I feel like things are a bit challenging and chaotic right now, everything is going to be alright--He sometimes leads me to rest in these pockets of grace.

Nonnie

My grandmother was a strong, independent woman, who loved music, my grandfather, and her family. I spoke with her a few weeks before she died. She told me she was proud of me and that she loved me.

This is what she also told me:

"Last week I had a dream. I dreamed I went to church and when I opened my mouth to sing, I found I had forgotten all the words to the song. I have never forgotten the words before," she said.

"A few days later I went to church. I tried to sing, like in my dream and I couldn't," she told me sadly. "If I cannot sing, then I do not want to be here any more," she said sternly, with dignity.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "I know," I told her, because I understand. For in my heart I feel the same. If there ever comes a day when I cannot sing, then I do not want to be here anymore either.

"I love you," I told her, knowing it was probably for the last time.

Another Lullaby

Every once in awhile, I get a good idea for a song. Last fall, I participated in sort of a Bible study wherein the goal was to create something artistic in response to a Psalm. The psalm our facilitator chose was Psalm 91. For that project, I collaborated with another musician in the group to write a song, which turned out great! I wish we had time to record it.

That being said, I had originally wanted to write a lullaby based on this Psalm. Last night, I think music and lyrics finally came together. That, and I wanted to write a lullaby for my friend Laurel and her new son. I had written one a few years ago when her daughter was born and I wanted to continue the tradition.

I'm going to visit this weekend and I know Laurel and Daniel are going to love the song I wrote for their son.

Here are the lyrics:
Oh child, close your eyes and sleep,
I am watching over you,
Rest in the shadow of my wings,
I hear your cry,
But do not fear,
Have no fear,
I am here

You can get a preview here. But shhhh! Don't tell! It is going to be a surprise!

Discipline

As I have been working through this time of transition, I think I have learned the most about discipline. I have never felt that I have been very disciplined in my life. There are so many people out there that I feel are more put together, or more organized. My desk and room are always a mess. But I don't think that I could have accomplished what I have accomplished in the last six months without a complete disciplinary overhaul in my life.

First of all, I lost some weight, and that took some discipline. I had to start eating better and add exercise into my life. And not just fit it in, but make it a priority. Secondly, I also had to be more disciplined in my school work in order to finish my portfolio and also find a job. That took a lot of time and effort on my part to make sure that I met my deadlines.

I am more busy than ever, and the truth is I actually hate living my life with this much intensity. I keep thinking that these habits I've formed will get easier. They don't. It is still hard to watch what I eat and make exercising a priority. I have also realized I need to sleep more than most people and this also drives me nuts. If I want to be at my best during the day, I have to go to bed by 10pm. I usually push that to 10:30pm, and it is still hard for me to get to bed "on time."

I have been playing with my schedule lately as I have realized that exercising and sleeping (both of which need to happen in my daily schedule) can sometimes work against each other. So I have started trying to get up in the morning just 20min earlier than usual in order to get in a morning run. This has been good so far and has actually served a double purpose, since I am getting to work sooner. If I exercise in the morning, I'm not worried about trying to "fit it in" in the evenings, often after things like rehearsals and Bible Study.

I do not think I'll ever be able to completely conquer busyness in my life, but I'm trying to make things less frantic for sure.

It was only last week that I started thinking about how much I have grown in the area of discipline, mostly because a good friend of mine commented that he has learned a lot about how to organize his life through my experiences in the last six months. this surprised me because I do not consider myself to be very organized in general. I have had to learn it because it feels so unnatural. Anyway, we both were looking for jobs at the same time. It was awesome to be in the same situation with this friend because we inadvertently held each other accountable in terms of productivity. We both got jobs within a month of each other, and though we'll be in two different locations, we'll be able to support each other through the rest of our transitions.

Changes

Spring, apparently, begins on Friday, and change is in the air, at least for me. It has been an eventful month. I have been feeling pretty intense about my life and what's been happening and I have not been able to post about it until now.

At the beginning of February, I had interviewed for two new jobs, one in LA and one in Texas. Yes, I actually flew to Texas for the interview the last week of January. This was very nerve-wracking. I had fun at both interviews, but figuring out the logistics to make the interviews work with the job that I currently have was a challenge. I really liked both places, but especially liked the job in Texas. They told me they would let me know whether I got the job or not by February 12, which was a few weeks away, and right after another interview I had in Kansas. Well, they called me on February 5, two days before I was to leave for Kansas and offered me the job. I was so surprised since I was not expecting this call so early! I accepted the job, and I will be moving to Texas in May.

I am so excited, but also slightly terrified at the same time. I'm worried about finding housing, meeting people, making friends, and succeeding at my new job. This is such a big change for me since I have lived in CA my whole life. I have always wanted to live someplace different, and I'm almost surprised that I have created this opportunity. It is good. I am also so thankful that I was able to get a job in this economy. I feel so blessed. I will be earning a higher salary in a place where my income will go further because the cost of living is lower. I feel like I have a chance to really live my life the way I have always hoped to live it--debt free and full of fun. I have a lot of debt to pay down. But the good news is that I know I will be able to pay it off quickly because of the new higher salary.

I am really excited about all the possibilities.

Morning adventures!

Most of the people that work in the library take a morning break at 10am. This morning, I started hearing animal noises at around that time. This was weird because I thought everyone was in the break room. So I went to investigate next door. I was looking around when a tiny Chihuahua approached me.

Well, turns out my coworker brought in two Chihuahua puppies. One of them had escaped its enclosure. They were really cute. I put the one back inside only to have the other climb out. I got them both back in and let my coworker know that they had escaped and that I had captured them both.

Chihuahua puppies are SO TINY!

Dreams

Two weird dreams last night. I don't normally have them.

The first involved me having to take over driving a trolley in San Diego. However, the trolley was not on a track. It was more like a street trolley. It was out of control, and though I figured out how to control it, I didn't know the route. So I eventually managed to stop it at one of the main hubs and then felt embarrassed that I did not know the route. It felt frantic and crazy. People were totally screaming and I felt like I had let people down.

Then I also dreamed that I was racing at a swim meet. I was going to be my first race in five years in my dream (but in reality it has been much longer!). I was swimming the 100 butterfly and 100 freestyle. The fly is weird because I am weak in that stroke. I can do it, but not quickly or strongly. In my dream, I was actually trying to warm up for my race (the first one of the day--6am) and I couldn't swim right! For some reason, I could not a) pull my arms all the way down like you're supposed to, and b) open my eyes, so I was swimming with my eyes closed in the water and I couldn't see. I was however, wearing goggles. I never got to the race part of this dream, just the warm-ups.

The swimming dream was really strange because I know that I a) can swim well and fast and b) that goggles are my friend and that I can totally see what I'm doing even if I wasn't wearing them.

I am pretty anxious right now, and my anxiety does tend to manifest itself in my dreams sometimes. I have given up caffeine in this time because I know that it amps me up too much. Now I'm off to make some muffins and drink some herbal tea.

25

This is copied over from my Facebook profile. Basically, this is a meme that's been going around. I caught it like a cold. Ha. What you're supposed to do is tell people 25 little known facts about yourself and then "tag" people to do the same. So here's my list of 25 little known facts about me:

1. My biggest fear is losing my teeth. I have dreams about this. The funny thing is that I have actually lost a tooth already and now have a fake tooth. I'm still frightened that I may lose the rest though.

2. The dream I have the hardest time admitting even to myself is that if I could, I would totally be a full-time studio musician.

3. If you ask me to go bowling, I will tell you that I will come hang out, but that I will not bowl. The reason is because I cannot bowl. The last time I went bowling was in 2002, and I significantly hurt my back. I do not want to risk having another significant injury like that, therefore I will never bowl again.

4. I think crows are fascinating birds. My fascination with crows began when I read Rascal by Sterling North which was more about a boy and his pet raccoon. However, it also featured a crow. I don't necessarily want a crow as a pet, but I would love to befriend one.

5. I love telling stories. I don't think I could ever write a novel, but I do enjoy writing short stories that are based on events that have happened in my life.

6. I have thought about trying to write a webcomic. I took a cartooning class at a summer camp once and enjoy writing my own comics sometimes. I think my strength is more in the writing part than the drawing part, so if any illustrators out there are interested in a collaborative project, let me know!

7. I *almost* tried out for a women's professional football team (tackle football), but then decided it would be too hard on my body. I still like to play. I'm a decent defender. I played a game of flag football in college once and managed to sack the (male) quarterback three times in one game, even after counting "alligators." I don't think he liked me all that much after that. :(

8. I am not only the oldest sibling in my immediate family, but the oldest of all my cousins, on both sides of the family. I used to wish I had an older sibling, but I have come to realize that being the oldest has its perks.

9. I am a VERY fast reader. I can read about 100 pages an hour. That's just an estimate. My speed is dependent upon how complex the writing is. My siblings have always been in awe of this skill that I have and once tried to count how many pages I read in two minutes. I was not paying attention and didn't realize they were doing this until I felt all of them staring at me while I was reading.

10. I can't WAIT until I'm able to have a dog. I've always wanted one. I will probably adopt one at a pound once I have the money and the space.

11. I'm really good at getting songs stuck in people's heads. Unless you want the song stuck in your head too, don't ask me what it is. It is rare that I'm not subconsciously singing or humming something in my head. I may also hum out loud without realizing that I'm doing it.

12. I am an instigator. I have a lot of ideas. Not all of them are good. But I often find that my ideas influence people. When I tell people that I am an instigator, they do not take me seriously. In a recent conversation, I earned new respect from my friends when they realized the extent of my ability to instigate. I hope to use my powers for good and not evil. But I do love a good prank. ;)

13. Most people think I'm extroverted. I'm not. I'm a really social introvert. My Myer's Briggs type is INTP, but I'm not the extremist version of this type. I have trouble sometimes molding myself into a more structured society as I like variety and am extremely adaptable. This also makes me indecisive and means that I tend to try to keep options open, sometimes to my own detriment.

14. For the last three Christmases, my family has tried to play "Stump Robyn with words from the dictionary" game, which means they find a random word in the dictionary and see if I know the meaning. The funny part is that they can't always pronounce the words they are trying to stump me with and I have often corrected their pronunciation...which means I have known the word and its meaning.

15. I have two master's degrees. What? I just like learning. One is in Education and one is in Library and Information Science. My goal is to be an instruction librarian at a college or university.

16. Though I am a musician, I am terrible at remembering (and knowing) lyrics, titles and artists of songs. People always try to make me do the humdingers in cranium because I can hum in tune, but I RARELY know what the song is on the card. Unless it's classical, don't make me do those, okay?

17. I am tall, 5'11'' (which most of you already know) but I am the shortest of my biological siblings. I like to say I'm the short kid in my family. Take a look at my photos in the family section and think about the fact that I'm 5'11''.

18. I always loved PE in school. I never understood why the other girls didn't.

19. My pet peeves include wet socks, earwax in my ear, when my fingernails are too long and they click on things, um, I know I have a few more, but those are the main ones.

20. I probably own way too many hats. But I like them, and I love wearing them. Most of them are baseball hats.

21. I'm pretty serious most of the time. But I have a good sense of fun and appreciate people who try to help me be less serious.

22. I hate arriving late to things. I get anxious when I'm running late or when my friends don't show up on time. If you're gonna be later than 15 min, please call me!

23. I love being outside.

24. My first job was as a lifeguard at Raging Waters in San Dimas. I worked as a deep water guard (wave cove!) even though people weren't supposed to work there until they were 18. Basically, I kicked booty in the swim test and I looked older so they asked me why I wasn't trying out for deep guard. When I told them it was because I was 16, they didn't care and moved me over. I am still a very good swimmer.

25. I once met Walter Cronkite in person. I was a history major at UCSB. My senior seminar was in modern American history. Cronkite was doing a lecture that night on campus and wanted to visit a class. There were 16 of us writing about events in the 1900's, and as we told him our topics, he provided commentary on each one. This was an amazing experience.

Anxiety and Change

There are certain things in life that ALWAYS impact my anxiety level, and thus my ability to sleep. In those times, I try to walk it off or talk myself down. I'm feeling really anxious at the moment, mostly because there will be some significant changes in my life in the months ahead. Change is exciting and scary and challenging all at the same time.

I'm looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time.

Recording Session

Things are going well. Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to record a song for a local band called Lessons from Zeke. The session went well I thought, I was able to knock out the song in about an hour. I did three takes total. Awesome!

We recorded at DML studios. Mike (Lessons from Zeke) had initially told me that we were going to record at this guys house, but it turned out that the garage had been converted into one of the most professional home studios I've seen!

The guy who recorded us is well known and respected in the music community, so I was surprised to find out that I was recording at his studio.

I had a great time and look forward to hearing the final product.

Regular

So. There's a bakery down the street from where I work. They are awesome! People come from all over town to experience their homemade breaded wonderfulness. My favorite thing to get there is a raspberry chocolate scone. The bakery has them on Tuesdays and Fridays, and maybe on the weekend sometime as well.

Well, I did not realize I was known as a regular customer until I walked in the bakery today (Thursday) and the girl at the counter says, "Oh no, no raspberry chocolate scones! What are you gonna do?"

I laughed and said, "I know. Um, I'm gonna get a pear almond scone."

I wish I could capture the tone on the girl at the counter's statement because it was very cops or something, "Whatcha gonna do!?" or maybe Speed (the movie), "There's a bomb on a bus...what do you do, WHAT, do you do!?"

I still like the raspberry chocolate scones better, but given my options, the pear almond will have to do for today.

Worry

I know. This is an interesting topic for my first blog of the new year...

I just had an IM conversation with a friend who was worried about a situation that she did not really have control over. I never know what to say to people in these situations. I don't really feel like I can relate.

I do not get worried that often because if I notice that I'm worried, I try to problem solve the situation. Why am I worried? What power do I have to change the situation? What are the specific steps that I can take? If I decide that I have no control over a situation (which is the case most of the time) then I see no reason to worry.

As a Christian, I believe that God is in control all the time. This does not mean that he prevents bad things from happening. However, this gives me the ability to face down many of these anxious situations with calmness.

However, there have been times in my life where I have lived in a state of continuous anxiety. This is not fun. Whenever I face this level of anxiety in my own life, my solution is to change my focus as much as possible, by reading a book, watching a movie or anything that will engage my mind and keep me from thinking about whatever it is that has me worried. I have also found that in these times, I'm WAY more likely to sleep if I can wear my body and mind out with exercise.

It is in these moments that I often am reminded of God's many promises to me and everyone else in this world--that He loves his people and me specifically, He has a purpose and plan for my life, that He can use these terrible situations for good in my life or perhaps in the lives of others, and that I am not alone.

Often, when I confess to others that I am anxious or worried, when I do go through these times of trouble, I am always encouraged by the responses of the people around me. It helps to have friends and family remind me of the promises previously stated and ease me towards healing from those situations.