Dream

After all these years of living in the same house since I was 3, my mom went into a closet in our laundry room, pulled down a ladder that looked like it went to an attic, and I climbed up into a beautiful sanctuary, as in church sanctuary. It had been hidden in the house I grew up in all this time, and I never knew or realized it. The floors were all made of long wood panels, sort of a medium reddish brown color, complete with knots. There was an aisle down the center between two rows of pews, all cut from the same kind of wood, and they all had the same paneled look as the floor. The roof peaked in the center and was as long as the room. There was an alter in the front, and I think there was a cross behind it, but because it was the same color as all the wood in the room it sort of blended in to the back wall. There were no windows...and no doors, just the hole in the floor I came up through. There was no one in there. And I wished I had my cello, because I just knew the acoustics were going to be amazing.

It was a beautiful room even though everything in it was the same color. It makes me sad that it really doesn't exist.

Yes, it was all just a dream.

Lonely Days

Sometimes I think I trick myself into thinking that I really want solitude. But then when I stop doing whatever it was I wanted to do by myself, I get lonely.

And you would think that it's easy to just pick up a phone and call my friends, but it is not, and I don't.

Because for some reason, I can't.

I think the reason is that I assume everyone else needs their solitude too. And I don't want to be an interruption.

Church...and being critical

I went to a friend's church tonight, and I'm a little mad at myself for being critical about the service. It was a perfectly good service, but I didn't really let myself just sit back and enjoy the experience. Instead, I was analyzing the narrowness of the rows (felt like I was going to fall over when I was standing up), distracted by the fake drumset (never thought I would ever say that they needed the drums to be louder), and also distracted by the worship guy, who kept playing his guitar while he was praying. The pastor's sermon was decent, and it sounds like he knows a lot, and yet his style of presentation made it sound like he really didn't know very much.

I don't want to be distracted, and yet I was. Maybe if I go back, I'll be able to focus better.

I think I do this to people. I usually have an open mind initially with people, but then sometimes I get critical...for no real reason at all. I really need to change in this area because I don't want to be critical toward others. I don't like interacting with my dad sometimes because he can be critical, and I believe his skeptism keeps us from experiencing a deeper relationship. I really dislike the criticism, yet find myself criticizing other people sometimes.

New friend?

So I had this gift card to Olive Garden. I received it for teaching a swim lesson to some ladies at work that are competing in a triathalon. I coached and taught swim lessons for about 7 years in the summer until I had to get a "real" job, so I am good at stroke analysis, technique, and coaching people to improvement.

Sorry, got sidetracked. So anyway, I hadn't seen my friend Ryan G. in awhile, and made plans to have dinner with him. Ryan and I have a fun history together because we grew up together. Our parents went to the same church, we went to the same schools, and he used to hang out with my step-brother. Then he ended up coming to UCSB, and we were involved in the same club, and spent a summer overseas with the same group of people. We lost touch a little after college, but then he moved to SD, and well, its fun for us to hang out because we know a lot of the same people.When we were talking about where to eat dinner, I remembered that I had a giftcard to Olive Garden. So we decided to use it.

We were starting our conversation when all of a sudden there was this guy with a loud booming voice who introduced himself with a VERY australian accent, "Hi, my name is James, and I'll be your server tonight..."James told us that he is half-aussie, and half-american, and let me tell you, our experience just would not have been the same without him. He was courteous without being obtrusive, the service was excellent, and he was both fun and funny all at the same time. It is obvious that James loves people, and Ryan and I agreed that we would come back, just because of how great our experience was. The most interesting thing about it was that James has no prior server experience, and this was his first week on the job.People seem to be afraid of getting to know each other these days, it is rare to meet those who are willing to try. I think we found ourselves a new friend. And to think, I never go to Olive Garden, and never would have gone if I hadn't got a giftcard.

Yeah cable!

Finally got cable internet. Is this a sad commentary on my life when I get excited about broadband? Is this weird that I have not had it before? I was using dial-up.What this means is that I will be more accessible online. And isn't that what the Internet is all about?face-to-face interaction versus online interaction. Discuss.

Working

Tiredness and Laziness.

Not a good combo.

Caffeine anyone?

Also, got a 19/20 on the paper I finished last Saturday. Yep. The one I procrastinated on.

Grade check

Yeah! Got a 19/20 on the paper I procrastinated on. I forgot to include one component, so that's pretty good. :)I'm such a nerd.

Haiku

Tired and lazy
Not a good combination
Caffeine anyone?

Saturday Adventures: The Break-in

So today, I knew I had to finish my paper. Still haven't finished it yet. It is due by midnight. Thought I would be writing all day. Thought it would be a boring day. I was wrong.

I made plans to hang out with a friend of mine today for lunch. So she called me and I drove over to her place. We walked over to the local shopping center to get some lunch and ice-cream for dessert. About halfway through lunch, she noticed that one of my earrings was missing. I think it fell off when I took off my sweatshirt, but I have no idea where it is now. Bummer, cause I really liked these ones.

So we walk back, looking for the earring, didn't find it. We get back to her apartment and she says, "Oh no, the bottom part of the door is locked."
I said, "I locked it when we were leaving."
She says, "I don't have the key, we're locked out."
I said, "Well, is there a way to break in? Is your slider unlocked?"
She said, "No, and there's a stick in the window."

Sure enough, there was a window stick, designed to keep intruders from breaking in.

I said, "Well, let me see if my arm is long enough...I might be able to reach around and get it, do you want me to try?"
She said, "Yes."
"Okay." I said. And I started emptying my pockets. I pulled out my phone, my wallet, and all my money so that I could work unhindered by all the stuff I carry around with me.

So I pull the screen off the window, open the window as much as I can, and stick my arm in.

"My arm isn't long enough...is there a stick somewhere?"
"Yeah, let me find you one." She hands me a long stick.
"I'm gonna get your blinds dirty."
"That's okay."

So I start trying to use the stick as a wedge to lift the other stick out of the window's path.

"You almost got it!" She said.
"I know...this is harder than it looks!"
"Oh, you got it, you got it... just a little more...what if you try to slide the window as you're lifting up?"
"Okay," I said, and lifted up and pushed the window open at the same time. "I got it!"

She was laughing. And took my picture in the open window because she thought it was so funny. So not only did I lock her out, but I was able to break into her house. We started talking about breaking in.

"So you've never had to break in before?" I asked.
"Nope, never."
"Not even growing up?"
"Nope, my mom was always home."
"Yeah, my brothers and I always had to break in, I always forgot my keys."

I was one of those latch-key kids. My mom was almost never home after school, so I got really good at getting into my house if I didn't have my key. Yeah, I got skills.

Paper

I procrastinated. It is due today. I'm not done yet. And its Saturday. At least it is raining so that I'm not tempted to go to the beach or something.

Music I listen to

Every once in awhile, I get captivated by a song. It doesn't happen very often, where I hear a song that grabs my attention and I want to buy the album as a result. I prefer to wait until I realize that I like at least half the songs on an album before I purchase it. One of the only times I bought an album for one song was when I bought Dizzy Up the Girl by the Goo Goo Dolls because of the song "Iris."

"Iris" has a chorus that goes like this,

And I don't want the world to see me,
cause I don't think that they'd understand,
when everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.

Plus it has a pretty cool cello part. Anyway, it happened to me again, where I heard a song that just captivated my attention and I immediately wanted to buy the song. I didn't even know it was the Goo Goo Dolls until it came on the radio and I happened to be on the phone with my friend who actually knows a lot of songs and she told me that it was a song by them. The song is "Better Days," and again, it has good lyrics and a great cello part. So I bought the album today, and I love it. Everytime I hear "Better Days," it makes me smile. I think it has been on the radio since around Christmas, because it is sort of a Christmas song, but I don't care. I could listen to it over and over again. And I have. Here's the second verse and chorus:

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cause everyone is forgiven now
Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

I could probably play the cello part. It is very cool. The rest of the album isn't bad either.

Teaching and Writing

I was just thinking about how fun it is to read certain writers who publish regularly, and I realize just how hard it is to write something everyday. It is especially a challenge to write posts that are meaningful, or funny, or insightful, and do it on a daily basis. So I don't. But I wish I could.

I taught the kids at church today, and it was difficult for a few reasons:

A) It is spring break, and all our normal helpers are out of town, so we had a lot of new ones
B) I felt unprepared... as I had to teach the lesson, pick some songs to sing, and control the flow of the morning.
C) Time change. I was tired!

Teaching on Sundays has really confirmed to me how tired I would be if I taught at a regular school of some kind. Things always feel so chaotic. Our director assures me that I am doing a good job, but I never feel like I do.

I need new songs. I need to go and buy a bunch of kids songs on cd or something. I keep listening to my radio for appropriate songs. I knew good songs were hard to find... They have to be age appropriate, match our theology, and it is an added bonus if they have motions that go along with them. I try to write them, but it is hard when I feel like I don't have any good ideas right now. The whole writing process takes time and time is a very limited commodity for me at the moment.