Out and about

Yesterday, after work, I met three of the neighbor kids. They were between the ages of 7 and 9. They wanted to know how old I was, what grade I was in, and where I worked. I made them guess my age. They thought I was 18. :) My response? "That's SO OLD!" I told them I was 27. One of the girls told me that her mom was 27. Interesting...

Then I went out with my roommate to this bar over by where we live. This bar made me laugh! It is located in a not-so-good part of town, and looks very seedy. It definitely had character. I would never go there by myself. The lead singer's name is Dottie. She's a 60 year old black lady who can wail. She's the kind of lady that calls everyone "baby" and "sugar" and her catch phrase is "Well, I ain't mad at cha."

Her band consists of a group of 20 somethings guys whom she calls the Diamonds. And they can play the blues. My roommate is in love with their pianist, who is a fantastic piano player. He also plays the harmonica, but my roommate told me that he broke it, so he can't play it right now. It was very fun. I had to leave to go to bed, cause they didn't even start playing until 9:30pm. I told my roommate to tell the band not to be insulted that I left. I had to get up early in the morning to go to work. I just may go back...and bring friends with me.

Revelation

My friend Ryan (the one who sometimes comments on this journal) and I were talking once about relational equity...which is a description of the amount of relational pull you have with other people. This concept came up again last night as I thought about various relationships in my life and realized that in all but two relationships that I have with my friends down here in San Diego, I am the initiator, meaning if I want to hang out with people individually or in small groups, I have to call them. They aren't really calling me except for large group activities like potlucks or frisbee. Why is that? I'm not exactly sure.

I only mention this because it started to bother me a little...and then I had to decide not to let it bother me. The true friendships I have go both ways. I call them, and they call me.

One more note: Although I am right handed, most of my best friends have been left-handed so I'm always interested in knowing how many lefties I know. Go Lefties!

It's back to work I go...

I think I would enjoy Sundays so much more if I had friends to come visit me on my dinner break. I get just a little lonely working here when I know that everyone else is having lunch or hanging out.

I went to church for the first time in a few weeks. Last week, I was at that wedding and two weeks ago, I just didn't feel like going to the one I normally go to. I get in these moods sometimes where I just need to be in a different place to worship God. I get distracted when I know people. I had to go back today because I got assigned to play. Michael, the worship guy at church actually sent me an e-mail last week asking how I was doing because we hadn't talked for a few weeks. After seeing him at least twice a week and then not seeing him at all for 2 or so weeks, I had to agree...it was weird not seeing him.

I went to a potluck last night, and another friend of mine was wondering why I wasn't interested in joining the leadership of the 20's somethings ministry and asked me about why I didn't feel like getting involved. I still think I made the right decision for now, and I'm glad that they feel I would be a valuable member to have on the team, but I just want to be the consultant.

Here's what's cool about consulting...people listen to what I have to say because they value my input, but I don't have to actually do anything. I like making suggestions, especially when they work out. I suggested to Michael that he should ask another friend of ours to lead music for the ministry. Michael had a few reservations about this person, but I told him that I thought this guy would not only do a great job, but would get excited about it and bring more people. It is now so much fun for me to see this person taking a more active role in this ministry, and he's excited about it. It's funny, especially since he doesn't know that I recommended him for the music ministry role, and now he's trying to convince me to be a part of the leadership. This amuses me.

On the whole, I have been more withdrawn lately from the people I normally talk to. I have been spiritually withdrawn as well...haven't wanted to pray, I haven't wanted to go to church, I feel really tired all the time, and maybe that's why I don't want to lead right now either. I can't even pinpoint why I'm feeling this way. This is my life. At least for now.

Happy October!

First of all, I'd like to say Happy October! October is my favorite month of the year. I love the way the weather changes, wind with a slight chill in the air, football season is officially underway, and most of the trees start changing colors, well, sort of. California is not exactly a good "fall" state for colors. But I still like it.

I'm still trying to find a place that might be broadcasting the Fresno game today (Don't get mad Meg!) and I have quite a few other things to do before I go...today is going to be an organizational feat! Here's what's going on:

1. Ultimate Frisbee at the park at 10am in La Jolla
   
2. Lunch afterwards :)
   
3. 3 hours of freetime in which I will need to possibly do my laundry, cook a lasagna, drop off my dry cleaning, take a shower, go to the bank, and fill out that pesky faculty application.
   
4. Watch the Fresno game with my sister at an unspecified location (at this point)
   
5. Pick up my friend Ryan G. and my *cooked* lasagna
   
6. Head up to a potluck
   
7. Have lots of fun!
   

As for last night, it was really fun. My roommate's friend apparently has a wedding coordinator friend, so I gave him my contact card. Look at me! Networking! I've never been good at it. But here's hoping for a little extra income. Dinner was great, and here's the funny story of the evening... Have I ever mentioned that I am a klutz? yeah... well, I had this quarter in my pocket. It was a Maine one. And I dropped it about 3 times before we even left to go. Once we got to the venue, I dropped it one more time. By this time, all my friends were laughing. Then about halfway through the first half, I realized my phone was missing. I knew I had brought it in (cause I hadn't meant to) and it was now not in my pocket, so I started to panic a little, and then I dropped that darn quarter again in addition to my whole wallet, which made some noise on the way down. We were all chuckling by this point. I'm happy to report that I found my wallet, the phone, and even that pesky quarter by the time we left. I'm NEVER wearing those pants out again because things fall out so easily.

As for that significant spiritual conversation, we had a bit of a conversation about what church my friend and I go to, but that was about it. But that's okay. I'm not going to push. But I do care about these people, and I'm hoping that when the timing is right, I'll be able to share God's love with them.

I hope everyone else out there has a great weekend. For me, this is my Sunday. I work tomorrow.

My day off

It is so nice to have a day off, but I'm here on campus because of my French class. I went on a cleaning rampage last night and cleaned the kitchen thouroughly, except for the floor and the fridge. But everything else looks good. And I cleaned the sink, counter, and toilet in our bathroom. Now I'm going back home to dust the bookshelves, and clean my room. I still need to fill out my faculty application. Maybe that's why I'm on this cleaning frenzy--I'm really procrastinating cause I don't want to fill out this app. Well, I do, but I hate filling out applications. This is probably the reason why I hated being unemployed. I hated filling out all those job applications.

This is the first weekend in awhile where I have some free time available. Consequently, I get to do all the errands that I've been putting off for the last 3 weeks or so, like clean, take my dry-cleaning in, and do laundry at the laundromat.

My roommate and I and two guyfriends of ours are going to see the musical "Rent" tonight. My roommate decided to cook dinner. She's a great cook. I'm bringing a friend of mine from church. I'm hoping that we might have a significant spiritual conversation with my roommate and her friend. I'll let you guys know how things go. Until tomorrow (or whenever I write again...).

Lunch Buddies

Can you remember those times when y0u were in a new place, and that awkward moment of trying to figure out who looked friendly enough to sit with when there were no empty tables? Yeah. That's been my experience at Point Loma in the caf until yesterday, when I sat down at a table by myself, and then was joined by 4 other staff members. It really is nice to have people to eat lunch with.

I don't care how old you are, it is always awkward eating in cafeterias where you don't know anyone else and everyone else already seems to know each other.

Wednesday

It has been a very quiet, low volume of work kind of day. Yesterday, I took my French Oral quiz. I did pretty well. I'm trying to remember all the correct grammatical rules, and we just don't converse enough in class for me to know.

I still have a few items left from my list of things that I was supposed to do last week that I'm procrastinating on, but they were all pretty important things. I probably get to them tomorrow night.

Normally I go to Bible Study on Wed. nights, but tonight I'm going to San Clemente to celebrate my step-sister's birthday with my parents. She'll be 20. It will be a late night.

I am sure that it will be fun, but sometimes I hate having my parents located in the same state, cause then I'm obligated to attend events. I would almost rather attend my Bible Study, mostly because I like it better than church right now.

Make new friends

Yesterday, I met with a girl who had just moved to San Diego. She is a friend of a friend and she was doing some research on students at Point Loma and wanted to get a staff perspective. We started chatting about the school, but also about how hard it is to actually find a Christian community here in San Diego. She is a recent college grad, has only lived here for a few months, but is already considering moving. I invited her to church, and I really hope that she feels welcome there. I know how hard it is to find a niche here because there really are very few small community churches. Most of the churches here in San Diego are either huge or virtually non-existent. Whether she decides to come back or not, I hope that she feels like I could be a potential friend or resource for her as she tries to figure out where her community is hiding. You really do have to make an effort here to find people. People here, on the whole, are not very friendly unless they are intoxicated, but that's a different story.

Nostalgia

I went to yet another wedding yesterday. It was interesting because it was a wedding between two people I knew. One from home, and one from college. So I got to see some friends from college. It was good to see them all, and I'm glad I went to this wedding, if only to connect with one couple who left right after my sophmore year. On the other hand, I ended up sitting at the one table that no one (apparently) wanted to be at, and at one point in the evening, everyone left and I was sitting at the table by myself. That was a bit depressing, and I felt really awkward. Finally, a friend of mine came over and said there was an empty chair at his table, so I moved.

This whole experience reminded me why I never kept in touch with some of the people I knew from college. There were only three or four people who were genuinely interested in hearing about what was going on in my life. But I left as soon as I realized I was A) Not having fun anymore, and B) Really tired.

It also made me realize how humbled I feel to be working at the library here in Point Loma because everyone was asking what I was doing in San Diego. It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my job because I still believe that God provided it when I needed it, but it is a feeling that I am capable of doing so much more, if only I knew what that was. I'm feeling like I need to be "More Successful" whatever that means. And the danger of feeling this way is that it breeds discontentment in my life. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it will spur me on to bigger and better things. But I just want to be content with my life.

Conversations-7

Conversation of the weekend:

"Hey, would you ladies like some bagel pizzas?" this guy asked us. There were about four of us girls sitting on the couch chatting when he showed up.

"Only if you tell me your name!" I responded. We were at an 80's party and the guy who decided to chat with us had been pretending to be a pick-up artist. I felt obligated to respond in a similar fashion.

He laughed at my response and told us, "My name is Rob, nice to meet you."

"That's a good name," I said, "My name is Robyn."

After the other girls introduced themselves, one of them said, "Hey, Rob and Robyn...you guys should go around and pretend that you guys are a couple...that's such an 80's kind of combo..."

We both laughed. "That would be funny," I said. We didn't really pretend to be a couple that night. However, as I was leaving, I mentioned to Rob, "Hey, thanks for being my fake boyfriend."

Rob laughed and said, "Anytime."

Well, you never know when a fake boyfriend could come in handy.

---

So I went to an 80's party on Saturday and I must say...I had fun with my costume. I wore a neon green shirt that had the collar cut off, and fringe at the bottom. I found a hot pink and green bandana that I wore as a headband, pegged my jeans and crimped the bangs in the front (not that I have true bangs, mind you...) and my side ponytail. Yeah! I'll see if I get pictures back and then you too can relive the hideousness of the decade.

Friday

I'm so glad I normally don' t have to work on Fridays. It is so slow today. Good thing, I'm so drained. And I just had a long conversation with someone about why I don't want to be a part of that ministry for 20 somethings at my church. This person really thinks I should be a part of things. Okay, maybe. But not as the events coordinator. I said I just wanted to be a consultant.
All I want to do is go home and take a nap. 30 more minutes...

Freeway etiquette

This has never happened to me before, and it was both annoying and scary. While I was driving out to Murietta (it takes a good hour to get there) I notice that this guy in a beat-up station wagon is pacing me. So I look over, and he's trying to get my attention. I have no idea why. So I ignore him, except that he paces/follows me for 20 miles.

Now, when I drive, I normally notice if I have been driving with the same cars. But it is rare, and there is unspoken freeway etiquette that dictates you don't drive right next to other cars for any amount of time, especially when there is space. Passing is understood. Pacing is weird. Traffic is a different situation.

This guy was definitely following me. I tried speeding up, slowing down, switching lanes, boxing myself in by other cars, and still, he stayed with me or near me for 20 miles. I was getting scared. But then he just got off of the freeway a few exits before mine. I was relieved. So that's the story for today.

Taco Bell

I love Taco Bell, but the lids that exist at the one in Point Loma always fall off of my drink, and everytime I go there, without fail, I spill my drink.

Score:
Drinks: 4
Robyn's Clothes: 0

Funny Birthday Card I bought today:

"Things I've Learned: A universal remote control does not, in fact, allow you to control the universe. I did not get you a universal remote control for your birthday because, believe me, you'd just be disappointed."

Wow!

I was driving to work this morning and not only did I accidently spill some coke on myself, but as I'm on the freeway, a spider starts slowly dropping from the ceiling of my car right over my steering wheel. I'm not scared of spiders, but I didn't want to deal with it while driving, so I flicked it away. It is probably still alive somewhere in my car. I couldn't help but think that if it had been Adam or Megan (my brother and sister) driving, they would have screamed and crashed. They are both scared of spiders.

Last night, I had to write a 200 word essay in French. With limited vocabulary, writing in foreign languages is like putting together a 1500 piece puzzle, with extra pieces that you don't necessarily need. They may or may not fit. But you have to figure out how to communicate using only the words you know and convey concepts, ideas, and a grasp of the language. If you translate my essay into English, it is the equivalent of a fourth grade composition. It took me an hour and a half to write. I think that's quite ironic... and I know that there are some spelling mistakes...mostly missing accent marks. If there is anything I appreciate about the English language, it is that we don't need accent marks. We sometimes use apostrophes, but no accent marks.

This week's to do list:

1. Create contact cards for the wedding I'm going to on Saturday
2. Call Keola, ask if I can do laundry at his house tonight during community group...that's what friends are for, right?
3. Print and fill out APU Faculty Application--I am being offered an adjunct position through the library. The librarians are excited, and I'm excited. I could really use the extra money, and the job will be relatively easy.
4. Update my resume and work history--I got tired of looking things up and filling out the work history section on job applications, so I have a word document that I modify (depending on the job) and send with applications.
5. Find a third grad school to apply to besides Berkeley and UCSD. I did check out the US News and World Report 2005 guide to grad schools. I need a mid-low range cheap school that I know I can get into. Oklahoma State is looking pretty good at this point...
6. Practice my cello. Aaarrrrggghhh! I hate it when pieces are on the verge of being challenging, meaning that most of the piece is easy, but then has just a few parts that aren't challenging after you practice them. I work harder when a piece is more difficult.
7. Send my mother a bibliography of all my favorite fantasy authors (if I'm not too busy...yeah right!)

I will not really have time to do any of this over the weekend either because I am working Friday so that I can have Sunday off, then on Saturday, I am going to Knott's Berry Farm, and possibly an 80's party (for which I don't have a costume...), and then on Sunday, I'm ditching church to drive to Mission Viejo, where I will be meeting my cousin for lunch, and then going to that wedding.

Pray for me, I might go crazy next week.

Orchestra

So I'm sort of in this orchestra. I only practiced for it once. I have missed about 3 rehearsals, and will miss another on Thursday in order to make some extra cash. It bothers me a little that I keep missing rehearsals. I told the director from the beginning that I could be somewhat flakey. He said he still wants me to play even though he already has about 7 cellos and 3 basses. There's nowhere near enough violins to even need a bass section that size. So even though I'm a flake, I guess I'll continue to play until I get kicked out for missing too many rehearsals. Good thing I'm not getting graded. See, I figure, I already did my time. I spent four years of my life getting grades in music. This I'm doing for fun. Well, sort of. I'm finding myself to be slightly unmotivated, mostly because of my lack of time to practice. If I did practice, the music would be really easy. Amazing how that works. We'll see if I make it to the concert. I'm already missing one concert for a football game. I know, priorities, right?

Decisions, decisions...

I went to a "Leadership Meeting" for a ministry that Michael would like me to be a part of. He approached me over the summer about it. We've been discussing the possibilities, and I thought that eventually I would be able to say "Yes! I want to be a part of this ministry!" But I still have reservations. Do you ever make decisions and then wonder if the decisions you made were the right ones? That's how I feel right now. I don't know why I have reservations about being on this team, but my heart just isn't in the development of this ministry. I read somewhere that the need isn't the call. There is a definite need, but I don't feel a call. Is a call something you're supposed to feel? Something you hear? For me, I think it is something that resonates deep within my soul. Things just seem positive and right, even if they are difficult things. So I'm still not really ministering outside of doing all things musical, and at least in the church, that's come to a screeching halt as I haven't been scheduled for this month. I suppose that's a good thing considering it is football season and I have been out of town a lot over the past month.

Conversations-6

I was at a wedding rehearsal dinner and after eating lobster legs with sticky sauce, I needed to go wash my hands. So I got up, went to the women's restroom and tried to open the door. It was locked, so I settled back to wait. Then the door cracked open. I looked in, didn't see anybody, and then looked down. It was Bree, the pastor's kid. She is a precocious six-year-old, and she looked up at me with a familiar mischievous twinkle in her eye. I wasn't exactly sure what she was doing in the bathroom...

"Bree...can I come in? I need to wash my hands," and the door opened a little wider. It wouldn't have surprised me if she had told me that she was hiding from her older brother. But she wasn't.

"Yeah, I can't get the water on," she said as she let me into the bathroom and turned quickly to the sink.

"Let me see if I can help," I told her. Then I turned on the water. "Here's the problem," I said, "The handles turn the opposite direction." Bree started to wash her hands.

"Is the reason you need to wash your hands because of the sauce on the lobster legs?" she asked me.

"Yes," I answered, "they were very sticky."

"I know," she said with all the authority a six-year-old can possess. "All the food is weird." We were at a Japanese restaurant, and they had served us course after course of traditional Japanese food, including squid, jellyfish, duck, fish, and then the lobster. Not exactly kid-friendly cuisine.

"Do you want some soap?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said and stuck her hands under the soap dispenser, which I dispensed for her. And then she rinsed her hands off.

"You know, they are serving rice right now," I told her.

"Oh goody, I love rice! It's my favorite!" she said. She ran quickly out of the bathroom and over to her table. I followed her out at a more conscientious adult pace.

"MOM, ROBYN HELPED ME WASH MY HANDS AND I WANT SOME RICE!" I heard her say to her mother in a loud voice.

"Hi Robyn," Karen said with a quiet smile as I walked back to my table.

"Hi," I said with a smile and a wave. I kept walking back to my table, chuckling to myself about exuberance and passion, even if it was only for rice.

Twofer

Yesterday, my student worker was having a bad day in terms of ILLing. She came in and told me that when she was trying to print out some labels, the labels got stuck in the printer, and they had to call the tech people outside the university because they can't fix them here.

I just now tried to print out some labels, and they got stuck in the printer. The tech people on campus can't fix it. So my computer now needs fixing as well. What an ironic moment...

Why can't the French spell?

TIRED. I have a headache. But I'm doing a bit better than I was this morning. Got my French test back... wow. I REALLY can't spell in French. Why is it that I can spell in English, but not in French? Maybe because it doesn't sound the way it is pronounced. Yikes. That's what one missed day of class will do to you. I went from scoring approximately A's to B's. I need to make flashcards and force myself to try and spell things correctly. Like a French spelling bee. With myself. Yeah.

I also went out to coffee with Ryan G. last night. Some friends of ours are getting married, and they might need a cellist. Sweet! It would be so fun to see all the old Crusaders. It is rather a Crusade match-up.

And just for fun-

French word of the day: Bleu
Pronounication: "Bluh"
Translation: Blue

Use in a sentence: J'ai un chat bleu.
Pronounciation: J' I uh shat bluh

Translation: I have a blue cat.

Do I really want this?

So I started looking at other grad schools today besides UCSD... and I need to do more research. This process is quite daunting, and I'm getting scared again... I think it is more of a fear of failure (to get into a school) than a fear of the work. Although, it is quite expensive to go back to school. I don't know if I am ready to handle that kind of indebtedness. Then again, if I go to UCSD, then I could possibly go to school part time, and continue to work at Point Loma.

Sometimes I wish God would show me his will on a billboard, so that I couldn't possibly miss what He has for me to do.

Fresno beat Kansas State yesterday (yay!!!) and my brother got his picture in the paper (I think) it was one taken by the Associated Press and I saw it briefly right after the game on ESPN.com.

I also took a 2 hour nap yesterday, and then I couldn't sleep last night. I was still awake at 3:30am. Remind me never to take naps in the afternoon, no matter how tired I am...It is amazing to me how my mind wanders that early in the morning. And the streets were so quiet. Normally, I hear lots of helicopters and police sirens in addition to the screaming kid who lives behind me, but not that early. Although said screaming kid made his debut this morning at about 8am.

Yeah, I'm sleepy today, and didn't really want to be in church this morning. I briefly thought about ditching, but stayed. I didn't really listen though. I should have just left. A solitary moment at a coffee shop might have done me more good than the sermon this morning. I don't even really get to talk to people on Sundays anymore because I have to go to work right after church. I tuned out. Completely. And then I was glad I had to go, because I didn't have the ability nor the time to explain to people why I was feeling the way I was. Plus I didn't really want to explain things to them anyway.

I try to pretend that everything is okay, but I'm really kind of tense on the inside, without being able to understand where the tenseness is coming from.