Art Experiments: 4

So, I was playing around with images, washes, and paper today. Then I realized that these images were much more interesting when I put them all together.This picture makes them look a little better (brighter) than they actually are. I am more inclined to throw these ones out than to keep them, but at the same time, I could also choose to use them in a future project.

Homesick

I'm feeling a little homesick and lonely this week. Nothing helps a little homesickness like reviewing pictures with friends and family. Here's a spectacular sunset that I got to see with friends back in January in San Diego. This is at Coronado Beach.

Tissue and glue...sort of...

My two favorite experimental results from tonight's art experiments. Playing with different kinds of paper and medium matte. Fun! Obviously, I liked the tissue paper best, though I also used some cardstock for each of these as well. I like the texture the tissue paper creates.

Swatches

Okay, so the experiment here was to just go through a bunch of magazines and find colors that you like, glue the "swatches" to paper, and then see what colors you tend to use the most. I found this to be an interesting exercise. I must admit, I do really like bold colors, red, yellow, orange, but I also really like the cool ones-- blues and greens. Most of my house is decorated in shades of green (my favorite color).

Art Experiments

I bought this art book a few weeks ago and it has experiments to try. So I tried one yesterday.

Church Search: Update

These last two months, I have visited six different churches. I am really drawn to one of them in particular, but there's this guy who goes there that I know, and I'm not very comfortable interacting with him. I feel like there are very few people I feel skeptical about, and he is one of them. I really like this church. But it's too small to avoid interacting with this guy. I feel really stupid or something for reacting this way, but I need to feel safe and comfortable wherever I decide to attend.

The church I currently attend comes in second to this one, and I've nearly convinced myself that it's where I want to be. My reasons for looking beyond this church were because I didn't feel like the community I wanted existed there, however, I feel like they are slowly improving in that area. I know that I could help facilitate that change, if I choose to be there.

But I'm still feeling uncertain. I am indecisive. Tired of trying new things. Tired of feeling like I'm in transition. I feel like the list of churches I came up with were the best possible options in town. I'm still sort of feeling like I still haven't found what I'm looking for... and I'm a little scared it doesn't really exist.

Should I disregard the weird guy at church and attend the church that I felt was the best fit for me at church #1 (am I being dumb?)? Choose to make a difference at church#2? Or try some more churches (potential church #3)?

I feel so confused...

Thoughts about and experiments in Christian meditation

One of the ideas frequently mentioned in the Bible is that of mediation. Just a few examples:

Do not let this book of the law depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night...

Give ear to my words, Oh Lord, Consider my meditation...

I often feel like one of those hypocritical Christians because I pray so rarely. It often feels beyond my comprehension to sit down and "connect" to an entity that I do not fully understand. What I DO know is that I long for this connection, and that I am very out of practice in my ability to pray and/or meditate.

As I re-read the chapter on meditation in Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline, I was reminded that people learn meditation by meditating. Christian meditation is really about making space to experience the presence of God. Foster writes:

What happens in meditation is that we create the emotional and spiritual space which allows Christ to construct an inner sanctuary in the heart (20).

Foster also makes a great connection between meditation and imagination. He writes:

Perhaps some rare individuals experience God through abstract contemplation alone, but most of us need to be more deeply rooted in our senses...Even more, the imagination helps to anchor our thoughts and center our attention (25).

One of the things I've realized lately is that I am also out of practice in using my imagination. For a long time, I have been squashing my dreams, hopes, and thus, also my creativity. Most people I know would describe me as a creative person, and being creative is something that I would say I value. However, I am experiencing a gap in my life (at the moment) in this area. The reality is that I am unable to be creative without using my imagination. It should come as no surprise then, that I've found I have difficulty being creative and finding things that inspire my creativity. I'm not certain what commentary in the world I've been listening to, but it hasn't been very positive or validating. Somehow, I have let the "voices in my head" tell me that imagining is silly, unproductive and a waste of time.

The truth is, that those who are the most imaginative and those who are the dreamers are really those who can most make a difference in the world if they choose to do so.

I think I'm ready to dust off my rusty imagination and see what may come of it. That, and start practicing some meditation in my life.

Camp!

I'm kind of excited because I recently met the assistant director of student development at the university where I work and he suggested I apply to be a staff partner for their camps for incoming students. So I signed up this week! I'm very excited. The particular camp I'm attending is a weekend long challenge competition. It's gonna be fun!

Church Search

I visited not one but TWO churches on Sunday last week. The first was because they asked me to come play cello, which I did.

Then I went to another service after that at another church. That's an interesting story. As I was doing my research for churches, I came across one where I couldn't find the service times listed anywhere on their website. If it had been my website, I would have wanted to know that this information was missing. So I emailed the church through their contact form to ask them what time they meet and hinted that the service times were missing. The helpful receptionist responded with the service times. When I checked the website again, the times still weren't on the web page.

I sort of forgot about it for a week or two, until another friend and I were talking about web usability, and I told her about this church's website. After we talked, I was like, "I'm emailing them, they need to know!" So I looked at their staff page and emailed the guy who's job description and bio most closely resembled that of a web master. Well, he immediately responded back. He got the times up on the site. As a result of this incident, we started writing a bit more back and forth. The church I visited on Sunday was the one that he attends. I think I've made a new friend.

All that to say I'm surprised sometimes by how friendships form.

Visiting

So I just got back from church. It was my first time trying something different since last July. The service was more my style, so I felt relieved that there's something out there that I like. However, I'm also feeling guilty for leaving my old one. I've told two people there that I was considering trying out some other churches. Also, now I have to decide whether to try out the other churches on my list or keep going back to this one for a bit. I think I'm leaning more toward checking out the others on my list and then making a decision. However, it's such a lonely process.

I was thinking about how there's this regular article in the free magazine in San Diego. There's an anonymous writer who goes to a different church every week and rates it based on a scale that he or she created. Maybe I should create my own rating system?

I'm trying to prepare myself for at least a month of awkwardness, and then I'm trying to tell myself that "no, it's NOT awkward, it's an adventure!" It's all about perspective, right?

Jokes, in honor of tax day

I was just rewatching a video I took of my friend Laurel's kid last year. I had totally forgotten these jokes that she and her husband taught her, and I think it's more her husband really. This kid was about 3 at the time I took the video. Though I do not have strong political leanings,  it was really funny to hear these answers come out of her mouth:

What do cows say?
"Moo"
What else do cows say?
"Sizzle, sizzle"
What do Republicans say?
"No taxes!"
What do Democrats say?
"Hee haw"

Hope you enjoy these.

Cellist for hire

If you haven't figured it out already from reading my blog, I play the cello, and I really love playing. If you live in the Dallas or Fort Worth area, I would love to play for your next event. I have over 20 years of experience as a musician.

I have played for many weddings, parties, and bands over the years, and it's been really fun. Of all the things I do musically, playing for events is what I love the most. I love the camaraderie  with my fellow musicians and making the music sound great. Live music really adds a bit of class to these events.

I used to live in San Diego, and that's where these pictures were taken-- for my sister's wedding! It was at the beach, and it was a perfect day.

Now that I have lived in Texas for a bit, I have met other musicians in town-- guitarists and other string players, so I can put an ensemble together if you want as well. If you're interested, you can email me at elegantcellist at gmail dot com. Seriously. It would be a pleasure.

More weird dreams!

In my dream, I was spending some time with a friend of mine. I knew who this person was, but he did not look anything like what he looks like in real life. His essence was the same as what I knew though. So weird.

Resistance

Today at the chiropractor, I got to do some resistance training with bungee cords. I have not done any weight training for the last 2 years. The funny part of this is that my right arm is WAY weaker than my left. I blame the cello.

PS: I am right-handed.

Serving

I was just thinking about a comment someone made to me recently. He said, "you're brave to let your church know you have a talent."

I don't feel brave, I feel called to use my talents in service. If my talent is something that God has given me, and something that I'm passionate about, then using this gift and serving the church isn't a burden, it's more like something I can't help but do. Service becomes something I can't resist.

Anyone feel the same? Different? I'm curious.

Audition Update

So when I went to audition, the auditioner did not show up. She wrote down the wrong date. Also, my parents happened to be in town last weekend, and I felt bad because I had to practice for about five hours while they were here. I managed to reschedule my audition for last Monday night. I played some Bach, Brahms, and Mozart. You know, the classics. I gotta say, I was thinking that I wasn't going to play the Mozart piece but had been practicing it. Just go google "Marriage of Figaro" and you'll see why I was nervous about playing it. I played just the very first part. I did not feel like I played very well, but I told the auditioners that and mentioned that though I didn't play as well as I thought I could, I am a team player and I practice. All that to say that they let me in! I'm so excited. First concert: March 14. That's soon! I will be in a lot of rehearsals next week, but I'm SO looking forward to them.

Audition!

I am freaking out a little...

I had been told that there was a group of "hotshots" in an orchestra in Fort Worth. I checked out their website only to find that they had no spots open for cellists. However, I was looking on Craigslist yesterday, and saw that they had put an ad up for auditions. Problem was they were last weekend. Well, I emailed them anyway to find out if they would still let me try out. The good news is yes, they will. The bad news is that my audition is this weekend. I am SO not prepared. I practiced some Bach this morning to start preparing. I'm thankful that I have performed some solos in the last year, so I am not having to relearn anything, more just pick it up and brush it off. I also have to play three orchestral excerpts. I have not practiced seriously for orchestral stuff in a while. Thankfully, the library where I work has one book of orchestral excerpts for cello. Now all I have to do is pick three of them to practice and play. Oh yeah, and I get to try to practice these and audition with my parents in town. Good times.

I really, really, want to get into this orchestra. I'm really, really, trying not to get my hopes up. I fear the disappointment of rejection. Which is very possible. I have NEVER passed an orchestral audition on the first try.

Tree Climbing

Churches

I have been attending the same church for about six months now, and though I like it, I have come to the conclusion that it may not be the best fit for me. It seems so hard to decide that I need to go looking again, but it is important to me to find a place that makes me feel "at home."

It has been hard for me to figure out exactly what it is that is causing me to not fully commit to the church I'm currently attending, but have realized after some clarifying conversations that I need to find "my people" at church-- the ones who like to ask questions, be creative, explore scripture in depth, and feel comfortable with deep conversations. I can say with gratitude that I have made some friends at this church, friends that will become better friends as time passes. But before I decide that this church is where I want to be, I need to see if there might be a church out there that better fits me. I feel kind of weird saying that.

I am grateful that I do have the opportunity to choose where I attend. That was made abundantly clear to me, by a service in a very small town, that was close to the only option people had to attend. I'm thankful for the option to look, and I'm hoping that in the end, I will find my place.

I'm curious about what people think about this idea of looking for a church... What do people look for in their churches? How do you feel about the process?

Service Project

I just got back from a service project in Oklahoma. I'm tired, and I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I went with a small group from church to a residential school for boys. We were given the task of tearing down the siding of a shed, and then rebuilding it. In that process, we also cleaned out the inside of the shed by pulling everything out, trashing the stuff that needed to be trashed, and putting everything back inside. It looks a lot better. Things I did this weekend on this trip included:

• Digging ditches
• Raking dirt
• Lifting heavy stuff-- like plywood and concrete
• Wrapping power cords correctly
• Tree-climbing
• Dumping stuff in dumpsters
• Making faces at the camera guy
• Entertaining people with my guitar playing skills (or lack thereof)
• Eating lots of beef

Pictures will surface eventually. I did not take my camera, but lots of other people did take theirs. It was a really good trip. I loved the working, conversing, the road trip, the getting to know people better. It was all good. I love all the open spaces that we drove through, and in the end, it was refreshing to get away to a beautiful place this weekend.