Who are you?

I am mentoring a student right now, and we've come to the part in the curriculum where I have asked her to write a two page essay entitled, "Who are you?" I decided that I might want to do the same. So here goes:

I care about the past, because it impacts both the present and the future. I don't think you can fully understand a person or their viewpoints unless you know their history. I tend to ask a lot of questions of people about their past because this is what enables me to relate to them.

I am flexible. I like to be in new places, meet new people, and try new things...to a certain point. However, because I am adaptable, I hate committing to things. If I make commitments, they are strong, and for the most part, I try not to make them-- I must be heavily persuaded. But once I make a commitment, I am completely reliable and loyal.

I like to read. A lot. Through my reading, I collect new information and ideas. I love ideas. I have a lot of them. This is why the library is a good place for me to work. I can collect information and ideas that I am able to pass on to others. I don't feel the need to act on any of my ideas. I simply like them because they are creative, different, or because they give me a different way of looking at the world. I love poetry because of the ideas. My favorite songs are the ones with profound lyrics. Sometimes, whether the advice is asked for or not, I will bombard you with ideas. This unsolicited advice can be annoying sometimes to other people around me, and I have had to learn to curb it, and wait for when people do ask me for advice.

I also tend to think a lot about things. I need a great deal of solitude--thinking time--in order to function with other people around. If you really want to reach out to me, or have a meaningful conversation with me, then ask me what I'm thinking, and don't let me cheat by giving you some kind of vague or superficial answer, which I will do if I don't trust you, or if I perceive you don' t really want to know, or that you don't have the time to listen. This is how I test people sometimes. Persistence will get you a real answer and show me that you really do care. The negative of all this thinking is that I live a lot in my head, and it can be a lonely place.

My faults are many. I am stubbornly independent, don't like to ask for help, don't like to take risks, and have a deeply rooted fear of failing. I am selfish, especially with my time. I toe the line between having self-confidence and being insufferably proud. And while I am self-assured in a lot of ways, I am insecure in others.

I don't really see myself as a passionate person and it took me a long time to realize that I have a passion for music. Not for playing it perfectly, but just playing, being challenged to bring it to the next level, sharing it with others, and making it something beautiful. I like orchestral music because it challenges my skill, and I get depressed when no one is able to come to a concert that I've worked really hard on. I have to be able to show people what I can really do. Orchestra is my proving ground.

Of course, I wouldn't be who I am today without God's touch on my life. I am his child. He has a plan and purpose for my life. He made me who I am. If he hadn't been a part of my life, I would have a completely different set of friends, a completely different job, a different kind of education, and possibly even different passions in life.

This is the part of the essay where I really need to come up with some kind of conclusion, but I'm not feeling it today. My loyal readers may write one in the comments if they would like.