Mr. Encourager

One of the things I like about living where I live is the river trail that's located right behind my apartment complex. It goes for miles. I, of course, can only run about 3 miles at the most on a daily basis, which means I go a mile and a half out and then turn around. I've been doing this nearly everyday, and have started to recognize some of the regulars. I never thought I'd get to that point. But there's the girl with two little non-matching dogs, a few old dudes, the couple with the german shepherd with its back legs in a contraption to help it walk, and the guy who encourages everyone else by telling them, "Good job, you're doing great! Keep it up!"

I have seen this guy nearly every day. We are able to recognize each other especially on "bad weather" days, since on those days, there are fewer people out and about. I personally like these days since the weather on those days feels more like San Diego with a marine layer. However, I realized that it might be a good idea for me to check the weather report before heading out in the morning due to the fact that rain here is most often accompanied by thunder and lightening.

But now I'm curious about Mr. Encourager. He looks like he could have played football in the past, he's about as tall as I am and he's pretty stocky and square. I wonder if he has a coaching background and whether he has ever met a stranger. I have never seen him run on the trail, he is always just walking. Today, I passed him twice, once on my way out and again on the way back. The first time I passed him, he asked me how far I was going. I told him I was going just to the bridge and back. The second time, he gave me a high five and told me to keep it up.

I asked his name (Bill) and I have no idea whether we'll be friends or not, but I'm glad I now know his name.

My moment with Walter Cronkite

As an undergraduate, I majored in History at the University of California, Santa Barbara. All History majors were required to complete a seminar class, in which each student was expected to write at least a 20 page paper. Seminars could be taken on almost any field of history, and I chose to take my seminar in recent US History (1960-present).

Sixteen of us met twice a week and our instructor walked us through the writing process. In class, we got to discuss and critique each others' topics and drafts. One week, our prof announced that Walter Cronkite would be coming to our class. We all kind of looked at each other incredulously... our instructor explained that Cronkite was giving a lecture on campus that night, and wanted to visit a class or two. Since he had been reporting for most of the 20th century, the administration decided that ours would be the best possible class for him to visit.

So Walter Cronkite came to our senior seminar in Recent US History. He asked us each individually to share our topics with him. Then he provided commentary on each of our topics based on his knowledge and experience. What was so great about this experience is that the group was small enough for this personal interaction and that Cronkite was genuinely interested in what we had to say.

I am grateful for the experience.

Musical Networking

This week has been a good one so far... I finally managed to go to a church that had a potluck on Sunday after the service and got to meet some ladies my age. Also, apparently, they have a weekly social--trivia night at a local bar. Awesome. I'm there.

I've also been doing some recording with this guy in town, and he just sent me an email asking if I thought I would be interested in trying to put together some music so we can play around town. My answer to that was a resounding "yes!"

On Monday night, I drove out to Azle, TX to meet up with a violinist. Turns out she lives on a lake! She's lived there for over 20 years. When I got finally got there (got a little lost on the way), she served me some crackers, cheese, grapes, veggies and nuts. It was so nice and again, I felt like I was at a resort or something. We played through some of the music I had. I got the sense that we were both sort of auditioning each other, but I think we're going to get along and that's what counts. She is going to try and see if her next wedding clients might want a cellist too. I hope so. Even though I'm making more than I was at my new job, the extra income would certainly be nice.

Then of course I got lost on the way back. It took me twice as long to get back to my place because I went the wrong way. I still need to learn my freeways.

I have sort of been working at establishing a new community--I set goals for myself and have been trying to network. I feel like I've been putting a lot of time and effort into it, and my efforts are paying off. I'm having some success. It's a good feeling.

I'm kind of thinking I need to get a website or something... people keep asking me if I have one, and it would be nice to get something to showcase the recordings I've done. I just need to come up with a name for it.

Social Networking

So I've been trying to make some friends, and I've put a few ads up on CL, mostly looking for violinists. I'm starting to get responses from people who have no interest in actually responding to my ads, but they want to "help me."

I would like to let those people know: I don't need your help. Now, stop responding to my ads unless you are a violinist and are actually interested in playing music with me.

Seriously. If you don't understand the ad, don't answer it. If you don't meet the qualifications, don't answer it. Just don't. I will ignore you.

Okay, thanks.

Finding People

In case you didn't know, Texas is hot. I've been enjoying the heat. I know. I'm weird.

I'm in the process of trying to find a group or groups of people that share some kind of interest I have... ideas include church, ultimate frisbee players, bicyclers, hikers, walkers, runners, musicians...well, you get the idea. I'm finding that it is hard to meet people in the summer here because a)it's hot and b)Texans flee Texas in the summer because of the heat.

Work is slow because the students are gone for the summer. It does allow for a lot of time to plan and get things ready for the school year, which will be here before I know it.

For the 4th of July, I went to my dad's friend's house. They grew up across the street from each other in Long Beach. It was great to feel included and I had a great time getting to know their friends. Also, I told Mike, dad's friend, that I was looking for a new bike. Turns out he loves riding and found me a coupon to his favorite bike shop. I'm tempted to get something new. Very tempted. My current bike is just a bit too small, and it hurts my back. But I had forgotten how much I enjoyed riding when I had a bike I loved.

Speaking of combining interests. This is a picture I took a few years ago. I had forgotten about it until recently. This is my old cello, the one that is essentially "totalled" meaning the cost of the repair is more than the instrument is worth. Maybe I'll go on a photo shoot this weekend and take the cello with me. Hey, you gotta admit, it's a great conversation piece.

I have had some success with networking within the music community here. I have made my first musical friend. We have already done a few recordings together, and he is going to help me with one of mine next week.

Concrete heart

I love finding random beauty in the world. I noticed this piece of sidewalk almost the first week I moved in. There are so many things I think about when I see this picture. The heart is actually a hole in the concrete of the sidewalk. I liked the juxtaposition of the crack in the sidewalk next to the heart. Our hearts are all a bit cracked I'd say, but still beautiful. I'm hoping that this picture makes you think. I'd love to hear your comments on this one...

Pocket of Grace

The last month has been stressful and chaotic, mostly because I packed up all my earthly possessions and moved them to Texas. So far, I am really enjoying it. I had only been there about 3 weeks before I left to go to a conference last week where I was doing a presentation. The presentation went well I thought, and it was great to see many of my former coworkers at the conference. 

On my way back from Missouri (where the conference was) to Texas, I stopped and spent the night with my friend Beryl at her Aunt and Uncle's house. I had originally left my car there to carpool with Beryl (who had flown from CA to OK). When I got back, I found my car washed, detailed, and tuned up. Beryl's Uncle Doug had taken my car into the shop to have it checked out for me. He not only had the car detailed, but had them rotate my tires, do an alignment, and try to figure out what the knocking noise was on the left side of the engine.

I was really touched by this. My car had been maintained mechanically, but not really physically in the last few months. This was a totally unlooked for surprise, and I'm thankful to Doug for the care he took of my car while I was away. 

Doug was an agent of grace in a stressful and chaotic time in my life, and I'm thankful for the reminder from God that even though I feel like things are a bit challenging and chaotic right now, everything is going to be alright--He sometimes leads me to rest in these pockets of grace.

Nonnie

My grandmother was a strong, independent woman, who loved music, my grandfather, and her family. I spoke with her a few weeks before she died. She told me she was proud of me and that she loved me.

This is what she also told me:

"Last week I had a dream. I dreamed I went to church and when I opened my mouth to sing, I found I had forgotten all the words to the song. I have never forgotten the words before," she said.

"A few days later I went to church. I tried to sing, like in my dream and I couldn't," she told me sadly. "If I cannot sing, then I do not want to be here any more," she said sternly, with dignity.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said. "I know," I told her, because I understand. For in my heart I feel the same. If there ever comes a day when I cannot sing, then I do not want to be here anymore either.

"I love you," I told her, knowing it was probably for the last time.

Another Lullaby

Every once in awhile, I get a good idea for a song. Last fall, I participated in sort of a Bible study wherein the goal was to create something artistic in response to a Psalm. The psalm our facilitator chose was Psalm 91. For that project, I collaborated with another musician in the group to write a song, which turned out great! I wish we had time to record it.

That being said, I had originally wanted to write a lullaby based on this Psalm. Last night, I think music and lyrics finally came together. That, and I wanted to write a lullaby for my friend Laurel and her new son. I had written one a few years ago when her daughter was born and I wanted to continue the tradition.

I'm going to visit this weekend and I know Laurel and Daniel are going to love the song I wrote for their son.

Here are the lyrics:
Oh child, close your eyes and sleep,
I am watching over you,
Rest in the shadow of my wings,
I hear your cry,
But do not fear,
Have no fear,
I am here

You can get a preview here. But shhhh! Don't tell! It is going to be a surprise!

Discipline

As I have been working through this time of transition, I think I have learned the most about discipline. I have never felt that I have been very disciplined in my life. There are so many people out there that I feel are more put together, or more organized. My desk and room are always a mess. But I don't think that I could have accomplished what I have accomplished in the last six months without a complete disciplinary overhaul in my life.

First of all, I lost some weight, and that took some discipline. I had to start eating better and add exercise into my life. And not just fit it in, but make it a priority. Secondly, I also had to be more disciplined in my school work in order to finish my portfolio and also find a job. That took a lot of time and effort on my part to make sure that I met my deadlines.

I am more busy than ever, and the truth is I actually hate living my life with this much intensity. I keep thinking that these habits I've formed will get easier. They don't. It is still hard to watch what I eat and make exercising a priority. I have also realized I need to sleep more than most people and this also drives me nuts. If I want to be at my best during the day, I have to go to bed by 10pm. I usually push that to 10:30pm, and it is still hard for me to get to bed "on time."

I have been playing with my schedule lately as I have realized that exercising and sleeping (both of which need to happen in my daily schedule) can sometimes work against each other. So I have started trying to get up in the morning just 20min earlier than usual in order to get in a morning run. This has been good so far and has actually served a double purpose, since I am getting to work sooner. If I exercise in the morning, I'm not worried about trying to "fit it in" in the evenings, often after things like rehearsals and Bible Study.

I do not think I'll ever be able to completely conquer busyness in my life, but I'm trying to make things less frantic for sure.

It was only last week that I started thinking about how much I have grown in the area of discipline, mostly because a good friend of mine commented that he has learned a lot about how to organize his life through my experiences in the last six months. this surprised me because I do not consider myself to be very organized in general. I have had to learn it because it feels so unnatural. Anyway, we both were looking for jobs at the same time. It was awesome to be in the same situation with this friend because we inadvertently held each other accountable in terms of productivity. We both got jobs within a month of each other, and though we'll be in two different locations, we'll be able to support each other through the rest of our transitions.

Changes

Spring, apparently, begins on Friday, and change is in the air, at least for me. It has been an eventful month. I have been feeling pretty intense about my life and what's been happening and I have not been able to post about it until now.

At the beginning of February, I had interviewed for two new jobs, one in LA and one in Texas. Yes, I actually flew to Texas for the interview the last week of January. This was very nerve-wracking. I had fun at both interviews, but figuring out the logistics to make the interviews work with the job that I currently have was a challenge. I really liked both places, but especially liked the job in Texas. They told me they would let me know whether I got the job or not by February 12, which was a few weeks away, and right after another interview I had in Kansas. Well, they called me on February 5, two days before I was to leave for Kansas and offered me the job. I was so surprised since I was not expecting this call so early! I accepted the job, and I will be moving to Texas in May.

I am so excited, but also slightly terrified at the same time. I'm worried about finding housing, meeting people, making friends, and succeeding at my new job. This is such a big change for me since I have lived in CA my whole life. I have always wanted to live someplace different, and I'm almost surprised that I have created this opportunity. It is good. I am also so thankful that I was able to get a job in this economy. I feel so blessed. I will be earning a higher salary in a place where my income will go further because the cost of living is lower. I feel like I have a chance to really live my life the way I have always hoped to live it--debt free and full of fun. I have a lot of debt to pay down. But the good news is that I know I will be able to pay it off quickly because of the new higher salary.

I am really excited about all the possibilities.

Morning adventures!

Most of the people that work in the library take a morning break at 10am. This morning, I started hearing animal noises at around that time. This was weird because I thought everyone was in the break room. So I went to investigate next door. I was looking around when a tiny Chihuahua approached me.

Well, turns out my coworker brought in two Chihuahua puppies. One of them had escaped its enclosure. They were really cute. I put the one back inside only to have the other climb out. I got them both back in and let my coworker know that they had escaped and that I had captured them both.

Chihuahua puppies are SO TINY!

Dreams

Two weird dreams last night. I don't normally have them.

The first involved me having to take over driving a trolley in San Diego. However, the trolley was not on a track. It was more like a street trolley. It was out of control, and though I figured out how to control it, I didn't know the route. So I eventually managed to stop it at one of the main hubs and then felt embarrassed that I did not know the route. It felt frantic and crazy. People were totally screaming and I felt like I had let people down.

Then I also dreamed that I was racing at a swim meet. I was going to be my first race in five years in my dream (but in reality it has been much longer!). I was swimming the 100 butterfly and 100 freestyle. The fly is weird because I am weak in that stroke. I can do it, but not quickly or strongly. In my dream, I was actually trying to warm up for my race (the first one of the day--6am) and I couldn't swim right! For some reason, I could not a) pull my arms all the way down like you're supposed to, and b) open my eyes, so I was swimming with my eyes closed in the water and I couldn't see. I was however, wearing goggles. I never got to the race part of this dream, just the warm-ups.

The swimming dream was really strange because I know that I a) can swim well and fast and b) that goggles are my friend and that I can totally see what I'm doing even if I wasn't wearing them.

I am pretty anxious right now, and my anxiety does tend to manifest itself in my dreams sometimes. I have given up caffeine in this time because I know that it amps me up too much. Now I'm off to make some muffins and drink some herbal tea.

25

This is copied over from my Facebook profile. Basically, this is a meme that's been going around. I caught it like a cold. Ha. What you're supposed to do is tell people 25 little known facts about yourself and then "tag" people to do the same. So here's my list of 25 little known facts about me:

1. My biggest fear is losing my teeth. I have dreams about this. The funny thing is that I have actually lost a tooth already and now have a fake tooth. I'm still frightened that I may lose the rest though.

2. The dream I have the hardest time admitting even to myself is that if I could, I would totally be a full-time studio musician.

3. If you ask me to go bowling, I will tell you that I will come hang out, but that I will not bowl. The reason is because I cannot bowl. The last time I went bowling was in 2002, and I significantly hurt my back. I do not want to risk having another significant injury like that, therefore I will never bowl again.

4. I think crows are fascinating birds. My fascination with crows began when I read Rascal by Sterling North which was more about a boy and his pet raccoon. However, it also featured a crow. I don't necessarily want a crow as a pet, but I would love to befriend one.

5. I love telling stories. I don't think I could ever write a novel, but I do enjoy writing short stories that are based on events that have happened in my life.

6. I have thought about trying to write a webcomic. I took a cartooning class at a summer camp once and enjoy writing my own comics sometimes. I think my strength is more in the writing part than the drawing part, so if any illustrators out there are interested in a collaborative project, let me know!

7. I *almost* tried out for a women's professional football team (tackle football), but then decided it would be too hard on my body. I still like to play. I'm a decent defender. I played a game of flag football in college once and managed to sack the (male) quarterback three times in one game, even after counting "alligators." I don't think he liked me all that much after that. :(

8. I am not only the oldest sibling in my immediate family, but the oldest of all my cousins, on both sides of the family. I used to wish I had an older sibling, but I have come to realize that being the oldest has its perks.

9. I am a VERY fast reader. I can read about 100 pages an hour. That's just an estimate. My speed is dependent upon how complex the writing is. My siblings have always been in awe of this skill that I have and once tried to count how many pages I read in two minutes. I was not paying attention and didn't realize they were doing this until I felt all of them staring at me while I was reading.

10. I can't WAIT until I'm able to have a dog. I've always wanted one. I will probably adopt one at a pound once I have the money and the space.

11. I'm really good at getting songs stuck in people's heads. Unless you want the song stuck in your head too, don't ask me what it is. It is rare that I'm not subconsciously singing or humming something in my head. I may also hum out loud without realizing that I'm doing it.

12. I am an instigator. I have a lot of ideas. Not all of them are good. But I often find that my ideas influence people. When I tell people that I am an instigator, they do not take me seriously. In a recent conversation, I earned new respect from my friends when they realized the extent of my ability to instigate. I hope to use my powers for good and not evil. But I do love a good prank. ;)

13. Most people think I'm extroverted. I'm not. I'm a really social introvert. My Myer's Briggs type is INTP, but I'm not the extremist version of this type. I have trouble sometimes molding myself into a more structured society as I like variety and am extremely adaptable. This also makes me indecisive and means that I tend to try to keep options open, sometimes to my own detriment.

14. For the last three Christmases, my family has tried to play "Stump Robyn with words from the dictionary" game, which means they find a random word in the dictionary and see if I know the meaning. The funny part is that they can't always pronounce the words they are trying to stump me with and I have often corrected their pronunciation...which means I have known the word and its meaning.

15. I have two master's degrees. What? I just like learning. One is in Education and one is in Library and Information Science. My goal is to be an instruction librarian at a college or university.

16. Though I am a musician, I am terrible at remembering (and knowing) lyrics, titles and artists of songs. People always try to make me do the humdingers in cranium because I can hum in tune, but I RARELY know what the song is on the card. Unless it's classical, don't make me do those, okay?

17. I am tall, 5'11'' (which most of you already know) but I am the shortest of my biological siblings. I like to say I'm the short kid in my family. Take a look at my photos in the family section and think about the fact that I'm 5'11''.

18. I always loved PE in school. I never understood why the other girls didn't.

19. My pet peeves include wet socks, earwax in my ear, when my fingernails are too long and they click on things, um, I know I have a few more, but those are the main ones.

20. I probably own way too many hats. But I like them, and I love wearing them. Most of them are baseball hats.

21. I'm pretty serious most of the time. But I have a good sense of fun and appreciate people who try to help me be less serious.

22. I hate arriving late to things. I get anxious when I'm running late or when my friends don't show up on time. If you're gonna be later than 15 min, please call me!

23. I love being outside.

24. My first job was as a lifeguard at Raging Waters in San Dimas. I worked as a deep water guard (wave cove!) even though people weren't supposed to work there until they were 18. Basically, I kicked booty in the swim test and I looked older so they asked me why I wasn't trying out for deep guard. When I told them it was because I was 16, they didn't care and moved me over. I am still a very good swimmer.

25. I once met Walter Cronkite in person. I was a history major at UCSB. My senior seminar was in modern American history. Cronkite was doing a lecture that night on campus and wanted to visit a class. There were 16 of us writing about events in the 1900's, and as we told him our topics, he provided commentary on each one. This was an amazing experience.

Anxiety and Change

There are certain things in life that ALWAYS impact my anxiety level, and thus my ability to sleep. In those times, I try to walk it off or talk myself down. I'm feeling really anxious at the moment, mostly because there will be some significant changes in my life in the months ahead. Change is exciting and scary and challenging all at the same time.

I'm looking forward to it and dreading it all at the same time.

Recording Session

Things are going well. Last Saturday, I had the opportunity to record a song for a local band called Lessons from Zeke. The session went well I thought, I was able to knock out the song in about an hour. I did three takes total. Awesome!

We recorded at DML studios. Mike (Lessons from Zeke) had initially told me that we were going to record at this guys house, but it turned out that the garage had been converted into one of the most professional home studios I've seen!

The guy who recorded us is well known and respected in the music community, so I was surprised to find out that I was recording at his studio.

I had a great time and look forward to hearing the final product.

Regular

So. There's a bakery down the street from where I work. They are awesome! People come from all over town to experience their homemade breaded wonderfulness. My favorite thing to get there is a raspberry chocolate scone. The bakery has them on Tuesdays and Fridays, and maybe on the weekend sometime as well.

Well, I did not realize I was known as a regular customer until I walked in the bakery today (Thursday) and the girl at the counter says, "Oh no, no raspberry chocolate scones! What are you gonna do?"

I laughed and said, "I know. Um, I'm gonna get a pear almond scone."

I wish I could capture the tone on the girl at the counter's statement because it was very cops or something, "Whatcha gonna do!?" or maybe Speed (the movie), "There's a bomb on a bus...what do you do, WHAT, do you do!?"

I still like the raspberry chocolate scones better, but given my options, the pear almond will have to do for today.

Worry

I know. This is an interesting topic for my first blog of the new year...

I just had an IM conversation with a friend who was worried about a situation that she did not really have control over. I never know what to say to people in these situations. I don't really feel like I can relate.

I do not get worried that often because if I notice that I'm worried, I try to problem solve the situation. Why am I worried? What power do I have to change the situation? What are the specific steps that I can take? If I decide that I have no control over a situation (which is the case most of the time) then I see no reason to worry.

As a Christian, I believe that God is in control all the time. This does not mean that he prevents bad things from happening. However, this gives me the ability to face down many of these anxious situations with calmness.

However, there have been times in my life where I have lived in a state of continuous anxiety. This is not fun. Whenever I face this level of anxiety in my own life, my solution is to change my focus as much as possible, by reading a book, watching a movie or anything that will engage my mind and keep me from thinking about whatever it is that has me worried. I have also found that in these times, I'm WAY more likely to sleep if I can wear my body and mind out with exercise.

It is in these moments that I often am reminded of God's many promises to me and everyone else in this world--that He loves his people and me specifically, He has a purpose and plan for my life, that He can use these terrible situations for good in my life or perhaps in the lives of others, and that I am not alone.

Often, when I confess to others that I am anxious or worried, when I do go through these times of trouble, I am always encouraged by the responses of the people around me. It helps to have friends and family remind me of the promises previously stated and ease me towards healing from those situations.

If I were to write a Christmas letter...

If I were writing a Christmas Letter, this is what it would say:

I have so much to be thankful for this year. I bought a new cello with the help of my family and friends for my birthday last February. It has been such an awesome blessing. This instrument is beautiful and I've started to think about playing a recital sometime in March. It will take a bit of preparation on my part, but I am hoping that I will be able to share my talent with all my supporters and fans. :)

A very personal journey is coming to an end soon (I hope). I started trying to lose some weight about a year and a half ago, and I just recently hit 40 pounds of weight loss. My goal is still about 10 pounds away, but I feel so much better (and hopefully look good too!). It has been a struggle that I do not like to talk about since I know so many people who struggle with this issue. But I am proud of my accomplishment and look forward to being able to steal pants from my sister!

I have built some great relationships with local musicians in town. I'm currently playing with Lessons From Zeke, a local band here in San Diego. I have really enjoyed playing with this talented group of musicians and I'm looking forward to contributing to a few songs on their next album.I have also had the opportunity to try singing and really enjoy it! I sing occasionally with the band at church and this has been a great experience.

I also finished my Master's Degree in Library and Information Sciences from San Jose State University. I'm excited to be done. My life will be drastically different due to the end of my schooling. I'm looking forward to the future and especially having more free time.It has been a great year. I'm looking forward to the next. I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

This has been a really busy week. I'm still trying to finish stuff up before I start driving to LA for a few days. I'm looking forward to a true break, no plans, except to maybe play some cello and pick back up some of the technique I've been losing.

I went Christmas shopping last Friday and bought all my gifts plus all the wrapping in the same two hour period of time. My guy friends were all hangin' out at their house. When they asked if I was coming over, I asked if I could bring my gifts and wrap them there. They were agreeable of course, and one of them asked me excitedly if he could help. I gave him the, "Seriously?" look. He really wanted to help, so I let him (of course) and we got my gifts wrapped in half the time!

He also modeled the gift I got for my sister-in-law. That picture is classic. I will try to remember to post it here after she opens the gift.

I have to admit that I'm very thankful this year. It has been a pretty good year. I feel more free, maybe cause I finished the degree and a little lighter (after losing 40 pounds over the last year and a half) and pretty optimistic about the future.

I never usually look forward to Christmas. It is my least favorite holiday. Usually it has been stressful and not restful due to the number of places I feel obligated to be. This year, I've had a change of heart and I'm looking forward to celebrating with my family and all the traditions it entails.