Facing fear through music

My 12 year old cello student had a breakdown tonight. She was frustrated and started crying. As she did, I started asking some questions and had the opportunity to hear my own fears reflected back at me. "I don't want to do this audition, what if I fail?" "It's too hard, what if I can't do it?"

I still face those exact fears or a version of them quite often. It was a strange experience to actually hear my own fears voiced exactly by a 12 year old.

I put my arms around her and asked her, "Do you like music?" "Do you really love it?" She said, "Yes." And then I told her that the last thing I wanted to do as a teacher was to steal her joy in music. I told her it would be hard sometimes. But overall, I wanted her to love it.

What I didn't say, but wanted to, was that failure is to just give up. That auditions are always scary, no matter how old you are. That the practicing can be dreary and difficult. But that its worth it in the end.

How do you teach someone who hasn't ever played music with others that sharing the music is the point? That there's also joy in learning how to play with a group, and that you can find friendship and community there?

I know from personal experience that passing an audition and getting into a group to play with others is one of the best experiences ever.

I also know from personal experience how devastating failing an audition can be. And I have failed many.

For some reason, I keep playing. I am in the process of trying to find my joy again, and learning to refute the voice in my head that tells me I am not good enough, that I will always fail...

It's not true. And that voice in my head is a big fat jerk.