Notes

I so admire people who can blog everyday. I am not one of those people. Obviously. This month has flown by, and there are so many things that I've needed to write about and didn't. Mostly because I think the writing was just going to be time consuming.

I thought the summer would be less busy for me. It isn't. I have more to do, but you know what? I like every activity I'm involved in-- High school youth group at my church (I'm a leader), being a part of a band, and getting active.

I started this crazy diet, and it seems to be working so far. I've lost 5 pounds since I started. But it was so hard to start, and I know it is going to be hard for me to keep it up. I've finally admitted to myself that I'm overweight. I don't look it because I'm tall, but I need to lose about 40 pounds. Perhaps this blog will help me stay honest about that.

I have felt so tired and weary this month, and somewhat disconnected from God. That's hard to admit also because I am a leader at my church. However, I will say this: I have never claimed to be anything I'm not. If people ask me how I'm doing spiritually, and they have the time to listen, then I will be honest and say that I feel far from God right now. I never pray anymore.

I got this letter from my step-brother a few weeks ago. I haven't heard directly from him in at least 5 years. He is in prison as a result of addiction. I know it is so hard to change, which is why I've always been skeptical about his ability to stay sober after prison. I haven't even really acknowledged him as a brother...that relationship has always been broken, for almost as long as I have known him.

I don't know what to say to him. I normally do not struggle in writing letters, but this time I am.

My sister told me last week that she had a dream where I died. Surreal. She said she was in complete shock and sobbing in her sleep. It's nice to know that I matter so much to her.