A new band?

I've been playing music with this guy over the last month or so. I've really enjoyed getting to know him and playing with him this summer. He is so endearing. He is really worried that I don't like it or that I'm just going to up and quit on him. This is because I haven't fully committed. I can't.

He is a big dreamer and I think he has talent. He is definitely investing in his music. I think I'm walking into this situation with a little more aloofness and skepticism than I did the last time. I also think that this guy I've been playing with is more sensitive to emotion than a lot of guys I know. He is probably sensing a bit of my aloofness. I'm also a very different kind of girl and I think he may also be having difficulty reading me. These two things alone I think would be worrisome.

He wants me to play a show in the middle of August. That's what we've been working toward. I have one song down for sure and one that's almost ready.

Inside Family Joke

When my sister was five or so, my parents gave her a scooter. Her reaction upon seeing the scooter was excitement, but the first thing she said was, "no pom-poms!" We have her reaction on a family video and "No pom-poms!" has become a recurring family phrase.

She recently got engaged and will be getting married next year to a great guy. So I made her this cartoon and gave it to her as a card. This is a rendering of *almost* the same drawing on a post-it:

Simple Autumn: Visualization

Here's a pretty cool visualization of a song I wrote. I used wordle.

Portfolio

I've started to think about my final portfolio and what platform I want to use to publish it, whether that be the repository my school owns or some other kind of software. So I've been playing around with various platforms, and I was very excited to discover that Wordpress will allow me to basically create a free website that does what I need it to do. If I pay a little extra, I could upload mp3 and movie files (for screencasts).

This is awesome. You can look at my other site here. My portfolio is currently password protected, mostly because I don't really have anything up yet. All the pages are blank.

I have a friend who is a graphic designer, and I'm thinking about asking her if she wants to create a logo and/or banner for my site. Sweet!

Affirmation

I got to sing at my favorite church service on Sunday. I cannot express how affirming it is to just be up there and be a part of the music. I really enjoyed it--the band was rockin'!!! We all got some great compliments from the congregation. It really helped me start the week with a great attitude.

Job Update

I found out last week that the job in Mississippi is now unavailable. The person who had the job decided to stay. So I will probably not be moving to Mississippi anytime soon.

However. I did just get an interview for a library here in San Diego. I'm nervous. This feels too soon and I'm not sure that it is exactly the kind of position I want. I do not fully trust my decision making skills.

I gotta say though, one interview out of four applications is a decent response rate. That means my cover letter and resume were strong enough and that I'm applying for the right kinds of positions.

More job hunting

At my conference last week, I was asked to be on a panel after the opening keynote speaker. It was a great opportunity to let people know that I was graduating with my MLIS in December...check that... finishing my coursework in December (I'll be graduating in May). As a result, I had one or two people introduce themselves and ask me if I would be interested in applying at their institutions. One of them was a catalog position, and I don't think I would be very good at that.

As a result of being on this panel, I also made friends with a library director who was on the panel with me. We really hit it off, and after the conference was over, she sent me an email to let me know that her circulation librarian had just quit and wanted to see if I would be interested in applying for it. I told her to send me the job description. The college sounds really neat. It is in Mississippi. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that.

I currently have three applications out there. Two are for libraries in San Diego, and one is at a library in Idaho. I was looking at another job in Texas today, where I also think I would do well, and that position starts on September 1, but is negotiable...

In my mind, I'm applying for a bunch of different positions, and I am not really expecting that I will get any of these first ones that I apply for. The last time I went through the job hunting and application process, I felt like it took a month or two for me to really hone my application skills and write killer cover letters. So if I did happen to get a "bite" on one of my applications, and someone wanted to hire me, I feel like things would happen much more quickly than I expected them to.

I really want to see the job description for the job in Mississippi. I think I would have a good shot at getting that one because I already know the director. I definitely need wisdom on this decision because that would be a big change!

Music

At the last show I did with my former band, I met a guy who was vitally interested in talking with me about playing cello for him. He emailed me last week and we met up after work yesterday to just talk about music. It was really good and somewhat affirming.

Hard Drive

I was trying to do some laundry on Saturday and as I went to pick up my laundry basket from beside my bed, I tweaked my back and managed to pull my computer off of my desk. So I literally crashed my hard drive.

It was pretty upsetting and the first thing I did was call my computer geek friend to see what could be done. The answer was, "nothing, I think you're gonna have to take it in."

I took it to Best Buy, where they told me that my data was irretrievable. But then I went to a barbecue, where there were a bunch of computer geeks. One of them thought he might be able to retrieve my data. So I picked up my hard drive from Best Buy and gave it over. I still haven't heard the results.

The good news is that there is now a new hard drive in my computer and it was covered under my extended warranty, so I don't have to pay anything. The bad news is that I can't get it back until I return the original hard drive.

In other good news, I found the data for my Master's degree that I thought I had lost on one of my flash drives. I didn't think I had backed-up my classwork, but I did. I'm relieved. Still sad about all the other stuff, like journal entries, pictures, and my music. So it would be fantastic if I could get my data back, but because I have the most important stuff on my flash, I'm better off than I thought I was.

My celebrity crush

I don't have one currently. I only have crushes on actual people, and not that often. I feel like the term "crush" implies some kind of obsession, which is not a very healthy thing to have. I know this was supposed to be a funny sort of question, but I really don't have an answer.

Moving on...

At church on Sunday, I listened to two sermons... one about envy versus jealousy, and one on anxiety. I did not realize that there is a difference between envy and jealousy, but there is. Envy is wanting something that someone else has. Jealousy is wanting to protect or guard what you think is yours by right.

I realized that much of my current frustrations with my life arise out of envy. I am envious of what others have and as a result, I am not content with my life. I want a better job. I want a new car. I want to be free of debt.

There was a moment last week where I thought to myself, "All my striving is pointless." I realized how surreal life can be when I stop to think about the futility of all my activity.

When I am anxious, the worry shows me that I often care more about these things than about God and his plan for me.

I was convicted. I was reminded to be thankful.

Sunday was a good day. I had a real conversation with a new girl at church. I was paid to play cello at a fun party. I got to go to church in the evening. I have a friend who walked with me late at night when I needed to walk off my anxiety. We had an honest conversation about life. He told me to call if I need to talk this week and I know that he means it.

I had two people tell me last week that they think God is preparing me for something great. I was not ready to listen yet.

But now, the pain I'm feeling from the difficulties I faced last month is fading and I'm ready to let it go. I'm ready to move on with my life.

Miscommunication

I'm having a rough week. After getting dropped by my band, I get a call from my dad who is upset because he didn't know I was going to New York for my cousin's wedding. After talking it over with everyone, I figured out that there were a lot of assumptions being made by everyone involved. Frankly, it just slipped my mind to let my parents know that I would be there. I'm really frustrated with everything in my life right now.

I want to make music so badly, and I'm feeling adrift. I have nowhere to play. I keep working to promote my instrument and then subsequently work myself out of positions. I started playing cello at this rad church last summer, but because of my schedule during the year, I had to drop that band. They liked the cello so much that they hired a full-time cellist. So I won't get to play with them this summer. Ironic.

I'm playing at a talent show this weekend. I'm playing the Prelude from Bach Unaccompanied Cello Suite #2. Bach wrote six suites for the cello, and every cellist learns them. Each suite has six movements, so there are 36 movements total.

I've always said that good cellists are always slightly depressed. I was debating between the Prelude from Suite 2, and a Gigue, which is a dance, and by nature is happier and a little more showy. I decided to play the Prelude instead because I have never performed it-- will probably never again have the opportunity to perform it because it is a sad piece. However, I think it is my favorite Prelude.

I should be able to play it well as it reflects my current state of mind at the moment.

Job Searching

I have been looking around to see what kinds of jobs are out there. Because I forgot to fill out some paperwork, my degree will not post for a year from now. I'm frustrated. This may impact my ability to get a job.

I applied for one job already (and got a nice rejection notice) and I should be applying for more but I think I am afraid of the change. I never thought of myself as that person, but I am really not looking forward to this particular transition.

Everyone tells me that I have great skills and experience, but I am still really worried about finding something new. I think my biggest fear is taking the wrong job, or worse, getting the right one and utterly failing at it. This is so weird because I'm normally pretty confident, but I think the idea of a change is shaking my confidence a little.

I struggle with motivation in my current position, but that has to do more with the fact that I'm not challenged in my job. Yet I am worried that I will fail at a job that challenges me. I know this is dumb because I always get things done, rise to the occasion, and all that.

The paradox is that I need the change, yet I am reluctant to face it. I am in the process of mentally preparing to face it. And I'll get to the acceptance phase probably sometime soon.

Weekend Blah

I've got the Monday blues. I'm not feelin' that great and I'm really tired which also means that I'm unmotivated. I think I used up all my motivation on Saturday, wherein I had a 3 hour orchestra rehearsal, a barbeque (which was fun!), then I went walking (because it was 90 degrees in SD on Saturday), went to the grocery store, made a mass amount of cookies which took me 3 hours, wrote a quick paper and then finally, went to bed. I was really tired. I actually had to make myself a to-do list on Saturday.

On Sunday, I got a late start. By the time I was ready to go, it was after 10am. So instead of going to my church, I visited the one on the corner. I got to meet some of my neighbors. There were hardly any young people there. I was talking with a friend about it, and we were wondering what makes a church or any organization thrive. We both agreed that it takes a core group of people spending time together and who are inviting others to be a part of it.

Hawkeyes for a night

Last week at band rehearsal:
Nate: So my parents are coming to town next week. They're really excited to meet you guys. They bought you all presents.
Me: Really? What did they get us?
Nate: I can't tell you. But its a sweet gift!

Last night at the show, we all met Nate's parents. They are from Iowa. They had presents for us--Iowa Hawkeye shirts. Mine was hot pink! We all wore our shirts from the show. I wish I had brought my camera last night!

I need some encouragement

I just realized that I missed the deadline for declaring my candidacy to graduate. I'm now getting the runaround from advisor types about whether or not I get to graduate in December. If my candidacy is not accepted, then my degree will not post until May 2009. I'm not optimistic.

Homework

I was kinda bored all weekend. Weird, with what all I have to do. On Friday, I hiked to Costco for some ice-cream. That's right. Hiked. That hill is wicked steep! I also practiced my cello quite a bit.

On Saturday, I went for a walk in the morning, had a meeting, and then just played around on the computer. I finally got around to actually getting some homework done. I finished this week's project, and let me say, I'm glad I got it done on Saturday, and that I didn't procrastinate. It took me about 6 hours! Plus I still have a group project to work on. I am really looking forward to the month of May, wherein I will get some time off from school.

Podcast and Encouragement

We had to experiment with podcasting for my class this week on social software and libraries. A podcast is actually an audio series (sort of like a radio show) that listeners can subscribe to using RSS feeds. However, most people will just download the single audio files of what they want to listen to, and don't actually subscribe to the series. So what I did for my class was create an audio file. I wouldn't really call it a podcast because it isn't part of a series...yet.

So for this experiment in audio, I decided to tell the story of the original Norman Rockwell painting that our library owns. It was actually stolen and returned in 1987. My "broadcast" got a great review from my professor and classmates, so I decided to send it to my boss. He LOVED it. That was really encouraging to hear, and he's thinks it could be fun to do a series.

Stories from the Studio

I recently met this guy after one of my band's shows. Let's just say he's a friend of a friend of a friend. We talked for an hour about fun, intellectual things. Turns out we have a lot in common, and I have been hoping that he would make an appearance at a show in the future. He has not yet made an appearance at any of the other shows we've played.

At the studio on Friday, I was talking with Nate's aunt. She had noticed that I was talking with this guy, and turns out he's good friends with her son. She was thinking that we (her son's friend and I) were getting along really well. She's throwing a barbeque in a few weeks and she's going to try and get her son's friend there. Awesome! Look at me, doing the whole social networking thing!

Community in YouTube paper

I just got my grade back on the paper I wrote on community formation in YouTube. My prof really liked it and thought I should try to publish it! That's awesome! I think it would need a bit of editing, some sections could be expanded a little, and there are still some long sentences that I could cut down. I don't know where a paper like this would fit in. I emailed the prof back to ask if she had any ideas about which publications would accept a paper like this. It isn't really a paper that has anything to do with library science.