Presentations and blogging

We have been studying blogs and blogging in my social software in libraries class. It has been a thought-provoking topic for me. I have been blogging for a long time it seems, and my purpose for starting this blog was to get better at writing.

As a result of our discussion, I have been thinking about what I would write about if I started a more "professional" blog, and whether or not I would be able to blog about interesting ideas, interact more with the library community and participate more. I'm not sure that I really have much to add to the conversation, but who knows until I try, right? I'm not going to convert this blog at all, it will remain a personal journal-type blog, that I don't really advertise to anyone that I know really.

The blog discussion led me to explore some ideas this morning about presenting. I have to create a presentation. It will be rather boring, I'm afraid, so I have been looking into trying to spice up the content with a good graphical presentation. I have been looking into alternative methods of presenting other than using powerpoint. I found an interesting idea about using Dreamweaver instead.

By using dreamweaver, the presentation becomes less linear and more visual. My problem is that I need to start thinking about how to represent my content in a more visual context, and really think about how I'm going to make this presentation interesting.

We have been talking in class about how to make blogs more engaging and interesting, and I find that there is a high degree of cross-over between making content interesting in both blogs and presentations.

I might give Dreamweaver a chance this afternoon.

Opening night

I played cello for Nate James last night, and had so much fun! However, there was some miscommunication about when we were supposed to start so all my friends showed up at the end of the set. There will be other opportunities.

The band that played after us consisted of a keyboard player and a guitar player, and they were such a mismatched pair. Not sure how they met or why they were playing together. Their styles were so different.

Finally, we couldn't take it anymore, so we went out to a karaoke place. That was fun. It was a fun night out.

Driver's License

I finally reached the point where the DMV required me to retake my picture in order to renew my license. When I originally got my license as a teenager, I had this internal debate with myself over what I should write down for my eye color and finally decided on "brown." They are brownish, but not quite brown because they have hints of green and yellow in them. So when I went in to renew my license, I changed my eye color to hazel. Which is what I probably should have put in the first place. I suppose most people don't get to change their eye color, so when the DMV lady looked at my application she asked, "Are you wearing contacts?" I said "no." And that was that.

I am the band

I have really been thinking about posting an ad on Craigslist to see if there are any bands out there who are looking for a cellist, or if they might want to play with one occasionally and instead, I found an ad for a cellist. I listened to this guy's music and then I contacted him. I think he and I are both excited about playing together. I think we are very compatible as musicians, and after talking with him, I think we'll be able to work well together.

He is exactly where I wanted a music partner to be... not quite there yet in terms of exposure and publicity, but someone who is an established musician and someone who is motivated to do well and take care of the managing part of the music scene.

So. Check out my new band mate: Nathan James.

He is excited because once we're ready to go, he can actually start advertising and promoting the "Nathan James Band." So I told him I wanted a shirt that says, "I am the band!"

Staff Paper

I've decided that I really want to attempt composing a piece for my string trio. Perhaps it will turn into a quartet. My friend Kyle wrote this song for guitar, and I'm going to try to arrange that first and see how it goes. So I bought some staff paper (blank music paper) today. It is thick and I like it because the lines are not super dark. I'm excited. I think I'm going to try and work on it tonight. It will be a challenge, but what a great piece it could be. I can hear the potential in it. Depending on what I come up with, it might stay true to the guitar part, but I can hear other melodies in my head on top of it, so it may morph into something slightly different.

I have always loved stationary and art supplies. I think it is because I like the idea of being creative. One of my favorite places as a kid was this lady's house. She had an art studio behind her garage and would teach art lessons to kids after school. She had construction paper, canvas, art paper, all kinds of paints, clay, markers, crayons, charcoals, watercolors, you name it, she had it. I always had the hardest time choosing what I wanted to work on and gravitated towards the clay. I have quite a few clay animals that I made when I was in first grade from her class. I loved the potential for creativity. That's what I see when I look at my nice, clean, blank pieces of staff paper: undiscovered melody.

Transitions

I asked my boss today if I could list him as a reference. I found a job I want to apply for, and I needed to let him know that I was looking. He asked if I would stay if they could find a position for me. I said yes. That would be ideal. I got some tears in my eyes because I like it here so much. I really wish I could stay. I hope he is able to make it happen.

Black Sunday

I'm working in the library. It is the Sunday before finals week on campus, and the students are restless. A few of them have just walked by, dropped to the floor, rolled a bit, and then stood up. I'm a little curious as to why this seems to be happening. Maybe they have eaten too much pizza and the carbs are all going to their heads. This is the LIBRARY and students come here to study. Except for the ones who come to be seen "studying" which is worse because this means that the library is the social place to be seen. Which also means that they get to talk to all their friends, in the library. I especially love the students who forget that they are in the library, or that they are not in an enclosed area (ie study room) and are talking so loudly that we can hear them all the way in the reference area.This is why today is known in my world as "Black Sunday," one of my least favorite days of the year.

Ummmmm...

Is it bad when I panicked in my dream last night becase I was given a "bad" grade on one of my assignments? And that my "bad" grade was a 91/100? What is WRONG with me???

Partial Christmas Song

Home again on Christmas Eve
My brothers hang lights on the tree
My sister sings while I play
carols on my guitar.

We all sing on the way to church
It's the only day all year

We light our candles
raise them high
Sing about a silent night

We sing
O Silent night
O holy night

I want a new cello...

I went to the music store yesterday with a friend of mine who wants to buy a cello. So I got to play all these beautiful instruments.

It is so frustrating to know that I cannot afford to buy a new instrument, and that I won't be able to afford one for at least 5 years. Not without going into a lot of debt.

See, right now, I owe a lot of money on my credit card. I get frustrated because it just seems like I'll never get them paid down.

Until I get a better job with a higher salary, there is no way I can afford a new instrument. And honestly, I kind of need a new car more.

I found a beautiful German cello at the shop for just under $4000. It sings so beautifully, and the playability on it is really high. I'm trying to figure out if there is any way to manipulate my finances so that I could possibly afford this thing... as long as my friend doesn't want it.

Ironic

I was just telling my friend Cathy about how I had to play Ave Maria as a cello solo at the wedding, and about how I had only heard it all the way through twice in my life because I don't really like it...

I was at Burger King at the mall this morning where there is also an ice rink. Guess what one of the skaters was skating to? That's right. Ave Maria.

Restless Mind

I'm at the reference desk. It is COLD here today. My fingers are numb. When I got here it was 65 degrees. Now, the temperature is up to 68. I'm still cold.

Thoughts

There's a loud tractor outside my office window.
I want to play cello more, maybe I'll post on Craigslist to find a band to be a part of...
Why am I so unmotivated right now...?
I should really be getting some work done.
I wish I had a good idea for a research project.

and finally, I don't want to do my homework.

Buckeyes and Boys

I went to watch the Ohio State game tonight at a local bar with a friend of mine who is a Buckeye fan, wherein there were some shepherds sitting at the table next to ours. Well, they weren't really shepherds, but they were dressed up for Halloween. They might have been wisemen... There were three of them and they were all dressed the same. One of them started talking to me. I said something about how I couldn't tell them apart because they all looked alike (because of what they were wearing). He got "insulted" and told me I was mean because I thought they all looked alike (and they didn't???). He turned his turban away from me and told me to "talk to the towel." My tablemates were wondering what the heck this guy was doing. I told them that he was ignoring me because I insulted him. They all started laughing. Then later, he decided to take a picture "of the mean girl." I made a face with my eyes rolled. Then my friend asks me, "did he just take your picture?" I said, "Yes. Yes he did." And everyone at my table started laughing again.

Bottom line: Some drunk guy in a fake turban who doesn't know my name and who thinks I'm mean now has a picture of me on his camera. What's the point? Seriously.

I love technology...

It is definitely Monday.

So I cleared a registered user through my database today, and thought nothing of it (because this normally works fine). What happens when I clear people is that my program sends an automatic email.

After I cleared this person today, I started getting a ton of emails from random people because somehow they got the email that was supposed to go only to the new registered user. Ummm, giant red flag.

I looked at the email and realized there was a typo in the user's email address, the user had put a comma after the domain and not a period. Turns out the whole education department received this email. Good times.

Guess I'm the spammer of the week.

There is a season...

My neighbor, Nikitas, died unexpectedly last night. He and his wife, Georgia, own the duplex that I rent, and the live in front of me. I am kind of at a loss for how to respond in these kinds of situations. My other neighbor, Carmela, is also grieving. There's a lot of tension and emotional chaos around this place right now.

On the same night, my other neighbor gave birth to a baby girl. They live across from me. The baby is healthy and well.

What a poignant moment, when life ends and begins in the houses that border the same small courtyard.

Relational Pursuit

In just the past week, I had two people quote things back at me that I had said to them at one point or another.

Kyle reminded me about a conversation we had about being fully engaged in relationships even when you know you're not going to be around for awhile. If you hold back because you think that it's not worth the short amount of time that you're in a certain place, then you pass up an opportunity to learn from people that God may have put in your life for a reason. I fully believe that sometimes we're friends with certain people for seasons. You remember them with fondness, and they may have taught you something, but you don't necessarily keep in touch. I have many friends like this.

Jenn M. reminded me that we had a conversation about relationships, and how our best friends (whether male or female) put in an equal amount of effort. All my best friends are those that have pursued me as a friend.

Anyway. Kind of cool that they remembered what I said, and it makes me think about how I need to be careful what I say sometimes, because apparently, people take me seriously.

I'm writing late cause it is one of those nights where I have a lot on my mind. I'm tired, but I'm not ready to go to bed. And it is going to KILL me tomorrow.

Good Quote

I wrote this to a new friend of mine in an email, and I think it is well-worded:

I like to think that I have options within God's plan. Not very presbyterian of me I have to admit. But I think God uses our unwise decisions for good. It isn't always clear which direction you're supposed to take, and you won't know 'til you try one. --RR

Communicating with Gen-Next

This morning at church, two of the girls from high-school youth group were there early. I said "hi" then sat down to listen to the band practice before I headed over to our kids' area. One of them texted me and told me she "officially" now has a boyfriend. I texted her back and asked, "Does your mom know?" Then she texted me and told me that her mom thinks that she doesn't know boys even exist. Then I told her she should try to bring him along tomorrow night to group.

The whole time we were texting, we were sitting across the aisle from each other, and could have talked about it. So funny. What a different communication style these kids have.

I sometimes feel like for all that I'm 11 years older than these high schoolers, I'm still just really my 14 year old self trapped in a 30 year old body. I really don't feel like I know all that much more. Maybe more about myself.

Rain

I decided to take a walk this morning. The sun was peeking out from behind the clouds. It felt like the first true day of fall to me... cold, and a bit cloudy with a definite chill in the air. About halfway to my destination (breakfast) it started to rain a little. It was enough that I thought about turning around, but then decided that since I was almost there anyway, I kept going. Once I reached my destination, it started to pour. I got absolutely soaked. Then I had to walk back home. And wouldn't you know it but it stopped raining once I was halfway home.

Dead Rat

So I went to the archives a few days ago and decided to clean out the office. That's when I noticed a dead rat, right by the desk. I had been stepping around it for at least an hour before I noticed it. It had been dead for awhile.

My long lost friend: Part 2

I got to spend some time with my long lost friend yesterday. It was like we were never apart. I love friends like that. I went to her place after checking out the chapel at the Marine Corp Recruit Depot. What a great place! I'm playing cello there for some friends of mine in about a month. They were both there yesterday morning. It was fun hangin' with them. Since Dave is a marine, they are doing the traditional sword arch at the end of the ceremony and so the friend in charge of it was there too. He was such a cool guy. He's the kind of guy that gives me hope that there are still nice guys out there. Anyway. After that, I called up my friend Rachel (the formerly lost friend) and we spent the afternoon catching up. We took a nice long walk to get ice-cream, and talked the whole time. It was great. We have so much in common. When we got back to her place, she got out her guitar, and I got out my cello and we played together for a bit. I'm so glad she's in town and that we're back in touch.

Rachel has been all over the place and lives out of two duffel bags. She works mostly as a server for a cruise line and when she's off the ship, she decides to go to different places and live there for short periods of time. She also worked at a summer camp as a ceramics instructor. It was great to see her again. I'm glad she's in town.

My long lost soul sister

I cannot even remember my trail of thought that led me to find a friend that I have not talked to in ten years! We went to Africa with the same group and of all the people in that group, I think she and I were the most similar. I love the free spirit in her, the strength of her faith and her mad guitar playing skills. One night, we sat around and did beat poetry with these bongos that some of us had purchased at the marketplace. So funny. Apparently, I have the gift of rhyme, and she and I had everyone laughing over our "poetry." I think she is my long lost soul sister.

Well, I found her through a social networking site, which is amazing considering she is not "friends" with any of the other friends of mine that went on that trip. I was just thinking about her and remembered that I had an old email address for her in my old email account which I retain as a "junk" mail account. So I looked her up by name and found her.

And in her profile, it says that she just moved to San Diego. My response: Are you kidding me?

I really hope she messages me back or gives me a call. I'm wondering how recently she moved to San Diego and whether she has any friends here yet. If she does not, then this is totally a God thing because it can be so lonely to move to a place where you do not know anyone.

Camping

Pre-Day 1: I planned this event for my church on the night before I went camping. I was talking to my camping friends about it and the conversation went something like this...

Me: So, I have to go to this thing on Friday night. I'll probably be back late so it should be fine as long as we're not leaving at 5am.
Tara: We are.
Me: Dang it!

In addition to preparing to wake up ridiculously early in the morning on Saturday and my event, I had to prepare to leave by providing my boss with directions for how to do my job. I also had school work to complete. So after my event on Friday night, I came back to my office to finish up my work and to complete my homework for school. It was a late night, and I did not go to bed until 1am.

Day 1, Saturday: Got up at 4:30am after telling myself that it was a nice 3 hour nap. Grabbed all my stuff and drove over to Tara's. I admitted to all my friends that I would be grumpy that morning and I mostly slept in the car until we hit LA, where we stopped for breakfast. Then I took yet another nap. I was sort of awake for some of the central valley drive, and then I woke up again once we were in Clovis. I was awake for the rest of the trip. We got up to Sequoia and set up camp at around 1:30pm. The goal was to find a rock to climb that afternoon because we wanted to climb everyday if possible. So we drove around and the boys stopped to ask at this resort whether they knew anywhere to climb. This led to a fantastic find: Chimney Rock. As Trippe tells it now, we could have stayed in Sequoia for a month and gone to this spot every day to do a different route. We ended up climbing Crystal Rock, which is huge. The other cool thing about this spot was that after about 1pm, the sun dipped behind the rock and we were able to climb in the shade. Awesome. I did not climb the first day which meant that I got to climb first(ish) the next day. I introduced the group to Mexico camp burritos for dinner, which were received very well. I got Kudos for using the pre-cooked chicken. This recipe consists of pre-cooked mesquite chicken from Costco, pinto beans, and cheese in an extra large tortilla. Then I brought out my guitar and sang for everyone around the campfire.

Day 2, Sunday: We woke up and had a leisurely breakfast, got checked in by the campground host, and then I asked about hiking in the area. The host gave us a great suggestion for a short 3 mile hike to Boole Tree. I do not remember the exact history of this tree, except that in this particular area, it was the only one that was not chopped down. As a result, it is the largest tree in the area. We almost missed it because we went the wrong direction on the trail. We started down the trail that would have taken us back to the car without realizing that's what we were doing. We got to see the tree (and hug it) and then we started hiking back to the car. Out of this group of people, I was the slowest hiker. This was okay with me, but it meant that sometimes I could not keep up. My friends were nice about it though, and would wait for me. What this meant was that we eventually caught up to the two fast hikers who were stopped on the trail. There was this sound like running water; there could have been a stream nearby, but we quickly realized that it was a rattle snake...one that was feeling threatened, and it was right in the middle of the trail. We could have gone around it, but we had passed a family that was doing this same hike with some young children. We wanted to get the snake to move off of the trail. So after trying to scare it off (without effect) one of the guys grabbed a REALLY long tree branch that had fallen and used it to move the snake off the trail. No harm to us or the snake. After that bit of drama, we found this nice picnic area and had lunch. Then it was off to climb again. Larry did this day's lead climb (Tara had done the previous day's lead climb) and it was somewhat scary. Then we found out when he got to the bottom that he hadn't secured the rope quite right. It was secure, but not as secure as it needed to be. So then Trippe had to climb up there and redo the securing. When he got back down without any problems, we heaved a collective sigh of relief. Then it was my turn. The beginning of this climb was the hardest, so Trippe gave me a small boost and that was enough for me to make it all the way up. It was really fun, and gave me a feeling of accomplishment. It was a challenge, but not impossible. After Tara cleaned it all up, we took a sunset break and took some great pictures from our view of the valley. We barely made it back to the car in the light. Everyone was tired, so we cooked dinner and Tara and Trippe went to bed. I stayed up a bit and played more guitar, but it wasn't very long.

Day 3, Monday: We got up early on this day so that we could do a hike that we had heard about called, "Mist Falls." We ate breakfast and packed lunch. Then we drove for about 90minutes to the trail head. The sign at the trail head said that it was about 4.6 miles to the Falls. I was worried about this hike because I'm really out of shape in terms of my athletic ability. My fears (at the beginning) were put to rest by the wide and mostly even (not uphill) path. The pace, however, was somewhat faster than what I would have done on my own. I managed to keep up until we started climbing uphill. This happened probably about 3 miles into the hike. With about a mile left to go, I could feel that I needed to stop and rest more frequently than everyone else in my group because I was starting to breathe rapidly. When I was in high school running for soccer, I used to have the same thing happen after we would do wind sprints. In those soccer practices, sometimes I used to start wheezing. I think I have exercise induced asthma. It isn't bad, but I recognize the signs, and on this particular hike, I knew I was getting close to the wheezing stage. So I stopped and took a breathing break, and as I did, one of the guys actually came back for me. I was glad. We took a rest and I got my breathing more under control, and Larry told me that we only had about 10 or 15 minutes to go (Thank God!). So we finished the hike together at my more leisurely pace, and I got to rest. The river was very cold and I dunked my head cause I hadn't had a shower in 3 days. That felt really good. After hangin' out up by the Falls, we hiked back. Downhill is SO much easier than uphill and I made it back with only one blister. We ate lunch in the car, and then went back to our favorite climbing spot. We didn't take a sunset break that night and made it back to camp in time for me and Tara to bucket wash our hair. After dinner, we had smores and talked around the campfire. I got out my guitar and sang everyone to sleep. I gotta say, my callouses on my fingers are now amazing.

Day 4, Tuesday: Today was the day we drove from Sequoia to Big Sur. What a drive!! I cannot figure out what route we took, but it was a really fun drive across the central valley and then North to Carmel. Then we drove along the Northern coastline. I know I've done this drive with my parents once before, but I do not remember it. It was beautiful. We got to our campsite in the afternoon, and just rested. We put up our tents and took showers. We went out to eat that night at this small (and expensive) local restaurant.

Day 5, Wednesday: This was another early morning as our destination was Pinnacles state park, about a two hour drive away from where we were staying. So we packed up our climbing and hiking gear and hit the road. I was sitting in the backseat for this trip, and Larry was practicing his knots (a climber's best friend). So I had him show me a knot (can't remember what it is called) that you use to eliminate weak points in a climbing rope. In other words, you use this knot when a rope is weak, partially ripped, or cut. I got it down, and now I need to see if the lesson stuck! Pinnacles was a different kind of park. We got to hike through some caves, saw a HUGE boulder aptly named the "Monolithe" and through the use of Tara's guidebook, made our way to a rock that was recommended to us by an outdoor adventure guy we met in Sequoia. He told us that there was only one shady spot for climbing in the entire park. Thankfully, no one was at this particular spot. The four other members of my group went up to check out the top of the rock while I journaled and watched the rest of our gear. Turned out this was a good thing because they needed their harnesses to set up the climb. So they threw a rope down and I had to do some boulder scrambling to get the harnesses to them. I tied them to the rope using a very beautiful figure-8 knot and had them pull them up. They laughed when they got the harnesses and commented on the lovely knot I had tied. Then I had a rather dangerous scramble back down to the gear. About 20 minutes later, the climbs were set. However. I noticed that one of the ropes was ridiculously close to a small patch of poison oak. Based on the position of the rope, it was possible it had brushed up against it. As the native Californian of the group, I pointed it out.

Me: Ummm, did you guys happen to notice that there's a bit of poison oak right there? Is it possible that it touched the rope?
Trippe: Are you sure that's poison oak?
Me: Well, it has three leaves and looks like oak. I'm pretty sure it is.

So then I had the group pray for protection against it, because that would have been a complete disaster to have it on the rope, and therefore on everyone's hands, and from there, pretty much everywhere, all over our gear, etc. We climbed all afternoon. One of the climbs was really hard. I did not get very far on it at all, but the other one was easier, and I made it all the way up. Then we hiked out, and once we were in town, decided to stop for pizza. I paid cause it was my idea and everyone was complaining about the cost. I don't mind. I just wanted everyone to be able to rest without worrying about the price of things. We got back to camp, showered, and went to bed.

Day 6, Thursday: Our last full day of fun. First we asked around about potential places to boulder, and after hiking a ways along this river we decided not to continue due to the large amounts of poison oak blocking our path. We had to cross the river twice, and on the first time across, I slipped a bit and dunked my shoe. My sock was wet the entire day, and I had to bleach the inside of my shoe when I got back to get rid of the mildew that had started to grow in there. So we ended up bouldering underneath this bridge. This was fun and Trippe fell twice into the water. Not good when you are wearing climbing shoes. Later that morning, we hiked to Pfeiffer Falls, a smallish waterfall in Big Sur. We also hiked up to a panoramic scenic view. This was a relatively easier hiking day and the views were spectacular. Then we "hiked" about 10 minutes to see Julia Pfeiffer falls, which is another waterfall that falls into the ocean. This was not very big either, but the view was amazingly pretty. The water was a true aqua. Not blue or brown like it is in the South. We drove along the coast to see if we could find a grocery store because Tara had the brilliant idea to have a steak dinner. We did not find one where we were looking, but Trippe decided he would drop the rest of us off at the campsite and then go get food for dinner in town. The rest of us agreed to this. So three of us were dropped off, and I got put in charge of the potatoes. So after my shower, I washed and cut up the potatoes, wrapped them in foil and put them on the grill. I also grilled the steaks and the veggies. Yum. This was a great idea. For our last night, I took requests on guitar and sang everyone to bed. The last song I played is called "I've been redeemed" by this guy named Tim Yee. I really like it, and felt it was appropriate for the final song. Then everyone went to bed.

Day 7, Friday: We drove all day back down to San Diego. I stayed awake to make sure that Tara was going to be okay all the way back. I think we started driving at about 7:30am, and we got back at about 5:30pm. Tara and her friend were planning on going to a church thing that night, so I offered to drive them, knowing that they would both be really tired.

It was a great trip.

One last thing. At some point during this trip, Trippe gave me a nickname. He started calling me "boo." I have no idea. This is funny to me. But it warms my heart at the same time. I feel like it is his way of showing me that he cares and it makes me feel included. Tara and Trippe are dating, and I really hope it works out for them. I'm going to be really sad if it doesn't.

Milestone

I'm very close to a significant weightloss goal: 20 pounds. I am not quite there yet, but I wanted to celebrate a different but similar milestone in my life: I am under 200 pounds for the first time in years. I think that is quite the accomplishment. I still have a ways to go as far as my overall goal, which I haven't shared with very many people at all. I just do not like talking about this with most people. There are four people total in my life that I've told about my goals, but that's it. But my goal is to lose 30 more pounds. I am losing weight at a rate of one pound per week. So this is going to take me awhile, and I have a feeling that after I lose about 15 more pounds, it will start getting harder for me to lose the weight without a significant increase in the amount of exercise I'm doing. I'm really excited because I think after 10 more pounds, people are going to start noticing. I noticed that my "nice" pants that I wore yesterday to jury duty looked "fat" on me, meaning they were loose and baggy, and did not fit me well at all.

This brings me to another goal that I have to set: No buying expensive nice pants until I've lost at least two pants sizes. I do not have enough money to buy clothes that I'll be in and out of in six months...that's how serious I am about the plan this time. I just spent $10 on a pair of pants that will be tight on me until I lose an extra 10 pounds, but I'm anticipating that I'm going to need them soon. I may also have to find all the pants (that I still have) that used to fit me. Some of them are still pretty nice.

Bittersweet

Last night was my last night playing with the Harbor Uptown band for awhile. I will miss them so much! Playing with them has been the highlight of my week through the summer.

From an email we (the band) got from our worship leader guy today:Got lots of gushy feedback about the music last night. Someone even put a note in the offering box saying how much they loved the cello solo in Jordan's Stormy Banks. You guys do such an outstanding job I am just bedazzled. You ALL are the best one!

To all of you at Harbor Uptown: Thanks for an awesome summer and creating a wonderful example of a worshipful community. I will miss you tremendously, and will be counting down the months (9!) until I get to come back!And to whoever loved my cello solo in "Jordan's Stormy Banks," and wrote it down in the offering box, thank you! This compliment/comment made today even better.

Appropo

Note from Julie, my coworker, on a post-it, with magnetic poetry:

Today's word is: cacophony

This made me laugh. Why? Because they have been deconstructing the patio right outside my office window. Jack hammers are loud.

Dinner

I had to attend a class in Fullerton this week and so I'm currently at my parents' place. They are out of town, so I called up this guy friend of mine, Blake, who lives in the area. We had dinner. It was so good to see him. He is another friend of mine with whom I can have "real" conversation with, no matter how long it has been since we've seen each other. I wish we could have spent more time together. Alas, he has to get up early tomorrow, and so do I, so we both had to leave right as the conversation was getting good. Oh well. I still drove home smiling the whole way.

Music

I am meeting a few more people who are creative in ways I did not expect. This is exciting. Until now, I have never had such a burning desire to create and to create well. It is difficult to create things of meaning or beauty. I cannot usually create unless I have a really good idea or unless I have some inspiration.

I really want to be in a band, or at least be able to create collaboratively with a purpose. I wish I had more talent.

Get Excited!...

...is my new favorite phrase, adopted from my sister and her roommate.

I have been making an effort to live healthier and it showed when I tried on the dress I ordered for my brother's wedding in September. I got measured in May, and the dress is too big. At least a size too big. I'm going to have to get it altered. I do not think I'll lose that much more weight before the wedding, but I'm hoping for at least 5 pounds. I don't think 5 pounds will impact the alterations all that much.

This really showed me that I have lost weight. I haven't been able to really "see" it since I haven't gone down a pants size yet. I can still wear all the clothes I've been wearing.

I do not like to talk about this very much out of respect for all the girls I know who struggle with body image. I don't really. I was happy with the way I looked, I just know that my body would appreciate carrying less weight, and I know that my eating habits were atrocious.

Limb of Shame

I talked to Laurel on Tuesday, and went over to Tara's for dinner that night. I had been mentally hangin' out on a limb of shame and they helped talk me down, for which I am very thankful.

What happens in Vegas...

...stays in Vegas, well, except for this.

Went out with the girls for a bachelorette party in Vegas last weekend. At one of the clubs we met a guy who is from my hometown. He turned out to be really cool, was kind to me and my friends, and was a gentleman. He told me that he was in school to get a Doctorate in Psychology. After spending a good portion of my evening with him, this is what transpired:

Amy (grumpily) to me: Ugh. I just need to lean against the bar, but I don't want any creepy guys near me. My feet hurt and I'm tired.

Me (in her ear): Well you can lean on it here, and don't worry, this one's nice (referring to the guy from my hometown).

The guy to me (after eavesdropping): Did you just call me nice?

Me to the guy: Yeah, why, did you want to be referred to as something else?

The guy: I guess not.

Me to the guy: Because let's be honest, since that's going to be your new profession, would you want to be anything other than nice?

The guy: No, not really.

Me: Well, okay then.

Of all the girls in the group, I would have voted myself "least likely to meet a guy in a bar in Vegas." Just goes to remind me that nothing is impossible.

Update

Have I done much of anything on my list? Well, sort of. I haven't done as much music stuff as I would have liked.

Last night, I went swimming with my buddy Ryan G. and then went rock climbing with my friend Melanie. It was so fun! I did a climb I didn't think I could do. It was at a more advanced level...but I did it!

I am SO tired today, and all I want to do this weekend is rest. But I'm going to Vegas. So it will be a no rest weekend, although I am hoping to go to bed early tonight and/or take a nap at some point on Saturday.

The reason for the Vegas trip is a bachelorette party for Tracy, Duncan's fiance. Should be a good time. I fly out in about an hour. Maybe I'll get to nap on the plane.

To Do List

1. Create a presentation for Wednesday night
2. Rehearse with the band (7-9pm tonight)
   
3. Finalize set list for kids' camp next week
4. Write out lyrics for camp on poster board
5. Practice the songs on guitar
   
6. Memorize lines for the skit I'm in
7. Find a wide black belt
8. Buy a gift for Tracy
9. Do laundry
10. Pack for Vegas this weekend
11. Go to the bank to pay rent
    

Untitled

I took a nap today. Bad decision. I'm now really feeling awake, and I need to go to sleep. I have all this pent up energy and angst right now, and so I tried to walk it off. Sometimes really fun weekends make me feel more alone at the end of them.

Simple Autumn

Verse 1
In autumn
The leaves change
I stand there
Contemplating
The wind blows
My face gets cold.

Verse 2
In autumn
The leaves fall
I stand there
Colors swirl 'round
I see them
Red, Orange, and Brown

Chorus
In autumn,
Nothing stays the same
In autumn
All the colors change
In autumn, In autumn
Everything will change

Verse 3
In autumn
I see how
Everything can change
The night grows longer
But there is
Hope in change

Chorus
In autumn,
Nothing stays the same
In autumn
All the colors change
In autumn, In autumn
Everything will change

Ending
But there is hope in change

"I will not take these things for granted..."

I woke up this morning in a really thankful mood--thankful that the day was sunny and warm, thankful for my friends, and thankful that I had nothing that I HAD to do. So I went rock climbing for three hours this morning with Tara and some new guy friends of ours. Then we had lunch together. After lunch, we all went our separate ways, and Tara invited me to go surfing with her. I have only tried surfing once before. You can read about it here.

Trippe (our new friend) offered to teach me how to surf. He said he had a good track record...everyone he has taught so far has stood up in their first time out. I was kind of nervous, but willing to try. So I tried a few times, and stood up, but lost my balance without ever stabilizing. Then I caught a great wave; it was strong and fast. I had enough time to fully get myself up, and I did it--stood up on a surfboard.

Tara is sort of "seeing" Trippe, and I asked her what her favorite thing of the day was. She said, "watching Trippe teach you to surf...you should have seen the look on his face when you stood up!" He is a really cool guy. I don't know that I'm ready to try again yet, but I can say that I've stood on a surf board in the ocean!

This was probably my most favorite day of the summer so far, and I'm feeling very thankful that it was such a great day.

Driving to work

I brought a drink with me in the car to drink while I was on my way to work...a snapple iced tea. Well, of course I couldn't get the plastic off and I spilled the drink all over my pants. So I went into our bathroom and rinsed them out. No shame. My pants are still wet. But they will dry pretty soon. The material is pretty thin.

I gotta say though, this is the first time in a LONG time that I have spilled on myself like that. It used to happen a lot when I would go to Taco Bell for lunch. My theory is that the lids at Taco Bell are flimsier than at a lot of other places, so they are more likely to break, crack, or fall off the cup. However, the Taco Bell we used to go to shut down. I never go there anymore. This makes me sad.

Letting Go

I somehow managed to just let go of all the stress from my class. I am feeling pretty calm about it. Maybe its because the band guys prayed with me last night. Maybe it is because I do not have as much to do this week. Maybe it is because I talked to the professor on Monday morning. Or maybe it is a combination of all of the above.

Youth Group

I have been helping out with the high schoolers at church. We meet on Monday nights. I can't believe I've been doing this for almost a year. Crazy. Anyway, Rob, the leader, called me up on Monday at about 3:45pm. He started babbling about how its okay if we're not consistent in our meetings and was telling me things like, "well, the kids said they wanted to come tonight, are you going to be there?" And I said, "Yes, I was planning on it..." I was really confused. Consistency is high on my list of values when I fully commit to a ministry. Then I remembered that Rob is usually coaching football at around the time he called me. So I asked, "Aren't you at practice right now? What's going on?" Then he said, "Nope, I'm out of town." That was my "aha" moment. So he wasn't going to be there, and was concerned that the kids weren't going to show up cause he wasn't there.

Well, four of them came, and they didn't know that Rob wasn't going to be there either. Rob's birthday was last week, and one of the girls brought him a cake. So funny. They were all mad cause he wasn't there. So I have the cake in my freezer, and they are going to make him eat it when he comes back.

The cool thing about the study that Rob wrote is that he wrote it in a conversational style, so the kids felt like Rob was there with us. It was a good topic... When God feels far away.

The Other Grape Vine

If you travel all the way through California on the 5 freeway, you will eventually have to drive through the Grape Vine. The Grape Vine is the only way to get from Southern CA into the Central Valley. Last weekend, my mom and I traveled up to Hanford to go to a wedding shower. Normally, this drive should take 3, maybe 4 hours. Well, we hit major traffic. It was awful. We weren't moving anywhere, and could not get off the freeway. It was a parking lot because a truck jack-knifed ahead of us and was blocking 3 of 4 lanes. We sat on the freeway for 4 hours. One lady had to go to the bathroom so bad that she got out of her car and went right on the freeway in front of her car. Well, I would have too.

Other than that, it was a really fun trip. Sometimes trips aren't restful. But this one was. It felt like a vacation.

Kids' Camp Theme Song 2007

Jesus came down from the heavens,
lived a perfect life
A life I cannot live no matter how hard I try
Though I was a sinner Jesus died for me
I asked Him for forgiveness and he saved me

Chorus:
I will follow Jesus 'cause he loves me
He died on the cross and he set me free-ee
I will follow Jesus 'cause he loves me
He loves me!

©Robyn Reid 2007

Galatians

I have been feeling really tired and overwhelmed. I want to escape from my life. I'm feeling angry, bitter, frustrated and tired almost all the time. The only time I don't is when I'm physically playing music, on my guitar or on my cello.

Kyle came over yesterday and helped me learn how to play the new song I wrote. I'm going to have to practice it.

Tara is seeing this guy she met at church. He seems cool so far. I went over last night to give her a funny card about her new relationship status and he was there. I'll be praying for both of them. He's a really nice guy and I can't help but be a little envious. I am glad for her though cause she is one of my favorite people in sd, and the last relationship she had was not so good. She's really happy and its awesome to see.

I have two papers and two presentations due by Thursday, so I'm probably going to take the rest of the day off today and most of tomorrow. There's no way I'll be able to finish the work otherwise. And I really NEED to go to band practice tonight. I need the support of my Christian musician friends as I muddle through the week and my life.

I titled this post Galatians because Paul says this to the Galatians: What has happened to all your joy?

I do not know why I cannot be joyful. I want my joy back. I pray that God would reveal to me my stumbling block; my sin so that I may be free from it and experience joy.

Grape Vine

My landlady planted a grape vine that grows across the fence where I live. During the winter, it is just a sick looking twisted plant. It looks dead. Then in spring, it started to grow. It is now July, and the vine has taken over the fence. I have had to rescue my party lights from the vine's tendrils. This morning, the "fingers" of the vine grabbed my hair three times. If I slept against the fence one night, I would not be surprised if in the morning, the vine had wrapped itself around my hair or a finger.

Jesus said once, "I am the vine, you are the branches." Having seen a grape vine grow in my front and backyard, this phrase has new meaning for me. The main part of the vine is always present. When the vine sends out branches, it grows very quickly. And it is important for the gardener to prune those branches at the end of the growing season so that the vine remains healthy. These are just a few observations about the vine.

Band Stuff

All the people in the band at church are pretty talented. I knew they were talented, but what I realized today is that at least three members have been in bands that have toured and that have gotten a small degree of national publicity.

I love my band.

Pre-Fourth

Every year, I struggle with my family's 4th of July party. See, the thing is, I never want to go. I think I make it about every other year. Mostly because I've started saying "no" and also because I got sick over the fourth once. I'd rather spend the fourth with friends. Have a barbecue, just hang out at home.

Everyone else in the fam loves going. I don't. This year, we're doing a family photo, so I actually have been coerced into going.

I just got a text from one of my sisters: Two days and counting! See you in Newport!

I just can't relate.

Swimming

My friend Ryan G. convinced me to get back in the pool. I have not been swimming (workout-wise) for at least a year and a half. So I found my suit, and my goggles, and started going. I've been swimming once a week so far, and have gone twice. I'm so SLOW. If I keep trying, I'll get faster eventually.

I took some high school kids to the beach yesterday, and I swam out past where the waves were breaking, and then swam back in. That was a lot tougher than I remember. It reminded me that I need to respect the ocean. I was more sore from swimming in the ocean for maybe 200 yards in and out than I was after swimming 1500 meters in the pool. The ocean has a current and on the way back to shore, I had to push myself to beat the current.

I already have the speedo "X" on my back in the form of tan lines from my bathing suit, and since I have to be in my brother's wedding at the end of summer in a strapless dress, I'm trying not to get any tan lines. I bought a rash guard to stave them off. Hopefully that will work since it is not fun to swim in a two-piece. They just don't feel as secure when I'm swimming fast.

New Friend

My energy is so low right now, I cannot bring myself to do ANYTHING.

I just sent an email to the guy I met at the barbecue to thank him for coming to see me play cello at church a few Sundays ago. He said he was going to email me but I beat him to it. He thinks we should hang out with my friends or his after the service next time he comes.

I haven't responded yet.

I'm definitely curious about this guy. I barely know him. And I think I want to be friends. That's where relationships start, right?

I hate awkwardness and hurting people's feelings. Maybe that's why I'm so reserved when it comes to dating. This relationship is nowhere near that point yet, but I can't help but think about it. I sort of talked this over with Tara, and she thinks I should give him a chance. Like I said, we're nowhere near that point. But I gotta say, I like his approach. It wasn't "let's hang out--the two of us," but "let me get to know your friends, or you can get to know mine." What a concept. I do believe you can tell a lot about a person by the friends they keep.

Notes

I so admire people who can blog everyday. I am not one of those people. Obviously. This month has flown by, and there are so many things that I've needed to write about and didn't. Mostly because I think the writing was just going to be time consuming.

I thought the summer would be less busy for me. It isn't. I have more to do, but you know what? I like every activity I'm involved in-- High school youth group at my church (I'm a leader), being a part of a band, and getting active.

I started this crazy diet, and it seems to be working so far. I've lost 5 pounds since I started. But it was so hard to start, and I know it is going to be hard for me to keep it up. I've finally admitted to myself that I'm overweight. I don't look it because I'm tall, but I need to lose about 40 pounds. Perhaps this blog will help me stay honest about that.

I have felt so tired and weary this month, and somewhat disconnected from God. That's hard to admit also because I am a leader at my church. However, I will say this: I have never claimed to be anything I'm not. If people ask me how I'm doing spiritually, and they have the time to listen, then I will be honest and say that I feel far from God right now. I never pray anymore.

I got this letter from my step-brother a few weeks ago. I haven't heard directly from him in at least 5 years. He is in prison as a result of addiction. I know it is so hard to change, which is why I've always been skeptical about his ability to stay sober after prison. I haven't even really acknowledged him as a brother...that relationship has always been broken, for almost as long as I have known him.

I don't know what to say to him. I normally do not struggle in writing letters, but this time I am.

My sister told me last week that she had a dream where I died. Surreal. She said she was in complete shock and sobbing in her sleep. It's nice to know that I matter so much to her.

Going away party

Last night, I went to this going away party for a new friend of mine from the band I play in. I think I'm going to miss her. We do not know each other that well, but she was really good at including me, and I could sense that she is a loving, compassionate, giving person, and that she is also a good listener.

She requested that I bring the cello. There were two guitar players that were also asked to play at this party. So I got to play cello with these guys and it was so awesome. It sounded so good, and it was an energizing experience for me. I was talking to a different guy from church about it after we played and he was smiling, and I started telling him how much I love to play. I honestly could care less about whether or not I have an audience (although it is nice to have one) but that's how much I love to play. I would play every night if I could with a guitar player or band. This guy then said something that made so much sense to me.

He said: You are doing what God made you to do. He gave you a gift and you are using it.
And then when I accused him of laughing at me he said: I'm smiling because it makes me happy to see that you are doing what you were meant to do.

I wish I could have that feeling all the time.

Beach BBQ

One of the best parts of living by the beach is that you can go there at almost any time. My friend Tara invited me to a barbecue that her church was sponsoring, so I agreed to go. Here's the funny part--we did not know who was going to be there, the advertising did not give a name, phone number, or specific location. We knew which beach it was going to be at, but we didn't know exactly where. So we decided to go to the beach, see if we could find the people, and if we couldn't find them, we decided that we would head over to one of my favorite restaurants for happy hour.

We walked almost the entire length of the beach, when I noticed a few barbecue pits down at the very end. So we walked over and started walking away from the water and towards the fire pits. One guy waved us over, and it happened to be the only guy Tara knew. So we found the right group. There weren't that many people, so at first, everyone sort of sat in a circle. It was...awkward. No one was making the effort to talk to anyone else. So I got up and went to get some food and started talking to this girl. Tara soon followed me and we soon had an interesting discussion. The guy who was cooking started talking to us, and pretty soon, he and I were talking. He apparently programs video games and likes music.

So it turned out to be a fun afternoon after all. I invited the guy (from the previous paragraph) to come watch me play at church, and he actually showed up. It made me happy. :)

Worship

I have been feeling sort of anti-spiritual. I haven't wanted to pray, but I continue to do all the things at church that I normally do. I trust too much in myself and my own abilities. I have not let God be a part of my daily life. I have been feeling tired and beat down and weary of living.

I haven't wanted to talk about it, or deal with the state of my heart. However, a friend of mine actually dug deeper and made me feel that I'm not walking this path alone. His concern nudged me slightly in a more positive direction.

Then I got to play with my favorite musicians tonight in a rehearsal for church on Sunday, and it was great. I love how they care about each other and about my well-being and that we feel safe to talk about it. It seemed like everyone was feeling tired tonight. But in spite of my tiredness, I felt cared for. The music put me in a more thankful state of mind.

Roll with the punches...

I was going to try and finish grad school earlier than planned, but then my life got in the way, and I decided to follow my original plan to graduate in December '08. It was kind of a hard decision, and it makes me sad because I am prolonging the amount of time that I will be in school. I know it is for the best though, because I am feeling tired and beat up at the moment. I think trying to take more classes would really impact me negatively.

Cello Bow

Apparently I am a magnet for bad luck this week. First, I lost my cello bow. Then my car got hit while it was parked in front of my house, and the guy didn't pull over. Hit-and-Run. I do not think my insurance is going to cover it because I drive an old car, and I just had liability. I am bleeding money at the moment. So to bolster my spirits, I went shopping for a cello bow today.

I think the process of buying a bow is the closest humans will get to purchasing a wand. So in the spirit of magic, here is a short excerpt from "why buying a bow is like purchasing a wand:"

They are both made of wood. Woods have different levels of densities, thicknesses, and levels of stiffness, and each person has their own individual style and preference. You have to try them all out before purchasing one. Do you prefer slender and whippy? Or dense and heavy? Bouncy or smooth? Octagonal or round? Although you can effectively use someone else's wand or bow, it will not be as effective as the one that chooses you.

Although I cannot vouch for wands, I would imagine that like bows, they are expensive.The bow I lost was a lightweight $300 octagonal bow. I was at the music store for 90 minutes and my decision came down to two bows, the one that I really hoped to buy ended up being too light for me and more expensive. So I'm kind of glad the "cheaper" bow I chose actually produced better sound on my instrument than the more expensive one. Let's just say it's a minor investment. The bow I just bought is cool looking. It is Brazilian. The frog (bottom of the bow; where you hold it) is made of snakewood, so it has cool markings--sort of like tiger-eye rocks. This bow has a tan leather grip, and gold binding. Normally, the grip is black and the binding is silver. This bow is heavier than my last one (although I've discovered that almost ALL cello bows are heavier than mine was) but it produces really good tone on my instrument. I'm excited. So the next time you see me play, you can tell me how good it sounds.

Surreal

Just had a very surreal experience-- playing cello at the Carlsbad Flower Fields. It was a beautiful day, and still is, although I'm stuck inside at the moment. It is times like these when I wish I could abdicate responsibility and just do what I want to do, which would be to go to the beach right now. Or take a road trip. Or something. At least shooting this video was a great way to take a break from reality, to do something a little more surreal, with some very cool new friends of mine.But now that its over, I'm back at work, and dreading the 15 page research paper I haven't started yet. (Due Wed.) I'm taking the next two days off of work to work on it, and if the weather is as awesome then as it is now, I'm going to have a hard time working on it.

Weekend Update

Weekend Update:

Last week, I was working frantically to finish our group project/presentation. I was so frustrated on Thursday, that I took an "angry walk." I ran into our dean of students, who asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was taking an "angry walk." We graduated from the same school back in 2002, but we were in slightly different programs, so I know him, but not that well. So he asked if it was because of someone or something at work, I said, "no," and proceeded to tell him about how awful my group was for this project. I totally cried, which means I'm REALLY stressed out, and I was feeling kind of awkward about it. The dean just listened and he was short on time, so he had to go.

After that, I felt a little better. More calm, but still anxious about it. On Friday, our group had an online meeting, and the one guy in our group refused to participate. He was totally ignoring me. It was so passive aggressive and childish. The other group member and I were worried because our presentation was supposed to be 20 minutes long, and we had no idea what he was going to say because he wasn't communicating with us.

Thankfully, we presented second, and it went smoothly, although I would say that it could have been much better. However, the content was good, and our classmates were receptive. Then the professor emailed me and said we did a good job. Fine, but the guy in our group did not present what we asked him to. But it is over.

The instructor let us out a couple hours early, so I called my grandma to see if she was home. She was, and we went shopping because I had to kill some time before a rehearsal I needed to go to in Oceanside for the wedding I'm playing in next weekend.

Then I went to the rehearsal. It was so fun. I told one of the girls that I just was amazed by how far along we have come as musicians (she and I played together in Junior High), that we could basically sit down and sight read Beethoven and make it sound good without much practice. I love this piece. It sounds so cool. And yes, it could use a bit of polishing, but it sounds pretty good for the minimal amount of practicing we've all done.

Then today, I played in a music video at the Flower Fields in Carlsbad. It was a beautiful day. I wish I could have spent the whole day outside. Here's why: Typically in May in San Diego, the weather is quite cloudy and/or foggy in the morning. The sun will come out in the afternoon, and then the fog will roll back in. Today, however, the day started out hot. It was perfect. The flower fields are amazing. Those of us who were in the shoot were wearing white and/or khaki. It looks so surreal. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to participate in this project.

Now, I'm back working at the library, and dreading the next paper I need to write in the next 2 1/2 days. But I'm really glad I took the break, by hangin' with my grandma, and going to the flower fields. I'm feeling less dread about the paper.

What this reminds me is that it is so good and necessary to take breaks from the hard things in life, and just breathe deeply, and enjoy the time we have on this Earth. I'm so thankful for this weekend, glad that my project is done, and I'm now ready to face the challenge of finishing this semester. Not as strong as I would have liked, but strong enough.

Group Project

I have never been more frustrated with a group than I am this semester. The two other members of my group made me the group leader, we divided up tasks, and then all hell broke loose.

One of my group members understood his assignment, but what he wrote was completely inaccurate. I asked him to rewrite it and thus far, he has stubbornly refused. He says he is going to present what he wrote to the class on Saturday, but I really hope he doesn't because it will not flow with the rest of our presentation.

I had to rewrite his section for the paper part.

I'm at my wits end. I've been emailing the professor, and I feel like I'm stuck.

New Neighbors

I have recently been hanging out with my neighbor; she rents from the same lady I do. We have been walking together about twice a week, and it has been good for both of us. She told me last week that she believes that people are put into her path for a reason. I'm not sure yet what purpose I will serve in her life except to perhaps encourage her to grow more in her relationship with God.

Today, I met another new neighbor. She's moving in across the street. We met because I sneezed loudly as I was getting ready to head over to volunteer at the high school, and she said, "bless you," and asked if it was true that allergies were worse in San Diego. I said that it was possible, and then she asked what instrument I play. I told her that I play cello, and then she said that she had been a classical pianist, and an actress. In the next ten minutes, she told me that she had just had reconstructive facial surgery. I assumed it was because that's what all the hollywood folk are doing these days, but then she told me it was because some guy had beat her up and broken almost every bone in her face. It ruined her career, and because he had been stalking her, she moved away from LA.

Then she said, "I'm sorry for dumping all this on you, and we've only just met...I'm just so glad to be alive."

At this point, I don't know how often I will be seeing her, but I think there is truth to what my other neighbor believes, that God brings people in our paths for a purpose. In this case, I am reminded that every day is a new day, and a new beginning.

Lost and Found

How I feel when I'm lost:
anxious, scared, worried, confused, frantic, hopeless, resigned, panicked, and alone.

How I feel when I'm found:
relieved, joyful, happy, carefree, and loved.

The sermon this week was about the man who had 100 sheep, and when he realized that one of them was missing, went to find it. It made me think about the times where I have actually been lost, hence the list above.

Skillz

Skillz
I was wearing my "I got Skills" shirt so I thought I would update you all on my skills. As of today (a la Napoleon Dynamite):

• Googling skillz
• Fly Swatting Skillz
• Cello-ing Skillz
• Endurance Walking Skillz
• Rock Climbing Skillz
• Secret Researching Skillz
• Digitization Skillz
• Paper Airplane Making Skillz
• and Speed Reading Skillz.

(I might create a new list everytime I wear the shirt)

Adam

Adam, my brother, called me last night and it was so good to hear from him. We love each other, but we do not communicate very often. I think we are both making more of an effort, and it shows. He is going to be more local this summer, and I'm looking forward to seeing him more often. Hopefully he can give me another surf lesson.

What I appreciate about Adam:
Has a good sense of humor
Is a good teacher
Has fantastic Barbecue skills
Is there when you need him
Can charm anyone
Is kind and good natured

Another Easter Eve

It is another Easter eve, and I'm caught up in the busyness and anxiety of my life... trying to manage a group project for one of my graduate classes, trying to find a new roommate, and worrying that I'm nowhere close to living the life I wish I could live.

The beauty of celebrating Easter is remembering that it isn't about me. God cared for us, and loved us enough to sacrifice himself on a roman cross, and then rose again, that we might also gain eternal life. The depth of this love is significant. God has promised to provide for those who believe in him. Easter reminds me that I can trust that love to carry me through all the tough times in life.

One Lane Road (redux)

On a journey…

It has been said that the path is straight and narrow,
but this road I have taken has unexpected turns
As it clearly lies before me
The asphalt undisturbed
Someday this path will lead me home
Because I know that God has guided me
To this one lane road

(Originally published 7/30/04)

Lullabye for V

Peace, peace, rest in my love,
Sleep, sleep, close your eyes, little one,
When darkness falls,
Do not fear,
Precious one, I am here

Magnetic Poetry

Magnetic Poetry 1

act off the map
two feet ambling
take a trip

Magnetic Poetry 2 (For Halloween)

bitter wind
whispers
screams
heavy ferocious shadows
take over the misty sky

Magnetic Poetry 3 (Also for Halloween)

hear the repulsive raven drone

Magnetic Poetry 4 (Words of Wisdom)

no bitter lesson is sweet

Magnetic Poetry 5

time is overly frantic
let it incubate
rest and wait

Sad.

Some kids (I think) broke into my car tonight. They took my book bag with my planner, journal, and my thumb drives. So sad. But they did not take a check that was sitting on my front seat, waiting to be cashed, or my nice stereo system. I try to never leave my wallet in the car EVER, so they didn't get that, or my check book, which is good... but they took my CD collection. Not all of it, but most of it. It makes me sad. This is the second time I have lost a majority of my CD's. I'm not too upset because they got nothing financial... its more the sentimental stuff they got.Just reminds me how temporary stuff really is.

My Birthday Party

It was my birthday today, and it was a really good day. My coworkers threw me a Napoleon Dynamite party, complete with tator tots, dang quesadillas, and a cake--built by Pedro. So funny. I also received a shirt that says, "I got skills" with numchucks (sp?) on it. (Yesssss.....!)Then I threw myself a birthday party. I had a lot of fun people come over. We ate food, sang songs, and played Nintendo. I managed to get most of my guests to sign the guest book, for which I provided prompts. They had to answer one (or more if they wanted) of the following questions:

1. If you called a radio station and dedicated a song to me, what song
would you dedicate and why?
2.Write a mathematically based word problem that involves you and me.
Solve the problem, showing your work and the answer.
3. What is your favorite memory of you and me?
4. What goal(s) should I try to accomplish in the next year?
5. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? What are they?

I got some great responses. I love my friends!

The Last Leaf

The last leaf on the maple tree
Looks lonely to me
Holding on
With regret that it cannot hold on much longer
"If you let go,"
I tell the leaf as it shivers in the winter wind,
"You will fly."

Soup-R-Bowl

It was about 10:30pm last night when I walked into the grocery store, recipe in hand. I do not really cook often, and I had never made this recipe before, but needed to make some soup because every year for the superbowl, my office throws a party wherein we eat soup. I signed up to bring potato soup, which is one of my favorites, but one that I had never tried to make before.

I found the potatos, got an onion, some spices, and some cheese. I purchased my items, and put the two bags in my car, got in, and thought, "Do I have a peeler?" It was debatable since I couldn't remember the last time I peeled anything. So I got back out of my car, and went in to buy a peeler. The funny part about this experience is that there was only one checker working. When he scanned my peeler, he gave me a look because I had just checked out 5 minutes earlier. I smiled a cheesy smile and shrugged. He said, "You don't have a potato peeler?" I said, "I can't remember. It's debateable."

I was up really late making soup. And thankfully, it tasted okay.

Lame

I've been trying to walk in the mornings before work, clears the mind, good for the soul, all that. I just got a hair cut (short!!) and so when I walk, I wear a baseball hat usually. Today, I wore my B.Mello hat. It's cool, yo. Except that it blocked my peripheral vision and I ran into a "school crossing" sign as a result. Yes. I am that lame.

Gray

I was just interviewed to become a member of the church that I have been attending for the last three years. I did not choose to become a member until now because I was afraid of the commitment. I was taught that becoming a member is a serious step to take, and I was never ready to take that step.

I was nervous about going to my interview because of the gravity I assigned to it. When I got to my interview, I was asked a series of questions by one of the pastors. It was annoying. He pretended to be the "skeptical inquisitor" which, in my opinion (and I could be wrong) is not how unbelievers ask about religion. They may be skeptical, but each time someone has asked me about my beliefs, it has been because they were curious. I believe that people can come to their own conclusions, when they're ready. I dislike debates, they do not prove anything except that the people who participate in them like to argue. I wish he would have just asked me what I believed about these issues of faith.

I was talking to a friend about my interview experience, and I admitted that one of the characteristics that I dislike in some pastors I know is their belief that they are right about all matters of faith. I will admit, they have to go to school for a long time in order to become ordained ministers (at least in my denomination), but I believe that there are some things about God that we will never know. I told my friend that I think most people believe that issues of faith are black and white, and therefore can only believe one way or the other about certain things like evolution, baptism, social justice, predestination, free will, and other such issues. Since I dislike drawing conclusions anyway and there IS evidence to support both sides, I am okay with being gray--not drawing conclusions one way or the other.

Tooth stuff

So I went to see my oral surgeon today. The assistant led me to a room and I immediately got suspicious because I had been there before, once for getting my wisdom teeth out, and once for getting a post implanted in my mouth. If they were going to put me under, they would have told me, but as it was, they poked me a few times. All I gotta say is that needles hurt, especially when they are poked into the roof of your mouth. All I could say was, "OW!!" When they were done, I said, "I knew I was going to get tortured today." They laughed. And I was. Tortured that is. Willingly. Sad, huh?

Noooooo!!!!!

The Taco Bell by my work closed. :(
I am sad. Very sad.

Orion

Orion keeps me company when I walk at night,
We are old friends, Orion and I.
His presence a familiar solace,
When my thoughts are heavy.
The hunter chases my anxiety away,
And if he shoots his arrows they fall as stars,
Fiercely blazing against the dark,
Leaving marks of hope upon my heart.

On being tall

Okay, I hate shopping for pants because I'm tall. Very few stores carry the longer styles in my size. Sometimes, even the "tall" jeans still look short on me and I have to sag them. It is rather unfortunate, but gives me about an extra inch in the length.So I just ordered jeans online for the first time. Ordering jeans online is a gamble because you do not know how they will fit, and if they don't fit, it is a kind of a process to return them. The jeans I ordered have a 36 inch inseam. They arrived today and I tried them on and I am so in love. My gamble paid off. I will never talk myself into shorter jeans again, no matter how well they fit on the top or how much of a discount they are.

Walking

Someday my friend,
We'll go walking again,
Talk about where we've been,
What we've seen,
How we've grown,
What we've learned
As we walked alone,
And how much better
It is to walk together
No matter where we go.

Christmas Lights

One of my favorite memories as a child is looking at the Christmas lights that were hanging outside my window. The lights my parents used were big and colorful. Green, blue, and red were the colors that I could see outside my window.

My neighbors hung their lights today. Our house is one of the brightest on the street! They remind me of winters past, fires in the fire place, cookies, and hot chocolate.

This winter so far has been stressful and lonely and the lights remind me of home as well.

So many people these days put their lights up because it is tradition, without really thinking about what they represent. Because of all the lights, I was reminded that they represent the star that the magi saw long ago on the first Christmas night. It led them to Jesus.

The Messiah

For the last three years, I have played The Messiah by Handel. It's most famous song is the "Hallelujah Chorus." I'm always playing so I never really pay attention to the words. This year I tried to pay more attention. This is an awesome and inspiring piece of music that tells the story of Christ's birth, death, and resurrection. I have to say, it is hard to play with gladness when you lose your music right before a performance. But God's grace abounds, especially when one of the other cellists runs to retrieve an extra copy from the music building (which is located across campus) in a tux. He made it back right before we tuned.I had friends and family show up, and in my opinion, this was the best performance we've done since I have been playing with this group.It was beautiful. I feel encouraged.

The Cousins

Thanksgiving with the fam is an interesting experience every year. Every year, I usually say I don't want to go home. The thought of having to deal with the repricussions of my parent's divorce every year during the holidays fills me with tension and anxiety. Some of my cousins usually annoy me every year, mostly because they are immature. But this year was different.

This year, their mom (whom my brothers and sister and I were all scared of growing up) kind of threw a "not talking to anybody" fit. She barely said hi to anyone and left earlier than everyone else.

She did not even really say "hi" to her kids. One of her kids is engaged, and she doesn't like his fiance. Another one is dating this guy that smokes, and she doesn't like him either. Both the fiance and the date were there tonight. So she chose to ignore everyone (the entire family!!) rather than participating in the evening's events.

I actually had fun, but I was struck by how both of these cousins sounded like their mom was really hurting their feelings by not respecting their choices, and I feel for them. Sometimes you just need to know that your parents love you, no matter what. And that when kids grow up, the parents just need to let go and try to be supportive as long as these choices aren't life threatening.

I think that in spite of their outgoing and sometimes eccentric behavior, my cousins are very courageous for taking a stand against their mom, and following their hearts.

Shooting Star

I got home late tonight. This is not unusual. I was kind of irritated that I had to drive around the block to find a parking spot...this is the one not-so-great thing about living in CA. There is very little parking. Anyway, as I was walking from my car to my house, I saw a long shooting star. I have not seen one in quite awhile. I have been in sort of a motivational slump lately, and it has been difficult to get things done for both school and work. I started to think that it was interesting that people make wishes on shooting stars when the stars or meteors are really self-destructing. But because shooting stars are both beautiful and rare, and I got to see one, it gave me a little bit more hope. I was glad I got to see it.

Violin in the Morning

I think I am a little anxious today. I woke up this morning from an anxiety dream... one of the ones where I really needed to open my eyes, but couldn't. It was frustrating.

When I was finally able to wake up, it was much later than I thought I would sleep. It was awesome to wake up to hear my roommate practicing on her violin. I knew she was good, but I haven't heard her play, until this morning.

So I went to pick up a duet for us to work on. I bought a Beethoven duet for violin and cello. This will be good for both of us.

Saturday

Spent a lot of time on my own this weekend. I had to write a paper. So I managed to finish it at about 11:30pm. Then I tried to sleep. The temperature kept dropping, and it was getting colder and colder. Then it started to rain. My feet were freezing, but I was wearing socks, flannel pajama pants, a long sleeved t-shirt, and I had two blankets. After about an hour of non-sleeping, I finally got up, put a sweatshirt on, took the socks off, and turned on the hot water in the bathtub. I warmed my feet up in the bath, while wearing all my clothes, and then dried them thoroughly. Then I put some wool socks on. I'm not quite sure why I was so cold, but after all that, I was finally able to sleep.

In thinking over this situation, maybe it would not be a wise decision to move out of state. My true CA intolerance for cold would be a severe limitation.

Wow, I'm grumpy

I'm feeling sick today, so I stayed home from work. Tonight, I went out to try and find some Sudafed for nighttime, with the Pseudoephedrine (or however you spell that) still in it. Well, since all that stuff is behind the counter, I couldn't exactly tell what it was that I wanted. Had a not-so-fun time trying to explain to the lady behind the counter what I wanted which was any Sudafed product that would help me sleep. So it couldn't say "non-drowsy" on it. Well, they didn't have any. So I decided to go with a Tylenol product instead. Then the lady tells me she needs to see my driver's license, which I left in the car. Went back to get it, and then came back in, and showed my ID and then paid for my drugs. When I got home and actually looked at the package, it turns out that I accidently bought the daytime stuff. I'm so frustrated. I'm not going back. But I need medication. I might not be sleeping well tonight.

Idiotic Moment of the Day

...so that you all might have a laugh and feel better about yourselves...

Yeah. So I was driving to Taco Bell to pick up dinner for me and my coworker, and I was listening to my music in the car on the way, thinking about how intense the last hour was...because the San Diego City Council was meeting on our campus that night, and the opening speaker and entourage walked into the library looking for a fax machine to receive the speech in time for the presentation which was 30min away at that point. I ended up lending them mine, and got to talk to the entourage about their plan to combat homelessness, which was being presented for approval by the city council this evening...but I was thinking about how intense they all were. And then I wished I had worn a suit or something today.

So I was thinking about all this while driving, plus trying to memorize a new song. I arrived at Taco Bell, took one look at the drive through and decided I would go inside instead. So I opened my car door, got out, locked it, and shut it. THEN I realized that my keys were still in the ignition and the car was running. Yup. That was my idiotic moment of the day.

Have you realized that there seems to be a steady disappearance of pay phones??? Where did they all go? I had to use one to call my coworker to come bail me out because my phone, wallet, ID, cello, and a guitar (just thought I'd throw the guitar in for kicks...) were all still in the car. I had to walk across the street to the Denny's, which seemed to be the only place on the entire block with a payphone. Good thing I had some change in my pocket.

Anyway, I managed to call my coworker, who called the auto club (thanks triple A!!!) and they came and unlocked my door. But yeah. That's what I did tonight.

See ya all later.

Walking

Went for a walk tonight, and talked to a friend of mine on the phone while I was walking. I walk this route all the time, so I wasn't paying attention to how far I had gone. All of a sudden, I looked around and did not recognize any landmarks. At first I thought I had walked too far, and then I realized that I hadn't quite walked far enough.

There's a metaphor lurking somewhere in this post... if only I could find it...

I'm a pessimistic dater

I had a great talk with a guy I haven't talked to for a few months last night. I really like him. I would date him. I don't think he's interested though. I have somewhat of an un-optimistic view of dating relationships. I'm convinced they will never work. I'm definitely pessimistic and cynical about them. And all I can do in these kinds of situations is just let them be.

The Most Random Monday Ever!

8:00am
Shoot! My alarm didn't go off again. DANG IT!!!

8:15am
Still deciding what to wear... tan cords with a red sweater? Or khaki's and green?

8:20am
Kahki's and green.

8:22am
Paid the rent...the landlady lives next door, and is somewhat adamant about having us pay on the 1st of the month. I paid today, cause the 1st was a Sunday, she couldn't have cashed the check on the 1st anyway.

8:25am
I finally leave my house.

8:45am
Arrive at work.

9:00am - 11:30am
Working.

11:31am
My phone rings. Its a girl I don't know asking if I want to go to the Tonight Show. She is new and the girl who was supposed to go with her cancelled. I waver on my decision.

11:40am
Asked my boss if I could go. We have to leave at noon.

11:45am
He said yes.

NOON
Got in my car, met this girl, WHOM I HAD NEVER MET BEFORE and started driving. To LA. Seriously. Who does this?

Yup. Went to the tonight show. With Jay Leno. This afternoon. I can't believe I did that. What was I supposed to be doing you might ask? Writing a paper.

Will I regret this decision tomorrow? Absolutely. Did I have fun? Yes.
Have I even started my paper? NO.

DANG IT!!!

but I had fun.

Reminds me of when my friend Ryan O. aka "freak of the weak" kidnapped me from going to class when we were in college and we went and saw Star Wars in the Arlington Theator in SB instead. Except that I at least knew Ryan, and I had never met this girl. Anyway. So that was my day. The most random Monday ever.

Being vs Doing

I'm in a pensive mood at the moment-- problem solving in my head, and reviewing the events of the past week, my goals for the future, and basically evaluating my current state of being.

I really want to go for a walk, but I wish I had someone to call to come with me.

I thought I wanted to just "be" this evening, cause I'm really tired, and I'll probably go to bed early. But at the same time, I sort of wish there were people around.

I have been too busy this week, and I am disheartened by all the time I spend "doing." But if I'm not "doing," then I am bored.

I understand why we are called to rest, because it is tiring to be constantly busy. And right now, I have too much on my mind to even try to rest.

This week, I feel like I've lucked into a very unexpected friendship, and it both encourages me and challenges me at the same time.

More Changes

Everything seemed to be going well, and then all of a sudden, my car required a lot more work. Looks like I'm going to have to buy one in the next year. I really want to get something I love, but I cannot afford a large car payment right now.

Random name generator

This site totally made me laugh today. Basically, you tell the generator what kind of name you want it to generate. You can choose options like goth, transformer, wrestler, fairy, rapper, and hillbilly.

Check it out: http://www.behindthename.com/random/

I kind of liked my rapper name.--Notorious Money Busta-X

Conversation With the Random Tow-Truck Guy That Towed My Car

Me: Rascal Flatts always has one really sad ballad on each of their albums.

Tow-truck guy skips to a track called "What hurts the most": You don't think this one's sad?

Me: Well, that one's sad too, but its not a ballad in the traditional ballad sense...actually, now that I think about it, the whole CD is sad. All the songs are about break-ups. Its the post break-up CD.

Tow-truck guy: Why do think I'm listening to it?

Me: Oh, did you just break up with someone?

Tow-truck guy: Yeah, three months ago. And it happened just like in the song.

[On the radio: What hurts the most, is being so close, and havin' so much to say...]

Tow-truck guy: Ooooohhh, I really had a lot to say...

[The song continues: And watching you walk away...]

Tow-truck guy: YEAH. That's exactly what happened.

Me: What happened?

Tow-truck guy: She just left. Started dating some other guy.

Me: How long were you together?

Tow-truck guy: A year.

Me: That stinks.
-------------------------------------------------------
Maybe it is easier sometimes to talk about stuff with random people you will never see again. Then again, we were on kind of a road trip. My car broke down on the 15, in Wildemar. I was on my way to my parents' house because I was having car problems, so the breakdown wasn't completely unexpected. But tow-truck guy had to tow me 60 miles into LA County, where my parents live. Good times.

Also, tow-truck guy loved Rascal Flatts, and had no problem belting out the lyrics to the songs he knew in front of a complete stranger. It was refreshing to meet someone who had so much self-assurance. It made me smile.

Things I miss

Playing with the uptown band, family dinners, playing frisbee, good friends, vacations, summertime, swimming, October--the month of, long walks with a dog, sunsets in Santa Barbara, Blenders, hangin' with my brothers, serious conversations with my friends.

Musician's Rant

To those of you who want to hire musicians for weddings, parties, & such,

You may be wondering why we (the musicians) charge you so much. Let me break it down:

Song-Selecting/Preperation: 1 hour
Rehearsal time: 2-3 hours
Sound-Set Up: 30min-1 hour
Prelude: 20min-30min depending
Wedding Ceremony or Party Time: 30min- 3 hours
Sound Tear-down: 30min-1 hour

So. I'm feeling a little frustrated as a paid musician. Please pay us what we're worth. You do the math.

Goals for now

Things I'm going to start doing differently:
1. Inviting people over for dinner twice a month for family night
2. Calling my family more often
3. Following through on relationships-- calling people I know I should be calling more often
4. Walking 3 times a week at least
5. Be more willing to commit to things.

Red Robin

I went to visit my parents last weekend on Saturday. My mom and I ate at the Red Robin that used to be where my friends and I always hung out when we were in high school. It all started with my 16th birthday...My mom threw me a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was at my dad's house, when my mom knocked on the door. She said I had left something in her van. So I went to check it out, and all my friends were in the van. We drove to Red Robin and had dinner.

There happened to be a cute server serving us that night, and I didn't think he was that cute, but all my friends did. The result of this was that we continued to go to Red Robin in hopes of seeing this guy, which eventually led to one of my friends getting a job there when she turned 16 in November of that same year.

Well, she's still working at the Red Robin. I ran into her with my mom at lunch on Saturday. It was so fun to catch up and hear what's up in her life, and in the lives of my other friends from high school.I was always the independent one. I was the only one of that group to go away to college. Everyone else stayed in town. They all still hang out with each other. I don't think I could have stayed there, but I'm glad that I'm slowly reconnecting.

Chances

I helped our pastor and assistant pastor interview a candidate for a youth director position we have at church. When I envisioned the kind of person who would be good for this position, it was not this guy's personality. He is young and inexperienced, but genuine, honest, and compassionate. We are going to have to teach him some things, and hopefully we'll be able to learn from each other.

And maybe it isn't about what we (the pastors and I) thought we needed, but what God knows we need. I think this guy's compassion and genuineness might be exactly what we need in a youth director.

He wants to grow, and anyone who is willing to grow and learn is worth the investment. I know I was inexperienced once, and someone was willing to give me a chance. That's how you get experience.

Summertime

On this wistful August day,
I watch the sunset in sadness,
Knowing that summer is slowly fading away.
The whimsical breeze grows cold,
As the chill of fall takes hold.
With regret I wish,
This once,
That it would last a little longer...

Summertime

Why do I do this to myself?

I'm having drama at the moment. Mostly in my head. Cause here's what happened.

I asked a guy if he wanted to play guitar with me for a wedding in about 3 weeks. We are friends (supposedly). After I left a message, I saw him at church on Sunday night, and asked if he got my message. He said he did, and asked how soon I needed to know his availability. I told him, "monday, or tuesday at the latest."

Then on Monday, I started to think about it. Lately, everytime I've been around him, it has been just weird and awkward, almost like I'm imposing on his life or something, like I'm never in focus, but always in the perimeter. And it made me want to take back my invite to him to play. I was kind of hoping he wouldn't call me back.

I didn't hear back from him at all yesterday (tuesday) and he hadn't seemed that interested when I talked to him on Sunday, so last night, (still tues) I asked someone else to play with me, who was very excited about it and ready to bring some ideas to the table.

Then this morning, guy number one emails me: "hey, I can play the wedding, when can we rehearse, I'm a great guitar player" He was trying to be funny. I emailed him back and said, "you didn't get back to me soon enough, I asked someone else already, sorry." He emailed me back and said, "um, ok."

So now I'm feeling bad about the whole situation. I HATE DRAMA!!!

Music Stories

I was just thinking about how there are still a few moments in my life where I wonder what would have happened if? I've written about this before, but I was thinking about one of those today.

My mom forgot to take me to an orchestra rehearsal one night. I was in high school, but most of the kids in the orchestra were in junior high. I was trying to get into the symphony that was sponsored for the same group, and there just wasn't enough space for me.

After I waited at home for an hour (in vain) for my mom to come home and drive me over to the rehearsal, I started to cry. Punctuality for orchestral musicians is important.

I completely missed that rehearsal, and I found out later that my stand partner got into the symphony that night because someone else had dropped out. It would have been me if I had been able to audition because I was the better sight-reader.

I was talking about this incident with a friend today, and it still upsets me that I missed that rehearsal. I really need to let it go.
-------------------------------------------------
Then I started thinking about whether I would ever take music lessons again. I think I would if I had the time and money. I think a potential instructor might ask me what my goals would be, and I wouldn't be able to articulate them.

I might put on a recital next year sometime near my birthday, but it is a daunting task. The pieces I'd like to play are challenging. I got a raised eyebrow when I told the director of the orchestra I'm in what pieces I wanted to play. He underestimates my ability. Mostly because I'm not reaching my potential. :)

If I truly put some good effort into the pieces in orchestra, I would be the best player in my section.

It can't get any worse, can it?

I am taking a web design class this summer, which I really want to do well in, and I still really want to know how to design well. But the odds have been stacked against me from the beginning. First, I went out of town, got an extension on my first assignment. Then, I had surgery, and was out of it for a week, but I still feel like I'm trying to catch up. Last week, I spent A LOT of time on my homework only to have my newish computer completely die on me yesterday. I took it back where I bought it (and an extended warranty...thankfully) but they are going to have to keep it for a week. And now, I have to configure my computer at work so that I can get my homework done. I am not a bad student, and all my excuses are completely valid...actually, I didn't even ask for any additional time after I had my surgery. I just constantly feel like I can't catch up. I'm also kind of tired and exhausted which is adding to my feeling of defeat.