It's fall!

 I was on vacation. Just got back, and guess what? It's fall!!! You know what's also great? I didn't edit these pictures at all, they are as is:

One of these things is not like the other

Saw this in my cello student's front yard. I'm puzzled as to how it got there...

Distracted

I was so distracted today. I have no idea why. I think what happened is that my alarm clock woke me up out of a really deep sleep, and then I was grumpy the whole morning. I don't think my outlook improved until after lunch, which was late for me.

I had such a great week last week and yet I seem to be experiencing some anxiety tonight. For no reason apparently. At least it there doesn't seem to be a focus right now. That can be frustrating for me sometimes. Normally, if I can identify the cause of my anxiety, I can think about it, journal about it, and generally deal with it. When there's no focus, I have more difficulty getting back to a more peaceful state of mind.

Inspiration

My sister and brother-in-law came to visit this weekend.

My sister came in on Thursday night, and we spent Friday at the Modern Art Museum in Fort Worth. I also introduced her to frozen custard. We ate at two of my favorite restaurants in town, the Love Shack (burgers) and Zoe's Cafe.

When her husband arrived on Friday night (late) we all decided to sleep in  on Saturday. Thank goodness. I needed it. I told them we were going to get Texas Barbeque before the football game, which we did, and we ate ourselves sick practically. We were really full. And funny... about an hour after that, my sister's husband asks when we were going to eat dinner. Seriously?

We didn't quite make it through the whole football game as it was hot, and my sister started feeling sick. So we made the decision to leave. When we got back to my apartment, I turned the game on the radio, and we all napped. After the game was over, and after our naps, we decided to go downtown and get creative. Christian, you inspired us! We went downtown and started our own alphabet mosaic and just tried to take some fun pictures too. I really enjoyed getting creative with those... I might even start joining in on (photo) scavenger hunt Sunday!

After our creative session downtown, we decided to cook dinner. So we went to my favorite grocery store, Central Market! It is the Ikea of grocery stores. Anything and everything you can imagine. A whole room of produce! A whole room filled with wine and beer! Loose leaf spices, tea, and cereal!

So we baked salmon and asparagus for dinner as well as some zucchini and onions. And what dinner would be complete without dessert? We got a selection of cheesecake, cupcake, and a chocolatey seven layer bar, and ice-cream of course.

It was delicious, and I have left-overs.

I took them to church, and we went to lunch after with another friend of mine. After I dropped them off at the airport, I taught a cello lesson and went for a bike ride. I took my camera though, and I think I got some good shots.

It was a great weekend. I feel rested and ready to start the week.

"A" -- is for alphabet photo scavenger hunt

Sunday -- Section of stained glass at my church

"D" -- my favorite letter so far

Lonely Sunflower -- was the only one in this patch of (mostly) dead grass

Spotted on my bike ride today

The Scots

I find it interesting that I met a guy from Scotland right before I did a presentation to the Scottish Clans of North Texas. He needed help with a research project from one of the other librarians who brought me in on it for some advice. Since then, I have seen this guy everywhere. He's a non-traditional student here, meaning he is not a typical 18-22 year old student.

Well, tonight, he stopped by the desk (where I was working) and informed me (in his delightful Scottish accent) that I am one of the two most adorable people he's met on campus. He wasn't trying to flirt, he meant it sincerely. And I gotta say, I don't hear that very often, and it was kind of nice.

Rain

I worked a lot last week. Too much in fact. My boss even noticed and asked me point blank when I was going to take some time off. So I did today. Coincidentally, it rained. For those of you who don't live in Texas, we have been experiencing the hottest summer since 1980. There is an extreme drought in Texas and it is impacting the ecosystem. Fish are dying, birds are dying, the deer are abandoning their young, and there's not enough water to support the cattle. The beef industry in Texas is large, and though beef will be cheap for a little while (because the ranchers are having to sell them off before they die), the prices will start to increase, drastically. All that to say, we really need the rain here in Texas. It hasn't rained like this all summer.

So this is a rare occasion. So was my decision to go home early this afternoon.

I realized why I don't like taking time off... when my mind is relaxed, it wanders, and though I really need the rest, I am reminded of my loneliness. It would be really nice to have someone else to share these quiet moments with. You know, eat a few muffins, watch the game together. Laugh a little. Maybe go walk in the rain, because that's today's blessing.

September sunset

This sunset caught my eye tonight...

Missing

I had one of those kinds of weeks that just really had a lot in it. Every day seemed long and challenging. I have to work tomorrow, and most of the day on Sunday as well, so I am feeling a little stressed out. One of my friends is having a rough time. We talked a little about it, and it made me realize that often, the little things I worry about in my week are not as significant as I make them out to be. Sometimes I look at my life through this lens of stress, overwhelm, and "I'm too busy." But when I am able to step out of that a little, and look at my life without all that emotion, it just becomes a "to do" list, and all I have to do is work my way through it, without all the stress and drama. I had those moments this week. I was busier than I have ever been, but I felt really grounded. I may or may not have gotten more done in those moments, but I know that I felt more productive, which probably means I was.

Perhaps the long weekend helped... I got a lot of rest, and got to talk to ALL of my best friends. It was amazing. It is challenging to be away from all of them. I really, really, miss having people to do stuff with on a regular basis. That's the hardest part about moving away.

Texas Heat

This has been the hottest summer I have ever lived through. So many days over 100 degrees. The heat has finally broken (a little). Still in the high 90s, but it feels cooler. So, I give you "the heat breaks in suburban Texas." I have come to appreciate cloud cover, even if only for a short time.

Brahms

I met one of the new freshman cellists last week. She brought her cello into the library, so you know, it's kind of hard to NOT notice it. She had a question and we started talking. She asked me what my favorite piece was, and I said "Brahms Em" and she says, "Oh my gosh, I love playing that piece on a rainy day." So true!

This picture is of me playing this piece at a talent show. One of my best performances. It was a great night.

Random sketching

Sometimes I draw stuff. I made this for a friend awhile back and sent a version of this in some actual mail...

Wildflowers

My photography skills do not do these flowers justice. They were all over the place in spring, and now all the grasses are dead, brown, and dried up. It's a drastic contrast between the green and splashes of colors in the weeds in this picture.

Sleeping in! and cookies.

I am pretty excited tonight. "Why?" you might ask? Because I finally get one morning to sleep in! I really hope the gardeners aren't going to be mowing my section of the apartment complex tomorrow.

Also, my cello student made cookies with her mom today and made sure to save me some. It pretty much made my day.

Letting go

Sometimes you gotta just let things go

Pressure

I'm noticing today that I am feeling a lot of pressure about several different things in life. I've been thinking about how I normally deal with this, and normally, I get really overwhelmed to the point where it is difficult for me to focus and get anything done. I get overwhelmed by the "vastness" of projects... if something seems big and impossible, I don't even want to try. But what happens when it's a part of my job? Well, I have to start somewhere. Breaking big things down into smaller pieces tends to help me get going.

So the things that seem sort of impossible right now:

• Getting ready for school, as in actually doing all the things I need to do for my job
• Putting a set list together for church and make copies for binders
• Finding one more member of the church band by the end of this month
• Organizing my schedule (extra panic here, I'm always afraid I'm going to forget something)

A little bit of this pressure is external, for example, the music director at church sent me a text message today to see if I had found anyone yet, but most of it is internal. I put the pressure on myself.

Mantra:
It's never as big as I think, it just requires planning, and then taking action.

Weekend Update

I had a weekend that felt really good. I actually felt pretty balanced between spending time with people, taking care of business (like cleaning my house) and resting. Tried to take a nap today, but read half a book instead. Then I had one of those moments where my life felt totally surreal. Like I still can't believe that I live in Texas (which is still a really hot place to be right now) and that almost my whole house is clean. Who am I???

I went to the batting cages yesterday for the second time in my life yesterday. I talked a friend of mine into going with me, though in all honesty, I didn't have to do a lot of talking. The batting cages are really close to my house, and I will probably go back again.

I have been up to a lot lately. Right now, I am at a Starbucks for the second Sunday night in a row, waiting for my orchestra peeps to show up. It is so busy tonight, I don't think we are going to be able to pull together enough seating. Last week, this place was empty. It makes me wonder what shifted in the world...

I have been trying to get out and meet more people, so I started going to a meetup group once a month. It is mostly a bunch of guys who sit around and jam on guitar. A few of them are really good, and I bring my cello and play along. It was my second time going on Saturday, and already I gave and have been given homework. I am supposed to learn "Night Swimming" by REM. This will happen.

Today, for the first time in a long time, I felt like doing some personal practice on cello... so I did. I started learning this really cool song. It's fun, fast, and jazzy... I foresee myself playing this piece at one of the meetups in the future. It is really challenging and I can only play 1/3 of it right now, mostly because it has a lot of rhythm patterns that I have to figure out. Reading rhythm has always been a weakness for me. But I know that I'll get better at it if I practice.

A connection, of sorts

I had a friend break-up happen awhile back; I mean, I started it, so I wasn't really surprised that this happened. But I am surprised at how well this person was able to just completely drop out of my life. We used to see each other almost daily, and we ran into each other quite often at the same places near campus. And now, nothing. nada, zilch. I started thinking about how weird that was, and as soon as I did (which was on my way to lunch the other day) I caught a glimpse of this person walking ahead of me in the distance. Call me a coward, but I immediately turned and walked the other direction (it wasn't really a positive breakup...). Then today, I had to work, and I saw this person again, just slightly ahead of me, leaving the grocery store. It really hit me how sometimes we cross paths with people at the right time, and other times barely miss each other without knowing it, and how either way, it drastically impacts the connections we have with people in our lives.

Jerome the frog

I received notice that I got a package in the mail and couldn't figure out what it could have been. Turns out I ordered this out-of-print book from a used bookstore online, Jerome the Frog, by Philip Ressner a few weeks ago and it finally came! I was really excited and it brought back some fond memories of my childhood. I remember my dad reading this book to us when I was young.

The story goes that Jerome meets a witch and she turns him into a prince. When he goes to the townspeople to let them know about his new princely status, they mock him and tell him to prove it. Using his wits, he negotiates with a crow, a dragon, and a wizard, convincing them to change their "evil" ways which greatly improves the lives of the townspeople. I loved the illustrations when I was young as the colors were vivid and swirly. Next time I see you, I'll read it to you out loud.

How I'm feeling

I've been struggling a bit with loneliness lately. It is a common struggle for me, even when I am surrounded by people I know. I live really far away from my family, and I think this time, I'm just feeling a little homesick. My sisters all hung out last weekend and I'm sad I didn't get to go with them.

I do feel that I'm making an effort here, since I know I'm lonely, I've been trying to call a few old friends, and trying to set up times to be with some friends here. These feelings ebb and flow, and I wish I felt less reserved about just going out on my own and trying to meet more people. I'm so intimidated by that experience most of the time.

Most people are really surprised when I tell them that I'm shy, or introverted, because they see that I'm really good at talking to people I don't know. However, I need an introduction, or a commonality (for example, it's easier for me to talk to someone I don't know in my symphony because we have music in common).

Most people also tell me that I seem busy. And I am. I have a full-time job, and teach 3 cello lessons during the week, as well as play music at church on Sundays. But I do try to make time for friends. I miss having a regular activity, like frisbee, on Saturday mornings. The weather in TX is not conducive to frisbee. I need some ideas about how to meet people that isn't "go to a bar."

Chair races

Most of my coworkers were gone today. There were only two of seven of us working in my area, which is how it feels when I'm working a Saturday. So my coworker and I (based on a suggestion from another coworker who works in a different area) decided to do a chair race loop. She pushed me in a chair around the "desk island" in our work area. As she was wheeling me back into my office, our boss came around the corner. Oh man. We totally got caught. Not that there will be repercussions...