Cello Bow

Apparently I am a magnet for bad luck this week. First, I lost my cello bow. Then my car got hit while it was parked in front of my house, and the guy didn't pull over. Hit-and-Run. I do not think my insurance is going to cover it because I drive an old car, and I just had liability. I am bleeding money at the moment. So to bolster my spirits, I went shopping for a cello bow today.

I think the process of buying a bow is the closest humans will get to purchasing a wand. So in the spirit of magic, here is a short excerpt from "why buying a bow is like purchasing a wand:"

They are both made of wood. Woods have different levels of densities, thicknesses, and levels of stiffness, and each person has their own individual style and preference. You have to try them all out before purchasing one. Do you prefer slender and whippy? Or dense and heavy? Bouncy or smooth? Octagonal or round? Although you can effectively use someone else's wand or bow, it will not be as effective as the one that chooses you.

Although I cannot vouch for wands, I would imagine that like bows, they are expensive.The bow I lost was a lightweight $300 octagonal bow. I was at the music store for 90 minutes and my decision came down to two bows, the one that I really hoped to buy ended up being too light for me and more expensive. So I'm kind of glad the "cheaper" bow I chose actually produced better sound on my instrument than the more expensive one. Let's just say it's a minor investment. The bow I just bought is cool looking. It is Brazilian. The frog (bottom of the bow; where you hold it) is made of snakewood, so it has cool markings--sort of like tiger-eye rocks. This bow has a tan leather grip, and gold binding. Normally, the grip is black and the binding is silver. This bow is heavier than my last one (although I've discovered that almost ALL cello bows are heavier than mine was) but it produces really good tone on my instrument. I'm excited. So the next time you see me play, you can tell me how good it sounds.

Surreal

Just had a very surreal experience-- playing cello at the Carlsbad Flower Fields. It was a beautiful day, and still is, although I'm stuck inside at the moment. It is times like these when I wish I could abdicate responsibility and just do what I want to do, which would be to go to the beach right now. Or take a road trip. Or something. At least shooting this video was a great way to take a break from reality, to do something a little more surreal, with some very cool new friends of mine.But now that its over, I'm back at work, and dreading the 15 page research paper I haven't started yet. (Due Wed.) I'm taking the next two days off of work to work on it, and if the weather is as awesome then as it is now, I'm going to have a hard time working on it.

Weekend Update

Weekend Update:

Last week, I was working frantically to finish our group project/presentation. I was so frustrated on Thursday, that I took an "angry walk." I ran into our dean of students, who asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was taking an "angry walk." We graduated from the same school back in 2002, but we were in slightly different programs, so I know him, but not that well. So he asked if it was because of someone or something at work, I said, "no," and proceeded to tell him about how awful my group was for this project. I totally cried, which means I'm REALLY stressed out, and I was feeling kind of awkward about it. The dean just listened and he was short on time, so he had to go.

After that, I felt a little better. More calm, but still anxious about it. On Friday, our group had an online meeting, and the one guy in our group refused to participate. He was totally ignoring me. It was so passive aggressive and childish. The other group member and I were worried because our presentation was supposed to be 20 minutes long, and we had no idea what he was going to say because he wasn't communicating with us.

Thankfully, we presented second, and it went smoothly, although I would say that it could have been much better. However, the content was good, and our classmates were receptive. Then the professor emailed me and said we did a good job. Fine, but the guy in our group did not present what we asked him to. But it is over.

The instructor let us out a couple hours early, so I called my grandma to see if she was home. She was, and we went shopping because I had to kill some time before a rehearsal I needed to go to in Oceanside for the wedding I'm playing in next weekend.

Then I went to the rehearsal. It was so fun. I told one of the girls that I just was amazed by how far along we have come as musicians (she and I played together in Junior High), that we could basically sit down and sight read Beethoven and make it sound good without much practice. I love this piece. It sounds so cool. And yes, it could use a bit of polishing, but it sounds pretty good for the minimal amount of practicing we've all done.

Then today, I played in a music video at the Flower Fields in Carlsbad. It was a beautiful day. I wish I could have spent the whole day outside. Here's why: Typically in May in San Diego, the weather is quite cloudy and/or foggy in the morning. The sun will come out in the afternoon, and then the fog will roll back in. Today, however, the day started out hot. It was perfect. The flower fields are amazing. Those of us who were in the shoot were wearing white and/or khaki. It looks so surreal. I'm so glad I had the opportunity to participate in this project.

Now, I'm back working at the library, and dreading the next paper I need to write in the next 2 1/2 days. But I'm really glad I took the break, by hangin' with my grandma, and going to the flower fields. I'm feeling less dread about the paper.

What this reminds me is that it is so good and necessary to take breaks from the hard things in life, and just breathe deeply, and enjoy the time we have on this Earth. I'm so thankful for this weekend, glad that my project is done, and I'm now ready to face the challenge of finishing this semester. Not as strong as I would have liked, but strong enough.

Group Project

I have never been more frustrated with a group than I am this semester. The two other members of my group made me the group leader, we divided up tasks, and then all hell broke loose.

One of my group members understood his assignment, but what he wrote was completely inaccurate. I asked him to rewrite it and thus far, he has stubbornly refused. He says he is going to present what he wrote to the class on Saturday, but I really hope he doesn't because it will not flow with the rest of our presentation.

I had to rewrite his section for the paper part.

I'm at my wits end. I've been emailing the professor, and I feel like I'm stuck.

New Neighbors

I have recently been hanging out with my neighbor; she rents from the same lady I do. We have been walking together about twice a week, and it has been good for both of us. She told me last week that she believes that people are put into her path for a reason. I'm not sure yet what purpose I will serve in her life except to perhaps encourage her to grow more in her relationship with God.

Today, I met another new neighbor. She's moving in across the street. We met because I sneezed loudly as I was getting ready to head over to volunteer at the high school, and she said, "bless you," and asked if it was true that allergies were worse in San Diego. I said that it was possible, and then she asked what instrument I play. I told her that I play cello, and then she said that she had been a classical pianist, and an actress. In the next ten minutes, she told me that she had just had reconstructive facial surgery. I assumed it was because that's what all the hollywood folk are doing these days, but then she told me it was because some guy had beat her up and broken almost every bone in her face. It ruined her career, and because he had been stalking her, she moved away from LA.

Then she said, "I'm sorry for dumping all this on you, and we've only just met...I'm just so glad to be alive."

At this point, I don't know how often I will be seeing her, but I think there is truth to what my other neighbor believes, that God brings people in our paths for a purpose. In this case, I am reminded that every day is a new day, and a new beginning.

Lost and Found

How I feel when I'm lost:
anxious, scared, worried, confused, frantic, hopeless, resigned, panicked, and alone.

How I feel when I'm found:
relieved, joyful, happy, carefree, and loved.

The sermon this week was about the man who had 100 sheep, and when he realized that one of them was missing, went to find it. It made me think about the times where I have actually been lost, hence the list above.

Skillz

Skillz
I was wearing my "I got Skills" shirt so I thought I would update you all on my skills. As of today (a la Napoleon Dynamite):

• Googling skillz
• Fly Swatting Skillz
• Cello-ing Skillz
• Endurance Walking Skillz
• Rock Climbing Skillz
• Secret Researching Skillz
• Digitization Skillz
• Paper Airplane Making Skillz
• and Speed Reading Skillz.

(I might create a new list everytime I wear the shirt)

Adam

Adam, my brother, called me last night and it was so good to hear from him. We love each other, but we do not communicate very often. I think we are both making more of an effort, and it shows. He is going to be more local this summer, and I'm looking forward to seeing him more often. Hopefully he can give me another surf lesson.

What I appreciate about Adam:
Has a good sense of humor
Is a good teacher
Has fantastic Barbecue skills
Is there when you need him
Can charm anyone
Is kind and good natured

Another Easter Eve

It is another Easter eve, and I'm caught up in the busyness and anxiety of my life... trying to manage a group project for one of my graduate classes, trying to find a new roommate, and worrying that I'm nowhere close to living the life I wish I could live.

The beauty of celebrating Easter is remembering that it isn't about me. God cared for us, and loved us enough to sacrifice himself on a roman cross, and then rose again, that we might also gain eternal life. The depth of this love is significant. God has promised to provide for those who believe in him. Easter reminds me that I can trust that love to carry me through all the tough times in life.

One Lane Road (redux)

On a journey…

It has been said that the path is straight and narrow,
but this road I have taken has unexpected turns
As it clearly lies before me
The asphalt undisturbed
Someday this path will lead me home
Because I know that God has guided me
To this one lane road

(Originally published 7/30/04)

Lullabye for V

Peace, peace, rest in my love,
Sleep, sleep, close your eyes, little one,
When darkness falls,
Do not fear,
Precious one, I am here

Magnetic Poetry

Magnetic Poetry 1

act off the map
two feet ambling
take a trip

Magnetic Poetry 2 (For Halloween)

bitter wind
whispers
screams
heavy ferocious shadows
take over the misty sky

Magnetic Poetry 3 (Also for Halloween)

hear the repulsive raven drone

Magnetic Poetry 4 (Words of Wisdom)

no bitter lesson is sweet

Magnetic Poetry 5

time is overly frantic
let it incubate
rest and wait

Sad.

Some kids (I think) broke into my car tonight. They took my book bag with my planner, journal, and my thumb drives. So sad. But they did not take a check that was sitting on my front seat, waiting to be cashed, or my nice stereo system. I try to never leave my wallet in the car EVER, so they didn't get that, or my check book, which is good... but they took my CD collection. Not all of it, but most of it. It makes me sad. This is the second time I have lost a majority of my CD's. I'm not too upset because they got nothing financial... its more the sentimental stuff they got.Just reminds me how temporary stuff really is.

My Birthday Party

It was my birthday today, and it was a really good day. My coworkers threw me a Napoleon Dynamite party, complete with tator tots, dang quesadillas, and a cake--built by Pedro. So funny. I also received a shirt that says, "I got skills" with numchucks (sp?) on it. (Yesssss.....!)Then I threw myself a birthday party. I had a lot of fun people come over. We ate food, sang songs, and played Nintendo. I managed to get most of my guests to sign the guest book, for which I provided prompts. They had to answer one (or more if they wanted) of the following questions:

1. If you called a radio station and dedicated a song to me, what song
would you dedicate and why?
2.Write a mathematically based word problem that involves you and me.
Solve the problem, showing your work and the answer.
3. What is your favorite memory of you and me?
4. What goal(s) should I try to accomplish in the next year?
5. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? What are they?

I got some great responses. I love my friends!

The Last Leaf

The last leaf on the maple tree
Looks lonely to me
Holding on
With regret that it cannot hold on much longer
"If you let go,"
I tell the leaf as it shivers in the winter wind,
"You will fly."

Soup-R-Bowl

It was about 10:30pm last night when I walked into the grocery store, recipe in hand. I do not really cook often, and I had never made this recipe before, but needed to make some soup because every year for the superbowl, my office throws a party wherein we eat soup. I signed up to bring potato soup, which is one of my favorites, but one that I had never tried to make before.

I found the potatos, got an onion, some spices, and some cheese. I purchased my items, and put the two bags in my car, got in, and thought, "Do I have a peeler?" It was debatable since I couldn't remember the last time I peeled anything. So I got back out of my car, and went in to buy a peeler. The funny part about this experience is that there was only one checker working. When he scanned my peeler, he gave me a look because I had just checked out 5 minutes earlier. I smiled a cheesy smile and shrugged. He said, "You don't have a potato peeler?" I said, "I can't remember. It's debateable."

I was up really late making soup. And thankfully, it tasted okay.

Lame

I've been trying to walk in the mornings before work, clears the mind, good for the soul, all that. I just got a hair cut (short!!) and so when I walk, I wear a baseball hat usually. Today, I wore my B.Mello hat. It's cool, yo. Except that it blocked my peripheral vision and I ran into a "school crossing" sign as a result. Yes. I am that lame.

Gray

I was just interviewed to become a member of the church that I have been attending for the last three years. I did not choose to become a member until now because I was afraid of the commitment. I was taught that becoming a member is a serious step to take, and I was never ready to take that step.

I was nervous about going to my interview because of the gravity I assigned to it. When I got to my interview, I was asked a series of questions by one of the pastors. It was annoying. He pretended to be the "skeptical inquisitor" which, in my opinion (and I could be wrong) is not how unbelievers ask about religion. They may be skeptical, but each time someone has asked me about my beliefs, it has been because they were curious. I believe that people can come to their own conclusions, when they're ready. I dislike debates, they do not prove anything except that the people who participate in them like to argue. I wish he would have just asked me what I believed about these issues of faith.

I was talking to a friend about my interview experience, and I admitted that one of the characteristics that I dislike in some pastors I know is their belief that they are right about all matters of faith. I will admit, they have to go to school for a long time in order to become ordained ministers (at least in my denomination), but I believe that there are some things about God that we will never know. I told my friend that I think most people believe that issues of faith are black and white, and therefore can only believe one way or the other about certain things like evolution, baptism, social justice, predestination, free will, and other such issues. Since I dislike drawing conclusions anyway and there IS evidence to support both sides, I am okay with being gray--not drawing conclusions one way or the other.

Tooth stuff

So I went to see my oral surgeon today. The assistant led me to a room and I immediately got suspicious because I had been there before, once for getting my wisdom teeth out, and once for getting a post implanted in my mouth. If they were going to put me under, they would have told me, but as it was, they poked me a few times. All I gotta say is that needles hurt, especially when they are poked into the roof of your mouth. All I could say was, "OW!!" When they were done, I said, "I knew I was going to get tortured today." They laughed. And I was. Tortured that is. Willingly. Sad, huh?

Noooooo!!!!!

The Taco Bell by my work closed. :(
I am sad. Very sad.