More parties

Went to a very fun birthday party last night that ended with a jam session wherein we all sang "isn't it ironic" by Alanis. Our new friend Kyle somehow manages to channel the spirit of the songwriters and singers of the songs he plays. He does a good Garth Brooks and Bryan Adams impressions. He also played a bit of Keith Urban, and I think he really likes country. He is definitely a good guitar player, and he's fun to be around.

Blue

Cellos sound blue.
Blue like the depths of the ocean
Sweetly, nostagically blue
Brought to life by a bow drawn across strings
Even happy sounds have sadness lurking beneath
Much as the sea happily winks on the surface
But is serious and darkly blue
down below
in its heart of hearts,
where few have ever been
or are likely to go.

Monday Mishaps: 2

It was such a busy weekend last weekend, and everything I did was fun, but it wore me out. Handel's Messiah took up about 6 hours of my time between the rehearsal and performance. I did not get my usual down day. By the time the weekend was over, I had a heck of a stack of laundry. So I decided to go to the laundromat. Everything was going well when I got a call from a good friend of mine. I have not talked to her in awhile, so it was good to catch up with her. Well, I hung up the phone, put it down on my passenger seat, opened my car door, locked it and closed it. I ended up locking my phone, my keys, and my wallet in the car that night. I had to run home to use the phone. It was about a mile. Then I called the auto club, and they bailed me out. I have a spare key somewhere, but I couldn't find it. It was a heck of a night.

I must be mentally stressed out, because that's when I always start either losing my keys, locking them in my car, or leaving them in the door. Which I also did about 2 weeks ago.

Recent Happenings

Reverse order events:

Piano Party (Saturday 12/02):
My roommate and I celebrated the moving of my piano from LA to SD with a party. It was really fun because it had a focus: everyone had to play or sing a song. It was highly entertaining and everyone had a good time. Toward the end of the party, one guy started playing guitar, and I started playing cello, and we had so much fun playing together for a small group of our friends...I think there were about 5 or so left. I told the guitar player that if he ever formed a band I would be in it.

Side note about the party: We now have a ridiculous amount of alcohol to drink at our place, and neither of us are big drinkers.

Arrival of the piano:
So excited to get my piano back. It is 100 years old and has been in my family for about 50 years. My grandmother bought it for my aunt to play when she was young, but my aunt just quit one day and the piano sat soundless. When my mom got married to my dad, my grandmother gave the piano to my parents because my dad is a musician. His mom (my other grandmother) is a music teacher, and all her kids are very talented musicians. Of all my siblings, I was the only one to learn and continue to play. My mom told me that I could have the piano. That day has come.

Saturday (of Thanksgiving weekend):
Drove back to San Diego from LA area to share a meal with my friends. It was a good time.

Friday (of Thanksgiving weekend):
At my dad's house for dinner. LS is 3 years old and belongs to my step-brother, who is back in jail.

RR: Hi Everyone! (Looks down at LS) Hi L! How are you?
LS: Do I know you?
RR: Well, we've met before but its been awhile. I'm Robyn. One of your aunts.
LS: Okay. Let's play.
-----------------------------

Well, we decorated the Christmas tree at my dad's house, had dinner together, and celebrated my step-sister's birthday.

Here's a funny story: Every year on Christmas day, we steal this family picture of all us kids when we were young and on vacation out of my step-mom's living room and wrap it for her to open. The first time it happened, she didn't notice and she actually laughed because it was unexpected. We have been trying to play this trick on her every year since. Every year we succeed in wrapping it, but most of the time, my step-mom notices that the picture is missing.

This year we are trying to scan and copy the picture without her noticing WAY before hand. I don't know if my sister succeeded in this endeavor, but this year, we are going to give my step-mom a poster size version of the photo. Should be entertaining.

I also went out with my two step-sisters and my sister that night. We had a good time and it was the first time all the girls went out together. However, my step-sister wasn't drinking very quickly so we had to invent a drinking game: For every five words that came out of her mouth, she had to take a sip of her drink...it was also helpful that she got a phone call and went outside because I was able to take a gulp of her drink so that she would finish it faster. If she noticed that there was less to drink when she came back, she didn't say anything.

Thanksgiving night:
We went to my grandma's house. The boys had invited two of their friends from Fresno to play in the Turkey Bowl. When we arrived to grandma's house, the boys and my sister started to play 3 flags up. Then we ate. Lots of food of course. And the two boys from Fresno proceeded to have an eating contest. Whoever ate the most would not have to drive that night all the way back to Fresno. My brother was the referee. The guy who lost ended up puking. Between the two of them they ate about 6 full plates of food and 10 pieces of pie.

Turkey Bowl (on Thanksgiving morn):
This holiday started early. My sister and I shared a room and her alarm went off at 6:30am. We sort of started getting ready for breakfast because our brothers and their friends were playing football in the morning... the annual red/black game that they started four years ago. This year, they painted the field, had a trophy, and my sister made big posters in support of the red team. There were a lot of families that showed up in support of the game. I filmed the whole game on my dad's digital recorder. The red team lost, mostly due to the fact that they didn't fight any of the bad calls that went against them.

Monday Mishaps

One of my co-workers asked me to help move some sodas over from the music department to her office. They were left over from homecoming events this weekend. We got everything loaded onto a book cart, and then headed over to the library. On the way, I hit a divet in the concrete, and all the sodas fell off the cart. So funny. We were helped by a kind faculty member from the math department to get all the sodas back on the cart.

Potlucks and Parties

Everytime I go to potlucks thrown by certain friends of mine, I have to see the guy who asked me out. He is always there. I have not gone out with him, and don't plan to. Now, normally, I think most people are fine in this situation. I get nervous and avoid him by talking to people in other rooms. I feel awkward, although he probably doesn't. I think I'm more socially inept than I had previously realized. I'm out of practice and find myself without topics to speak of with people I don't know very well. And I was thinking to myself that there were a few guys I would be interested in, but I have nothing to say to them really, mostly because I don't know what to say. I live a boring life. I really am out of practice trying to talk to people I don't know that well, and this is just one of the reasons why I don't like parties all that much.

So I think its ironic that my roommate and I are going to throw a party because once my piano arrives, the house will be completely ready for us to have our housewarming party. This will only be the second big party I've ever thrown. The first was a birthday party about 2 years ago.

The Ocean

So the ocean is the most interesting shade of purple today. Normally, it is shades of gray, blue, and green, but today...it is most definitely purple.

Sunday Boredom Series: 2

Just got back from visiting Laurel, and it was so fun. I really miss seeing old friends on a regular basis. I really wish we could live in the same city. But alas. I have committed myself to going back to grad school, and therefore, I will be living and working in San Diego for at least another three years. That's a good thing. My staff is very supportive, and bought me a sweatshirt from my new school and gave me cash for the books I will have to buy. I'm glad that I have a new path to follow, and although I never thought I would go this route, I feel that it is the right decision for now.

Word(s) of the week:

Christian Seekers

Definition: Those church-goers who go to church looking for date-able Christians of the opposite sex. Relentless attention seekers but only want attention from and or relationships with "attractive" members of the opposite sex.

The female version of the Christian Seekers drive me nuts, and I have not seen this very much with the guys cause there just aren't that many, and with the girls flocking to them, they don't really have to try.

News and Notes

It feels so good to have the housing situation under control. I'm done with my old place and into the new completely with nothing else to worry about. I called my parents to find out when I can move my piano down. I'm so looking forward to that day.

I went to Knott's Scary Farm last weekend and it was really fun. I didn't think it was very scary. It was more disturbing than anything else, and it was fun because of the people I went with. I found out that the guy who invited me along went to the same youth group I did in Jr. High and High School, and we know a lot of the same people even though we didn't know each other. I did recognize his brother though, who graduated high school a year ahead of me. It was one of those small world connections.

I also made a new friend (sort of). I had been meaning to try and hang out with this girl more often, but I really haven't been able to spend that much time with other people over the last month anyway. We really have a lot of the same interests and I really like her a lot. Now that I have moved, we're sort of neighbors. Anyway, she came to Knott's as well, and then over for dinner last Friday, and we ran some errands together last night. I'm really looking forward to getting to know her better.

Hope

I hurt because you are hurting
I do not have the words to help
And I do not envy your broken heart

But I do know that because you are strong,
You will grow stronger
Your love will grow wiser,
And your faith, deeper

Do not lose hope
because God loves us more than we can ever know or imagine.

Pathetic Life

I had a Sunday off for the first time in a long time. So I went to some friends' apartment and spent almost all day with them and a few other friends from church. It was so nice to be able to do that. I didn't realize how isolated I have been until I spent time with everyone and I was talking it over with a friend of mine who came to visit me for lunch and I started to tear up a bit. I have definitely been missing my friends because I used to only see them on Sundays, and now that I'm at a different location, I don't really see anyone anymore.

In thinking about what's been going on, I have a good exuse--all my energy has been taken up by the move I made, and I work on Sundays. As of yesterday (Wed.) my now ex-roommate was still sleeping in my old apartment. She was supposed to be out last Saturday. So now I'm responsible for 3 extra days rent because she wouldn't leave. This has been extremely frustrating and stressful. But she's gone, and I'm officially out of my old place and completely into the new. My new roommate comes back from her travels today, and I feel like life is getting back to normal. Finally. It has been a lonely few months, and I'm not always sure why I don't call more people in these situations. It has to do with my perception that I don't have strong enough relationships with people or my perception that they are too busy to spend time with me. I think deep down I sometimes feel like I'm boring, or uninteresting, and unimportant to a lot of people, which is somewhat true. We all have varying degrees of importance in relation to others. Anyway, that's what's going on. I'm going to Knott's Scary Farm this weekend...looking forward to that because I've never been. Not the smartest timing in terms of what I have to do the next day...I'm going to be exhausted...but should be worth it nonetheless.

Commitment

Just realized why I don't like committing to things... I want to be able to keep my options open.

This applies to relationships as well...this might be why I have trouble dating people. That and a fear of being emotionally vulnerable.

We've been talking about different personalities at work, and I think I'm an INTP, but not extreme. I have some, but not all of these characteristics.

Focusing issues

I'm having one of those weeks where it has just been hard to focus. I have one or two tasks that I really need to finish today, and should have been done yesterday or Monday yet I procrastinate.

Its been a contemplative week for me as I've been sick, and it has made me phyisically weaker than I thought it had, I haven't been around a whole lot of people outside of work, and I have been wrestling with a decision that I really shouldn't have to wrestle with. I feel like I should just be able to make up my mind and be done with it. But I can't.

And I had a dream last night about being exposed and feeling out of control even though I should have had more control in the situation. This was interesting on a number of levels especially since I have been thinking a bit more about the level of emotional vulnerability I have with different people in my life.

Then last night at my Bible Study, we talked about how there used to be a barrier between us and God, and now there's not, so that he is now always present through the Holy Spirit and whether this has any impact on our daily lives.

Bottom line: I have a lot on my mind.

Notes

Notes in chronological order:

1. On Friday night, I waited for a friend of mine to pick me up to go spend the night at Newport. She was over an hour late, and there's nothing that makes me more insecure than complete tardiness. She didn't have her phone with her, so I thought I might have been abandoned. And there's other things I could have been doing besides sitting there and waiting for her to pick me up. It brings back a lot of unpleasant memories and totally puts me on edge emotionally. I think there are some issues here that I might need to work through...

2. Went to Disneyland yesterday for staff appreciation through work. This was really fun and I made some great connections with people at PLNU that I had not met before. One of them is getting his Ph.D. in Political Science at UCSD (I think...) and was encouraging me to apply to teach world civ. I'll go talk to him later this semester.

3. My apartment manager called my mom re: the old apartment, and I just don't want to deal with it. However, I still need to go get the last few things that are in the kitchen and in my room. I hate trying to get the stuff that's last. Mostly unimportant junk that needs to be cleaned up, and who knows if my ex-roommate has been trashing the place. This is probably what a break-up would be like except the break-up would be worse, cause my heart would have been more involved. I wish there was a move-out fairy, who could, with the swipe of her wand, move all my stuff from one place to the other without having me there.

4. I led kids' club at church this morning and taught the lesson in addition to leading the worship. Right before I started teaching the lesson, I felt something tickling my arm and brushed it off, only to find a rather large spider there. It was bigger than your typical SoCal spider about the size of a $0.50 piece, and I think I yelped a little just from the surprise, and then the kids were distracted by it and kept saying, "Don't kill it!!!" Finally, our true director got it with some posterboard and relocated it to the grassy area right behind our area. Had this been my brother or sister, I don't think they would have been functional from the fright.

Thunder & lightening...

There was a storm right over San Diego last night, and it was loud! Very tropical and muggy air. The lightening was striking so close and making car alarms go off and all the windows shake. It would have been cool to watch this storm over the ocean. We don't have storms like this very often in SoCal. They happen more frequently in the mountains and not so frequently

I think I forget how scary the storms can be when you're in the midst of them.

Tired!!!

My old roommate had a meltdown this morning. I was in no mood to deal with it. I think reality set in as she saw me put all my stuff in boxes and stack them by the front door. She asked me "why do you feel like you need to get out of here so fast?"

Real Answer #1: You are inconsiderate and I have been an insomniac with you as my roommate. You have broken our rental agreement by being loud at night, and by not informing me when your boyfriend spends the night. (Of course I did not say this to her yet...)

Real Answer #2: Because I have free time this weekend, and if I want people to help me move, I need to have everything ready to go. (this is the one I used.)

I was going to take a nap this morning, but I didn't get to because she was having a meltdown. AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!

I feel just a little guilty for leaving her like this, but I'm fed up. And I feel guilty for not having more compassion toward her. But seriously, she needs more help than I can offer. What do you do when people need so much help that you don't even know where to begin or need so much help you don't want to get involved? I think that's where I'm at. I just don't like to get involved at all in relationships with people who seem to have too many needs to count.

My news

Okay, so my friend and I found this great place to live. We liked it mostly, but there are a few things we didn't like, but we have decided to live there. It's so nice, and we're both really excited. I'm starting to pack tomorrow morning. Yesssssss..... actually, I hate packing. And this is not going to be fun.

However, I'm looking forward to reorganizing and a new start. Change is good, and there's enough space for my piano. No pets allowed, but since the owners of this place live next door and don't rent anything else, I'm hoping I might be able to talk them into letting me get a small dog.

I also went to the bank and took out $500 cash for the deposit. Combined with the money I have from the summer pops, I am walking around with more than $700 on my person. Pray I don't lose it or get robbed. Seriously.

I can't think of a good way to transition into what I say next, so consider it a non-sequitor:

There's this rule I have... if you wear a white shirt out to eat, you're just asking for it... and even though I know this, I still wore a white shirt today, and yep. Spilled some salsa right down the middle. (Sigh.) I am such a klutz.

Sunday boredom series: 1

I'm so tired!!! I've brought this upon myself. I really need adult supervision at the bookstore because I really should not be allowed to buy books after 9pm. I stay up too late to finish them even when I know I have an early and long day the next day.

That's what I did last night after I talked to Laurel.

Also went househunting on Friday, and found one nice place, but they wanted us to move in on Monday. We were both feeling a bit rushed, and the price was good, but the deposit was high. Its too bad they couldn't give us a day or two to think about it because we really liked it.

Hopefully we'll find something just as good in a better location.

Untitled for now

I occasionally have these days where I'm very busy, I'm happy that I'm busy, but then at the end of all the activity, I get a little melancholy. I'm not exactly sure why today is one of those days.

This morning, I went to leadership training. The leaders at my church have been sort of trying to get me more involved, or at least trained so I can lead if they need me to. I do tend to be sort of a natural leader whether I'm officially leading or not, so I guess its good to be official. So it was me and a bunch of guys this morning which was encouraging to see. I was glad to see that there are many men in my church committed enough to say yes, I want to serve. Anyway, I got put in charge of creating next week's ice-breaker. Since its a training week, perhaps I will ask them to share the best ice-breaker they've ever experienced or encountered... that would be funny I think...

Then I met up with an old friend from high school. That was actually fun. My 10 year reunion is in October, and so I have reconnected with a couple people that I have known since elementary school. This friend went to school with me for my whole K-12 academic experience. We grew apart because I think we were at different places in life, and because of our faith backgrounds. She's not a Christian, and I had shared the gospel with her many times, and she just wasn't receptive. So we hit a wall in our relationship, and I sort of gave up. Distance aided our "break-up" because I went away to college, and she stayed in my hometown. It was good to reconnect with her. She's doing well, and I'm glad she made an effort to come visit me while she was in town.

Then I picked up a friend of mine and went to a bridal shower. I've been to three of them over the summer. This one did me in. It was long, and although many of my friends were there, its not exactly a good place for talking or whatever cause this one was a little more structured.

Laurel called while I was at the shower, and I'm so glad she did. I was having a good day, but then I just started thinking about where I am in my life, and how weird it is that I ended up where I am, and I think I started to feel some despair. One of those "I wish things were just a little different" days. I don't usually feel this way, and I will feel better in the morning, but it is going to be a long, lonely shift for me at work tomorrow.

I miss having my good friends around. Normally I would have called them to see if I could come over and just be. No stress, low key, just relax. I really wish I had someone down here who could provide that for me, and it really makes me sad that I don't. San Diego is a tough place to make good friends.

Possibilities

Yay!!!

I went out to dinner last night with a bunch of my friends from Bible Study, and I found out that one of the girls wants to move out of her place. This is such an answer to prayer because I think we would be very compatible roommates. The timeline works well for both of us. We would move into our place in November (hopefully). We just have to settle the 'where' and the 'how much' part of this deal.

This means that I put up with my other roommate for a month or two (as long as she can pay the rent) and then move out by November 30.