Tired!!!

My old roommate had a meltdown this morning. I was in no mood to deal with it. I think reality set in as she saw me put all my stuff in boxes and stack them by the front door. She asked me "why do you feel like you need to get out of here so fast?"

Real Answer #1: You are inconsiderate and I have been an insomniac with you as my roommate. You have broken our rental agreement by being loud at night, and by not informing me when your boyfriend spends the night. (Of course I did not say this to her yet...)

Real Answer #2: Because I have free time this weekend, and if I want people to help me move, I need to have everything ready to go. (this is the one I used.)

I was going to take a nap this morning, but I didn't get to because she was having a meltdown. AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!

I feel just a little guilty for leaving her like this, but I'm fed up. And I feel guilty for not having more compassion toward her. But seriously, she needs more help than I can offer. What do you do when people need so much help that you don't even know where to begin or need so much help you don't want to get involved? I think that's where I'm at. I just don't like to get involved at all in relationships with people who seem to have too many needs to count.

My news

Okay, so my friend and I found this great place to live. We liked it mostly, but there are a few things we didn't like, but we have decided to live there. It's so nice, and we're both really excited. I'm starting to pack tomorrow morning. Yesssssss..... actually, I hate packing. And this is not going to be fun.

However, I'm looking forward to reorganizing and a new start. Change is good, and there's enough space for my piano. No pets allowed, but since the owners of this place live next door and don't rent anything else, I'm hoping I might be able to talk them into letting me get a small dog.

I also went to the bank and took out $500 cash for the deposit. Combined with the money I have from the summer pops, I am walking around with more than $700 on my person. Pray I don't lose it or get robbed. Seriously.

I can't think of a good way to transition into what I say next, so consider it a non-sequitor:

There's this rule I have... if you wear a white shirt out to eat, you're just asking for it... and even though I know this, I still wore a white shirt today, and yep. Spilled some salsa right down the middle. (Sigh.) I am such a klutz.

Sunday boredom series: 1

I'm so tired!!! I've brought this upon myself. I really need adult supervision at the bookstore because I really should not be allowed to buy books after 9pm. I stay up too late to finish them even when I know I have an early and long day the next day.

That's what I did last night after I talked to Laurel.

Also went househunting on Friday, and found one nice place, but they wanted us to move in on Monday. We were both feeling a bit rushed, and the price was good, but the deposit was high. Its too bad they couldn't give us a day or two to think about it because we really liked it.

Hopefully we'll find something just as good in a better location.

Untitled for now

I occasionally have these days where I'm very busy, I'm happy that I'm busy, but then at the end of all the activity, I get a little melancholy. I'm not exactly sure why today is one of those days.

This morning, I went to leadership training. The leaders at my church have been sort of trying to get me more involved, or at least trained so I can lead if they need me to. I do tend to be sort of a natural leader whether I'm officially leading or not, so I guess its good to be official. So it was me and a bunch of guys this morning which was encouraging to see. I was glad to see that there are many men in my church committed enough to say yes, I want to serve. Anyway, I got put in charge of creating next week's ice-breaker. Since its a training week, perhaps I will ask them to share the best ice-breaker they've ever experienced or encountered... that would be funny I think...

Then I met up with an old friend from high school. That was actually fun. My 10 year reunion is in October, and so I have reconnected with a couple people that I have known since elementary school. This friend went to school with me for my whole K-12 academic experience. We grew apart because I think we were at different places in life, and because of our faith backgrounds. She's not a Christian, and I had shared the gospel with her many times, and she just wasn't receptive. So we hit a wall in our relationship, and I sort of gave up. Distance aided our "break-up" because I went away to college, and she stayed in my hometown. It was good to reconnect with her. She's doing well, and I'm glad she made an effort to come visit me while she was in town.

Then I picked up a friend of mine and went to a bridal shower. I've been to three of them over the summer. This one did me in. It was long, and although many of my friends were there, its not exactly a good place for talking or whatever cause this one was a little more structured.

Laurel called while I was at the shower, and I'm so glad she did. I was having a good day, but then I just started thinking about where I am in my life, and how weird it is that I ended up where I am, and I think I started to feel some despair. One of those "I wish things were just a little different" days. I don't usually feel this way, and I will feel better in the morning, but it is going to be a long, lonely shift for me at work tomorrow.

I miss having my good friends around. Normally I would have called them to see if I could come over and just be. No stress, low key, just relax. I really wish I had someone down here who could provide that for me, and it really makes me sad that I don't. San Diego is a tough place to make good friends.

Possibilities

Yay!!!

I went out to dinner last night with a bunch of my friends from Bible Study, and I found out that one of the girls wants to move out of her place. This is such an answer to prayer because I think we would be very compatible roommates. The timeline works well for both of us. We would move into our place in November (hopefully). We just have to settle the 'where' and the 'how much' part of this deal.

This means that I put up with my other roommate for a month or two (as long as she can pay the rent) and then move out by November 30.

Eviction

Apparently my roommate got in a fight with her boyfriend the other night. I wasn't home but the manager asked me if I knew what was going on.

I'm going to evict her, I can't handle the instability of the situation, and it is unlikely that she will be able to change her behavior.

I just want some peace of mind, ya know?

Ranting

I came home last night to find my roommate and her boyfriend on the phone with his parents. I told her that I was going to go do my laundry, and then she said she wanted to come. I agreed to let her come, but it took a long time to get her out the door. Her boyfriend came with us.

Right before we left, she and I had a conversation. She mentioned that she felt like I was sending out "negative vibes" so I told her it was because I didn't understand the way she prioritized things. If I were in her shoes, I would be applying for everything I was interested in. The "I just need a job" situation. But she tells me (and this was not reassuring) that God always provides. "I know its stressing you out, but something always comes through for me at the last minute, and sometimes I just gotta trust that God will provide," she says.

I feel like this is illogical. God provides, but we also need to make an effort to make the most of our gifts and opportunities.

She also admitted that she doesn't want to try for a fear of failure, but I tried to tell her that to fail is to not try. Every attempt is a success because when you are job searching, you only need one job. The odds of getting a job are increased with every application you fill out, or every resume that you submit. I don't think she's buying it, and I still don't understand.

I don't like being home when she's there, last night she and her boyfriend were arguing and I hate listening to disagreements when I'm trying to sleep.

On top of it all, I'm getting sick and I don't want to stay home sick.

I'm kind of hoping she doesn't have enough money for rent this month so I have a good reason to evict her. Is that bad?

Go Chargers!

Friday night, Adam, Eric, and Tracy all came into town, and Duncan got to join us after practice. We all went to Cheesecake Factory and had a great time just hangin' out. Everyone but D stayed with me that night so that they could go start tailgating early in the morning before the game. I went to church and then went to the game after.

The Charger game was totally fun. We had great seats in the family section, so we got to meet all these other friends and family members. The Chargers won the game, and D got in on a series in the 4th quarter. He mostly blocked, but got to go out for a few passes too. Same as in college... when he's wide open, nobody throws to him. Frustrating.

Anyway, I'm watching the final preseason game at a coworker's condo on Friday night. She has TiVo and is saving and recording all of Duncan's games for me... so I have them on video.

Good Times

Went to watch Duncan practice last night, and they threw the ball to him twice in the end zone at the end of practice. He missed them both, but like I told him, "I'm glad they are throwing to you in the end zone!"

I didn't get to talk to him for very long, but I know he was glad to see me.

I am very thankful that my brothers and sister and I all love each other.

The game is going to be fun on Sunday, Chargers vs. Rams in San Diego.

Don't Stare

Last night was our annual PLNU community dinner. It was much better than last years because the program was better.

But I couldn't figure out why a certain guy, a friend of mine actually, was staring at me all night. It was weird and creepy. Then I figured out about in the middle of the program that it was because he was in my line of sight and because there was a mirror right behind me... he wasn't staring, he was watching the program in the mirror. Ha ha!!!

Back to school

I love fall. Sweaters, school starting, school supplies... but now I remember why I hated buying school books.

Decided to go buy my French book for the new semester before all the students come back so that I didn't have to wait in a long line and dang! My book is expensive. I dropped $120 like that. At least I don't have to pay for the class itself.

I also met the new French instructor yesterday. He is French, from France, and I'm scared. I have not reviewed all summer. Yikes!!! Studying would have made a difference. Maybe I'll do some reviewing this week and this weekend. He does seem very nice though, and I think I will learn a lot in this class. I always start the semester with good intentions but you know what they say about those.

I also need to finish my Library School application. I only need to gather everything together and send it at this point. I will hopefully be starting that in the Spring.

Kids Club

This morning at church, many of the kids from the VBS came to sing at church for their parents. We sang two songs I wrote. So funny. As I was exciting the service to go back to help supervise our Sunday morning kids club, one of the moms came up to me and said, "that song makes me cry everytime!" So cool! Not that she's crying, but that even my silly kids songs can touch people's hearts.

I met this mom on Friday night at our ice-cream social and her husband as well. We found out that her husband had never ever been to church before and because he came to our ice-cream social, and saw that we were nice, normal, casual, people, he agreed to come to church on Sunday. So cool. Their daughter wanted to sit next to me at lunch today. She's 8 or 9.

I started doing music for kids because I like to sing, I don't have to play guitar well, and because its fun. My talent for remembering the funny songs from my childhood has combined with my other musical talents, and I think I have found my calling... well... it doesn't seem like much of a calling. I have tried to write serious songs, but I'm not very good at them. I am a decent poet sometimes, but none of my poetry translates well to music. With the kids songs, they can be funny and they can rhyme. Which I can do.

It seems like such a small, silly, thing that I do--entertain kids on Sunday mornings--but God is always bigger than I think he is, and I am amazed that God is using this silliness in bigger ways than I imagined.

The Wedding

I went to a wedding last night for two friends of mine from San Diego. I played cello in it, and it was so much fun. Funny story though, I have a friend who is over 30 and really looking for "the right guy." She was assigned to sit at the same table as me, along with 3 other people I knew, and 3 I didn't know. My friend was all excited cause the guy sitting next to her was a brain surgeon. I'm serious. He was really nice, and the two of them seemed like they were getting along well. Came time to dance, and because I was the only girl left at the table, he asked if I wanted to dance. I said, "yes" of course because in my opinion, if you get asked to dance, you should dance. So we danced. It was fun. My friend came up to us a bit later during a break and said she was leaving. Knowing that she was interested in this guy, I told her, "well, you can't leave without dancing...you should dance one dance!" Perfect opportunity set up by me to let the two of them get to know each other. Alas, she refused the dance. I couldn't believe it. Her behavior really doesn't make sense to me because there's no harm in dancing... well, unless the guy just seems really creepy or wasted...but anyway, she should have danced with him. He was so cool. Maybe a bit old for me though. :)

There's this other guy that was at our table that I have known for awhile, and we see each other at social events. He is very intelligent but very quiet and sort of shy. I have a feeling he is a deep thinker and I always want to know what he's thinking about because I always forget to ask. I was dancing with a different guy than the one above, but then he noticed another girl on the floor who didn't have a partner, so in a moment of complete weirdness, he pulled her in so we were all dancing together. Too weird for me, and thankfully, I saw the guy from my table sort of on the outskirts of the floor looking bored. So I left the weirdness and pulled this guy onto the dance floor. Totally cool experience because once we started dancing he got a big grin on his face. So much better than the "bored face" of earlier.

I had to leave a bit early because of committments on Sunday morning, but as I was trying to say goodbye to another guy friend of mine he says, "you can't leave, I was going to ask you to dance!" I tried to tell him we could raincheck it, but then he says, "look, how often have I asked you to dance?" I said, "never." He said, "That's right, never, so you can't leave!" I laughed and agreed to dance the next dance with him.

Anyway, it was a good wedding overall, mostly because people weren't so uptight. Everyone was trying to have a good time. :)

My wedding stats:
20ish "good cello-ing" comments
10ish "love your outfit" comments
(very classy lavender tank with sequins, and long formal black full orchestra skirt)
6 dances with single guys
3 "goodnight" pecks on the cheek from single guys
2 "saved myself from tripping over my skirt" moments
1 small hole in my skirt from a "tripping over my skirt" moment
0 bridal bouquets caught.

Prodigal Son

For you, Ryan, who requested to see more kids songs on the blog...this is a song I wrote:

Once upon a time
A long time ago
There was a kid
Whose dad loved him so
But he got so tired
Of being told what to do
So he told his dad,
"Give me my money I'm leaving you"

His dad got a sad, sad, look on his face and said,

"Okay son, but I just need to say...

I will always love you
No matter what you do
Whenever you come home again,
I'll be here waiting for you.

The kid took his money
And went into town
Bought lots of stuff
Had lots of friends around
One day he found
All his money was gone
All his friends left him
He wound up feeding some hogs

He got a sad, sad, look on his face and said,

"I wonder if my dad told me the truth..."

I will always love you
No matter what you do
Whenever you come home again
I'll be here waiting for you.

The kid thought to himself,
"Well, I know my dad
I'll beg for a job,
And he'll take me back"
So he started home
And when he got near
His dad cried out,
"Son I'm so glad you're finally here!"

His dad got a glad, glad, look in his eye and said,

"Cook a feast, we're havin' a party!"

I will always love you
No matter what you do
Whenever you come home again
I'll be here waiting for you.

VBS

My new roommate's boyfriend found a place to live. Yay! I'm glad, cause I was about to evict them both.

VBS is going well, but it is more tiring than I remember it being last year. Music has been going well, the kids are remembering the verse of the week because I put it to music, and things are good.

So.

My grandparents are coming into town tonight, so I think I am having dinner with them tonight.

That's all I have to say at the moment.

What have I gotten myself into?

Really wrestling right now with compassion vs. safety right now. My new roommate has a homeless boyfriend. He seems to be alright, but he has no job and nowhere to go. I've told her in no uncertain terms that its not okay for him to live with us. She seems to understand, and I made her sign a rental agreement yesterday that states that overnight guests must be cleared 24 hours in advance, and that they should not stay for an excessive amount of time. She was going to tell him today that he cannot live with us.

I can understand being down and out, and I know its hard, I've been there, but this guy does not seem to have any motivation to do anything and I think he's slightly depressed. I really hope this doesn't get out of hand, and while I feel compassionate toward him, I don't want him living with us at all. There are plenty of shelters in San Diego, and I might check with my church to see which agencies they work with. I don't understand why people sometimes will not accept help when it is offered them, unless this guy is on drugs, which is possible. Haven't been around him long enough to know.

Busy weekend

It absolutely amazes me how quiet my social life can be... no one I know really plans anything, but when they do, it is always on the same weekend, or during the same week.

I had one of the busiest weekends I've had in awhile, and my eye is still twitching. Probably from lack of sleep. On Friday night, I was supposed to go to a bridal shower for a friend of mine, but I also had to prepare my extra room for my new roommate. So on my way to the shower, I picked up some spackle, and a hammer, and then fixed up the room after the shower. Saturday, I probably should have done my laundry, but didn't. I woke up feeling sick and fatigued, so I just read all morning. Then I went to the grocery store and picked up some fruit to make a fruit salad for a party I was going to later in the afternoon. It was my kind of party. There were 5 of us there, 3 girls from my old Bible study, and a guy who is dating one of them. We sat around by the pool and caught up on each other's lives. It was really cool. Then I went to a birthday party, but only stayed for about an hour because I was so tired. I came home to find my new roommate in teh process of moving in, so the apartment was kind of a disaster. But that's alright. Sunday, I led our Kids Club, and it was probably the best job I've done so far. It was really fun. I went to lunch with two groups... I left one group early, and met the other group later. Then I had to find a skirt to wear out for a going away party last night for a friend of mine who is ironically moving close to where I grew up. We went to the W hotel in San Diego, and it was really fun. The friend who planned it told all the girls we had to wear skirts or dresses. Since I don't really have any casual dresses, and I don't like wearing skirts, I had to go find a skirt to wear with the shirt I wanted to wear. But it was a good shopping trip, because I not only found a great skirt, but also found a shirt I can wear with either black pants or skirt to the wedding I am playing in soon. Everyone was surprised and I told them to take pictures because who knows when they will see me in a skirt again.

I also found out on Saturday that my brother got signed by the San Diego Chargers. I'm so excited because I'm in San Diego. So his girlfriend is visiting me for a few days, and I'm taking some time off so that we can hang out and go watch the open practices.

New Roommate

One of the girls I originally interviewed called me yesterday on my lunch break. She is a Christian girl, and had to be out of her place by August 1. I really liked her, but she is in complete transition right now-- no job, no car, no degree. She's 24. But I need a roommate, and she needs a room, and she says she'll pay the rent. Even though it seems risky to me, I couldn't say "no" cause it sounded like she needed a break and a chance. A little bit of grace. I've been on the down-and-out side, and its not fun, and I understand how hard it is to make it in San Diego. Hopefully I will not regret this decision.

Not moving

So both of my housing options just fell through, and I'm feeling just a bit overwhelmed already knowing that its going to take time and energy to find a roommate. I'm not moving out. I plan to stay at my place. If I find a roommate I really like, then I might consider moving, but I'm finding that good roommates are in high demand and short supply. I'm about to post an ad on Craig's list and see what weirdos I get.

In other news, I was surprised a few days ago by a visit from a friend of my brother's who is currently competing for the kicker position for the Dallas Cowboys. He was down in San Diego visiting family, and came to Point Loma to run on our beautiful track. I told him if he makes it onto the team I would go to the Chargers/Cowboys game and root for Dallas. :) Then I told him he owes me an autograph if he makes it.

I also got to work with my friend Michael on a song I wrote for the kiddies who will be attending VBS in 2 weeks. Its a call and response song about the Prodigal Son. The chorus (the only part of the song that is NOT call and response) is this:

I will always love you
No matter what you do
Whenever you come home again
I'll be here waiting for you

Its very catchy. I think it was stuck in Michael's head last night. Ha ha!!! I'm so evil!!! Mwa ha ha ha...

Miscellaneous

I went and saw a fiddle concert on Monday night. So fun. I think I want to learn. These were some of the best musicians in the world.

Still don't know what's up with housing... but I should know if I'm staying or going by the end of this evening. Hopefully.

I'm trying to get ready for VBS again. I have a couple new songs, but they need some work. I'm not good enough on the guitar to be able to put together the best possible combination of chords for the lyrics I've written.

They took the packing out of my wisdom tooth empty socket, and so I'm feeling it a little more today. I still can't really eat hard and crunchy things. It hurts my teeth.