What a difficult decision. My roommate just moved out, and so I either need to move, or find a roommate. All the girls I have interviewed so far are unemployed. I have one opportunity to move out, and found out that the girls who currently live in this place might be moving after 10 months. But it sounds fun. I'd have to give up my furniture. But I could move my piano down.
Aaarrrgghhh!!! I don't want to think about it anymore. But the house is looking like my best option because the girls are both relatively stable. Its in a great location.
But only for 10 months? Can't I find something more stable than that?
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Sunday, June 19, 2005
Softball: Game 1
Okay, so I got asked to play for a church league here in SD. So my first at bat, I swing forward and hit the ball, but because I was off-balance from my swing, I tripped over my feet trying to get to first and fell flat on my face. I never made it to first. I scraped my knee, which I haven't done since high school, and totally felt like an idiot. However, I did manage to redeem my horrible at-bat with a nice catch in the 2nd inning. I played second base, so I caught an infield pop-fly for an out. I also got on base 3 additional times and scored a run. So ya know. Made up for the horridness of my first at-bat.
All I gotta say is at least expectations won't be that high for my ability as a player, so if I make good plays, people will automatically be impressed, just cause I failed so miserably early on in the game.
All I gotta say is at least expectations won't be that high for my ability as a player, so if I make good plays, people will automatically be impressed, just cause I failed so miserably early on in the game.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Pray
I was just reading a book that talks about the beauty of Montana. Now, I know it snows there a lot, and it can get very cold, but it made me crave a change in the way I'm living. I would love to move somewhere like Montana, where there's mountains, and wildlife, and open spaces, all at the same time.
I want to go on vacation somewhere like that, but I would need someone to go with me.
I have a billing method I use in my personal finances to keep track of how much money I'm spending on bills. Basically, I write down all my bills on a post-it, and mark off when they go on my bank statement. I put it in my daily planner in the month to month section. This allows me to figure out A) whether I can afford to save anything, and B) how much I'm spending each month on my bills.
Good trends in my spending:
I want to go on vacation somewhere like that, but I would need someone to go with me.
I have a billing method I use in my personal finances to keep track of how much money I'm spending on bills. Basically, I write down all my bills on a post-it, and mark off when they go on my bank statement. I put it in my daily planner in the month to month section. This allows me to figure out A) whether I can afford to save anything, and B) how much I'm spending each month on my bills.
Good trends in my spending:
- I'm able to cover my bills
- I'm investing some of my money, about 5% of what I make, and I just got enrolled in my company's retirement plan, and so I'm actually putting about 10% away for retirement, and about 2.5% in a mutual fund that is more easily accessible
- I'm giving about 5% of my money to my missionary friends in support and I'm trying to give about 5% to my church
Bad trends in my spending:
- I have very little discretionary income
- I use my credit card whenever I have unexpected expenses, like car repairs, therefore, my credit card seems to never be paid off
I just figured out that I'm making $29,640 per year, but after taxes and benefits taken out, I take home $22,080. In a community like San Diego, that's not much. The cost of living is very high here.
So I decided that I need to pray more for direction. I'm still facing some big life decisions. I love my job, but feel like I need to be earning more. At the same time, if I decided to go back to school, this would be the best place for me to stay and finish my education. I really have the desire to experience a new place, so it might be better for me to try and get a job in my field, but I waffle on this decision everyday. If I were truly content, maybe I wouldn't be so restless.
I need to pray that God would guide me in these decisions and bring me to the place where I should be...it still could be here in San Diego.
I'm thankful that I even have some of the options that I do, to experience new places, people, and ideas.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Tow Truck Story -- Conversations 9
“Triple A, this is Candice, how may I assist you this evening?”
“Yeah, hi, I need a tow.”
“What is your membership number?”I read the digits off of my card.
“Are you blocking traffic?”
“No.”
“Are you in a safe place?”
“Yes, I’m at my apartment.”
“Where’s the car?”
“It’s parked on the side of the road.”
“Okay, what city is the car in?
“San Diego.”
“What’s the exact location of the vehicle?”
“It’s at the intersection of Texas and Polk.”
“And where do you need it towed to?”
“4035A Pacific Highway.”
“Okay, the tow truck will be there between now, 7:58pm and 8:27. Is there anything else we can help you out with this evening?”
“No, thank you, that’s it.”
“Okay ma’am, have a nice evening.”
Then I called my friend Cathy.
“Cathy, the tow truck will be here in about 30 minutes. Are you ready?”
“Yeah, I’m just going to get directions to the garage, grab a sweater, and then I’ll come over.”“Actually, I’m going to head over to the intersection to wait for the tow truck.”
“Where is your car?” she asked.
“Its on the corner of Texas and Polk” and I gave her the directions.
“Okay, I’ll see you there.”
Cathy’s car had refused to start the previous day and I bailed her out. Perhaps my car was experiencing empathy pains. I was at a stop sign, and my car just sputtered and died. So I put my hazard lights on and got out of my car to try and figure out what to do. I was blocking traffic, so I began to wave people around me until a guy and a girl in a jeep asked if I needed help. I had noticed that there was a parallel parking spot right behind me on a downhill slope, and I thought I could possibly get the car in that spot while I figured out what to do. So I said, “Yes, actually, I do need some help. Would you mind helping me park the car in that spot?”
They were engaged, and so cute, and really nice. The guy helped me parallel park my car while it was in neutral, and then they offered me a ride home. The guy says, “You know, I just hope that if my girl ever got stranded, there would be someone willing to help.”
I agree.
They turned out to be the kind of neighbors who frequently walk their dog in front of my house and the kind of neighbors you want to be your neighbors.
I made my way over to the intersection where my car was parked and settled in to wait for the tow truck. Cathy arrived about 10 minutes later and was waiting on the side of the road. She couldn’t turn her car off for fear that it wouldn’t start back up.
There was a guy on the opposite street corner waiting for someone as well. Occasionally, he would ask me what time it was.
After about 30 minutes, Triple A called me back to inform me that my tow truck driver was running behind schedule, but that he would be there in five minutes. “Great!” I thought. I ran to where Cathy was waiting and told her, “Five more minutes!” Then I went back to the street corner to wait.
I was getting antsy because I had called a garage, and the guy told me he would wait for me, and that he would be there for another hour. That was 30 minutes ago, so I felt like I was running out of time. Finally, the tow truck arrived, and I was glad. Then the driver started talking.
“Awww, why did you park it there? Okay, try to start it.” I try to start the car, and it turns over but won’t catch.
“Do you have gas in it?” implying that I was just a ditzy girl who had run out of gas.
“Yes!” I said, I have a quarter of a tank.”
“Do you know who owns that van? It is going to be tough to get it out.”
“No, I don’t, do you think you can push it out?”
“I don’t believe this,” he mumbled to himself, but more so that I could hear him. Then he tells me, “I ain’t even supposed to be here!” I can tell he is getting increasingly upset.
“Well, let’s try to move it” I said, ignoring his last statement.
I got in the car, and he got behind me to push. “Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yeah!”
I let my foot off the break and said, “Okay, go!”
I feel him try to push the car, but it didn’t really move anywhere.
“I can’t move this!” he says to me, “You should have just left it at the stop sign! You won’t get no ticket!” and then he heads over to his truck and starts yelling at someone on his radio. He was obviously mad.
I decide to get reinforcements, so I recruit the guy waiting across the street who had watched us block traffic for about 15 minutes. I cross the street and start talking with him.
“Hi,” I said. “Are you busy at the moment? “Would you mind helping the tow truck guy push my car? He’s kind of in a bad mood, and I need some help. Were you waiting for someone?”
“Yeah,” he says, “But I don’t know where my ride is.”
“Well, can you come help?”“Sure, I suppose so.”
We wander back across the street where the driver is getting increasingly frustrated.
“I found some help” I told him.
He didn’t answer me, and just got in his truck and started maneuvering around.
Some people pulled in across the street, and another guy comes over to ask if we need help. “Yeah, the tow truck guy is in a really bad mood” I said, “And I think we need help, but he won’t tell us how to help him,” referring to the other guy I had pulled off of the street to help.
Finally, the tow truck is in place. The three guys position themselves behind my car. I hear the driver say, “I ain’t even supposed to be doin’ this, I ain’t got no workers’ comp!”
I tell them, “Okay, go!”
They push the car about 5 feet out at an angle, and the car is now in great position to be towed. I watch the driver hook my car to his truck. “Where are you towing it?” he asks.
“4035A Pacific Highway” I tell him.
“I’ll follow you over” he says.
“Okay,” I responded. I wasn’t initially upset at the situation, but his attitude made me upset.
I thanked the two random guys for their assistance, and then went to talk to Cathy, who has been waiting for me this entire time.
“This guy is so pissed off right now,” I tell her.
“Why?” she asks, “Is he mad at you?”
“I’m trying really hard not to take it personally,” I tell her. “He wants to follow us to the garage, so which way do we start?”
“We’re going to turn left, and then left on El Cajon,” she tells me.
“Okay, thanks,” I said, “I’ll be back.”
I tell the driver, “Okay, so we’re going to turn left, and then left on El Cajon.”
He barely acknowledges my presence as he finishes hooking my car up to his truck. As soon as he’s done, I tell him where we’re headed, and then get in the car with Cathy.
“He is so pissed off right now,” I told her. Then I told her what had happened. As we were driving, I told her, “If we get lost, he is going to be really mad, so I hope we find the garage okay.”
We get to the right street, and I start watching the street signs for numbers, then we passed the block where the garage was, so Cathy and I make a U-turn, and I said, “ooohhh, he’s going to be so mad!”
Cathy looks at me and says, “Its his job to tow cars, and I don’t care how mad he is!”
We see the garage, and she drops me off, parks and goes to flag down the driver. I tell the two guys, “Okay, this tow truck guy is so pissed off right now.” Then I tell them the whole story. Then I said, “I’m so mad right now I’m shaking!”
They tell me, “Well, you’re here now, its going to be okay, just let it go. We can take it from here.” I thought it would be a good idea.
Meanwhile, Cathy is outside, trying to flag down the driver. Apparently he was very close to driving off with my car, but Cathy got him to bring the car over to the entrance. She gets out to talk to him, but he’s being a belligerent jerk, and Cathy was yelling at him too.
As soon as he got out to unhook my car, he had nothing to say to either me or the guys at the garage. As soon as he was done, he got in his truck and drives off in a huff.
“Triple A, this is Michael, how may I assist you this evening?”
“Yeah, hi, I just called you guys to get my car towed this evening, and it was, and thank you, that was awesome, but the tow truck driver? He wasn’t very nice at all. He was really mean. I didn’t have a problem with you guys at all, just the driver.”
“Oh, let me get your name so I can get my supervisor to look into it.”
“What’s your name?"
I gave him the information.
“Thank you, I will have my supervisor look into this. Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?”
“No, that’s all, thank you.”
And I hung up the phone.
“Yeah, hi, I need a tow.”
“What is your membership number?”I read the digits off of my card.
“Are you blocking traffic?”
“No.”
“Are you in a safe place?”
“Yes, I’m at my apartment.”
“Where’s the car?”
“It’s parked on the side of the road.”
“Okay, what city is the car in?
“San Diego.”
“What’s the exact location of the vehicle?”
“It’s at the intersection of Texas and Polk.”
“And where do you need it towed to?”
“4035A Pacific Highway.”
“Okay, the tow truck will be there between now, 7:58pm and 8:27. Is there anything else we can help you out with this evening?”
“No, thank you, that’s it.”
“Okay ma’am, have a nice evening.”
Then I called my friend Cathy.
“Cathy, the tow truck will be here in about 30 minutes. Are you ready?”
“Yeah, I’m just going to get directions to the garage, grab a sweater, and then I’ll come over.”“Actually, I’m going to head over to the intersection to wait for the tow truck.”
“Where is your car?” she asked.
“Its on the corner of Texas and Polk” and I gave her the directions.
“Okay, I’ll see you there.”
Cathy’s car had refused to start the previous day and I bailed her out. Perhaps my car was experiencing empathy pains. I was at a stop sign, and my car just sputtered and died. So I put my hazard lights on and got out of my car to try and figure out what to do. I was blocking traffic, so I began to wave people around me until a guy and a girl in a jeep asked if I needed help. I had noticed that there was a parallel parking spot right behind me on a downhill slope, and I thought I could possibly get the car in that spot while I figured out what to do. So I said, “Yes, actually, I do need some help. Would you mind helping me park the car in that spot?”
They were engaged, and so cute, and really nice. The guy helped me parallel park my car while it was in neutral, and then they offered me a ride home. The guy says, “You know, I just hope that if my girl ever got stranded, there would be someone willing to help.”
I agree.
They turned out to be the kind of neighbors who frequently walk their dog in front of my house and the kind of neighbors you want to be your neighbors.
I made my way over to the intersection where my car was parked and settled in to wait for the tow truck. Cathy arrived about 10 minutes later and was waiting on the side of the road. She couldn’t turn her car off for fear that it wouldn’t start back up.
There was a guy on the opposite street corner waiting for someone as well. Occasionally, he would ask me what time it was.
After about 30 minutes, Triple A called me back to inform me that my tow truck driver was running behind schedule, but that he would be there in five minutes. “Great!” I thought. I ran to where Cathy was waiting and told her, “Five more minutes!” Then I went back to the street corner to wait.
I was getting antsy because I had called a garage, and the guy told me he would wait for me, and that he would be there for another hour. That was 30 minutes ago, so I felt like I was running out of time. Finally, the tow truck arrived, and I was glad. Then the driver started talking.
“Awww, why did you park it there? Okay, try to start it.” I try to start the car, and it turns over but won’t catch.
“Do you have gas in it?” implying that I was just a ditzy girl who had run out of gas.
“Yes!” I said, I have a quarter of a tank.”
“Do you know who owns that van? It is going to be tough to get it out.”
“No, I don’t, do you think you can push it out?”
“I don’t believe this,” he mumbled to himself, but more so that I could hear him. Then he tells me, “I ain’t even supposed to be here!” I can tell he is getting increasingly upset.
“Well, let’s try to move it” I said, ignoring his last statement.
I got in the car, and he got behind me to push. “Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yeah!”
I let my foot off the break and said, “Okay, go!”
I feel him try to push the car, but it didn’t really move anywhere.
“I can’t move this!” he says to me, “You should have just left it at the stop sign! You won’t get no ticket!” and then he heads over to his truck and starts yelling at someone on his radio. He was obviously mad.
I decide to get reinforcements, so I recruit the guy waiting across the street who had watched us block traffic for about 15 minutes. I cross the street and start talking with him.
“Hi,” I said. “Are you busy at the moment? “Would you mind helping the tow truck guy push my car? He’s kind of in a bad mood, and I need some help. Were you waiting for someone?”
“Yeah,” he says, “But I don’t know where my ride is.”
“Well, can you come help?”“Sure, I suppose so.”
We wander back across the street where the driver is getting increasingly frustrated.
“I found some help” I told him.
He didn’t answer me, and just got in his truck and started maneuvering around.
Some people pulled in across the street, and another guy comes over to ask if we need help. “Yeah, the tow truck guy is in a really bad mood” I said, “And I think we need help, but he won’t tell us how to help him,” referring to the other guy I had pulled off of the street to help.
Finally, the tow truck is in place. The three guys position themselves behind my car. I hear the driver say, “I ain’t even supposed to be doin’ this, I ain’t got no workers’ comp!”
I tell them, “Okay, go!”
They push the car about 5 feet out at an angle, and the car is now in great position to be towed. I watch the driver hook my car to his truck. “Where are you towing it?” he asks.
“4035A Pacific Highway” I tell him.
“I’ll follow you over” he says.
“Okay,” I responded. I wasn’t initially upset at the situation, but his attitude made me upset.
I thanked the two random guys for their assistance, and then went to talk to Cathy, who has been waiting for me this entire time.
“This guy is so pissed off right now,” I tell her.
“Why?” she asks, “Is he mad at you?”
“I’m trying really hard not to take it personally,” I tell her. “He wants to follow us to the garage, so which way do we start?”
“We’re going to turn left, and then left on El Cajon,” she tells me.
“Okay, thanks,” I said, “I’ll be back.”
I tell the driver, “Okay, so we’re going to turn left, and then left on El Cajon.”
He barely acknowledges my presence as he finishes hooking my car up to his truck. As soon as he’s done, I tell him where we’re headed, and then get in the car with Cathy.
“He is so pissed off right now,” I told her. Then I told her what had happened. As we were driving, I told her, “If we get lost, he is going to be really mad, so I hope we find the garage okay.”
We get to the right street, and I start watching the street signs for numbers, then we passed the block where the garage was, so Cathy and I make a U-turn, and I said, “ooohhh, he’s going to be so mad!”
Cathy looks at me and says, “Its his job to tow cars, and I don’t care how mad he is!”
We see the garage, and she drops me off, parks and goes to flag down the driver. I tell the two guys, “Okay, this tow truck guy is so pissed off right now.” Then I tell them the whole story. Then I said, “I’m so mad right now I’m shaking!”
They tell me, “Well, you’re here now, its going to be okay, just let it go. We can take it from here.” I thought it would be a good idea.
Meanwhile, Cathy is outside, trying to flag down the driver. Apparently he was very close to driving off with my car, but Cathy got him to bring the car over to the entrance. She gets out to talk to him, but he’s being a belligerent jerk, and Cathy was yelling at him too.
As soon as he got out to unhook my car, he had nothing to say to either me or the guys at the garage. As soon as he was done, he got in his truck and drives off in a huff.
“Triple A, this is Michael, how may I assist you this evening?”
“Yeah, hi, I just called you guys to get my car towed this evening, and it was, and thank you, that was awesome, but the tow truck driver? He wasn’t very nice at all. He was really mean. I didn’t have a problem with you guys at all, just the driver.”
“Oh, let me get your name so I can get my supervisor to look into it.”
“What’s your name?"
I gave him the information.
“Thank you, I will have my supervisor look into this. Is there anything else I can help you with tonight?”
“No, that’s all, thank you.”
And I hung up the phone.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Mexico
I went to Mexico over Memorial Day weekend with Cornerstone Bible Church as a high-school leader. I was put in charge of VBS and worship. So I had a $300 budget, and spent almost all of it on VBS supplies and recreational sports equipment. Got everything into my car, including my sleeping bag, extra blankets and a pillow, got to Mexico, and quickly realized that I forgot my bag of clothes.
I felt like such an idiot for not remembering. But it was a great lesson in humility and God's provision. I had t-shirts, and wore the same pants all weekend. I realized even more how blessed we are in the states, because for the people we were helping, a daily change of clothing is not always possible. There is not much water, and what water there is must be paid for.
I had a great time in spite of not having brought my clothes, but God is good, and he always provides. I even got clean underwear out of a package and clean socks too. For some reason, I had floss in my car, and so I didn't really need a toothbrush.
However, between giggling high school girls, the roosters crowing from 2am on, and my volunteer shift at breakfast (5:30 wake-up call), I got maybe 12 hours of sleep. I don't think I could constantly live like this, but it was definitely fun.
I felt like such an idiot for not remembering. But it was a great lesson in humility and God's provision. I had t-shirts, and wore the same pants all weekend. I realized even more how blessed we are in the states, because for the people we were helping, a daily change of clothing is not always possible. There is not much water, and what water there is must be paid for.
I had a great time in spite of not having brought my clothes, but God is good, and he always provides. I even got clean underwear out of a package and clean socks too. For some reason, I had floss in my car, and so I didn't really need a toothbrush.
However, between giggling high school girls, the roosters crowing from 2am on, and my volunteer shift at breakfast (5:30 wake-up call), I got maybe 12 hours of sleep. I don't think I could constantly live like this, but it was definitely fun.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Vacation
I finally got a vacation, and I'm so relieved. I really needed a break, even if this one was attached to a business trip. Vacation helps me gain perspective, and I'm so glad this one came with the hospitality of a good friend. It is refreshing to my soul to be able to experience her hospitality and a listening ear. Thanks Laurel!
Still confused about life and what I should do next, but it has helped to know that I am not alone and that people are praying for me.
Still confused about life and what I should do next, but it has helped to know that I am not alone and that people are praying for me.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Conversations - 8
"Um, hi, I need to reactivate my account," I said to the staff guy at the YMCA, slightly embarassed. They have this system there that keeps track of how many reps and weights you're supposed to lift.
"Okay, no problem..." He says. "How long has it been since you've been here?"
"Three months," I replied, "I got sick, then injured, and then I just got lazy."
"Well," He says, "at least you're back."
"Yeah, thanks, summer's a good time for me to get back into it," I said.
------------------
I'm feeling pretty motivated. I realized that my summer is going to be pretty boring, and all the extra stuff I've been doing ended with the school year, so now I have all this extra free time, and no one to hang out with. So I figure I'll just hit the gym as hard as I can this summer. I want to see what kind of a difference it makes in my attitude and physique.
"Okay, no problem..." He says. "How long has it been since you've been here?"
"Three months," I replied, "I got sick, then injured, and then I just got lazy."
"Well," He says, "at least you're back."
"Yeah, thanks, summer's a good time for me to get back into it," I said.
------------------
I'm feeling pretty motivated. I realized that my summer is going to be pretty boring, and all the extra stuff I've been doing ended with the school year, so now I have all this extra free time, and no one to hang out with. So I figure I'll just hit the gym as hard as I can this summer. I want to see what kind of a difference it makes in my attitude and physique.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Thoughts of the weekend
What a crazy weekend! My mother had jaw surgery last Thursday, and had complications. We had to call 911 at 3am and the fire dept. showed up. I'm thankful that she's doing a lot better today. I was a little scared.
Today is my last Sunday working until the fall. I'm thankful for that as well. I will finally get to spend more time with friends from church after the service.
I also picked up my new glasses. Interesting. I can only sometimes tell that they make a difference. Like now. My eyes have been tired all day. I think it is linked to the general fatigue I feel as a result of the stressful weekend. It was not relaxing at all.
I just have to say that I hate it that my step-mom has to argue or dispute everything I say. This bothers me. Remind me not to marry someone who always has to be right.
I really think I need a vacation, but I don't know where I should go. I want to go to London to see my sister and a friend of mine who lives there, but that would not be a restful vacation. The time difference would kill me. I'm thinking about now maybe trying to attach the trip to an extra vacation.
I saw my dad this weekend also and we chatted. Everytime he asks me how I'm doing I don't know what to tell him. Life is the same, there's not anything exciting going on, but I'm a little frustrated because I have some decisions to make and don't know what to do. But I don't feel like I can say this to my dad.
I am sliding into a depression I think. Not clinical or anything, but I think I'm prone to it. This is interesting because I don't want to be depressed. But I don't know what I can do to snap out of it. I feel very alone right now.
I'm glad I at least get to take a small break next weekend. I am visiting Laurel, and it will be good.
Today is my last Sunday working until the fall. I'm thankful for that as well. I will finally get to spend more time with friends from church after the service.
I also picked up my new glasses. Interesting. I can only sometimes tell that they make a difference. Like now. My eyes have been tired all day. I think it is linked to the general fatigue I feel as a result of the stressful weekend. It was not relaxing at all.
I just have to say that I hate it that my step-mom has to argue or dispute everything I say. This bothers me. Remind me not to marry someone who always has to be right.
I really think I need a vacation, but I don't know where I should go. I want to go to London to see my sister and a friend of mine who lives there, but that would not be a restful vacation. The time difference would kill me. I'm thinking about now maybe trying to attach the trip to an extra vacation.
I saw my dad this weekend also and we chatted. Everytime he asks me how I'm doing I don't know what to tell him. Life is the same, there's not anything exciting going on, but I'm a little frustrated because I have some decisions to make and don't know what to do. But I don't feel like I can say this to my dad.
I am sliding into a depression I think. Not clinical or anything, but I think I'm prone to it. This is interesting because I don't want to be depressed. But I don't know what I can do to snap out of it. I feel very alone right now.
I'm glad I at least get to take a small break next weekend. I am visiting Laurel, and it will be good.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Summer's Dread
I cannot believe that it is May already. I'm dreading the summer. It will be boring and I will live from break to break at my job.
So my friends ended up coming over for dinner last night, and it was fun, but we didn't get to talk all that much. It made me a little sad.
I just realized that I haven't posted any dialogs lately. That's because I haven't had any interesting conversations in awhile.
I did recently run into a coworker at Costco the other day when I was getting my new glasses, and she laughed when I told her that I had to get them. She said something like, "you have to get glasses? And you work in the library? Now all you have to do is put your hair in a bun...mwa ha ha ha!" (That was an evil laugh reference...).
She was stereotyping. However, I am not a librarian. And I don't know if I ever will be. Then again, my life and its detours never cease to amaze me.
So my friends ended up coming over for dinner last night, and it was fun, but we didn't get to talk all that much. It made me a little sad.
I just realized that I haven't posted any dialogs lately. That's because I haven't had any interesting conversations in awhile.
I did recently run into a coworker at Costco the other day when I was getting my new glasses, and she laughed when I told her that I had to get them. She said something like, "you have to get glasses? And you work in the library? Now all you have to do is put your hair in a bun...mwa ha ha ha!" (That was an evil laugh reference...).
She was stereotyping. However, I am not a librarian. And I don't know if I ever will be. Then again, my life and its detours never cease to amaze me.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Almost...
Sometimes I have these days where it starts out not so good, and then gets worse. Today was almost one of those days... I just failed a French test, and then one of my friends called me and told me she wasn't going to be able to come to dinner tonight, and then changed her mind. I was upset because I already bought the food, and if I wasn't having people over for dinner, it would all go bad.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
Again with the life
I feel like I need a vacation. I'm feeling like I need to do something more with my life and I'm having trouble making a decision.
Should I go to library school?
Find a job in student affairs, which is my actual field?
Start a doctorate?
I would feel horrible if I quit my current job because I like it so much, but I really need more money. Which is why I would consider library school. However, I have never experienced (really) a job in SA (student affairs). It is unlikely that there will be any positions available here in SD and if I did try to find a new job, I would likely do another nation-wide search. I cannot count on finding a job in the area, and it is very expensive. I would love to be able to live outside of CA and experience something new, where I could afford to buy a house and get a dog. But I have no money.
On top of all this, I am experiencing a season of introversion, and have been avoiding my friends so I don't really feel like I have anyone I can talk to about all these things that I'm thinking about and combined with the boredom that summer will bring, this is not going to be a very fun time of life for me.
Should I go to library school?
Find a job in student affairs, which is my actual field?
Start a doctorate?
I would feel horrible if I quit my current job because I like it so much, but I really need more money. Which is why I would consider library school. However, I have never experienced (really) a job in SA (student affairs). It is unlikely that there will be any positions available here in SD and if I did try to find a new job, I would likely do another nation-wide search. I cannot count on finding a job in the area, and it is very expensive. I would love to be able to live outside of CA and experience something new, where I could afford to buy a house and get a dog. But I have no money.
On top of all this, I am experiencing a season of introversion, and have been avoiding my friends so I don't really feel like I have anyone I can talk to about all these things that I'm thinking about and combined with the boredom that summer will bring, this is not going to be a very fun time of life for me.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Irritating
So last night was supposed to be a fun night for two of my friends with birthdays this month. It turned out to be more stressful than relaxing because as we sent the bill around, it came back to us and we were $120.00 short. So then we asked everyone to look at it again. We were at a salsa bar. I don't know how to salsa all that well and because of the crazy bill fiasco, I missed the lesson and ended up paying an extra $7.00 to cover what wasn't paid. A friend of mine found out and gave me $5.00 back which ended up being a good thing cause I needed money to pay for parking. I parked in a garage that had a $3.00 flat rate. Then as I was getting into my car, my parking stub fell between my dashboard and the windshield. I couldn't get it out. I figured this was probably a common occurance, but it still made me mad, and then I headed to the exit. We retrieved my ticket, but in the confusion of being unable to retrieve the parking stub in the first place, I think I dropped my $5.00. So I didn't have the money to pay for parking. I felt like an idiot as I had to pull away from the gate to park and scrounge around for change. I barely had enough, and I was so frustrated. At least the parking garage people will never remember me.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Disconnected Thoughts
My brother signed with the Dallas Cowboys. I'm so excited for him. Now he just has to make the team. It sounds probable.
I went to the eye-doctor yesterday. Turns out I may need reading glasses. I sort of noticed that my music kept getting blurrier at the end of each rehearsal.
I'm taking my sister to help pick them out if I do.
I went to the eye-doctor yesterday. Turns out I may need reading glasses. I sort of noticed that my music kept getting blurrier at the end of each rehearsal.
I'm taking my sister to help pick them out if I do.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
I Love Community
I love the fact that I can now go to church and hang out for lunch after. Today I conspired to get everyone to go to In-N-Out. It was a hit. I love being able to spend time with the people at church. As I left to leave for work today I said, "Goodbye my church family."
I am starting to get to know the "elders" of my church... the older, the wiser, the young families with kids... I have really missed being a part of the diversity of the church.
I am starting to get to know the "elders" of my church... the older, the wiser, the young families with kids... I have really missed being a part of the diversity of the church.
Friday, April 15, 2005
Ministry
I have been living in the last week in this fog of half-awakeness. My eyes are tired, probably from reading little black music notes, staring at the computer screen too long, sinus pressure, and not enough sleep.
I used to have these dreams as a child where I could only see the bottoms of things because my eyes wouldn't open all the way. I could only see out the smallest slit of my eyelids. I saw a giraffe that way, and it was just four spotted legs. At least I knew they were legs.
Good question this week from a discussion group I'm in... How do I minister to others?
Well, I have two ministries I think, one formal and one informal. The formal ministry is through my music, and I have no idea of the impact that has on other people. I also use music to help kids have fun at church, to teach them God's Truth. I really don't know that this has an impact. I suppose we'll know what kind of impact we will have once they hit jr. high or high school age... will they hold on to the Truth they have been taught? Or will they turn away? Only God knows.
My informal ministry is to my friends and family. I really try to encourage people as much as possible, affirm their strengths and gifts, and help them to move beyond their guilt when they feel guilty. I try to remind people when they feel like they've made mistakes that God still loves them, they are forgiven, and that I don't think less of them for their failures. In fact, I usually want to still be their friends.
I'm also starting to get to know the two high schoolers in our church. Both girls, and they are so fun. I'm trying to talk them and their parents into going to Mexico for a short-term mission trip.
I may have even succeeded.
I always like spending time with kids. I was such a serious child after my parents split, and I grew up very quickly. I still don't think I'm a kid person, couldn't imagine having children, and I think if I do ever get to that point, I'll probably adopt. But kids tend to gravitate to me. I don't know why except that I usually take them seriously.
I had a whole conversation with a five year old boy once at the coffee shop while his mom hung out with her friends. He just wanted someone to talk to.
Maybe my ministry is that of a listener. I don't know.
I used to have these dreams as a child where I could only see the bottoms of things because my eyes wouldn't open all the way. I could only see out the smallest slit of my eyelids. I saw a giraffe that way, and it was just four spotted legs. At least I knew they were legs.
Good question this week from a discussion group I'm in... How do I minister to others?
Well, I have two ministries I think, one formal and one informal. The formal ministry is through my music, and I have no idea of the impact that has on other people. I also use music to help kids have fun at church, to teach them God's Truth. I really don't know that this has an impact. I suppose we'll know what kind of impact we will have once they hit jr. high or high school age... will they hold on to the Truth they have been taught? Or will they turn away? Only God knows.
My informal ministry is to my friends and family. I really try to encourage people as much as possible, affirm their strengths and gifts, and help them to move beyond their guilt when they feel guilty. I try to remind people when they feel like they've made mistakes that God still loves them, they are forgiven, and that I don't think less of them for their failures. In fact, I usually want to still be their friends.
I'm also starting to get to know the two high schoolers in our church. Both girls, and they are so fun. I'm trying to talk them and their parents into going to Mexico for a short-term mission trip.
I may have even succeeded.
I always like spending time with kids. I was such a serious child after my parents split, and I grew up very quickly. I still don't think I'm a kid person, couldn't imagine having children, and I think if I do ever get to that point, I'll probably adopt. But kids tend to gravitate to me. I don't know why except that I usually take them seriously.
I had a whole conversation with a five year old boy once at the coffee shop while his mom hung out with her friends. He just wanted someone to talk to.
Maybe my ministry is that of a listener. I don't know.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Community Bowling
Went out with the community group last night for dinner and bowling. Since our leader is Hawaiian, we had Hawaiian barbeque. It was so much fun cause there were a bunch of us, and we hadn't all been together in awhile. Three of our group were traveling, and that's a lot when all three are so consistant.
At dinner, one of the guys put his arm around my shoulders for awhile in a gesture of brotherly love. Its nice to know that he missed me. It was a comforting feeling. It makes me glad that I have a friend like him.
Everyone went bowling, but I refused to bowl. One of the girls scored a turkey!!! It was awesome!!! One of the guys was also a great bowler. Who knew that we had such depth of talent in my community group?
At dinner, one of the guys put his arm around my shoulders for awhile in a gesture of brotherly love. Its nice to know that he missed me. It was a comforting feeling. It makes me glad that I have a friend like him.
Everyone went bowling, but I refused to bowl. One of the girls scored a turkey!!! It was awesome!!! One of the guys was also a great bowler. Who knew that we had such depth of talent in my community group?
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Magnetic Poetry - 2
What happens when my boss plays with the magnetic poetry in my office:
Robyn Is cacophony
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Writing is like Prayer
Went to two lectures yesterday given by Lauren Winner, author of a memoir called Girl Meets God and in one of them, she compared writing to prayer.
This probably only makes sense to those of us who write because writing requires discipline. Most of the time, it is very challenging to try and write something profound, meaningful, or simply express your thoughts on a subject articulately.
I think it is equally challenging to pray profoundly and articulately.
I can remember so many times in college when I was trying to write a paper just sitting in front of the computer, waiting for the words to come. The more pressure I was under, the more difficult it was to get the words out.
There's a lesson to be learned here perhaps about waiting on God...
Lauren Winner commented that when we pray, we talk more than we listen.
I think that's true. For me, it is hard to listen when I feel like I don't hear from God, so I fill the silence with sound, and the quiet with His Word instead... maybe that's how we hear from God.
I struggle more than I admit with God's will for my life. Sometimes I wish he would take out ads on billboards.
Prayer is a discipline I should practice more, and it seems to be one of those things that people talk about but fail to do. That's true for me.
As I practice the discipline of prayer, perhaps God's will for my life will become more clear.
And here's a weird thing: The more I write, the more I pray... I can tell when I'm spiritually dry because in those times, I just don't feel like I have anything to write. Writing helps me to observe and reflect, and leads me to prayer.
One discipline leads to the other.
This probably only makes sense to those of us who write because writing requires discipline. Most of the time, it is very challenging to try and write something profound, meaningful, or simply express your thoughts on a subject articulately.
I think it is equally challenging to pray profoundly and articulately.
I can remember so many times in college when I was trying to write a paper just sitting in front of the computer, waiting for the words to come. The more pressure I was under, the more difficult it was to get the words out.
There's a lesson to be learned here perhaps about waiting on God...
Lauren Winner commented that when we pray, we talk more than we listen.
I think that's true. For me, it is hard to listen when I feel like I don't hear from God, so I fill the silence with sound, and the quiet with His Word instead... maybe that's how we hear from God.
I struggle more than I admit with God's will for my life. Sometimes I wish he would take out ads on billboards.
Prayer is a discipline I should practice more, and it seems to be one of those things that people talk about but fail to do. That's true for me.
As I practice the discipline of prayer, perhaps God's will for my life will become more clear.
And here's a weird thing: The more I write, the more I pray... I can tell when I'm spiritually dry because in those times, I just don't feel like I have anything to write. Writing helps me to observe and reflect, and leads me to prayer.
One discipline leads to the other.
Monday, April 11, 2005
The Surreal Life
I woke up so tired this morning that life felt surreal. And for a second, I believed that I was living a fake life.
Does this happen to other people?
Does this mean I'm living a lie? I don't think so but I wish I had more time today to reflect on whether there is any truth to this fleeting thought I had when I woke up this morning--to think about how I could be living my life differently or how it could be more real.
On a completely different note...
I met a really cool guy who likes to study at the library on Sundays. He's working on an M.Div. from APU, and I have started to look forward to seeing him when he comes in. Yesterday, I was excited because I thought I would see him, and when he didn't come in, I was disappointed. As I was getting ready to leave, he showed up and chatted for awhile about his interesting life...
I really hope that he sticks around. I want to be his friend.
Sundays are a long and lonely day for me to work. I do nothing but sit at a desk. Sometimes, I get to answer interesting questions, but most of the time, it is quite quiet. I appreciate the solitude, but I miss the companionship of sharing breaks with my coworkers.
Sundays seem less lonely when this guy comes around.
Does this happen to other people?
Does this mean I'm living a lie? I don't think so but I wish I had more time today to reflect on whether there is any truth to this fleeting thought I had when I woke up this morning--to think about how I could be living my life differently or how it could be more real.
On a completely different note...
I met a really cool guy who likes to study at the library on Sundays. He's working on an M.Div. from APU, and I have started to look forward to seeing him when he comes in. Yesterday, I was excited because I thought I would see him, and when he didn't come in, I was disappointed. As I was getting ready to leave, he showed up and chatted for awhile about his interesting life...
I really hope that he sticks around. I want to be his friend.
Sundays are a long and lonely day for me to work. I do nothing but sit at a desk. Sometimes, I get to answer interesting questions, but most of the time, it is quite quiet. I appreciate the solitude, but I miss the companionship of sharing breaks with my coworkers.
Sundays seem less lonely when this guy comes around.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Full Circle
Had a great time at the Jars concert last night, they had no bass player, and no drummer, so it was an all acoustic set.
Tammy came with me to the concert (as did my sister and another friend of mine) because her friend's brother-in-law was opening. Found out later that this was the same guy that we met at camp in 1996 when he was touring the camp scene. Tammy and I both bought his CD back then, and turns out that my family has actually heard of him. So it was cool to see him up on stage. Not only that, but the crowd actually knew his songs.
Tammy came with me to the concert (as did my sister and another friend of mine) because her friend's brother-in-law was opening. Found out later that this was the same guy that we met at camp in 1996 when he was touring the camp scene. Tammy and I both bought his CD back then, and turns out that my family has actually heard of him. So it was cool to see him up on stage. Not only that, but the crowd actually knew his songs.
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