Nostalgia

I went to yet another wedding yesterday. It was interesting because it was a wedding between two people I knew. One from home, and one from college. So I got to see some friends from college. It was good to see them all, and I'm glad I went to this wedding, if only to connect with one couple who left right after my sophmore year. On the other hand, I ended up sitting at the one table that no one (apparently) wanted to be at, and at one point in the evening, everyone left and I was sitting at the table by myself. That was a bit depressing, and I felt really awkward. Finally, a friend of mine came over and said there was an empty chair at his table, so I moved.

This whole experience reminded me why I never kept in touch with some of the people I knew from college. There were only three or four people who were genuinely interested in hearing about what was going on in my life. But I left as soon as I realized I was A) Not having fun anymore, and B) Really tired.

It also made me realize how humbled I feel to be working at the library here in Point Loma because everyone was asking what I was doing in San Diego. It's not that I'm dissatisfied with my job because I still believe that God provided it when I needed it, but it is a feeling that I am capable of doing so much more, if only I knew what that was. I'm feeling like I need to be "More Successful" whatever that means. And the danger of feeling this way is that it breeds discontentment in my life. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it will spur me on to bigger and better things. But I just want to be content with my life.

Conversations-7

Conversation of the weekend:

"Hey, would you ladies like some bagel pizzas?" this guy asked us. There were about four of us girls sitting on the couch chatting when he showed up.

"Only if you tell me your name!" I responded. We were at an 80's party and the guy who decided to chat with us had been pretending to be a pick-up artist. I felt obligated to respond in a similar fashion.

He laughed at my response and told us, "My name is Rob, nice to meet you."

"That's a good name," I said, "My name is Robyn."

After the other girls introduced themselves, one of them said, "Hey, Rob and Robyn...you guys should go around and pretend that you guys are a couple...that's such an 80's kind of combo..."

We both laughed. "That would be funny," I said. We didn't really pretend to be a couple that night. However, as I was leaving, I mentioned to Rob, "Hey, thanks for being my fake boyfriend."

Rob laughed and said, "Anytime."

Well, you never know when a fake boyfriend could come in handy.

---

So I went to an 80's party on Saturday and I must say...I had fun with my costume. I wore a neon green shirt that had the collar cut off, and fringe at the bottom. I found a hot pink and green bandana that I wore as a headband, pegged my jeans and crimped the bangs in the front (not that I have true bangs, mind you...) and my side ponytail. Yeah! I'll see if I get pictures back and then you too can relive the hideousness of the decade.

Friday

I'm so glad I normally don' t have to work on Fridays. It is so slow today. Good thing, I'm so drained. And I just had a long conversation with someone about why I don't want to be a part of that ministry for 20 somethings at my church. This person really thinks I should be a part of things. Okay, maybe. But not as the events coordinator. I said I just wanted to be a consultant.
All I want to do is go home and take a nap. 30 more minutes...

Freeway etiquette

This has never happened to me before, and it was both annoying and scary. While I was driving out to Murietta (it takes a good hour to get there) I notice that this guy in a beat-up station wagon is pacing me. So I look over, and he's trying to get my attention. I have no idea why. So I ignore him, except that he paces/follows me for 20 miles.

Now, when I drive, I normally notice if I have been driving with the same cars. But it is rare, and there is unspoken freeway etiquette that dictates you don't drive right next to other cars for any amount of time, especially when there is space. Passing is understood. Pacing is weird. Traffic is a different situation.

This guy was definitely following me. I tried speeding up, slowing down, switching lanes, boxing myself in by other cars, and still, he stayed with me or near me for 20 miles. I was getting scared. But then he just got off of the freeway a few exits before mine. I was relieved. So that's the story for today.

Taco Bell

I love Taco Bell, but the lids that exist at the one in Point Loma always fall off of my drink, and everytime I go there, without fail, I spill my drink.

Score:
Drinks: 4
Robyn's Clothes: 0

Funny Birthday Card I bought today:

"Things I've Learned: A universal remote control does not, in fact, allow you to control the universe. I did not get you a universal remote control for your birthday because, believe me, you'd just be disappointed."

Wow!

I was driving to work this morning and not only did I accidently spill some coke on myself, but as I'm on the freeway, a spider starts slowly dropping from the ceiling of my car right over my steering wheel. I'm not scared of spiders, but I didn't want to deal with it while driving, so I flicked it away. It is probably still alive somewhere in my car. I couldn't help but think that if it had been Adam or Megan (my brother and sister) driving, they would have screamed and crashed. They are both scared of spiders.

Last night, I had to write a 200 word essay in French. With limited vocabulary, writing in foreign languages is like putting together a 1500 piece puzzle, with extra pieces that you don't necessarily need. They may or may not fit. But you have to figure out how to communicate using only the words you know and convey concepts, ideas, and a grasp of the language. If you translate my essay into English, it is the equivalent of a fourth grade composition. It took me an hour and a half to write. I think that's quite ironic... and I know that there are some spelling mistakes...mostly missing accent marks. If there is anything I appreciate about the English language, it is that we don't need accent marks. We sometimes use apostrophes, but no accent marks.

This week's to do list:

1. Create contact cards for the wedding I'm going to on Saturday
2. Call Keola, ask if I can do laundry at his house tonight during community group...that's what friends are for, right?
3. Print and fill out APU Faculty Application--I am being offered an adjunct position through the library. The librarians are excited, and I'm excited. I could really use the extra money, and the job will be relatively easy.
4. Update my resume and work history--I got tired of looking things up and filling out the work history section on job applications, so I have a word document that I modify (depending on the job) and send with applications.
5. Find a third grad school to apply to besides Berkeley and UCSD. I did check out the US News and World Report 2005 guide to grad schools. I need a mid-low range cheap school that I know I can get into. Oklahoma State is looking pretty good at this point...
6. Practice my cello. Aaarrrrggghhh! I hate it when pieces are on the verge of being challenging, meaning that most of the piece is easy, but then has just a few parts that aren't challenging after you practice them. I work harder when a piece is more difficult.
7. Send my mother a bibliography of all my favorite fantasy authors (if I'm not too busy...yeah right!)

I will not really have time to do any of this over the weekend either because I am working Friday so that I can have Sunday off, then on Saturday, I am going to Knott's Berry Farm, and possibly an 80's party (for which I don't have a costume...), and then on Sunday, I'm ditching church to drive to Mission Viejo, where I will be meeting my cousin for lunch, and then going to that wedding.

Pray for me, I might go crazy next week.

Orchestra

So I'm sort of in this orchestra. I only practiced for it once. I have missed about 3 rehearsals, and will miss another on Thursday in order to make some extra cash. It bothers me a little that I keep missing rehearsals. I told the director from the beginning that I could be somewhat flakey. He said he still wants me to play even though he already has about 7 cellos and 3 basses. There's nowhere near enough violins to even need a bass section that size. So even though I'm a flake, I guess I'll continue to play until I get kicked out for missing too many rehearsals. Good thing I'm not getting graded. See, I figure, I already did my time. I spent four years of my life getting grades in music. This I'm doing for fun. Well, sort of. I'm finding myself to be slightly unmotivated, mostly because of my lack of time to practice. If I did practice, the music would be really easy. Amazing how that works. We'll see if I make it to the concert. I'm already missing one concert for a football game. I know, priorities, right?

Decisions, decisions...

I went to a "Leadership Meeting" for a ministry that Michael would like me to be a part of. He approached me over the summer about it. We've been discussing the possibilities, and I thought that eventually I would be able to say "Yes! I want to be a part of this ministry!" But I still have reservations. Do you ever make decisions and then wonder if the decisions you made were the right ones? That's how I feel right now. I don't know why I have reservations about being on this team, but my heart just isn't in the development of this ministry. I read somewhere that the need isn't the call. There is a definite need, but I don't feel a call. Is a call something you're supposed to feel? Something you hear? For me, I think it is something that resonates deep within my soul. Things just seem positive and right, even if they are difficult things. So I'm still not really ministering outside of doing all things musical, and at least in the church, that's come to a screeching halt as I haven't been scheduled for this month. I suppose that's a good thing considering it is football season and I have been out of town a lot over the past month.

Conversations-6

I was at a wedding rehearsal dinner and after eating lobster legs with sticky sauce, I needed to go wash my hands. So I got up, went to the women's restroom and tried to open the door. It was locked, so I settled back to wait. Then the door cracked open. I looked in, didn't see anybody, and then looked down. It was Bree, the pastor's kid. She is a precocious six-year-old, and she looked up at me with a familiar mischievous twinkle in her eye. I wasn't exactly sure what she was doing in the bathroom...

"Bree...can I come in? I need to wash my hands," and the door opened a little wider. It wouldn't have surprised me if she had told me that she was hiding from her older brother. But she wasn't.

"Yeah, I can't get the water on," she said as she let me into the bathroom and turned quickly to the sink.

"Let me see if I can help," I told her. Then I turned on the water. "Here's the problem," I said, "The handles turn the opposite direction." Bree started to wash her hands.

"Is the reason you need to wash your hands because of the sauce on the lobster legs?" she asked me.

"Yes," I answered, "they were very sticky."

"I know," she said with all the authority a six-year-old can possess. "All the food is weird." We were at a Japanese restaurant, and they had served us course after course of traditional Japanese food, including squid, jellyfish, duck, fish, and then the lobster. Not exactly kid-friendly cuisine.

"Do you want some soap?" I asked her.

"Yes," she said and stuck her hands under the soap dispenser, which I dispensed for her. And then she rinsed her hands off.

"You know, they are serving rice right now," I told her.

"Oh goody, I love rice! It's my favorite!" she said. She ran quickly out of the bathroom and over to her table. I followed her out at a more conscientious adult pace.

"MOM, ROBYN HELPED ME WASH MY HANDS AND I WANT SOME RICE!" I heard her say to her mother in a loud voice.

"Hi Robyn," Karen said with a quiet smile as I walked back to my table.

"Hi," I said with a smile and a wave. I kept walking back to my table, chuckling to myself about exuberance and passion, even if it was only for rice.

Twofer

Yesterday, my student worker was having a bad day in terms of ILLing. She came in and told me that when she was trying to print out some labels, the labels got stuck in the printer, and they had to call the tech people outside the university because they can't fix them here.

I just now tried to print out some labels, and they got stuck in the printer. The tech people on campus can't fix it. So my computer now needs fixing as well. What an ironic moment...

Why can't the French spell?

TIRED. I have a headache. But I'm doing a bit better than I was this morning. Got my French test back... wow. I REALLY can't spell in French. Why is it that I can spell in English, but not in French? Maybe because it doesn't sound the way it is pronounced. Yikes. That's what one missed day of class will do to you. I went from scoring approximately A's to B's. I need to make flashcards and force myself to try and spell things correctly. Like a French spelling bee. With myself. Yeah.

I also went out to coffee with Ryan G. last night. Some friends of ours are getting married, and they might need a cellist. Sweet! It would be so fun to see all the old Crusaders. It is rather a Crusade match-up.

And just for fun-

French word of the day: Bleu
Pronounication: "Bluh"
Translation: Blue

Use in a sentence: J'ai un chat bleu.
Pronounciation: J' I uh shat bluh

Translation: I have a blue cat.

Do I really want this?

So I started looking at other grad schools today besides UCSD... and I need to do more research. This process is quite daunting, and I'm getting scared again... I think it is more of a fear of failure (to get into a school) than a fear of the work. Although, it is quite expensive to go back to school. I don't know if I am ready to handle that kind of indebtedness. Then again, if I go to UCSD, then I could possibly go to school part time, and continue to work at Point Loma.

Sometimes I wish God would show me his will on a billboard, so that I couldn't possibly miss what He has for me to do.

Fresno beat Kansas State yesterday (yay!!!) and my brother got his picture in the paper (I think) it was one taken by the Associated Press and I saw it briefly right after the game on ESPN.com.

I also took a 2 hour nap yesterday, and then I couldn't sleep last night. I was still awake at 3:30am. Remind me never to take naps in the afternoon, no matter how tired I am...It is amazing to me how my mind wanders that early in the morning. And the streets were so quiet. Normally, I hear lots of helicopters and police sirens in addition to the screaming kid who lives behind me, but not that early. Although said screaming kid made his debut this morning at about 8am.

Yeah, I'm sleepy today, and didn't really want to be in church this morning. I briefly thought about ditching, but stayed. I didn't really listen though. I should have just left. A solitary moment at a coffee shop might have done me more good than the sermon this morning. I don't even really get to talk to people on Sundays anymore because I have to go to work right after church. I tuned out. Completely. And then I was glad I had to go, because I didn't have the ability nor the time to explain to people why I was feeling the way I was. Plus I didn't really want to explain things to them anyway.

I try to pretend that everything is okay, but I'm really kind of tense on the inside, without being able to understand where the tenseness is coming from.

Reality in threes

Three significant events of the day...

1. I took the GRE. You know, my test scores on standardized tests are remarkably consistent. Let's put it this way: I scored about the same on the GRE as I did on my SAT when I was in high school. I did okay. Not as great as I had hoped, but at least what I expected. I'm below average for most schools I want to apply to. But the good thing is that an average is an average...they take scores above and below. I'm hoping that my previous stellar performance in grad school will have some weight with the schools I want to apply to.

2. I had a rehearsal for yet another wedding. This one will be a week from Saturday. It's going to be a lovely wedding. At this rehearsal, Annie (my violinist friend) informed us (me and Michael) that she was bringing someone to the rehearsal dinner. We tried to find out who, but she wouldn't tell us. Later, she decided to tell us that she was dating someone. She hasn't dated anyone since I've known her. Then Michael asked if it was someone from church. She said yes. I couldn't figure out who it was, and then she told us that she is dating Derrick. That's cool. Again, I think this is a good match.

I haven't been doing a great job about being real in this journal, so while I was happy for Annie, I guess I got a little depressed. The singles are dropping like flies to become couples. There are more than I think there are, but still, I can only think of four *non-transient* guys who are still single, and one of them doesn't really come to church. There are more ladies. About six of us or so. I am experiencing this recent pesimisstic mood for a few reasons: I have a headache...probably from a lack of sleep. I'm really tired. I also didn't do as well as I would have liked on the GRE. Plus it is HOT here in San Diego. I can't imagine what the temperatures must be in LA right now. It makes it hard to sleep because everyone has their windows open, and my neighbors are particularly loud.

3. Michael had asked me to think and pray about coordinating events for a ministry to young adults. I told him I would think about it. Today we chatted, and I shared with him some of my reservations regarding leading this particular team. I told him that admin is not my true strength, but that casting vision, seeing the bigger picture, gathering information, and preparing a plan are the things that I do well. So I don't know if I will be leading this team or not. We were both pensive as we came away from that meeting. I think we are both going to think some more about it.

Conversations-5

Yolanda and I met up for dinner on Friday night. She had called me a few days earlier to tell me her big news: She and Kelvin just got engaged. I pulled into the Albertson's parking lot and tried to find a spot. I hate parking in San Diego. The spots are always so narrow. But I finally found one and pulled in. Then I went to go find Yolanda. She was waiting for me at a Teriaki fast-food place called Samuri Sam's.

"Hi Yolanda! Congratulations!" I'm so happy for you!" I gave Yolanda a big hug.

She was in the midst of ordering but paused to respond, "Thank you so much! I'm so excited!"

I said hello to Dennis too. Yolanda had called me just a bit earlier to tell me that she was already at the restaurant, and had run into him there. I ordered my food, got my drink, and then sat down at the table where Dennis was sitting.

"Did you guys plan this?" I asked, referring to how they were both at the same restaurant at the same time.

"No, it just sort of happened," Yolanda said.

Dennis added, "Yeah, I was just going to get this to go and then go watch the US Open."

"Well this is cool," I said, "Good times. How is school going for you? Didn't you start this week?" I asked Dennis.

"Yeah, I have one honors section, and the rest are regular," Dennis is teaching chemistry at one of the local high schools,
"It's going pretty well." At that point in time, our food started to arrive. After we were all situated with food, utensils, and appropriate sauces, we prayed for our meal.

Then Dennis asked Yolanda, "So, are you wearing your ring on a chain?"

Yolanda laughed. "No, it's getting resized. It's too big."

"What size ring do you wear?" I asked.

"I'm a six. I have pretty small fingers," She said. I gave her my ring to try on. "Yeah, this is a bit too big," she told us. "Is this a six?"

"Yes, but it might be on the big side," I told her. She handed my ring back.

"So did he ask you on the mountain?" Dennis asked. Yolanda and Kelvin had been in Vancouver for a vacation, and did some hiking while they were there. Dennis and Kelvin are good friends, and Dennis knew that Kelvin would be asking Yolanda while they were on vacation.

"No," Yolanda told us, "He told me later he was going to, but when we were there, it was cold, rainy, and foggy. It wouldn't have been as good a moment. We were freezing that day. He actually proposed to me the next day. We went on a hike, and then on the way back, we got bored and started going off the trail. We were standing in this beautiful clearing, and he handed me this poorly wrapped package and told me to open it. It was a turtle that he had painted. Then he asked me if I would marry him. I was so surprised! And then I asked him if the turtle was the ring."

"You know, cause us girls are all about the ring!" I told Dennis.

Yolanda laughed, "You know it!"

"So where was the ring?" Dennis asked.

"It was in the turtle. You know how ceramic things are hollow?" She asked us. We both nodded our heads. "Well," she continued, "The hole in the turtle was plugged with a plastic thing, and the ring was inside."

"You know why he sold his car right?" Dennis asked Yolanda.

"Well, now I do," Yolanda exclaimed, "He told me that he had a friend who needed a car and so he decided to lend it to him indefinitely. Well, it was a very Kelvin kind of thing to do." We laughed. There was a comfortable silence.

Yolanda thought for a minute and then informed us, "I think I'm worth at least a cow." Dennis and I both started laughing again.

"Yeah, two goats at least!" I added.

"And a few sheep and some chickens! I always wanted some chickens." She told us.

"Well, a woman's worth used to be tied up in the land that her family owned, so a dowry was paid to compensate the family for the loss of their land and their daughter." I told them. "And somehow a woman's worth also got tied up in her virginity too." I thought for a minute, "I'm still not exactly sure why, but virginity was a really big deal. It still sort of is today." We thought about that. "Did you know that the reason why you wear the ring on your fourth finger is because it was believed that there was a vein that ran from that finger to your heart?" I both asked and informed them, "I did a research project on the symbolism in medieval marriage in college."

"Really?" Yolanda asked.

"Yes, it was quite an interesting project," I told her. "I had trouble finding resources cause nobody wrote anything in the medieval ages except for monks and priests. Did you know that the bride and the groom would exchange shoes as a symbol of the contract? The ring is a symbol of eternity of course, and in the morning after the consumation of the marriage, it was traditional for the groom to leave a gift on his new wife's pillow to compensate and thank her for the loss of her virginity."

Dennis and Yolanda both laughed at that.

"I think you should tell Kelvin about that tradition," Dennis suggested with a gleam in his eye. We all laughed.

"Did you know he was going to ask you when he did?" Dennis asked.

"I had no idea," Yolanda told him. "I was so surprised. If he had proposed to me on the mountain top, it would have been more predictable. But I liked this better anyway. You know, there are hundreds of clearings off of that trail, I don't think we could find the spot again if we tried. I was sort of lost."

"But you can spend the rest of your lives trying to find it again," I informed her, "That's pretty neat."

"Yeah, and I kind of feel like it was an analogy for marriage, you know? Climbing up the mountain, going off the beaten path, but coming back to the trail in the end. It's something you have to work at, but God is guiding you to beautiful places."

"That is cool. What did you say when he asked you?" I asked.

"I was like, 'Really?' She said.

"You really said, 'Really?' I asked, "That's really funny." I started laughing. So did Dennis.

"Hey, look who's here!" I said. I had a view of the door and saw Kelvin coming in. Dennis and Yolanda turned to see who it was.

"Hey!" Yolanda greeted Kelvin. "We were just talking about you."

"Congratulations!" Dennis told him.

"Yeah, congratulations!" I echoed. "I told Yolanda when she called to tell me you guys were engaged that I had been thinking about you a few days earlier, and I thought to myself, 'I think they're going to get married.'"

"Yeah, she told me that. It's so nice when people can confirm those kinds of things for you" Yolanda said. "It's really encouraging."

"Well, I think it's great. I'm so excited for you guys." I replied.

---

There is more to this conversation... Part II coming soon...I'm too tired to finish this right now.

Life is good

In contrast to my summer, my time these days has been filled. I have been very busy this last week, which is good, but when I stop and slow down, and think about everything that's going on, it stresses me out. Better this than boredom though, I say. I wish I had something profound to say right now. Something about communicating, or relationships... or how good it is to be around people who care. I ran into Chelsea this morning. It was the first time that I have seen her spontaneously this school year. Chelsea is my step-sister, and she goes to school at Point Loma. A little bit later, I ran into Robbie and Chris, sort of my cousins. To be specific, they are step-cousins, but they both go to Point Loma too. Robbie gave me a big hug, and introduced me to his girlfriend, who also happens to be in my French class. That was funny. She was probably the first person I met (and whose name I remembered) in my French class. So its neat that she is dating Robbie.

So I was reflecting on how good it is to have "positive" family around me. Robbie and Chris' sister also attends PLNU, and they are such a neat family. What a contrast to mine. Chelsea and Megan are also around, and as far as family members go, I can relate to them better than some of the other members of my family. So I'm really glad that all these people are around me. Such a difference from when I first moved here and knew no one. I was so lonely, and I knew it would take some time for me to get to know people here. I still struggle with lonliness sometimes, and then I feel dumb, because I really am blessed. I am definitely less lonely than I was a year ago. And my life is full right now. It's nice to be busy again.

I'm going on a vacation this weekend, and I'm praying that it will be relaxing rather than stressful. Almost my entire immediate family is flying to Washington to watch Duncan play football. Fresno is playing the University of Washington on Sunday. And Beryl is TVo-ing the game for me. It's on cable.

Klutzy Exhibition

Yesterday, I put together a display in the library in our lovely display case. When I was cleaning out the case, I found a piece of magnetic poetry. The word on the magnet said, "shard." Ironically, about 5 minutes later, the student worker and I watched in horror as one of the display shelves decided to commit suicide by jumping out of the case. It fell out, bounced once on the stools we were using to climb on, and then fell on the ground and shattered, making a very loud sound.

Do you ever get the feeling God is trying to tell you something? On Sunday, we discussed the first part of the Lord's prayer, and looked at both versions in Matthew and Luke. Well, today in my French class, the Professor requested that we memorize the verse of the day:

Notre pere qui est aux cieux, que ton nom soit sanctifie... Matthew 6:9-10a. (I'm missing the accent marks cause you can't insert symbols in this program...and by the way, this is pronounced nothing like it looks.)

Prayer is so hard sometimes, especially when you don't know exactly what to say or how to pray when you are feeling far from God.

Sunday.

I am at work today, my Sunday shifts started at PLNU. Church was good, I got made fun of for leading the kids in singing for the adults this morning. When you do motions and songs with kids, you have to exaggerate everything. I looked really funny. Really good morning for my friend Ryan (a different one!) to come see my church this morning.

Ryan and I basically grew up together, not that we were all that close or anything, but we went to the same church in Glendora, he was on the swim team with me at the high school, he went to UCSB, was involved in Crusade, went on the same mission trip I did, and just moved to San Diego. Yay! We had breakfast this morning, and it was so good to see him. We really do have some history, and it was fun catching up on ALL the people we know. He came to church with me this morning, and I really hope he liked it. I had to leave him there cause I had to come to work, but he was having fun talking with my friend Kathy, who is also on staff with Crusade, and he may start going to the men's Bible Study. I really love connecting people, and I'm so thankful that Ryan is in town.

Melanie is having a birthday/going away party today, and I'm pretty sad that I can't be there, because I'm working. Well, sort of. Even though I work today, the good news is that I will have a five-day weekend next week. I'm taking Tuesday off, and going to watch Duncan play football against Washington State. It will be my second "real" vacation of the year. The first being when I went to visit my cousin in Texas. This one is longer though. I'm excited.

What can go wrong...

Okay, tonight, I have to sing two songs we sang at the Kids Club Camp with the kids for their parents. Yes, it is parents' night at VBS. So we practiced this morning. It was terrible! Case of what can go wrong will and we had a lot of issues to work out:

1. Sound guy got sick...so I got to "learn" how to set up all the equipment myself. Well, I take that back, Michelle helped me. We got everything hooked up correctly and working...props to us.

2. Michael (guitar guy) had a doctor's appointment and couldn't come help me sing this morning. Well, he would back me up on guitar while I sing and lead motions. So, uh...the counselors don't know the motions that well, and we had some kinks when the kids were trying to sing one of the songs.

3. The kids were totally disinterested, and the boys were totally misbehaving. They weren't paying attention, and it was hard for me to direct them and play guitar at the same time.

4. They kept kicking the cords from the microphone and so the mic was acting up a bit.

So I left feeling like I had failed this morning, and I was feeling a little discouraged. I sure hope Michael comes back tonight, otherwise things will be rather interesting. OK.

On a more positive note, my sister had a birthday yesterday, so I'd like to give a belated birthday shout out to Megan who is now 20.

Although this will be a short weekend for me (I work on Sunday) it will be fun because I get to see Megan and my mom tomorrow. I need to figure out when I can do laundry...

Down Time

Today was seriously busy! Good news is I got into my French class. Bad news is now I have homework again. Forgot about that aspect of being in an actual class. So here's how my schedule looked today:

VBS: 8-10
Work @ library:10-11am
French 101: 11-12
Work: 12-1:15
Got Hungry, grabbed lunch: 1:15-1:30
Work: 1:30-3:30ish
Went with student to UCSD to retrieve articles: 3:30-5:45
Back on campus: 5:45-6:30pm

So I'm chillin' right now cause my community group (aka Bible Study) meets in La Jolla at 7pm tonight, and it is virtually pointless for me to drive back to my apartment cause it takes 20min, and then it takes another 20min to drive to La Jolla. So I figure I save gas by staying here and I can technically say I'm working because I'm in my office. Whatever. I will be glad when life is back to normal, even though being with the kids is pretty fun. I don't think I could handle being with them longer than the 30 minutes I am with them in the morning. I don't know what to do with them usually except tell really bad jokes, and this morning we played "Simon Says." I taught them how to pat their heads and rub their bellies at the same time. Yeah, that's cool.

On a more serious note, my mom told me that my dog is probably being put to sleep today. He apparently had two seizures yesterday, and my mom didn't expect him to live through the night last night. He's 17 years old, and I'll really miss him. I'm the one who trained him, and he was always so happy to see me when I would come home to visit. I'm really kind of sad that I didn't get to say goodbye. Maybe its better this way.

My Bad...

As you may have noticed, I missed posting yesterday...can you say "Crazy?" (by the way, the correct answer to that question is "yes" or "no.") My day was very crazy yesterday. I did enjoy my weekend. Friday night was fun, I got to hang out with a few friends at this fabulous Hawaiian eatery, and then we went to a music club to watch the GTB rock.

On Saturday, I had a great time seeing Ryan, in person no less, and it was a very restful and relaxing time. He is leaving shortly to go overseas, and so I will not get to see him very often after that. I also taught Melanie how to play the cello sort of, she needs practice! But she can play :) And we had an awesome time eating lunch together, and she let me do my laundry at her place. I also got to see Megan and Vance, and they brought me a RAD gift from my brother, Adam. THEN I went to dinner at Chelsea's place, and got to see my dad, my step-mom, Chelsea's aunt, and her three cousins (all of them go to Point Loma) and all of their friends/roommates/etc. It was a big crowd for a small 2 bedroom apartment.

I have been doing the music for kids camp this week, and so things have been sorta hectic. So I may not be able to blog as frequently this week. I'll try though...

Dinner and a movie?

I went to the PLNU community dinner last night. The food was great, but the entertainment could have been better. They were trying to be funny, and there were some elements of the evening that really did not make sense with the message the administration was trying to convey. The entertainment was really disjointed. But I had fun. Then I went over to Candice's place, and she was watching Pride and Prejudice...the movie...which is a great movie. It's a good book too.

I was sort of bummed out that I couldn't watch the olympics last night, I really wanted to watch Phelps race in the 200m fly. I love the fly. Well, watching it anyway. So Beryl, one of the librarians here, made me a tape of all the swim events from last night. I'm so excited.

Life sometimes

I had a conversation last night with Zaiga. Haven't talked to her in a couple of months. She's back in school, and I know that she's busy, and I'm busy, so we haven't really talked in awhile. It was kind of funny though, because we both think that our lives are dull and uninteresting. It is hard to talk to people when you feel as though you have nothing of interest to report (sort of like this blog!); when nothing really changes from day to day. She is still in school and working, and I'm still just working. Although, I suppose that as you get to know people, you have more to talk about than what you are doing in life, and can actually talk about emotions and passions, and other things. I don't know... it is the monotany of life that makes me question whether I'm living as God wants me to live.

One step at a time...

I finally signed up to take the GRE. I hate tests. But I have to take this one if I want to take the next step in my education. What frustrates me the most about these kinds of tests is not that I can't do math, but that I used to know how to do all the math in Junior High, but I've forgotten all the formulas and tricks. And then the test people just want to trick you, so then you really have to think. Aaarrrghh! Even the vocabulary and reading comprehension mess me up to a certain extent. Even though I know what most of the words mean, I still make mistakes.

Baby steps, baby steps...

Songs and Weddings

For all of you who were waiting with bated breath to see what kind of song I would write for Romans 6:23, never fear, I did not have to resort to using the "funny death voice." However, the first part of the song does sound quite mournful. And the second part does indeed sound happy and ska-ish. Yay!

I am having a dinner party this evening, and I have about 6 people confirmed. Might be more, but we'll see. I wanted to hang out with people tonight because I am going home this weekend for my Uncle's wedding. He is getting married in La Mirada, and then I'm spending some time with my mom and sister. It should be fun.

I am however, missing a beach trip that I helped to plan. How ironic is that? And I'm really sad that I'm missing it. I even rented kayaks for the occasion. Oh well, at least I get to see all my girl cousins. I haven't seen them in awhile, and maybe we'll all do something fun after the wedding.

By Committee

I didn't realize when I agreed to lead music for Kids Camp (VBS) how difficult it is to select songs. Songs I think are great cannot be played cause when I go back and look at the words, the concepts are too difficult for some kids to understand. Since this is a Reformed Presbyterian church, all the songs have to be approved by committee. Just kidding. But they do have to be approved by three different people, so now all of a sudden, some classics, like King Jesus is All, might not be so appropriate, which is too bad, I really like that one. On my list of possibilities right now:

Al la la la la la la le lu ia
Every Move I Make
Amen, Praise the Lord
McGibber the Fibber (a song by my friend Angela)
King Jesus is All (I can hope, right?)
Proverbs 3:5 (Another song by Angela)
Your Everlasting Love (no one else I know knows this song...but it is a good one)
John 3:16
John 14:6 (this is the theme verse, and I wrote some music for it...lots of shouting and dancing)
Hip Hip Hooray (Also known as the Hippo Song)
Fear Not (another classic)
Awesome God

And I need to write one for Romans 6:23. I was thinking about using a funny "death" voice and minor chords for the "Wages of Sin" part, and then happy punk or ska in a major key for the part about eternal life being the gift of God. Then I started thinking about whether it was okay to make such a serious gospel verse funny so that the kids will remember it, or is it slightly sacreligious? Still debating...

I think I have too many songs on my list. I wrote Michael (worship guy at my church who will be playing on guitar with us...) cause we are meeting for lunch today and told him, "oh, by the way, the subject of our meeting today is song selection for kids camp. Aren't you excited? Are you ready to get songs stuck in your head for the next two weeks? Cause the lyrics are all repetative and super catchy..."

Easy Cheap Shots

Subtle Offense: When someone invites you out, to a party, to eat, to a potluck, or whatever, don't ask who else is going. This really bothers me because what you are really telling the person who invited you is that he or she isn't cool enough by themselves. Does it really matter who else is going? In my opinion, this question is acceptable only after you have given the person a positive response.

People almost always ask me that question when I invite them to do things. My usual response to this question is: What, you don't want to hang out with me? Does it really matter who else is going?

Reality: It always matters. People will always ask this question. I just think it is dumb.

Stuck

I was writing kid songs today for the kids camp we're doing in a week. The hazard of leading music for kids? Well, it would be getting the songs stuck in my head all day! The tunes are quite catchy. If you were to ask me at any given moment what song was stuck in my head, I could probably give you an answer. But beware of doing this...if you ask me what the song is, and you happen to know it, it will get stuck in your head too. I'm really good at getting
songs stuck in people's heads.

My favorite "song-stuck-in-my-head" moment was in college. We were playing a whole Mozart opera, and I got the flu pretty badly between the two weekends we performed it. I got song number 13 stuck in my head, and couldn't get it out. I tried everything...reading, listening to other music, but couldn't get it out. I was up until the wee hours of the morning because of that stupid song. And because I was sick and tired (ha ha) I convinced myself in my delirium that Mozart was making me ill. Yeah. Good times.

More Moodiness

My high school reunion is next year. Weird. I started thinking about what I was thinking and feeling in high school, and I don't think I've changed all that much. It's kind of depressing really. Growing up in the church you learn that as a Christian, you are supposed to grow. I honestly couldn't pinpoint how I have grown since high school. Maybe I'm more confident, but maybe I'm still insecure. I think I'm both. I sometimes feel like I'm not worth knowing, mostly cause I have a boring life. Really. I work in the library. That's not very exciting.

I actually met a guy today who graduated in the same program I did at Azusa, only he was in the online program and I did the traditional program. He just got a great job, and I'm stuck in the library. It sort of made me feel like a failure. See? What is up with this moodiness?

I'm trying to remember that God loves me, and that there are people out there who care about me...like Kelvin and Yolanda, who invited me to see the Summer Pops Orchestra tonight in San Diego even though they could have made it a date for just the two of them. Plus I'm slightly bummed that I can't go hiking tomorrow with my friends from church because I have to go to a wedding for my co-worker. She would be really hurt if I didn't show up. Part of the reason I don't like going out of town is because I'm always afraid that I'll be missing out on some great activity when in reality, there aren't really any activities taking place.

I got asked to lead the music at our church's kids camp, so I wrote a song for our theme verse. Its very catchy. Lots of shouting. If I knew what they were going to be talking about each day, I could possibly write some more music. I can write kids stuff...its easy. I think it will be fun, but tiring. I need about ten songs to do. If anyone (ahem...Ryan or Megan) has any ideas for songs, especially if they have to do with John 14:6 (I am the way, the Truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father but through me...) let me know. I may try to incorporate them.

No Excitement

I picked up a tuition remission form today. I was planning on re-taking French. Kind of makes the next step in my education a little more imminent. The bummer is that I might get taxed for taking the class because the university is paying for it...it is sort of like extra money that I'm getting. I still need to sign up to take the GRE. I hate stupid math.

There is a lot of transition taking place at the library right now. One of my co-workers retired, one was promoted, and a new person was hired. There has been some hurt feelings and miscommunications, and it will definitely be interesting to see what happens. I don't know exactly what to make of it all.

And I've been moody lately...inconsistently up and down, pensive, happy... Why can't I just be stable? I mean...stable in a positive way.

Charisma

Last night I went to a Christian concert. I ended up on the lawn at Coors Amphitheater, sharing a blanket with Melanie, James, and Justin--The peanut gallery. Yeah, they came to see the opening band but got there late and were bitter cause they didn't think the rest of the show was all that great. But it was amusing. I had a great time.

Have you ever met one of those people that others tend to naturally follow? Well, one of the guys who came to the concert with us--Patrick--has that kind of personality. People naturally tend to gravitate toward him, and he brings more people to church than the rest of us combined. We were trying to figure out how he does it because at this show, we were offered better seats by the representative of Compassion International, who was touring with the bands in the show. We started talking with him, and within about 10 minutes, Patrick managed to talk his way backstage, met one of the band members, and got to watch some of the show from the side of the stage. Patrick is a navy pilot, and I have no doubt that this ability to attract people, combined with his integrity, will move him quickly through the military ranks of leadership. Anyway, it is quite an interesting phenomenon. He definitely has some charisma.

The Joy of Affirmation

Yesterday, one of the nursing faculty gave me a card and some homemade jam from Missouri for helping her with her dissertation. She is writing her dissertation on narrative pedagogy in nursing classes and student engagement. She has a few more revisions to go, but it sounds like her advisor really liked the draft that she just completed. Basically, I just helped her obtain the articles she needed, provided a bit of encouragement, and some writing advice. She had explained to me earlier that she was having trouble getting started with the paper because she couldn't write the introduction, and she didn't know what to say or how to start it, although she did have a thesis statement. My advice to her (and all the rest of you aspiring writers out there)?

1. Start with what you know. You don't have to start with the introduction. Write one of the body paragraphs on any idea where you already know what you want to say. As you begin to write what you know, hopefully the harder parts to write (like the intro and conclusion) will actually become easier to write.

2. If you are having trouble focusing your paper, or giving it structure, start writing the questions you are trying to answer, then answer them. As you do, your responses to these questions can become paragraphs within your paper.

3. As you go to start writing, put all your sources away, they will only muddle your mind more. Say what you want to say, and write a few paragraphs, then go back and add in examples, references, etc. This will help you clarify YOUR thoughts versus what everyone else is trying to say. This will help you synthesize all your information--putting it together in a new way.

Anyway, it was very encouraging to know that I am appreciated here, and that I was able to help someone just by doing my job.

Conversations-4 and other things

So much to say...so little time...

Here's what I did this weekend:

Friday:
Went to work, went to a luncheon for a co-worker who is retiring. Drove to Carmel Valley and let Michael drive my car to a wedding (We were running late, and he knew where the wedding was. I didn't). Played cello at a wedding in Del Mar, outside, in a grassy park, overlooking the ocean. Lost and found my car keys. Went to the beach and went swimming, went out for pizza, drinks, and billiards.

Saturday:
Found my cello outside my front door in the morning (a true "What the heck did I just do?!" moment). Went to the Del Mar Race Track. Pooled my money with Dennis and his friend David. Played blackjack with 100 fake dollars:

---

Dennis retrieved a deck of cards from his pocket. "What do you want to play?"

"How about Go Fish?" It was a question, but was really a suggestion. And I didn't really want to play Go-Fish, I was just trying to be funny.

"Uh, let's play Blackjack," Dennis suggested instead.

"Ok," I agreed.

"I'll be the dealer," Dennis told me. "I'll give you $100 fake dollars."

I laughed.

"All right, what do you want to bet?" He asked.

"Well, which table are we at?" I wanted to know. "Are we at the $20 dollar table? Are we at the $5 dollar table?"

Dennis laughed. "We're at the dollar table."

"OK," I said. "Then I'll bet $5.00."

We played a few rounds, and I pretty much broke even. Dennis started instructing me on Blackjack. "You had an 11? You should have doubled-down. That means you double your money, then I give you one card, and you don't look at it. But if you win, then you win double."

"Then next time I get an 11, I'll double-down," I told him. We played another hand, and I lost.

"We should play for push-ups!" Dennis suggested.

"Dennis, I can only do like, 15 push-ups total. Maybe a few more if I really pushed myself," I said.

"Ok, then you can do girl push-ups," he said. I let the comment slide, and we played a few more rounds.

"We could play for pieces of candy," I said.

"What kind of candy?" he asked.

"Do you like M&M's?" I asked, "Or we could play for gummy bears..."

"OK, we'll play for pieces of candy," he said.

We played between races. Final result? I lost $40 fake dollars or 40 pieces of candy on Blackjack.

---

On with my day:
Lost a total of $2.60 real cash on the races (out of $10.00--not bad for a rookie), went to a potluck.

Sunday:
Played cello at church (9am morning for me), met some new people. Went to lunch with friends from church. Drove home, called some of my other friends. Did my laundry at the laundromat. Called Megan while doing my laundry. Got picked up for a concert in the park. Took an unintentional navigational detour. Spent some time with my friend Melanie (pronounced Mel-awww-nie) from South Africa. She and I found an English Pub and hung out. Went home. Chatted with my roommate and her friend about why we don't have cable (He works for the Cable company), music, her new digital camera, and living in San Diego.

Points to ponder:
At the wedding on Friday, the pastor talked about the marriage relationship being not 50-50, not 100-100, but being 100-0. Meaning you give 100% to the relationship, expecting nothing (0%) in return. I started to think about how this could apply to other relationships in my life. Real love is giving of yourself, expecting nothing in return, and risking possible hurt, heartache, rejection, and pain, and having a realistic view of what you can expect of people. (Read Romans 12:9-21...we studied this in church on Sunday) Do I sound pessimistic here? I don't mean to be. Of course, having people in your life who love you brings joy, happiness, security, and freedom, because you can be the person you were meant to be around those kinds of people.

I hope that I can be that kind of person...one who encourages and fills others with hope. I still have a ways to go, but that's the person I aspire to be.

Life, perhaps...

On a journey…

It has been said that the path is straight and narrow,
but this road I have taken has unexpected turns
As it clearly lies before me
The asphalt undisturbed
Someday this path will lead me home
Because I know that God has guided me
To this one lane road

---

So Ryan tells me:

Okay this has nothing to do with your post. I was just thinking if life is a journey and God is in control, are you taking detours, or is God leading you through the scenic route? Enjoy the beauty of the day and the trip as it will be a long one :)

Yes, the journey is long. I think God is in control, but I can't help but take detours sometimes. I always wonder, am I making the right decisions? Or is this all a part of God's plan? Can God use me in spite of myself? In spite of my bad decisions? Or bad choices I make in life?

I really do think that God can use us no matter where we are, and brings us back to the correct path when we make wrong choices. Hopefully I learn from my mistakes, and continue to walk more confidently on the road he has set before me.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path...

Be my friend!

I went out last night with my friends Yolanda and Kelvin.  They are great!  Kelvin taught me how to change the oil in my car and let me wash my car in his driveway two nights ago, and then we all hung out at this restaurant and chatted.  It's so easy to be my friend.  I don't need much.  I'm glad I got to go out last night.  My community group got moved to tonight because of all the doctors in the house, the rotation is messing up things on Wednesdays, and I have a rehearsal tonight. 

I get to play in another wedding tomorrow.  It should be better than the other one because I don't have to play any solos (Hey, solos is a palindrome!).   I have to be up late tonight though because I have a rehearsal for Sunday, and then Michael and I will be playing through the music for the wedding after that.  I'm tired already!

Poetry

Viewing the world
Through a different lens
I begin to see that there is more than meets the eye.
As light is reflected and refracted,
Straight lines shift and blur,
And it becomes clear to me
That God reads between the lines.

Help me to see the world in a new light.

Would you rather...

Would you rather...

Send an e-mail/letter/etc. you didn't mean to send, or receive an e-mail/letter/etc. that someone didn't mean to send to you?

I'm not sure at this point...  although I hate hearing people talk about me when they think I'm not listening. 

This blog just may have gotten a little more public than I would have liked due to a website that just got published about one of my favorite local bands, and I was enjoying my relative anonymity on-line.  Basically, if you do a google search for this band, my blog will show up because I mentioned them once in a post.

So I've tried to break that link to a certain extent by editing a few of my posts and by hiding my profile on blogger, but it still shows up on google.  CURSES! 

Not that I've said anything I regret, and you know, I really try to safeguard identities to a certain extent, and not say anything that would be considered confidential, but it just made me think a little more about what I'm writing here.  I don't think I want to write anything that will come back to haunt me later.  After all, people read this (well, I have two loyal readers thus far...)  and I know that.  So.  Keep reading.  And I am going to have to keep my profile on the DL (down-low) for a bit... at least as long as it keeps showing up when I do that google search.

Conversations-3

I was leaning against the railing at Costco, waiting for my friends to show up.  We had just played a game of ultimate frisbee, and a few of us decided to head to lunch.  I was the first one to get there, and finally saw Yolanda heading toward me. "I don't know where anyone else is..." I started to say, but she had this confused look on her face and pointed behind me.  I turned around.  Dennis and Kelvin were standing right behind me on the other side of the railing, I hadn't noticed their approach.  "Oh my gosh!" I said, "You guys scared me!"

"You mean you didn't know we were here?" Kelvin asked.

"No," I said.  "You guys could have really scared me."

Everyone laughed.  We got in line and started ordering food.  I love Costco food.  It is so cheap.  You can get a hot dog and drink for $1.50 plus tax.

"We are sitting over there," Kelvin told me, and pointed me in the right direction.  I walked over to where Dennis was sitting. 

"Is anyone sitting here?" I asked Dennis.

"No, you can sit there," he told me. I put my polish and drink on the table and sat down.

Kelvin and Yolanda arrived at the table with a couple of chicken bakes and sat down with us.

"Are you feeling better, Yolanda?" I asked.  I knew she had been feeling badly over the past week.  She had been sick since the previous Monday. 

"Yeah, but I may still take Monday off," she stated.  "I'm working in pediatrics, and parents  don't really like it when you show up sick."  Yolanda just finished med school and started her residency last month.

"I got sick over the fourth of July," I told her, "It was horrible.  I knew there were all kinds of things going on, and all I could do was stay home and sleep.  I was so bummed."

Yolanda agreed, "That would be a bummer."

There was a lull in the conversation.

"How long were you guys behind me at the railing?" I asked the group.

Kelvin told me, "Well, Dennis was there, but I was only behind you for about 30 seconds."

"Good," I said, "That makes me feel better.  If you had tried to scare me from behind, I probably would have elbowed you."

"Yeah," Kelvin agreed, "but then you probably would have hit the bar."

"That would have hurt," I told him.  I thought about my instinctive elbow response...

I asked Yolanda, "Do you have any siblings?"

"No," she stated.  "It's just me."

"And you Kelvin?" I asked.

"I have two brothers," he stated.

"Really..."I was surprised, "You are remarkably mellow for having two brothers."

Yolanda jumped in, "Well, you must have had a strong female influence in your life, like your mom, or your Grandma."

"My grandma," Kelvin said, "I was so scared of her growing up."

"I'll bet you were her favorite," I guessed. 

"Yeah," he smiled.  "I think my youngest brother is my mom's favorite.  He's so spoiled."

"I'm always the favorite," Yolanda said, "Cause its just me."  We laughed.

"Interesting..."  I said.  Kelvin and Yolanda had been dating for about four months.

Dennis jumped into the conversation, "Yeah I can tell you guys are dating... cause you've been wearing funny shirts," he had directed that comment to Yolanda.  Kelvin is always wearing shirts with funny messages.  "Like the monkey shirt."  Yolanda was wearing a monkey shirt, but that's not what Dennis was talking about.

I had to ask, "What's the monkey shirt?"

Kelvin started grinning.  "Well," he started, "It has a monkey sitting on a toilet, thinking."

Yolanda added, "And there's a toilet with steam coming out of it on the sleeve."

I started to shake my head.

Kelvin assumed a comical defensive tone, "What?  What's wrong with that? At least it doesn't have holes in it."  We all laughed.

"Yeah, why do guys always have holes in their shirts?" Yolanda asked. 

The boys got defensive, "No we don't!" they said in unison.

"Yes you do," she said.

"Well," I said, "Girls are always buying new shirts, where the boys always hold onto theirs for a really long time."

"I think that's true," Kelvin said.  "I still have shirts from high school."

"Me too," Dennis said.

"I have a sweatshirt from high school." I added.  It's from my freshman year and says, 'Glendora Varsity Swimming' on it."

"I bet its all broken in though," Yolanda stated.

"Yeah, except when I wear it, people think I'm in high school."  Everyone laughed.

"There aren't holes in my shirt!" Dennis had lifted his arm and was examining his underarm. 

"Dennis!" Yolanda was right next to his pit and started scooting over cause we had just played frisbee for 90 minutes, and we were all sweaty.

He started laughing and scooted toward her.  "Talk to the pit!" he said.

"Ewwww! Gross! It's a good thing I'm congested," she told him.  Kelvin and I laughed at their antics.

"You know what," I stated, "That would be a funny T-shirt.  Just put 'talk to the pit' under the arm."

"Hey," Dennis agreed, "That would be funny!"

"Let's market it!" I said.

Dennis started tugging Yolanda's hair.  Kelvin made an observation, "Have you ever noticed that everything always comes back to kindergarten?"

"Yeah," I agreed, "Like sharing...and cooties..."

"And boys bothering the girls cause they don't know how to talk to them..." Yolanda added.

"Yeah, like this..." I started poking Kelvin.  Dennis was tickling Yolanda...

"Is that how you two got together?" I asked Kelvin, "You just annoyed her until she said yes?"

"No," he said.  Yolanda laughed.  "Dennis, stop!"

Dennis stopped tickling Yolanda.  "I can't wait to see what happens when Dennis falls in love," she stated.

We all thought that was pretty funny cause he has the tendancy to goof off a lot.

"Well," I said, "I need to go."

There was a chorus of "Me too!"

We all said our goodbyes and went our separate ways.  We would see each other again soon.  After all, it was only Saturday afternoon.

Romans 12:1-3

I appeal to you therefore, brouthers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God which is your spiritual worship.  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God--what is good and acceptable and perfect. (NRSV)

I know that normally I post the Bible Commentaries on Thursdays, but I have a lot to write about tomorrow, so I thought I'd at least get some of today's sermon out there.  Today at church, we actually talked about Romans 12:1-8, but I figured that three verses would be enough for this post. I do find it difficult to live in this world without adopting the world's dominant philosophies like materialism (wanting what others have), humanism (always striving to be the best person you can be), trying to gain power over others, etc. God's will is for us to actually transform our minds so that we think like He does... about people, about possessions, about our whole lives.  When we focus on God, it really does help us to see the world differently and strive for the things that God would have us strive for--righteousness, faithfulness, joy, love, and care about the people he cares about--yeah, that would be everyone.  It is difficult to love people sometimes.  It is difficult to forgive them sometimes, but this is what God has called us to do.  With his strength, I pray that I would be able to love and forgive like Him.  Both are areas I know I need to work on.

Aware, but uninspired

I did get some good sleep last night, and I'm definitely feeling more awake today than I did yesterday.  However, I am also feeling relatively uninspired today.  This post might be boring.

I started reading this book called Tough Girls about perceptions of tough females in popular culture, and how it is becoming more acceptable for women to be tough, and yet how it is still a threat to mainstream ideas about feminism and masculinity.  I don't know how I got on this subject, but I think this book will be an interesting read.

Attitude Adjustment?

Have you ever had one of those days where you know that you are going to be the worst version of yourself?  I think this is one of those days for me.  I did have fun last night...my Community Group (Bible Study) went miniature golfing last night.  Its funny, cause everytime I play, I play terrible on the front nine, and then dominate the back nine.  Last night on the back, I was 4 under par, and had two hole-in-ones.  But my group showed up late, and there I was getting more and more anxious cause they were all 30 minutes late.  So I was up later than I intended, and I didn't get to sleep as quickly as I would have liked, and the final result is that I'm tired, and I know that if I have to deal with any issues today, no matter how small, I might snap.  I either need some caffine, an attitude adjustment, or a nap, whichever comes first.  I'm betting on the caffine.  Maybe that will help my attitude.

Dilemma-2

There's a guy who just moved in across the way.  He is probably 40 something.  About a month ago, he came and knocked on our door.  I wasn't home, but my roommate was, and he asked her if she either knew of anyone who needed a roommate, or if one of us wanted to move in with him.  Well, that kind of creeped her out a little bit.

This guy always sees me carrying my cello to and fro, and he asked me last Sunday as I was getting home where I play.  I told him that I play at church.  We chatted a bit more, and he told me that he would love to come hear me play sometime.

My dilemma is this:  He already knows where I live, and I don't know this guy, don't want to judge him, but I don't know his intentions, don't know anything about him at all.  I do know that I don't want him following me all around if he's weird. 

I'm trying to be nice, and if he isn't a Christian, then I think he should come to church, but at the same time, I don't necessarily want to open myself up to a possible problem.  

Its times like these where I hate being a single female.  I don't know what to do.  I talked to a few of my guy friends down here, and they helped shed some light on the situation.  I think I'm just going to wait and see how sincere this guy was about coming to see me play, but I'm definitely not going to seek him out.  So if he asks me again, then I will give him directions, and then its up to him.   

Any suggestions?  Am I overreacting here?

Nothing in particular

My body is still sore from all the activities I participated in over the weekend.  Last night, I got to see Spiderman 2 (finally!) with the only other person I know in San Diego who also hadn't seen it.  We were both out of town when all our friends went to go see this movie.  We had a good time.  I could tell she wanted to hang out a little more after the movie, so we got hot beverage (non-caffinated) and wandered around the shopping area and chatted about life, God, friendship, love, and forgiveness.  I tend to sacrifice sleep for people sometimes when I know that it is more important for me to be there for someone than to be selfish and go to bed on time.  Plus, I can just take a nap later today, hopefully.
 
It is so fascinating to me that we need friendship and companionship so desperately, and yet, even our closest friends will let us down because we are all imperfect.  Why do we need people when we know they will fail us?  I let other people down all the time.  I know that I can be aloof, apathetic, and insensitive sometimes.  We all have our moments.  Anyway, I'm glad that God's love is perfect, and his love NEVER fails. 

Weekend Fun

Last weekend, I had the priviledge of jamming with my favorite local band--The GTB. Michael had his 30th birthday last week, so we had a party, and that's where the jam took place. There are three members in this band--Garrett, James, and Michael. It was so fun. I am so energized when I get to play with other great musicians. It made the party that much more fun. Garrett said I could perform with them if they ever do acoustic sets. I really hope he asks me. I feel like I passed an audition. I've always wanted to be in a band...

Anyway, I was also very active this weekend. I played Ultimate on Saturday morning, and it was a 4 on 4 game. I ran a lot. And on Sunday, I went to Del Mar and ended up swimming in the Ocean. There was this really strong current that sucked everyone sideways...could have been a rip tide. It was so strong that I could swim at a medium-fast pace and stay in the same place. Anyway, I am pretty tired right now, but it is a good tired feeling.

Poem of the day:
Summer tempo is sleepy like a serpentine river, enjoy the softer rhythm.

Harbor Strings

So I talked to Michael last night about trying to play music at more weddings, and I think this could turn into something.  Michael is the music director at the church I go to, and plays violin, guitar, and piano.  I am at least going to give my name to the PLNU music department.  Of course, it would  start small, but hey, if I got our name out there, put together a website, maybe we could really do some business.  I have all kinds of questions though, like do I need a business license?  I would need to develop policies, a logo, a contract to use for people who want to hire us, a website (woo hoo!) and then figure out if I can afford a hosting fee for a website.  Look at me go, small business owner! 
 
I got so excited about the whole concept that I put together most of the content of a website last night, and I stayed up so late doing it.  Didn't get to sleep until after 1am! Anyway, we would be called the Harbor Strings, and we play weddings, funerals, birthdays, anniversaries, private parties, and any other special occasion where people need live music.  Our mission would be to bring affordable, professional-level, live music to special events in San Diego County.  I was working on the "About" section of the website last night...

Harbor Strings was started by a small group of string players who met at Harbor Presbyterian Church in La Jolla, California.  They decided to band together in 2004 for the sake of all their friends who were getting married and who wanted affordable, live music at their weddings.  Most of the members of Harbor Strings have a classical music background and have played together at church.  We love God, we love music, and we love people. Thanks for looking at our site.

So it hasn't happened yet, but a girl can dream right?  Check out my list of instruments we play:
 
Solo Instruments: Violin, Viola, Cello, Piano, Guitar
Additional Instruments: Bass, Drums, Percussion
Combinations: String Quartet, String Trio, Piano Trio, or any other combination of the instruments listed above
 
This too, may come to pass.  I'm excited!  :)

Romans 10:14-18

But how are they to call on one in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in one of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone to proclaim him? And how are they to proclaim him unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!" But not all have obeyed the good news; for Isaiah says, "Lord, who has believed our message?" So faith comes from what is heard, and what is heard comes through the word of Christ. But I ask, have they not heard? Indeed they have; for "Their voice has gone out to all the earth, and their words to the ends of the world."

In the NIV, "proclaim" is translated as "preach" and even though I wasn't at church on Sunday, our preacher talked about "true preaching" based on this passage from Romans. Preaching is not scolding, preaching is not motivating people out of guilt and fear, but true preaching is sharing God's love. Sometimes, that means people walk away feeling convicted, for how can people turn to Christ without acknowledgement that they are sinners?

In my Bible Study, we talked a bit about our pastor's definition of "true preaching." He says Jesus was the "True Preacher" and then launched into his favorite subject--the gospel. It reminded me of the first chapter of John which says:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God.

True preachers bring the word of God. We are all called to preach, so bring it.

Small talk

One of my favorite people in Oakland to see when I visit Laurel besides Laurel, her boyfriend--Daniel, and her roommate Rachel, is one of their friends from church, Wade. Wade is currently Daniel's roommate, and one of the nicest guys I have met in awhile. I see him at least once every time I visit Laurel, and even though I don't know him that well, he has become one of my favorite people, probably because of his great sense of humor and his sincerity. Last Sunday, Wade and I had this conversation between services:

"Wade," I said, "Its good to see you!"

"Yo what's up," Wade responded, "How have you been?"

"Good," I replied.

"What have you been up to?" He asked me.

"Oh, nothing much. Just living and working in San Diego," I told him, "Nothing too exciting."

"I would love to move to San Diego," Wade told me, "That or LA."

I got excited, "You should come to San Diego! That would be so fun," I paused, and said, "I would be your friend, Wade."

He laughed, "All right. Well, I gotta go to church."

All right, so it isn't that exciting, just small talk, but you know, it might be fun to write a story with Wade moving down to San Diego, and meeting all the rest of the people I know. I would borrow at least part of Plot 1 suggested by Ryan, and we'll just have to see where this goes.

Time

As I was flying home from Oakland, my watch stopped. I think it was the battery. I have gone for periods of time without my watch, but this time I felt a little lost without it. I don't really have any other clocks. There's not one in my office, and the one my roommate bought for the living room is not accurate because she likes the clock to be 10-15 minutes too fast. Anyway, I think it has to do with my desire to be punctual.

Punctuality is important to me for two reasons, one reason is because my mom used to forget to pick me up from school and so I start getting anxious when other people are late, but also if I am running late for something. The second reason is because of orchestra. We ALWAYS had to be on time, although I don't know what the consequences would have been for tardiness. I did miss out on an audition once in orchestra because mom forgot I had orchestra that night.

I feel like I am a relatively laid-back person, but punctuality is important to me. It's funny, because I don't have to be completely scheduled and organized like some people, like my friend Kathy... who is very organized and likes to control everything in her life. But she has trouble being on time. She's kind of my polar opposite. I guess it takes all kinds...

Conversations-2

"How was your trip?" Dennis asked me as he helped me put my bags in his trunk. Dennis is a friend of mine from church, and he organizes the Ultimate frisbee games that we tend to play on Saturday mornings. He had agreed to pick me up from the airport. I had just flown back from Oakland, where I got to spend some time with Laurel, one of my best friends from college.

"It was good, we had a lot of fun," I replied. "I got to spend some time with one of my best friends from college. She took me to a Sarah MacLachlan concert." I paused for a moment, thinking. "I missed you guys."

Dennis gave me one of those 'you're kidding me right?' looks and I amended my previous statement, "Well, maybe just a little." I showed him how much with my thumb and forefinger.

Dennis was still looking at me, "Just a little bit, huh?"

"Yeah, thanks for picking me up." I said, and settled more comfortably into his passanger seat. "What else did we do..., well, I went to her church and we just did what girls do. You know, stay up real late talking about girl stuff. You know, like a slumber party."

"Girl stuff, huh..." Dennis responded, "I haven't been to a sleep-over in forever."

"So did you have sleep-overs when you were younger?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. But we don't stay up all night talking, its more like we would just mess around." Dennis told me.

"Yeah well, I suppose its different for guys," I stated. "I'll bet there was lots of wrestling, giggling, farting..."

"Yeah," Dennis laughed. "Pranks..." he added.

"Tormenting the first guy who fell asleep..." I also added. "I have brothers, I know what happened.

Dennis laughed again. I laughed a little with him.

I changed the subject, "What did you guys talk about in church? What are we on now, Romans 11?"

Dennis thought about it, "Umm, what did we talk about...Romans 11, uhh...oh yeah, 'saved to works...'" Dennis paused, "You know, we are saved, not by works but for good works."

I shook my head in mock dismay. "Bob, Bob, Bob," I said, "He's always trying to come up with some catchy phrase." Bob is our pastor and is always trying to simplify things for us with catchy phrases. Last week it was 'Gospel in, gospel out.'

Dennis laughed.

"I love how he gets worked up about the gospel," I said, "It's his favorite subject." Bob could preach for hours just about the gospel message. "But he doesn't need to come up with all the catchy phrases."

"Yeah," Dennis added, "The funny thing is that I think he works hard to try and come up with those concepts."

We both laughed. I like Bob. He's a great pastor. He just has his quirks like everyone else.

I changed the subject again. "Did you guys go hiking on Saturday?"

"Yes, we did," Dennis replied. "It was about a 6 and-a-half miler round-trip."

"Where did you guys go?" I asked. "It always bums me out a little when I go away knowing that there was some kind of event planned, like hiking."

"It was almost in the desert off of the 8, but really far. And two people didn't bring any water. It was beautiful, one of those hot summer days, but we were all really thirsty when we were done. We basically ran out of water," Dennis said.

"Oh man, that's a bummer. If I had gone, you probably would have had enough. I usually keep a flat of water in my trunk. And just so you know, I usually have it when we play frisbee too," I informed Dennis. I thought about being thirsty in the desert. "You know," I offered, "It gives new meaning to that verse, 'As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after thee.'" I continued, "I think every Christian needs to have two experiences in order to understand God better...being thirsty in the desert, and then being lost, and found, whether that's by your parents, friends, whatever."

Dennis nodded his head in agreement but didn't say anything.

As we continued driving I pointed to the City Wok, a Chinese restaurant on the left, "Look, Cheri pointed this out...its kind of funny. Get it? City Walk?"

"Oh yeah, that is kind of funny," Dennis replied.

"I love all the neon signs in this part of town," I stated. "Like Hillcrest...Northpark, University Heights...It's unique."

As I continued to point Dennis in the right direction to take me home I told him, "There's a hill coming up that if I were a cross-country runner, I would run up it every day."

Dennis told me, "You're still a cross-country runner."

"No, I'm not," I replied. "I hate running. I only did it to get in shape for soccer and it worked."

I continued to direct him toward the hill. "I refuse to ride my bike down this hill, it's too scary." We started the descent. I told Dennis, "If you drive too fast coming to this hill, you'll bottom out at the bottom."

"Really," he said, "I could see that."

I continued to navigate, "Okay, you are going to turn left after a few blocks."

Dennis said, "I don't think I've come this way before."

"I know," I said. I thought about Dennis and his love of doing unexpected things, 80's music, and high school chemistry, "I decided to take you the wacky route. I figured you'd be down with wacky."

"Yup," he responded.

"Turn here," I said, "My complex is that one right there on the right."

Dennis got out to help me with my bags again. I said, "God bless you brother, thanks for picking me up."

Dennis held out my book bag and put the strap over my head, as if awarding me a medal for an olympic event. In an awkward moment of comraderie he gave me a small shove on the shoulder and said, "Anytime."

We both kind of looked at each other and laughed. I offered him a hug. "Thanks," I said. "I'll see you later."

I walked up the stairs and opened my door, and as I did, I heard a car drive away.

It is good to be home.

That Darn Green Monster...

I had a little battle with that GREEN MONSTER last night...Here's the story:

The employment listings at PLNU come out every few weeks. There was a position on the listing I really wanted to apply for, but I can't because I'm not supposed to try and switch jobs until after I've been here for a year.

The summer has been tough for me because there's not a lot to do for my job. So I'm getting bored because there's nothing to do and no challenges. What do I do with my time? Well, I do what few tasks are required of me, and then I start contemplating my life. I am glad I have a job, but I feel like I should be doing something more with my life than just working in the library and I could use some extra money. I have thought about joining the orchestra, teaching cello lessons, trying to get more paid music gigs...like weddings and parties, starting my Ph.D., taking language courses, or getting more involved in ministry at my church where I have at least two opportunities to serve more, one as an event coordinator for the twenty and thirty-somethings crowd, or as a leader in the kids club ministry that will be starting in the fall. I'm taking votes.

So I explained all this to my mom who got to come out and see where I work and meet all the librarians I work with last night. She was so excited! And so were they. I think we are going to see some collaboration on research projects between APU and PLNU. Then she took me out to dinner, and we had fun, but I was a little depressed about my situation here. My mom dropped me off at my apartment, and then I went on a bike ride.

When I got back from riding, my roommate came home and told me that in her retail sales-associate position, her boss gave her an almost $3,000 dollar bonus yesterday, and a raise in her salary. She is now making twice as much money as I am. I am happy for her, but it frustrates me a little because I'm really struggling to make it here in SD financially. GREEN MONSTER rears its ugly head...at least privately.

I had to remind myself that I do like it here, and I have enough to make it. I am not *technically* living in poverty, and I live in the US. I started telling God how thankful I was for the things he has provided for me. And that made a world of difference.

I'm still struggling, and I would appreciate some prayers this week for guidance and peace with my financial situation.

On a happier topic, I will be going to visit one of my favorite friends, Laurel, this weekend, and so I don't know if I will be posting this weekend or not.

Romans 10:1-11

Brothers and sisters, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. I can testify that they have a zeal for God, but it is not enlightened. For, being ignorant of the righteousness that comes from God, and seeking to establish their own, they have not submitted to God's righteousness. For Christ is the end of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes. Moses writes concerning the righteousness that comes from the law, that "the person who does these things will live by them." But the righteousness that comes from faith says, "Do not say in your heart, "Who will ascend into heaven?'" (that is, to bring Christ down) or "Who will descend into the abyss?'" (that is, to bring Christ up from the dead). But what does it say? "The word is near you, on your lips and in your heart" (that is, the word of faith that we proclaim); because if you confess with your lips that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For one believes with the heart and so is justified, and one confesses with the mouth and so is saved. The scripture says, "No one who believes in him will be put to shame." (NRSV)

2 Timothy 1:7-9

For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice, but rather a spirit of power and of love and of self-discipline. Do not be ashamed, then, of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel, relying on the power of God, who saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works but according to his own purpose and grace. (NRSV)

I can't tell you how many times I have been ashamed of the gospel, fearful of sharing my faith because of what people will think. As I think about these two verses, I am comforted. I should not be ashamed of the gospel because God protects those who believe in him. I will still be tested, and God will give me opportunities to interact with unbelievers. I can only pray that I will be faithful and unashamed when those opportunities come. It is God alone who saves.

---

Thursday is probably going to be my "contemplative blog" day because it is the day after my Bible Study. To my faithful readers (namely Ryan and my sister, Megan) thanks for reading. I appreciate your comments. Feel free to ask me questions or offer topics...I'll do my best to answer them.

Conversations-1

"How tall are you?" Michael asked me. Candace, Michael, and I were taking a walk to the pier and back at La Jolla shores, mostly because it was freezing, and we needed to warm up a bit. The beach had been my idea because I finally had a Sunday off of work, but it was cold and windy.

"5'11," I told him, "Well, technically, I'm 5'10" and a half." We had just been talking about relationships...again...and had started conversing about dating and tallness. Candace and Michael had been dating for almost a year, and Michael is only a few inches taller than Candace.

I asked Candace, "Would you ever date anyone shorter than you?"

"No way!" she said. "But I'm shorter than you. That would just be weird. When the guy is shorter than me, it makes me feel less feminine. Would you ever date someone shorter than you?"

"Maybe," I thought about it, "But it would depend on the person. It would take someone who was very confident in his skin. Do you know what I mean by that?" I asked. "Someone who is not intimidated by my height."

Candace and Michael nodded.

I continued, "For example, I have a friend who says, 'I feel so short' everytime he stands next to me. I'm okay with my height, but I've had past insecurities. I had to tell him to stop that cause it was going to hurt my feelings. I can't change how tall I am any more than he can change how tall he is. It makes me feel more insecure when guys are insecure around me."

We walked some more in thoughtful silence. I sighed, "There's a lot of short people in San Diego."

Candace and Michael laughed.

Then I stated,"You would think that there would be some tall athletes at least...I mean, we have a pro-football team, a baseball team, a minor league hockey team...So where are they all? Did they get sucked into the void?"

After we laughed some more there was another thoughtful silence.

"So if you guys have any tall, single, Christian friends..." I let the rest of the sentence hang.

"We'll let you know," Candace replied with a smile.

We got back to where we started. "Anyone up for coffee?" I asked.

Everyone was agreeable because it was freezing and besides, what else do people do when they are in their twenties? Maybe that tall, single, Christian guy will be there...

The Plague

I had to decide whether or not I was going to work this morning and didn't have a whole lot of time to make that decision. I came in and guess what? Two of my co-workers are also out sick with this cold. I might have started it. Anyway, this cold thing is apparently spreading like the plague.

I hate ants...almost as much as bees...

I am still recovering from this cold that I caught, and I did nothing this morning but watch TV. It reminded me of what I used to do when I was unemployed. You know, I may be somewhat bored at my job right now, but you know what? It sure beats unemployment. I am so thankful for my job. And I'm glad that God reminds me occasionally that I am truly blessed.

I was feeling better in the afternoon and decided to do my laundry, mostly because if I didn't, I would have no clean clothes, and my room would be a mess. My laundry always seems to spill out of the basket in my closet and infiltrate my floor...hmmm...sneaky clothes...

When I took my trash out today (result of cleaning spree after I did the laundry) I saw a New King James Version of the Bible sitting on top of the dumpster. I looked in the front cover, and saw that it had been dedicated to someone's friend. It made me sad to see the Bible there because there are so many places in the world where people don't get to read God's word because Bibles are inaccessable, forbidden, or expensive. I don't really need an extra Bible, so I just left it there, figuring that someone might pick it up later. Well, when I was on my way to dinner (Taco Bell....mmmmm) I saw the kids in my complex gleefully ripping out pages of that Bible. It definitely got my hackles up, but I didn't say anything. I was under the impression that most of the families in my complex do attend church, well, not sure, they are probably Catholic, and you would think that they would have some reverence for God's word. These kids are old enough to read. I think I would have been disturbed regardless of what book it was, but because it was the Bible, well, it was even more disturbing.

On a completely different topic, I got attacked by red ants on my way to Taco Bell. I have no idea where they were hanging out, but now I have some lovely red itchy bumps on my feet and legs, and I'm also experiencing "ant paranoia" where you 'think' there are ants crawling all over you even though they aren't. Maybe God is punishing me for neglecting to grab that Bible and donating it somewhere... next time, I'll save the Bible, and give it to someone who can use it...

What is it with sickness and holidays?

So last night, I played cello for that wedding. It was okay. I could have played better, but you know, it wasn't about me, there were two people on stage who committed their lives to each other. Anyway, I'm just getting worse. I didn't go to Newport, or Disneyland, I went to church (because I had to play cello) and then came home and took a two hour nap. I took more meds, so now I'm tired AND bored. I don't have enough energy to do laundry right now. Welcome to my pity party. I really wanted to do something social today, but instead, I'm stuck in my apartment, sick. I really don't want to infect anyone else with my disease. I really do tend to get sick on holidays. I hate it. Why can't I get sick during the week like normal people?

Dilemma

I woke up this morning feeling slightly sick. My throat sort of hurts and my nose is threatening congestion. It is being held at bay by my allergy meds...

Here's the dilemma... my dad really wants me to go to Newport on Sunday, and until this morning, I thought I wanted to go, but with sickness threatening and because of high stress levels, I don't think I want to go anymore. My mom also called last week, and was having difficulty dealing with the fact that she will be alone on the fourth of July because the rest of the family is going to the beach to be with my dad. She wanted to know if I would rather go to Disneyland with her. At this point, I don't want to do either thing. I hate being put in the middle like that. I just want to stay home and sleep. And do my laundry. And everything else that hasn't got done in the last 2 weeks.

Baby Rant: You know, I have never really been a kid person, and the baby that lives behind us is another reason why...this kid screams until about midnight, and then I woke up again this morning at about 7:15am to the sounds of his/her not so melodious screaming. I was planning on sleeping in. Now I can't. I'm still tired.

Bonus news: I got my very first check for a paid gig. They are paying me for the wedding. Its not a lot, but I guess I can say I'm a pro now... :) AND I will be getting paid for the other wedding I'm playing in at the end of July. It would be so cool if I could make a living off of playing my cello. Not going to happen anytime soon, but maybe someday...

Musical Temperament

Yeah, okay, I have pushed myself to the point that I got short-tempered last night with a friend at our rehearsal. Except that when I'm short-tempered I just sort of seeth inside, I don't tend to lash out unless I'm feeling extremely attacked...I forgot to print out the music for Sunday morning even though she e-mailed them to us, and so I had to share with the other guitar player and then transpose all his music cause everything was capo-ed (Capo? how do you turn it into a past tense verb?). Bottom line: I got frustrated with myself. I'm really tired and worn out and facing some high level anxiety about performing my solo this evening for that wedding I'm going to be playing in on Saturday. I also just found out that they have a flute player too, and so now I'm thinking to myself, "Why don't they just have her play the song?" because it was really written for flute or violin. Anyway, I'm out of time to practice, and I have to perform tonight.

When I take a step outside of myself right now, I'm really intrigued by how quickly my anxiety is escalating the closer it gets to performance time. I just read a book about the Musical Temperment (1996) and the author, Anthony E. Kemp, uses various studies to show that in general, musicians tend to have higher levels of anxiety than others, are more sensitive, are more introverted, and tend to be more independent. He wanted to see if it was true that people who play the same instruments have similar temperaments. According to this study, there was some truth to that. Here's what they say about cellists:

Ben-Tovim and Boyd (1990) maintain that the cello requires a quiet and reflective intelligence and work that is equally conscientious and sustained as that required by the violin. They also suggest that cellists are often of a shy temperament. The 34 cellists in my research very much confirmed these suggestions, displaying significant levels of introversion over and above that shown by all the string players. In fact, they emerged as even more aloof than the rest of the string players who, as we have seen were already characterized by aloofness. Their other trait, also associated with introversion, was self-sufficiency which emerged along with a definite level of astuteness. This is an interesting combination: the cellist's introversion combines with a social awareness, two qualities that, at face value, do not relate well together. Perhaps Ben-Tovim and Boyd have an important insight in this respect when they suggest that cellists are characterized by a 'quiet and unstressed sociability.'

Interesting.

Romans 9:11-16

Even before they had been born or had done anything good or bad (so that God's purpose of election might continue, not by works but by his call) she (Rebekah)was told, "The elder shall serve the younger." As it is written, "I have loved Jacob, but I have hated Esau." What then are we to say? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." So it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God who shows mercy. (NRSV)

We discussed this passage and the rest of Romans 9 at my Bible Study last night. Good thing I paid attention in church last Sunday (well, not really, I fell asleep during the sermon). As it is with all discussions about this sort of thing, we came to the conclusion that this is one of those issues we will never understand...who are we to question God? We also decided that God's justice and mercy are better understood when we understand that the starting point with God is condemnation. Once we realize that we are condemned, and there's nothing we can do about it but turn to Christ, that's when we appreciate God's grace and mercy.

My favorite quote of the evening: "God is not fair, but he is just."
My friend Brenda said that, but seeing as how she is in seminary right now, she is probably quoting someone else. :)

---

Results of our icebreaker OR fun facts about people in my Bible Study:

Roy counted bats for a summer before he became a doctor.
Melissa would like to do a triathalon but can't swim.
Jeff weighs 145 pounds (and he's about 5'10")
Cheri's ex-boyfriend is now a communist.
Patrick arm-wrestled the US Women's Champion Arm-Wrestler.
Julie likes to play games.
Brenda...well, I can't remember what her fun fact was.
And me, well, I have blue scar on the palm of my hand from a bike crash.